Made to be broken
Word Count: 3.351
Summary: Ianto knows that something's wrong but he has no idea what it could be.
Characters: Ianto Jones, Jack Harkness, Adam
Pairing: Jack/Ianto, Ianto/Adam
Rating: NC-17
Spoiler: Cyberwoman, Greeks bearing gifts, They keep killing Suzie, End of days, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Adam
Setting: before Adam
Warnings: Dub-Con
Author's Note: Inspired by The Safety of a Warm Coat by louiex. This story matches the tw_classic prompt #3: Memory.
Feedback: Can't breathe without it.
Beta: alt_universe_me and Vistin who helped me out with some words and some thoughts.
Disclaimer: I'm not making money with this fanfic. The tv-show Torchwood and the characters appearing within it belong to their producers and creators. Any similarities to living or dead persons are purely coincidental and not intended.
XXX
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"Not even Gwen, not even his precious Gwen clued him in, no it was you.
I want to see more, what makes you so god damned special that he wouldn't believe
what you yourself knew to be true."
(The Safety of a Warm Coat by louiex)
Something was wrong. It was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind, confusing and disturbing. Something was wrong and the knowledge that he had no idea what it could be almost made him cry. Ianto knew that he'd lost something but he wasn't sure what it was or when it happened because as far as he was concerned, everything was fine.
He looked around the tourist office, taking in the shelves and the catalogues precariously arranged on them, the postcards and flyers. Everything was fine. But he was terrified. He tried to shove the feeling aside but the certainty that he'd lost something stayed. Something that was tearing a sharp-edged, gaping hole into his soul.
He turned away from the office and slumped into the creaky chair in the backroom. There were files piled up beside his keyboard and a sticky note attached to the computer screen.
Buy pens
He closed his eyes, trying to find solace in memories of strong arms wrapped around him, a body pinning him to the mattress, warmth and laughter and trust. But it didn't help, it felt wrong. Out of place.
Hands grabbed his wrists, pushing him against the wall of the corridor.
"You really thought you'd get away with this?"
Ianto tried to fight but he was too surprised by the sudden attack in the safe haven that were his archives. He found himself turned around and backhanded. He fell, rough concrete under his hands, scraping his palms until they bled. Vicious kicks to his ribs took his breath away. A gun was cocked and the muzzle pushed against the back of his head. Ianto whimpered and stayed still.
"Please", he whispered. "I'm sorry."
His computer pinged and Ianto startled. He wiped at his face, finding tear tracks and clammy skin. He froze and swallowed. Control came back reluctantly but Ianto was able to grasp it, wrapping it around himself to focus on the present with a soft clearing of his throat. He opened the e-mail.
Hello, gorgeous!
Dinner tonight? Your place? I'll cook. I have a proposition to make. Listen to me, that sounds so grown-up. :)
Ianto stared at the words. They blurred together as his fragile veil of control vanished into thin air and new tears formed in his eyes. His trembling hands found the keyboard. He typed one word, just one. Four letters.
Deal
XXX
The bed was warm, heated by two bodies. Ianto stared at the numbers on his alarm clock, the only source of light in the room besides the city's tender glow that was filtered through his blinds. It was only just after eleven, quite early for him, but he felt tired.
"You're quiet tonight."
Ianto didn't answer. He was lying curled up on his side of the bed, feeling exposed and vulnerable, and the long-sleeved shirt and the pajama bottoms did nothing to abate that feeling. He'd started crying a few minutes ago, unbeknownst to his lover. Ianto didn't know what was wrong with him but he was getting scared that he'd lost his mind. All those years working for Torchwood - first London, then Cardiff ... maybe those years had left mental scars that were slowly starting to show. But he didn't have a reason to feel unhappy. Everything was as it should be. Everything was perfect. His boyfriend wanted to move in with him. Ianto should be happy, but he wasn't. He was just empty.
A hand touched his arm and Ianto flinched, pulling his shoulders up. Suddenly, he was trembling and he didn't know why. There was no reason to be scared. He'd never been scared before – not in this situation.
Warmth pressed along his back and arms embraced him.
"Are you sure that this is what you want?" A kiss dropped on his shoulder. "I love you. I wanna move in with you but only if you want it, too."
"I'm happy," Ianto whispered.
A sigh. Hands traveled along his spine to his shoulder and back again, trying and failing to soothe away the tremors.
"Then why are you crying?"
Ianto sobbed. "I don't know."
