I thought this would help somebody out there who felt the same way. I also thought it would be interesting if it was Killua. I love him! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters of hunter x hunter, except my OC.

….

Killua's Reassurance

There he was walking in a crowded street. Yet, it was like he was walking in an empty place, by himself in his own deep dark thoughts. Flashbacks of what happened the previous day kept running through his mind. Pictures of blood, and bodies lying on the floor lifeless and him staring at his hands with sharp, manipulated nails all covered in blood. It was not his fault, after all, they were bugging him non-stop, trying to show that they were all that, even when he told them to stop. He tried to ignore them, knowing it was not worth it, knowing he was a changed person now. But they tried to corner him and kept taunting him. He just couldn't take it anymore. Then he lost it. What could he have done?

Just then, he snapped out of his thoughts when he found himself in front of the apartment him and his best friend was staying in. He didn't feel like going in just yet. He was about to walk passed the building, when his best friend opened the front door.

"Hey killua! Where have you been and where are you going again?" Gon asked.

"Just out for a walk, but I'm not finished yet. I'll be back soon."

Gon seemed to be examining his silver-haired friend. "What?"

"Killua, what's wrong?"

"Nothing! W-why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just that you seem troubled."

"I'm fine. I'm just lost in thought."

Gon seemed unconvinced but then grinned and said, "Ok! Come back soon so we can play!" With that he gave his friend a wave and closed the door. Killua gave out a sigh and walked on.

Back into the crowded streets, Killua found himself in deep thought. Ever since I got saved, life seems to make it hard for me to be good or maybe because I'm trying harder than I used to. Why is it so hard to be a Christian!? I've tried but no matter what I do I just can't be good. I tried not to kill, but I've failed. It's like the world is giving me more reasons, more temptations for me to lose control and kill. LORD I'm sorry, I've tried but I've failed. I'm gonna give up real soon. I can't stand this guilt!

"Ouch!"

Killua snapped out of his thinking and found the girl he bumped into on the floor.

"Sorry," he apologised as he held out a hand.

"It's ok, you should really watch were you're going, it's not a good idea to be daydreaming while walking in the street." She replied as she took his hand and he helped her stand up.

"I wasn't daydreaming! Just….thinking."

"Really? About what?"

"None of your business." He was about to continue walking, when the girl suddenly said, "What's troubling you?"

Killua was taken a bit back but replied, "Nothing's troubling me."

"Yes there is. I can see it in your eyes, they look troubled."

"I said nothing's troubling me!" he said angrily.

"See, you wouldn't be reacting that way if there wasn't. Come on talk to me. I'm a good listener."

Killua hesitated. After all she was a complete stranger.

"Why would I? You're a complete stranger to me."

"Ok, hi! My name is Jane Veroy. I'm from the River of Life Church down that road and I'm handing out tracts as you can see in that box there. See I'm not a complete stranger now! Please, now tell me, I wanna help somehow!" She said eagerly.

Killua stared at her. He was kinda amused for some reason. Her determinedness and eagerness sort of reminded him of Gon.

"Ok, since you're a Christian tell me, why is it so hard to be one and so hard to be good. I've failed and I think I don't suit to be one. I'm not cut out to be-"

"Wait a minute. You think to be a Christian you have to be good?"

"Yeah…"

"Hey, what's your name?"

"Killua Zoldyck"

"Zoldyck? You're an assassin?"

"Was. I quit."

"Oh, I see. Well, Killua, why did you get saved in the first place?"

"Well…because I realised I was lost and that I needed to be rescued from hell, and that I need Jesus in my life," he murmured softly.

"Why do you need The Lord Jesus Christ?"

"Because, He's the only who can save me."

"Exactly! So why would we need Him if being a Christian is all about being good?"

"Uh…."

"Killua, GOD did not send His Son here on earth to find only good people. In fact, there is no one that is good but GOD. We aren't perfect we were born sinners. That's why He came to save us. Because we can't be perfectly good and we always make mistakes and sin. It's our humanly nature. He is the Good in us."

"Then why can't I do what's right. I'm trying-"

"Killua, you're using your own strength to do right. That won't work. Ask GOD to help you, He is your strength. Jesus lives in you and He'll help you. No matter how many times you fail, keep trying and keep asking for His strength. You'll breakthrough. I believe you will."

"I see. So instead of trying so hard to be good myself, I have to rely on GOD to help me."

"Yep Killua! I'm so happy you finally understand. So don't be sad, smile knowing that you have a Heavenly Father Who Loves you and guides you, ok? You should come to my church sometime. I'll be glad to meet you again! Oh, and here, read this tract, it'll help."

Killua took it from her hand and looked at it. Reassurance in tough times it read. Killua looked at Jane again and smiled. "Thanks, I will."

"No problem, Killua, see ya!"

And she waved at him goodbye as he walked on and she remained passing out tracts to people passing by.

He went back to the apartment with a lighter heart. It felt like a heavy load was lifted.

"Killua, you're back! You ok now so we can play?" Gon said enthusiastically.

Killua smiled at his best friend. "Sure, Gon! And I've got something you and I can read."

"Ok! I can't wait to see what it is!"

THE END

This reassurance came to me when I doubted myself. I just hope it helped somebody.