She'd been here for two weeks, now. Two long, hard, awful, weeks that seemed to have no end. She'd not been allowed any visitors, wouldn't have them for another two weeks, and then only if she'd made enough progress. And Erin hated being alone. Aaron had promised her that this would fix everything, and yet it felt like everything was worse.
Now, she'd be alone for Christmas. All she wanted was to see one familiar face as they celebrated this holy season. Her hands shook as she thought about how she'd not touched a drop of liquor in fourteen days. Fifteen days ago, it had barely been fourteen minutes between drinks. And that had been the problem. She knew that now, and still there were two weeks before she could begin her outpatient treatment.
Sighing, she lay back on her bed, staring at the ceiling as a few tears rolled down her cheeks. That was one thing she couldn't escape, feeling maudlin and sorry for herself. She was the one who had been weak, who had let herself become entrapped by some damned crutch. Turning to face the window, she watched the rain fall. At least it wasn't snowing. At least it was warm enough to wear normal cloths and not be constantly reminded of what she was missing out there, in the world that didn't stop for her stupidity.
"O come, all ye faithful. Joyful and triumphant," she heard outside her door, and she sat up, wiping away her tears. The door opened and she saw the faces to the voices she'd heard. "O come ye, o come ye, to Bethlehem." David Rossi and Penelope Garcia stepped inside, closing the door behind them. "Come and behold him, born the King of angels. O come let us adore him. O come let us adore Him. O come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord."
Erin couldn't stop the sob that came welling up out of her as the song ended. To her shock, Ms. Garcia wrapped her up in a tight hug, rubbing her back softly as the sobs kept coming, kept escaping her body against her will. "I thought no one was supposed to know I was here," she whispered into the woman's shoulder, letting her guide her over to her bed.
They sat awkwardly, and she pulled back to look up at David, who was looking at her with tender concern. "I may have bent a few laws to find out some things, cara. Penelope helped me out quite a bit. I assume we're the only ones who know besides Hotch."
"But why would you come here?" She swiped at her cheeks, whisking the traces of tears away.
"You shouldn't be alone at this time of year, Erin. I twisted some arms to let us in." Penelope grinned at her. "This is my favorite time of year, being able to give freely to those who most deserve it. And this year, you deserve it."
David sat on her other side, one of his warm hands coming to rest on her back. She looked at him. "When you didn't show up for work the Monday following the case in Florida, I wondered if it had bothered you more than you let on. Then you missed a second day. I tried to ask Hotch if he knew what was up and he lied to me, saying he knew nothing. I've been friends with him long enough to know when he's lying. It's how I knew Prentiss was still with us.
"So, I went to Penny and had her do some digging. Aaron, he covers his tracks, but not as thoroughly as he might like to think. Especially when it comes to the video surveillance."
"Oh, great," she muttered, burying her face in her hand. "Did you watch the entire thing?"
"Only long enough to see Derek enter your office with Hotch." She nodded slightly, not believing him for a minute, and yet grateful for the lie. "From there, it didn't take us long to figure everything out. And Kitten here is good at blackmail. She can dig up dirt on anyone, if she looks hard enough."
She looked up at him, taking in the smile on his face. "What is it you're not saying, David?"
"We come bearing gifts!" Penelope squealed, bringing her large handbag up onto the bed. "There are a few here from me, and from David, and from your family. They can't wait to see you in two weeks." Opening the handbag, she took out a few gifts and set them in Erin's lap. "No one should be alone at Christmas. And while I couldn't get Nurse Ratchet to let us in on the actual Holy Day itself, we're going to pretend that this is the day. Jesus was born in September, anyway." She was still taking out gifts, filling David's lap and the bed surrounding them.
"Is your purse a Tardis, Ms. Garcia?"
The younger woman giggled becomingly. "Dr. Reid would love you for that comment alone, Erin. And no, my bag is not larger on the inside. This is the last of them."
Erin felt tears clog her eyes once more and looked down at her hands. "Thank you, so much, both of you." She picked up the first small gift and opened it. Inside was a book by Ben Bova, and she looked up at Penelope, frowning slightly. "Is this sci-fi?"
"Yes, Martha said you liked sci-fi. You might notice a theme develop here. I know how boring it can get when you're cut off the outside world."
Setting the book aside, Erin opened the next gift and saw it was a hardcover book by Stephen Baxter. Then there was the complete Game of Thrones series. "I'm only here for two more weeks, Penelope. I can only do so much reading," she commented, thumbing through the thick volumes.
"I know, but, this can be an outlet for you. Every time you want to take a drink, you could read a chapter. I know that when I get hunger cravings, I read a few posts on one of the message boards I frequent, and it disappears. And I know, I'm simplifying things here, but coping mechanisms are wonderful things to share."
Erin couldn't help but smile at the woman's earnest look, and she picked up the next gift. She held the iPod in her hands and sighed. "Do I want to know what kind of music is on here?"
