AN: Set after the war during Sasuke and Sakura's marriage. I had planned on including Sarada, but I ended up going a different direction instead. No Sasuke-bashing in the story, because I personally like Sasuke as a character. I just don't ship sasusaku.
Thank you for reading and please comment! :)
The moonlight danced across his pale skin as he laid awake staring at the woman beside him. Sakura's back was to him, her arms wrapped around herself protectively from the cold chill in the room. Sasuke sighed as he saw her shiver in her sleep and tugged the blanket over her bare shoulders. Why couldn't she just roll closer to him and cuddle against his side for warmth? He would hold her, like any other good husband would. But he knew she wouldn't do that, because she never had. And maybe that was his fault for not telling her she could. But in a marriage isn't that to be expected? Should he really have to tell her that she could take whatever she needed from him?
But it had never been like that, even in the beginning, in the what people called the "honeymoon phase". Which Sasuke had never understood, because it hadn't felt like that. It had just felt normal, like how he and Sakura had always been. And it still felt like that. Sasuke wasn't stupid, though. He knew it wasn't supposed to feel the same throughout a relationship. There was supposed to be ups and downs, moments that you would smile when you looked back on them and ones that made you cringe. Sasuke tried to think of something, anything that had made his heart feel warm like people said when they talked about true love and soulmates. But nothing came to mind. He expected to see Sakura smiling brightly at him and telling him she loved him with a sincere smile. But the closest was when they were twelve and Sakura would follow him around like a puppy declaring her love for him. That wasn't real love, though, it was the crush of a girl who had barely seen the world. Sasuke knew that, but couldn't help but resent the long time since the last time she had looked at him with such adoration. The love in Sakura's eyes now when she looked at him was nothing but a ghost of what once was, what could've been if he hadn't taken the dark path he had.
They had only dated for a few months after the war and then had gotten married. At the time Sasuke had thought it was to make up for lost time, but now he wondered if it had just been because it was what they thought they were supposed to do. The tragic couple of a loyal woman trying to save the man she had loved since she was a little girl from himself. They had to have their happy ending, didn't they?
But maybe they should've dated longer and got to know each other better before committing themselves to wholly to one another. Not to say that Sasuke didn't know Sakura. He knew her, almost everything about her. After three years of marriage, how couldn't he? He knew that she liked her coffee with only one sugar, she said she liked it bittersweet. He knew that she hated peanuts in any of her meals, but would eat them by themselves. He knew random things about her, little facts that would prove that he had lived with her for so long. But he was pretty sure he didn't know the real Sakura. He didn't know her heart, her honest opinions, the things that kept her up at night when she feigned sleep. And wasn't that ridiculous? How can someone not know their own spouse? But really, though, it made sense. There had always been a wall between them and though he didn't know which one of them had actually put it up, he was beginning to believe that neither of them could break it down.
In the beginning, he had expected Sakura to be more affectionate towards him. And she had been, but it had worn off probably along with the fantasy of whoever she thought he was. Not to say that Sakura was ever cold to him. She was a loving wife, she kissed him and told him she loved him. But Sasuke was beginning to accept that maybe her undying love for him had turned into something else. She loved him, he knew that and believed it, but it wasn't the type of love a wife should have for her husband. An outsider would never think that she wasn't happy. But Sasuke knew she wasn't. He could tell that her smiles never reached her eyes. When she didn't think he was looking, he saw how depressed she was. He had only begun to notice it in the past year and had hoped that it didn't have anything to do with him, that maybe it was just the ghost of her past catching up with her. He had hoped she would come to him for comfort and open up to him, showing him she trusted him with all of herself. But she never did and Sasuke didn't know how to ask her to. Because what if it had been years that she had felt like that, but he had barely noticed now? What kind of husband would he be to not have known? He felt he hadn't earned the right to ask her and that kept him silent. It was only a few months ago that he was forced to accept that Sakura wasn't suffering from any memories of the war.
He had been returning from a mission and was walking towards the hospital to have Sakura check over his injuries. Even though they were just minor and didn't really call for a hospital fit, he knew she would have a fit if he didn't come see her as soon as he got back to the village. It was around noon when he stepped through the gates and he hoped that she wasn't out at lunch. He was nearing the hospital when he passed by her and he almost didn't recognize her. Her head was thrown back in laughter, causing her long pink hair to sway in the wind. Her cheeks were flushed and her smile was wide. She looked beautiful. But what surprised him most was her eyes, bright and alive. He hadn't seen them like that in years and he was beginning to wonder if he ever had seen them like that.
