Just something I wrote when I was bored. I started out with a conversation between Kaz and Inej, but then I was like: nope. Too much romance and fluff. How to make this more funny?
When Wylan walked past Inej's open bedroom door in his mansion, the last thing he expected to see was Inej and Kaz sitting on her bed, holding hands. Wylan was torn between staying and watching, running away and getting a convincing alibi, and fetching Jesper. He chose the third option.
"Jes!" He hissed. The sharpshooter had his boots propped up on the coffee table, reading a book upside down. Wylan paused to wonder why in the world he was doing that, then shrugged it off. "Jesper!"
"What, merchling?" Jesper said, dropping his book and stretching.
"Come see this. Now."
"What is it? Another spider?" Wylan felt his face flush. "Cause if it is, you're brooming it yourself this time."
"No. It's about Kaz and Inej." Jesper was up immediately.
"Why didn't you say so?" Jesper followed Wylan back up the stairs, and they peeked around the doorframe, on their hands and knees. Inej and Kaz were talking in low voices. Holding hands. "Please tell me you have a camera, merchling." Jesper whispered.
"Unfortunately, no. How'd you even hear about those, aren't they something David Kostyk designed, like, recently?" Wylan whispered back.
"I have my ways. This is so funny!"
"Don't you think it's also kind of...well, rude? Not to mention dangerous. What if Kaz finds out?"
"They shouldn't have left the door open. Besides, look at Kaz." Wylan looked. The Bastard of the Barrels eyes were soft, his expression and stature relaxed. "Does he look like he's in the mood to kill anybody?"
"He's looking at Inej like she hung the moon." Wylan said wonderingly. He had never seen Kaz this way before.
"Hung the moon. Cute phrase, merchling."
"But accurate."
"True."
They watched as Kaz reached up and tucked a stray lock of Inej's hair behind her ear, his hands bare. Wylan stifled a giggle. It was just so...puerile, kind. So unlike Kaz.
"Why? You miss me?" Inej asked, just loud enough for them to hear.
Kaz's reply was barely existent. "Even I get lonely."
"Awww." Jesper whispered, grinning widely.
"I'll always come back, you know that." Inej said, squeezing Kaz's hand.
"That is the cutest thing I have ever seen." Wylan gasped.
"Cuter than puppies?"
"Cuter than puppies."
"And I'll always be her when you do. Promise." The Kaz sitting with Inej was a very different Kaz than the one Wylan normally interacted with. The distance, the coldness, was gone. The warmth, the kindness Wylan had seen glimmers of was out in full force. This strange new Kaz, or, more accurately, an old one, moved his hands to Inej's back, and leaned in. He stopped, waiting. Inej smiled and met him halfway, kissing him.
"Holy shit!" Jesper hissed, poking Wylan. Wylan poked him back, and a mini wrestling match started. It was just a gentle crush of lips, not really a proper kiss, but when had proper ever mattered to them?
"Oh my Saints." Wylan giggled. "That is so sweet it'll rot my teeth."
"Look at Kaz! He's being a gentleman!'
"I know!"
They separated, and Wylan and Jesper crawled away at full speed, fighting a losing battle against laughter.
Later, everyone was in the kitchen. Inej was perched on the counter, sharpening her knives, Kaz was sitting at the table, reading some papers. Jesper was cleaning his guns, and Wylan was working on some designs for new flashbombs.
"Hey, Kaz." Jesper said suddenly. Kaz looked up.
"What?"
"Do you and Inej normally kiss, or was that the first time?"
The plate narrowly missed colliding with Jesper's head. Funny, Kaz usually had very good aim.