Memory
Author's Note: Was originally the beginning of my Jack/Alonso story – the parts in bold and the first paragraph but it just screamed Janto. So my mind went wild with the idea. Bit sad so tissues at the ready. Set at the end of CoE – late on day five.
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters or the rights to Torchwood they belong to Russell T Davies and the BBC.
"Don't forget me."
"Never could."
"In a thousand years time? You won't remember me."
"Yes I will...I promise I will."
Jack doesn't get a chance to tell Ianto he loves him before he dies.
But after his death Jack reminisces on how they met and their life together up to how Ianto died.
"Jones, Ianto Jones."
"Nice to meet you Jones, Ianto Jones, Captain Jack Harkness."
Jack smiles unconsciously in his sleep, the memory still as clear as the day he met Jones, Ianto Jones. Even then it reminded him of a James Bond film.
"If you're interested I've still got that stopwatch"
"So?"
"Well... think about it. Lots of things you can do with a stopwatch."
"Oh yeah."
He never took Ianto for the one to proposition him, but then again maybe Ianto hadn't realised it was a proposition. Just a general fact.
"Are you asking me out on a date?"
"Interested?"
"Um.. well.."
Ianto's face at the question of a date had made Jack smile. He'd thought about asking him out months before he went off with the Doctor but it just didn't seem like the right time. He'd wondered if it was too late by then. But his heart couldn't help but beat faster when he had accepted. They never did get that date.
Jack's face changed at the thought and his mind began to imagine what he would have done for that date.
"They say you're supposed to talk to people when they're in a coma, don't they. I have no idea whether you can hear me, Jack. I've never heard of anybody coming out of one and carrying on the conversation. So I suspect it's probably something the doctors tell us to do, to make us feel better. Rather than help you. We don't feel quite so useless and helpless. WE get the feeling there's still some sort of purpose in our lives. Not just waiting. Waiting for the science to work, or the miracle to happen, or the nightmare to end. I'm not much of a talker Jack you know that. But I'll talk to you now on the off chance that it helps. Just promise me that if you're hearing this that when you come round, and you're going to, Jack, you're gonna come out of this. Just, promise me you'll never bring up anything I say to you now. How's that? We got a deal? This must be the longest that I've ever looked at you and not seen you smile. I've watched you in your sleep. Did you know that? So many times. Just woken up beside you in the middle of the night, and watched you. Watched your eyes moving behind your eyelids as you dreamed. And tried to imagine what a man like you could possibly dream about. The things you've seen, the life you've lived, the people you've loved. I wondered if you were dreaming. I hoped you were dreaming about me. But let's be honest Jack, I'm nothing more than a blip in time for you. Everyday I grow a little older. But you're immortal. You've already lived a thousand lifetimes. How could you watch me grow old and die? How can I watch you live and never age a day? I suppose we both know that will never be a problem. Not in this job. No one in Torchwood ever lives to draw their pension do they? Even if by some, miracle, I survive to see my hair turn grey, or God forbid, fall out. I don't kid myself that you'd still be around to see it. One day, you'll go again just like you did before. And this time you won't be back. Maybe that's what you're dreaming about those nights when I watch you sleeping. Maybe that's why even when you sleep I see you smile. But you haven't gone yet, Jack, I know that. I know you're coming back to me."
Ianto's speech had really got to Jack. It was like being in a coma but being totally conscious and helpless. He'd listened to every word and his heart broke knowing that he could never grow old with this wonderful Welshman. How could he not dream about Ianto? Ianto was right about one thing though; he couldn't watch Ianto grow old and slowly die. Each day he felt more like the Doctor; maybe that's why he always runs away, maybe he fears his own immortality. Jack had been given a choice, well, in a sense. The Doctor didn't, the Doctor was born immortal, had to live with being immortal. That broke Jack's heart too; he'd started as a con-man, he didn't deserve to live forever. Rose's bravery and love had brought him back; love that he didn't deserve. The Doctor had saved him, but there was no-one to save the Doctor, no happy ending for him. He would remain alone forever; he would never get the chance to love like Jack. If anyone deserved happiness then it was the Doctor; for all the good that he had done and the love he had lost, he deserved the happy ending for once. No goodbyes. But here was Jack loving a man that fate would take from him, like every other love, but this time it was different; worse. More painful than before.
"Did you talk to me while I was out of it? They say that's what you should do."
"I talked. A little. But I'm not really much of a talker."
"I know."
"That's just me."
"Yeah."
"But... you never will just be a blip in time, Ianto Jones. Not for me."
Jack had hoped it was enough for Ianto, that it was a way of saying he loved him without the pain of having to say the words. He should have told him, in those last moments he should have told him. Put the young man to rest. But deep down he knew that Ianto had said it because it was goodbye. It was the end now. The end of Torchwood, the end of their relationship, the end of Jack's world. Torchwood would never be the same now. That spark of life, the witty banter, shy smiles and soft giggles had all gone; gone with Owen, Toshiko and now Ianto. Jack's world was ending and it wouldn't be long before fate took the rest of them; Alice, Gwen, Rose, Mickey, Martha, Donna, Sarah Jane and one day, even the Doctor would be taken. And Jack would be alone. Forever.
Jack awoke, tears streaming down his cheeks, wishing it was all a dream, knowing it wasn't. Ianto last words rung clear in his head. The memory that will forever haunt him.
"Don't forget me."
"Never could."
Hope everyone enjoyed it. Sorry for the sadness, I love writing Janto stories but I also believe in RTD so for every couple of Janto stories/chapters I write, I find myself writing a sad, dead Ianto one. Sorry about that :'( xxxxx