"Yes, you do. Tell me."
Ianto sniffed and breathed deeply.
"It's just ... I think ..." He sighed when an encouraging kiss was planted on the back of his neck. Ianto closed his eyes as if that would make it less shameful to admit, "I miss Jack."
"Oh, Ianto!" Adam sighed. "You have to let go of him, okay?" He turned Ianto on his back and leaned over him, one hand on his shoulder. "He tried to kill you, remember?"
"You really thought you'd get away with this?"
Adam smiled.
"Because he's jealous of what we have. Jealous because I was the one who got close to you after Lisa tried to take over. Angry that you betrayed him in the first place. That's why Owen and I put him into one of the cells and I took command of Torchwood Three. You have to remember that." Adam's lips ghosted over his. "You're afraid of him but I'll never let anything happen to you, remember?"
And suddenly, everything made sense again. It was as if a puzzle in his mind clicked into place and Ianto felt lighter and more secure. He smiled.
"Yes. I remember." He felt so stupid all of a sudden. Adam was here, with him, and all he could think about was Jack who'd never really been more than someone he slept with on occasion to gain his trust, to make sure that Lisa stayed hidden. Adam ... Adam was so much more than that. His friend, his boyfriend of fifteen months. He was lucky to have him.
"It's okay", Adam soothed. "You're just confused. It happens to the best of us." He crawled on top of Ianto and kissed him. "I want you to remember, though," he whispered, fingers sneaking into Ianto's bottoms and caressing warm skin, "that I'm the one you turn to if you have problems. I'm the one who loves you and supports you." He grinned and kissed Ianto's chin. "And fucks you."
Ianto gasped when Adam's hand closed around his cock. Adam laughed softly. Ianto's legs wrapped around Adam's waist and he whimpered, lost in a haze of arousal. Adam nodded.
"That's right. You're devoted to me, remember? No one else. Just me."
XXX
Jack tightened his hold on Ianto, who was was laughing, carefree and beautiful. Rain was hitting their faces, plastering Jack's hair to his head and he nuzzled Ianto's equally wet hair, tasting rain and vague hints of Ianto's shampoo. They were standing on the roof of the Millenium Center, in a rainstorm, drenched to the bone, and it was the most alive Jack had felt since before the Master. Ianto turned around to him pressed their cold lips together, passionately kissing Jack before leaning back with his arms outstretched, trusting Jack to hold him.
"This is proof, Jack," he laughed. "You're back with us. It was just a nightmare. You're not dreaming." He kissed Jack anew, tender and longingly. "You came back for us."
Jack gasped awake. His cell was dimly lit by the lights in the corridor and reality almost choked him, making it difficult for him to hold onto the feelings he'd experienced in the dream. But then he let them go willingly. It had never happened. He couldn't even stand the sight of that little traitor! He'd trusted him, taken him in when he'd had no one. Ianto had pushed all the right buttons and let Jack fuck him – not because he wanted to but because he felt he needed to. And then he'd lost control over that cybergirl he'd hidden in Jack's base. And it still was his base, no matter what that snotty little boy Adam thought! Or Owen, Gwen and Tosh.
Jack grabbed the small nightstand beside his cot and threw it against the wall. Damn them all for keeping him in this cell for almost two years now! He had to get out. He had to get to Ianto and ... because … something was wrong. Something much deeper than him being in this cell. Something … he couldn't understand.
He grabbed his head and sobbed. Finally, he was going crazy. Took his mind long enough.
He laughed hysterically. Ianto was the one who had betrayed them and if Adam hadn't spoken for him after that whole Lisa fiasco, Jack would have killed him. But Adam was Adam, using his influence over Jack to convince him that keeping Ianto would be a good thing. Damn him! Having Ianto around only served to make Jack angrier at the young man who didn't even look at him since the incident with Lisa. And then he'd hooked up with Jack's confidant. Served him right that Jack had lost a bit of control down there in the archives.
"You really thought you'd get away with this?"
Ianto didn't even have it in him to fight back properly. He was a waste of space. Jack smiled, his gun pressed to Ianto's head.
"Please," Ianto whispered. "I'm sorry."
"Sorry doesn't cut it, you little traitor! Adam won't be able to save you this time."
He'd been wrong. Adam and Owen had chosen that moment to enter the archives, their guns out and trained on Jack. And because of that attack, he was sitting in this cell. They never said so, but Jack was pretty sure that the team had no idea what to do with him. They just kept him here – alone, for years.