"I helped with the musical selections. Patrick helped me out. We went with the classic, since you aren't allowed access to the outside world right now. Sinatra, Bach, Beethoven, the Rat Pack, Groban…"
"And I added some good stuff, like Gaga, Hamasaki, the Seatbelts, and Hikaru. Don't worry if you don't understand the words, the music is the best part. Sarah said you also like Harry Chapin, so I made sure to put his complete catalog on there. Your children are adorable." Penelope pulled out her iPhone and flipped through a few things. "Here, they wanted you to see this."
Handing over the device, she cuddled close to Erin, almost eager to see the video she'd obviously taken. "Hi, Mama! Your friend, Penelope, wanted us to let you know how much we love you and are waiting for you to come home. Even Lady Anne misses you, she sleeps on your pillow every night. Daddy says that you'll be home on January sixth, which is technically the last day of Christmas, so you'll be like, the best present ever!"
"Sarah, let me talk for a minute! She's right, though, Mom, you will be home for the last day of Christmas. We just want you to feel better and we promise to do whatever we can to make your life easier. Joseph would be here, but he had cello lessons at the only time Penelope could be here. His recital is the day after Christmas and he's playing the Bach piece. He's so nervous."
"My turn again, Martha. So, I know that we won't see you for Christmas Day, but we're going to sing extra loud at the service for you. Next year, it will be all of us. And your friend, I hope. She's so cool, Mama! Why haven't you brought her home before? I know I shouldn't make demands of you, but I want to see her every other Saturday for game nights with us. Please? Okay, I guess we have to wrap it up now. I love you, Mama!"
"I love you, Mom!" Martha echoed and the screen went dark.
Looking at Penelope once more, Erin burst into tears and hugged her tightly. "Thank you. And I guess you're going to be a recurring guest in our home shortly."
"Sorry about that. Kids just seem to like me."
"It's the Garcia effect, Kitten." Rossi rubbed her shoulder softly and she sighed happily. "There are still a few more gifts here, cara. This one is from Martha." He handed her a soft package and she opened it eagerly.
Inside was a silk scarf and she fingered it delicately. "Ever so thoughtful, my sweet girl." She took the next gift from David's hands and saw it was from Joseph. "I wonder what this could be," she mused as she tore off the wrappings. Inside she found a hand-tooled leather journal. The design was an intricate Tree of Life and she sighed as she ran her hand over it.
"Did he make that, Erin?" Penelope asked and she nodded. "I might have to order one from him, then. I'm almost through my current journal."
"I'm sure he'd love to make you one. And do you have Sarah's gift, David?"
"Right here, Erin." He handed her the last gift and smiled at her.
It was clumsily wrapped; Sarah had never gotten the hang of wrapping, usually giving the job over to her. "Oh, my precious baby," she whispered as she opened the gift. It was a photo of them together on the beach the past summer. Even in the single frame of time, she could see that she was drunk. "Mama is going to make this picture right come summer."
David stood up and cleared his throat. "I'll be by about nine tomorrow morning to pick you up, Kitten. Have a good evening." He bent and kissed Penelope's cheek and then squeezed Erin's shoulder. "We'll be bringing you home on the sixth, but tonight is a special girl's night. I do not want to know what Penelope has on the person who runs this program, but it's given you a night off. Enjoy."
She nodded and took a deep breath. Once he'd left the room, she turned to Penelope. There was just one question on her mind. "Why?"
"Reid."
"I don't follow."
"Hotch should never have treated you like he did. Reid was allowed out on the field numerous times while he was in an altered state. Neither Hotch nor Gideon ever did anything about that, saying he'd come around in time." She rested her hand on Erin's shoulder. "He did admit he had a problem, eventually. But he could have put all of us in danger at any time. And you could have, too, I realize that. But one case does not outweigh the multitude. Does that make any sense?"
"Yes, it does, Penelope. It's your inherent sense of right and wrong. So, you're spending the night here? Aren't you afraid they'll keep you?"
"Nah, I know too much about that embarrassing Christmas pageant the director was in back in high school. Photos are forever." She smiled wickedly at Erin and she couldn't help but smile back.
"Okay, so what are we going to do all night?"
"Talk. You're going to need a friend at the BAU when you come back. And I am going to be that friendly face." She started to gather up the discarded wrappings and Erin helped her, getting everything put away in about five minutes. "There are extra pillows in your closet, right?" She nodded and Penelope went over and grabbed two out, setting them at the foot of the bed. "All right, I'm going to change into my pajamas, here's your last gift – fun pajamas for our sleep over."
She took the pajamas from the other woman's hands and watched her disappear into the bathroom. Quickly, Erin stripped down to her panties and pulled on the forest green tank top and the frog-covered matching fleece pants. They fit her perfectly and she smiled as she ran her hands along her legs, feeling the softness of the fleece. She didn't deserve this kindness, and yet it warmed her heart so much to know that someone cared.
Penelope came back out in matching pajamas, though hers had kittens on the pants. They were just getting situated on the bed when her therapist peeked in. "Good evening, Erin. I know you have a special friend here for the evening, but light's out is still in about forty minutes. You can stay up later, of course, but try not to disturb your fellow patients." Erin nodded and the woman left.