He had stopped in his tracks to watch her, but she hadn't noticed him and kept walking. He tore his eyes away from her to see who was making her look like that and was welcomed with the sight of Kakashi's flash of silver hair and lazy slouch. His Icha Icha Paradise was tucked safely away and peeking out of his flask jacket. He was smiling down at her and looking at her in a way Sasuke never had. Sasuke could tell he was really smiling, because of the way his mask stretched. The two had never noticed him, so caught up in their own conversation it was like they were in a different world. Sasuke watched as they turned the corner, probably on their way to lunch.
Sasuke had stood there for a moment, his feet planted firmly to the side of the road. He felt something uneasy settle in his stomach and recognized it as jealousy. He tried to ignore it biting at him, remembering how Sakura was smiling and decided that it didn't really matter who was the cause, just that she was smiling. All that mattered was that it looked like she was feeling more like herself. He smiled to himself and headed for the hospital to wait for her to get back.
When she had arrived, she had greeted him warmly and told him she was happy he was back and that she had missed him. But he was disappointed to notice that her smile wasn't like earlier and that it was back to how it had been before he left. Was it really him that was making her unhappy?
Sasuke had started to watch how Sakura interacted with their friends. He had thought that maybe if he was the sole cause of her unhappiness then she would be happier around other people. And while that turned out to be partly true, it wasn't entirely the case. The smiles she offered to Ino and Lee were just like the ones she gave him, sincere but not reaching her eyes. The closest she came to that day was when she was with Naruto, but still her face never lit up as strongly as Sasuke remembered. And then there was Kakashi.
It felt like she reserved her warmest smiles for their ex-sensei. She at least, seemed the happiest when he joined their groups outings. At first, Sasuke had thought it was because of who he had been to them all their lives; a sensei, a leader, and now a friend. He had thought that maybe Sakura saw him as a sort of father figure, since she had lost hers during the war. But the more Sasuke watched them, he learned that that wasn't it at all. It was when they were by themselves that he saw it, like they had been that day. If he had arrived late to a party due to a mission or meeting with the Hokage, they were always together, huddled at the bar or in a booth. Or he'd see them walking beside each other as he went to the Hokage Tower to report his mission. Then, he finally understood. It wasn't really that he was making Sakura unhappy, it was just that Kakashi made her happier.
It was her, really, that had finally made it click inside his head. It was the way she was when she was with Kakashi versus when she was with him. When she was at home, she had always felt closed off to him like she was holding herself back for some reason. But with Kakashi it looked like she was finally at peace, like she could let herself go and be herself. She had never looked that relaxed around him and he had no idea how to change that. He didn't think he could.
He didn't think Sakura was necessarily in love with Kakashi, but he knew she wasn't with him. And unlike Sasuke, she could fall in love with Kakashi. The potential was there, the hope was there. He saw it in her eyes when she looked at Kakashi. Sasuke knew that whatever window they had to fall in love with each other had long passed. He loved her, he did, he had a great appreciation for the woman who had so loyally chased after him and tried to save him. He didn't think he could fall in love with anyone besides her, he had always thought that and he still did. But Sakura could still find love somewhere else, with someone else. The kind of love that stories are made of, that made your heart melt, that made you feel complete. True love. And he wanted that for her and maybe that was Kakashi. Even if he wasn't, Sasuke still wanted her to find it. She deserved it.
Sasuke turned away from Sakura and looked at the clock hanging on the wall. It was almost five and he was pretty sure Naruto had already started his trek to the Hokage tower. That gave him some time.
When he came back to the house with the heavy envelope in his hand, Sakura was already up and making them breakfast. She turned to him with a smile when he stepped into the kitchen, setting the envelope on the table.
"Sasuke," she smiled at him as she made their plates, "I was wondering where you had run off to. You weren't there when I woke up. I was starting to get worried."
He walked over to her and grabbed his plate, placing a kiss on the diamond on her forehead, "I'm sorry. I had something important to pick up."
She rose an eyebrow at him as they sat down to eat, "Oh? And what's that?"
He avoided her eyes and moved the envelope to his side of the table, "After we eat."
Sakura nodded, casting a wry glance at the large envelope, but said nothing. After the table was cleared she gestured towards the envelope, "Is that the 'something important'?"
Sasuke nodded and handed it towards her. She opened it and pulled the papers out. He watched her expression change as she read the top of the paper. Her eyes went wide and she gasped. Sasuke saw how her hands gripped the papers so tight and worried she might rip them. She looked up at him with confusion and hurt etched across her face, "Sasuke?"
He met her eyes for a second and then looked away from her. He knew she didn't love him like he wanted her to, but he wasn't foolish enough to think he wasn't hurting her right now. When he didn't answer her, she asked in a small voice, "You want a divorce?"