Jack sobbed. A choked little sound. When he touched his cheek, he found tears. Something was wrong. A deep, unsettling feeling. The knowledge that … something ... was wrong.
XXX
Finding himself unable to sleep, Ianto left their bed and was now sitting in his living room, staring at the mug on the coffee table. It was white with a big smiley on it.
Jack pulled the mug out of a shopping bag and set it down on the kitchen counter.
"What's that?" Ianto asked and picked the mug up to take a closer look.
"A reminder," Jack answered and grinned.
"A reminder?"
Jack stepped behind him and wrapped his arms around his hips to pull him back against his chest. His coat was wet from the rain that was falling outside and cold from the icy wind. His chilly lips planted a kiss on Ianto's cheek.
"You survived so many things. But you kept going. I'm just afraid that you lost that cute smile along the way. You certainly smile less."
"Cannibals will do that to you," Ianto answered. "Or aliens breaking your best friend's heart or dead colleagues trying to kill one of us." He turned his head to look at Jack. "I'll survive. I always will."
"Keep smiling, too," Jack said softly. "Don't just survive, Ianto Jones, you have to smile."
Cannibals. Mary. Suzie. That had been after … after Jack trying to …
Ianto got up and went into the kitchen. He was making up those memories. He had to be! Because that had never happened. Jack hated him and he'd tried to kill him because of Ianto's betrayal.
Ianto braced himself against the kitchen counter, breathing deeply. He felt like a cheater. He couldn't have feelings for Jack. He had Adam and they were happy and moving in together. And yet … something was wrong. And for the first time, Ianto was in serious doubt.
XXX
Jack fought the urge to pace. With the first dream ... memory ... had come others. Always him and Ianto – flirting, kissing ... having sex. In situations that had never happened as far as Jack was aware, but they seemed so real. He was lying on his cot, curled up under the thin blanket, and he longed for Ianto to be with him. Cuddled up to him, warm and breathing and smiling in his sleep like he always did when things were going smoothly and less hectic. But how did Jack know things like that?
Jack sat up and looked at the camera in the corridor, recording his cell. But there was nobody to watch him in the Hub now. It was late. Everyone would already be at home. Jack had tried to use the absence of the team at night to his advantage and break out more than once. A hopeless case. The cells were a work of art, his own creation, built to let no one in or out – not even himself. But Jack needed to get out now, needed to get the team's attention. It was a cold certainty by now what had happened even though he didn't how or why.
Somebody had taken Ianto from him. And he'd let it happen.
XXX
Ianto was frantic by now. Photographs – not many but enough to cause nausea – were spread out around him, discovered in a hurried search of his flat. Smiling faces – Gwen, Owen, Tosh, himself, even Rhys ... no Adam. In his place: Jack. His arms draped around Ianto or one hand on his shoulder, smiling at him or standing just a bit too close. Photographs with Ianto's untidy scrawl on the back that told him that most of them were from a time when Jack was already supposed to be a prisoner. And with the photos came the memories. The team gathered together in pubs and restaurants. Jack after Lisa, a constant presence, hurt by Ianto's betrayal but ready to forgive him. Their first kiss after Mary, after weeks of avoiding any new sexual encounter. Jack going away, coming back, awkward dates and passionate sex.
"What are you doing?" Adam asked, his voice enraged, and Ianto turned around to him.
He backed away, sitting pressed against his bookshelf.
"Who are you?" he asked.
Adam frowned.
"Ianto, what do you mean? It's me."
"No," Ianto answered. "I don't know who you are. We're not lovers. I've never seen you before this afternoon. I'm with Jack."
Adam's expression darkened and his next words turned a vague suspicion to a cold truth, "Too smart for your own good, you are. I should have just put you in a cell, too. But, no, I let my cock overrule my brain. I should have taken Tosh instead of you."
Ianto got up when Adam lunged for him but Adam was faster and hit him across the face. Ianto fell and hit his head against the shelf. Adam's hand grabbed a fist full of hair and his body straddled Ianto's. He screamed out when Ianto managed to knee him in the groin and slammed Ianto's head against the floor brutally. Ianto, dazed, whimpered when Adam leaned down as if to kiss him. Red-hot pain shot through Ianto's skull and he screamed. Adam put one hand over his mouth.
"Quiet now, honey. We don't want to wake the neighbours." He smiled. The pain lessened but Ianto felt drained. His hands pushed against Adam's chest sluggishly, without any force behind the gesture.