"That's the Nurse Ratchet I was talking about. She is a tough nut to crack."
"She has to be, Penelope. We're not exactly the easiest of people to deal with. We're belligerent, and we lie. She has to keep us honest so that when we go home, we'll stay honest with ourselves."
"Oh, right. I didn't think about that." She pulled back the covers at the foot of the bed and crawled in while Erin looked at her quizzically. "I'm a night groper," she replied as Erin got in, resting against the headboard of her bed.
"I'm sorry?"
"Okay, so sometimes I have fun dreams, and my Sugar Dumpling hasn't really missed any meals lately. He likes to eat doughnuts with bacon on them, which is totally disgusting, and has given him moobs. And sometimes, in the middle of my sleep, I grope them."
Erin felt the laugh bubble up out of her lips and she buried her face in her pillow to muffle the sound. "That is too funny," she said once she'd gotten back in control. "My heart needed this."
"I figured as much. This is the worst time to be away from your family. Erin, you don't mind me doing this, do you? I know we've never exactly gotten along, but I've always admired your strength. I listened to the tapes of your inquest into Foyet's death. You could have ripped into any one of us for the liberties we took, and yet, you didn't."
"That's when it started, actually. I'd never dealt with anything like that in my section. The others told me that I'd been lucky, that they'd dealt with situations like that all the time. For months after Haley's death, all I could see when I closed my eyes was her body and what that monster had done to it. Drinking was my only outlet."
"Oh, sweetie, if only you'd come to one of us."
"I couldn't do that. None of you liked me. At best, I was tolerated for the short time I pestered you. And then it became easier to dull the pain with more and more alcohol. I've been so selfish, Penelope. One of the twelve steps we learn to live is to accept that we're broken people who can't do things alone. That's who I am. How can I rely on someone when I've never let myself do that in the past?"
"It starts by having a confidante. Sarah said you have nice friends at church. Why not let one of them in and be there for you?"
"They wouldn't understand this. I don't understand this. Besides, we tend to be superficial at church. It is so easy to confess the little sins like yelling at your children and having a crush on one of your coworkers. Something like this is never talked about. We're supposed to better than an addiction."
"That seriously sucks, Erin. If you can't be honest with your church family, who can you be honest with?" Erin shrugged, slipping out of bed to flip the lights off in an attempt to hide her tears. "And if you think you can hide that easily, you are wrong. I know when one of my chicks is wounded."
She shook her head as she crawled under the covers. "I'm old enough to be your mother, Penelope."
"No, you are not, Erin. I am thirty five years old, you are fifty. Okay, so sure, biologically possible, but still, you're more like an older sister than a mother." Erin laughed a little, and heard Penelope giggle in reply. "So, which of your coworkers did you have a crush on?"
"I'm a married woman, I don't look at other men."
"All right, when I believe that line of bull, I'll be the queen of Sheba. I'm in a committed relationship with Kevin, and I still look at other guys. Like our resident Italian Stallion."
"He is kind of cute. And nice. He didn't have to do this for me. "
"We wanted to do this. That makes all the difference. And since we have the same crush, we must have great taste. Did you wait until marriage before?"
"Before I had sex the first time? No. I, well…"
"Was it awful? Because my first time was terrible. We were both stoned off our butts and it just did not make me feel good. Never smoked pot or screwed him again."
"I don't remember my first time." This was the first she'd ever spoken of the incident to anyone besides Patrick. She felt Penelope root around for her hand under the covers and she grabbed it tightly, twining her fingers through the other woman's. "I went to a party in college, and only had soda to drink that night. I set my drink down for just a few minutes to go to the bathroom and when I came back, I thought it tasted a little funny. When I woke up in the morning, I wasn't in my bed and my panties were missing. I suppose I can thank God that I didn't get pregnant or contract an STI. I never went to another party."
"Oh my gosh, Erin." Penelope's thumb rubbed against the back of her hand gently and Erin smiled at the touches. "I'm so sorry that happened to you."
"Some lessons are learned hard. I'm sorry, I just seem to be so depressing these days. I wish that I could be happy."
"Then may I suggest starting with Lamb? You'll laugh really hard all through that book."
"Maybe I will. So, you really want to be my friend? Even after everything that I've done?"
"Yeah, I do, Erin. Everyone needs a friend."
"Thank you, Penelope." She squeezed her friend's hand tightly. Suddenly, those two weeks left didn't seem so long to bear. "January sixth is a Friday, and the seventh will be our game night. Will you come? It sounds like Sarah would really like you to be there. We're playing Settlers of Catan, so it might be a few hours."
"That sounds wonderful. I'll bring along some cupcakes to share. Does your family like red velvet cake?"
"Ooh, yes, most definitely."
"Good." Their conversation slipped into an easy rhythm and Erin felt her heart settle more and more as they talked. God had placed Penelope in her life at just the moment she needed a dear friend.
"O come let us adore him," she whispered into the darkness, only to hear Penelope respond with the next line. Together, they finished the chorus, "O come let us adore him, Christ the Lord."