Sasuke looked back to her and saw that her eyes were starting to water. He reached across the table and took her hands in both of his, "Sakura, you're not happy."
She looked at him shocked and opened her mouth to reply, but he caught her off, "I know you, Sakura. I know that I'm not what you want, anymore."
"Sasuke, that's not true. I love you. I always have," She argued, but even to Sasuke it sounded like a mantra she had been repeating to herself.
He shook his head, running his thumbs across her skin in a soothing way, "But it's not what you had thought it would be like. I'm not what you had thought I would be like. I'm not the man of your dreams from when you were twelve, Sakura. I never was and we both need to accept that."
Sakura bit back a sob, but she didn't argue with him. He felt a pain in his chest and looked away from her crying face to her hands, "You'd be happier with someone else and I owe it to you to let you see that for yourself."
He could hear her trying to calm her breathing and it reminded him how many times he had actually seen her cry since the end of the war. He wondered if it was because she hated looking weak in front of him. The thought made him feel so guilty, because he should have made her feel more comfortable to show all of her emotions to him. But like everything else, he knew it was too late for that.
Sakura cleared her throat and it made his eyes return to her. She looked at him confused, "You say that like you already have someone in mind."
"I do," he met her eyes and there was a moment of silence, and then her eyes went wide as she realized.
"S-Sasuke," her voice was panicked and he felt her grip in his hands tighten, "I didn't mean for it to happen and I-I, we, didn't do anything. I never told him and -"
He interrupted her rambling and attempted a small smile, "Sakura, it's okay. I know nothing happened. I know you would never cheat on me."
Her breath caught at the word "cheat" and whatever self-control she had had on her emotions broke and she started crying again. She pulled her hands away from him and buried her face in them, trying to muffle her sobs. Sasuke got up from his chair and walked around the table and knelt in front of her.
He gently grabbed her hands and tugged them away from her face. She continued to cry, though, "I'm so s-sorry. I'm s-sorry, S-Sasuke. I didn't mean to. I still l-love you. I'll a-always love you"
He gave her a sad smile and brought a hand up to cup her cheek. She leaned into it and closed her eyes. "I love you, too. Sakura. And there's nothing for you to feel sorry about. You can't make yourself love me and you can't make your heart feel something that it won't."
Sakura opened her eyes and just stared at him torn as tears continued to stain her cheeks. Sasuke wiped her tears away with his thumb, "I just want you to be happy. And I can't make you happy, I've tried. But he can, he does and he doesn't even have to try."
"How did you know?" she asked him, her voice hoarse.
Sasuke gave her a lopsided smile, "You're yourself around him, more relaxed. He knows all of you, while you only show me a few parts. When you're with him…your smile reaches your eyes and you look so beautiful, Sakura. I wish I could make you look like that, but I can't."
"I'm sorry."
Sasuke dropped his hand away from her face and grabbed her hands again, "Don't be, Sakura. I know there's some things were never going to be able to get past. And I don't blame you for that."
She shook her head and looked at him intensely, "No, Sasuke. Don't say that. I've forgiven you for everything. I forgave you a long time ago. I want you to know that."
Sasuke sighed, "Well, then, sometimes forgiveness isn't enough."
She didn't argue with him this time and he stood up. He rubbed a hand on her arm comfortingly and turned her towards the table, "Sign the papers, Sakura."
She stared at them and then looked back up at him, "But Sasuke…what about you?"
He chuckled, "Sakura, I'll be fine."
"But who will cook for you and make sure you've ate, because sometimes you forget? And who will make sure you're not working yourself to death? And who will patch you up when you come home from a bad mission? Who's going to say welcome home to you?" She looked so worried as she stared up at him and Sasuke had never felt so loved than he did in that moment, even if it wasn't how he thought it would be.
"I've been alone most of my life, Sakura. I'll live. And besides are you saying that you won't fix me up anymore? Do I have to get a new medic, too?" He tried to lighten the mood and saw the corner of Sakura's mouth quirk.
She shook her head, "Of course not. I still want you to come see me when you come home."
She turned back to the papers and just stared at them. She made no move for the pen that had fallen out of the envelope with them. A couple minutes passed and she spoke up, "You will, won't you?"
"What?"
She didn't turn around and answered, "Come see me when you get back from a mission."
He looked at the back of her pink head surprised, but replied, "Yes. I promise I will."
She nodded, knowing he'd keep his word. She didn't say anything else and moved her hand for the pen, but then dropped it back to her lap. Sasuke could see her shoulders shaking as he stood behind her and knew she was crying again. She started shaking her head, "No, no, I can't leave you. I won't leave you. I can't do that to you."
