A/N: For fififolle's birthday, who wanted someone asking Leon who he loves. Spoilers for 5x6. (BIG SPOILERS)
Something to Hold Onto
The days that followed Gwen's rescue and Elyan's burial were difficult. The castle halls seemed darker without Gwen's warm smiles and good humour. Arthur was subdued and the knights' training passed with far less laughter and teasing, as they tried to work around the hole that was their lost comrade.
It wasn't the first time Leon had lost a friend, not by far. That didn't make it any easier.
"How fares the queen?" Leon asked Merlin, as they sat on the steps in the courtyard, the sun shining brightly and giving lie to the downcast air that permeated Camelot.
"You know Gwen. She suffers but she doesn't like anyone to know. Arthur worries but I know it helps her just to be with him."
"It's good that they have each other. Of course nothing can replace the loss of someone so dear, but being with the person you love makes all ills easier to bear."
Merlin nodded in agreement, glancing away before looking at Leon again with a small trace of his usual cheerfulness. "Speaking of those we love, you always seem to be rather reticent on that particular subject."
"That would be because there is nothing to tell."
"Really? Hmm. Suppose I must be mistaken then." Merlin shrugged like it wasn't anything to be concerned with.
Leon wasn't put off. "Mistaken? What do you mean?"
"Nothing, nothing at all. As you said, there's nothing to tell."
"Merlin," Leon said sternly.
Merlin's face broke into a full-fledged smile that Leon was heartened to see. "Oh, no, don't you try to pull an Arthur on me. It won't work."
"Shall I try a pout?" Arthur had an excellent pout, as Leon knew all too well. He was unfortunately guilty of letting Arthur get away with far more than he should have, when the young prince's care and training had been largely in Leon's hands.
"Yeah, sorry, not going to work," Merlin said, shaking his head. He got to his feet, brushing off his breeches. "Nice try though, points for effort."
Leon shifted, resting his elbows on top of his thighs and leaning forward. He did so want to know what Merlin had meant, even if he wasn't quite certain why it bothered him. Had he been remiss in his actions, had he failed to be discreet? But then, it was only Merlin. Why should it matter? Leon was not ashamed.
He was, however, concerned. He was concerned with what people would say, what they would think, even if he wished he wasn't. Mostly, though, Leon was private. He wanted to have one thing that was his and only his.
"Where are you off to now?" Leon asked, content to change the subject.
Merlin's mouth quirked in a wry expression. "Where do you think?"
"Arthur?"
"Arthur," Merlin sighed. He turned to leave and then stopped. "Leon, you know that…" He paused, biting his lip. "If there's anything… Elyan was your friend, too, and I would be glad to know you had something to hold onto, like Gwen and Arthur have." A hint of Merlin's previous smile returned. "If you ever do have something to tell, I'm great with secrets."
"I'll keep that in mind," Leon said, raising his hand in a wave as Merlin left.
Gwaine had come bounding down the steps to catch the tail end of their conversation, clapping Merlin on the back as he passed. "Keeping secrets from me now?" he said to Leon.
Leon stood and gripped the front of Gwaine's shoulder. "You can be sure that if I did have a secret, you would be the last person I'd tell."
Gwaine faked a wince and followed after as Leon began walking. "Ah, that's harsh, my friend. In fact, I'm not sure I can rightly call you my friend after a slight like that. Suppose I'd better withdraw that offer I was going to make about buying you a drink in the tavern."
"You can't withdraw what you haven't yet given."
Gwaine stopped and scraped a low, mocking bow. "Your apologies, my lord, I misspoke."
Leon glanced away, biting back his smile. "In any case, it is a strange phenomenon that despite the many times you have offered to buy me ale, I've yet to witness any coin actually leave your hand."
"Passing strange," Gwaine agreed, laughter flickering in his eyes.
"Gwaine, strange?" said Percival, coming from the direction of the stables and falling into step with them. "Surely you can't have only come to realise that now."
"What is this, mock Gwaine day? You both are terribly cruel. Of course, I suppose I should be used to it."
Leon met Percival's eyes from behind Gwaine's back and smiled at him. "Apparently we were going to go to the tavern tonight as Gwaine's treat, but no longer."
Percival nodded solemnly. "I see. Well, considering my pockets have not yet recovered from the last time Gwaine failed to pay for his own ale, let alone mine, that's probably for the best."
Gwaine immediately began to protest. "I'll have you know that was down to Elyan, he-" Gwaine abruptly fell silent.
They walked on in discomfort, the easy camaraderie of only moments ago vanished in an instant, as seemed to happen far too frequently of late.
"I remember that," Leon said finally. Elyan was gone but they still had their memories. They could still laugh and think of him as he had been; it was an honour to his memory, or so Leon chose to think. "Elyan pick-pocketed you and bought himself a new pair of boots."
"Is that what happened?" Percival sounded amused and then looked surprised at himself, like he wasn't yet certain if it was okay to be amused when Elyan's name was mentioned. Leon's heart lightened a bit even so.
"The little arse," Gwaine said, his tone fond. "I never would have found out if Merlin hadn't caught him doing it and blurted out the truth to me. Which, by the way, you might want to remember if you're going around telling him secrets."
"Thanks for the warning, but I'd still trust him ahead of you," Leon said.
Percival snorted a laugh as Gwaine tossed his hair and pretended to be offended, drawing slightly ahead of them. "Secrets?" Percival asked.
Leon bumped shoulders with him. "Not a secret to you," he said, and smiled.
It was dark in the castle, the corridors lit only by the dim, flickering light of the candles on the walls. Leon strode across the floors, his boots making a dull thudding sound in the silence. The path he took was a familiar one, one he could have easily made blindfolded.
When Leon reached his destination, he did not bother to knock, only edging the door open as quietly as he could and slipping through. Percival was a bulky lump under the blankets, one arm flung above his head and the other hanging over the side of the bed, his mouth slightly open as he slept. Leon smiled to himself and crept closer, shedding his boots and clothing along the way. He slid into the bed, curling close to Percival and laying an arm across his chest.
Percival shifted and mumbled, eyes blinking open as he murmured, "Leon."
"Sleep," Leon insisted. He rubbed Percival's chest familiarly as Percival, who had not really woken, obligingly closed his eyes again, rolling over to press more comfortably against Leon.
Leon stroked Percival's skin and breathed in the scent of him, thinking back to his earlier conversation with Merlin. Elyan was gone and that wasn't going to stop hurting, but being with Percival made even that ill easier to bear.
End