Adam laughed.
"You were so easy to manipulate. All of you. All it took was for me to follow you into the tourist office and alter your memories – one by one. Not even the captain could escape me. Who'd have thought? That containment box Tosh and Owen brought back – they dropped it. I gather they didn't tell you. Why should they? They thought nothing had happened. Well, except that I managed to escape. You humans. So gullible!"
Ianto gathered all his strength and struggled, trying to push Adam off him but he felt dizzy and was getting confused. Unconsciousness was pulling him down but he refused to pass out. Adam did something that made Ianto's head hurt as if on fire. He screamed into Adam's hand.
"But you won't remember that story," Adam panted. "At least not like I just told you." He laughed. "I'm not leaving." The pain vanished and Adam's expression became sad, tears brimming in his eyes. Ianto was panting as if he could force the pain out his body via his lungs and he pushed weakly against Adam's chest.
Adam didn't even seem to realize.
"Everybody wants me to go. I did nothing wrong. I never did anything wrong. They always break me. My beautiful memories. Those I created just for them." His face hardened. "Never again." He grinned. "I see now that I can't separate you and your precious captain." He laughed and the pain became unbearable again. "So I'll make you forget what I planted in your mind. You will, however, remember this ..."
XXX
Jack turned around to the cell door when fast steps approached.
"Jack!" Ianto called and stopped in front of his cell.
The captain smiled at him in relief and pressed his hands against the plastic. Then he said urgently, "Ianto, our memories-"
"I know." Ianto smiled, relieved that Jack seemed to have come to his senses as well. He busied himself with entering the code to the cell.
The door swung open and they embraced each other. Jack buried his face in Ianto's neck and breathed in deeply. Then he raised his head.
"I never hurt you?"
Ianto shook his head.
"You didn't. Something altered our memories. It happened this afternoon. Owen and Tosh brought back that containment box, remember? There was some kind of poison in it and it escaped down here in the Hub. Tosh and I ran some diagnostics and there are still remnants of it in the air." He smiled weakly. "We don't know how and we'll never know. The Hub's air's almost clean now. Tosh thinks it was some kind of tool in a war. You know, to undermine authorities and leaders."
Jack didn't care. He pulled Ianto closer again.
"I'm glad it's over."
"Me, too," Ianto answered. He kissed Jack. "Let's go upstairs."
"Wait," Jack said and Ianto turned to him.
"Yes?"
Jack hesitated for a moment, crossing his arms.
"You and Adam ... my false memories told me that he's ..."
Ianto ducked his head.
"They're wrong, but ... he went home with me a few hours ago." He rubbed his face and turned away from Jack. "I'm sorry."
Jack's hands on his shoulders were warm.
"It's okay." Jack kissed his head and Ianto leaned back against his chest.
Behind them, Adam said, "I'm sorry, too, Jack."
They turned around to face him. He smiled.
"I mean, Ianto's a fantastic guy but ... I'm more into someone else. And even if I'd feel something for him ..." He put his hand on Jack's shoulder. "He's yours and I'm your best friend, you remember that, yeah?"
Jack nodded and pulled Ianto closer. Adam put his other hand on Ianto's shoulder.
"Whenever you think about this, you'll have to remember that it was that poison from the containment box."
Jack nodded again. He let go of Ianto to hug Adam for a few seconds. Adam was grinning widely when he released him.
"So, Tosh and Owen have been updated and Owen says that he wants to have a look at each of us to make sure there was no lasting damage. See you upstairs." He turned away and headed back to the main Hub.
Jack draped an arm around Ianto's shoulder and pulled him in for a tender kiss. His thumb caressed a darkening bruise on Ianto's cheekbone.
"Where did you get that from?"
"Oh!" Ianto said, blushing. "When my memories returned I ... kind of attacked Adam."
Jack chuckled. Ianto pulled an indignant face.
"What? I woke up to him in my bed. I reacted. He pushed me away and I fell against the nightstand. Owen says I'll be alright." He sighed deeply. "I'm so glad Adam believed me when I told him what I remembered. His own memories were triggered only about ten minutes later."
"He's a great guy," Jack said, nuzzling Ianto's hair.
Ianto nodded.
"Just a bit lonely sometimes."
Jack sighed and kissed Ianto again.
"He'll find someone. In time."
Ianto nodded and pulled Jack into a relieved embrace.
END
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