He grabbed her shoulders, trying to calm her down, "Sakura, you're not leaving me. We're just getting a divorce. I know you're worried about leaving me alone. But I will be alright. I still have my friends and I'll still have you, won't I? We'll be friends. We've always been more friends than anything else anyway, really. This isn't goodbye. We'll still see each other. You'll always be family to me."
Sakura bit back a sob at the last sentence, but nodded, picking up the pen with a shaky hand, "We will. We will always be family." She hovered over the dotted line she was supposed to sign, "I'll always love you, Sasuke. Don't ever doubt that. I'll always be there for you no matter what." And with a deep breath she signed her name, flipping through the pages searching for more signature lines.
When she was finished she stood up and threw her arms around him, holding onto him tightly. He held her with just as much strength. He could smell the strawberry shampoo from her hair as he buried his face in her neck. He could also smell the scent of salty tears and was surprised to find that they were his own. He promised as he held her tightly, "I feel the same way, Sakura. Don't ever forget that."
*five years later*
Good on what they had said that day, Sakura and Sasuke remained friends and they were still good friends till this day. It took some time for them to get there, though. They didn't see much of each other for a few months after the divorce. Sasuke took as many missions as he could to just get out of the village, even though he knew Sakura would be upset with him. But he kept his promise to her and went to see her at the hospital every time he came back. They made small talk and it wasn't awkward, but they still weren't ready for their new friendship to feel normal. Sasuke always left as soon as he could and Sakura let him. Besides the hospital they didn't make any attempts to see each other for a while. Sakura, because she couldn't shake the guilt of being another person to leave Sasuke, despite what Sasuke told her. Sasuke, because he didn't want to see her with Kakashi.
It took Sasuke and Sakura a year to ease back into a friendship to where they hung out regularly. Sasuke hadn't been looking forward to seeing Sakura and Kakashi together, but nothing had changed. When the group all got together it wasn't any different from when him and Sakura had been married, except that they didn't stick to each other's side. To Sasuke's surprise, though, Sakura didn't get together with Kakashi until a year and a half after the divorce. Sakura had waited for her and Sasuke to be in a good place before she moved on and Sasuke probably appreciated it more than she knew. When they did get together, though, Sasuke was relieved to find that it didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. He knows if it had been right away, it would have. But he felt happy for her and gave her a genuine smile when he noticed them walking down the street with her arm wrapped around his.
His relationship with Kakashi hadn't changed either, which he was thankful for. He had always seen his ex-sensei as more of an older brother than a mentor and he was happy that they still managed to remain friends. They were sparing one day, a few months after Kakashi and Sakura had gotten together, when Kakashi asked him, "It doesn't change anything, does it?"
Sasuke had been confused, but when he noticed the apprehensive look in Kakashi's eyes he understood. He shook his head with a chuckle, "No, we're good, Kakashi." Kakashi had grinned at him and his shoulders had slumped in relief. And that had been all that was said on the subject.
He had attended their wedding and he had been one of the first people Sakura called when she found out she was pregnant. She was always smiling every time he saw her now, and not the almost smiles she had had before. They were wide and warm and reached her eyes. She was finally happy. He had waited with all of their friends for little Sakumo to finally join their world. He had held the baby in his arms after Naruto finally gave him up. The baby was beautiful just like his parents and he made sure to tell them. He had spiky pink hair and green eyes. He had most of Sakura's traits, but still managed to look just like his father somehow. He had Kakashi's face, which Sasuke had finally seen that day after Kakashi gave up his mask because he wanted his son to be able to recognize him.
And now barely a second after opening his front door, he had a ball of pink hair tumbling towards him, yelling, "Uncle Sasuke!" Sasuke picked the two-year-old up with a laugh as the boy's parents walked into his house. They smiled at him and Kakashi handed him a bottle of wine. The Hatake family came over once a week for dinner so Sakumo could see his Uncle Sasuke. When Sakura had told him it would be a regular thing after the first night, he had grinned at her, happy she had proposed it. He was glad to know they hadn't been empty promises and that they would always be family.
"I'm almost finished with dinner if you guys want to wait in the living room," Sasuke gestured behind him. They nodded and headed that way after Sakura gave him a peck on the cheek in greeting.
He looked at the small boy in his arms, "So, how bout it, Sakumo-kun? Want to help Uncle Sasuke cook?"
Sakumo nodded his head excitedly and Sasuke put him down on the floor. As he followed after the running toddler to the kitchen, he couldn't help but smile. Sometimes love worked out differently than you thought. But he wouldn't change it for the world.