It was a dreary Tuesday, students dragging themselves to the first day of school, sleep deprivation clawing at their eyes. It was a day like any other for most, although, for one Remus Lupin, it was the beginning of his life. No, it didn't have anything to do with it being his first year of Hogwarts, a place he had always heard about but had thought he would never really truly make it to, although it would be a good guess. Really, what he had thought of as the true beginning of his life came in the form of a hyper, black-haired, puppy-like first year barging in to the compartment he sat in. The boy, who was already wearing his uniform for some reason, closed the door behind him, obviously annoyed. As his eyes landed on Remus, though, he stopped glaring at the door and a scared look graced his features. Remus couldn't help but to think it didn't really suit him.
"Crap, I'm sorry. I thought this compartment was empty since I didn't see anyone else in here. I'll leave if you want me too," the boy said. Remus nodded to the seat in front of him, the sides of his lips quirking upwards slightly.
"You can sit here if you want. I didn't exactly choose to be alone. Who are you running away from?" Remus said. Sirius sat immediately after his words, apparently not wanting to face the people he was apparently running away from.
"Uh, my cousin. She's been irritated with me for not wanting to be a Slytherin. Purebloods, eh?" He said, his wry smile making Remus smirk. He liked this kid. "Oh, by the way, I'm Sirius," he contemplated his next words for a moment, then a quiet, "heir of the most ancient and noble house of Black." It dawned on Remus, then. His mix of casual language, stiff politeness, and him already wearing his robes all pointed to the conclusion Sirius just gave him. Remus knew the boy had to hold a bit of rebellion, though, judging by the fact that he didn't want to be a Slytherin in an entire family of them. Remus held his hand out.
"I'm Remus Lupin. Pleasure to meet you," he said, shaking Sirius's hand, smiling as Sirius gaped at him in shock.
"You mean, you don't hate me already?" He said. Remus shrugged.
"You haven't given me a reason to yet. Although, believe me, if you give me a reason, people would not be seeing a lot of you," Remus said. Sirius grinned.
"I like the way you think, Remus," Sirius remarked, his smile reaching his ears.
"Why thank you, Sirius. How nice of you," Remus said, an eyebrow raised and his refound smile as sarcastic as his voice.
"You're so very welcome, Remy," Sirius said, giving the other an awkward bow. Remus took a moment to reply, looking out the window trying to hide the huge smile and slight blush that appeared at the nickname. Sirius took a moment to process what had made the new boy he had met seem to dismiss him. He came to the conclusion it was the nickname and began stuttering out apologies.
"You don't have to apologize," Remus said at Sirius's apologies, then looked down, blushing, "I quite like the name, actually." Sirius's grin returned at Remus's words. Remus looked up at Sirius's self-assured smirk and growled.
"Shut up," he said. Sirius laughed. It was the beginning of a beautiful friendship, they could both tell.
"Remy! You aren't dead! Sorry about not talking to you for about twenty years since last school year. Parents and stuff, you know?" Sirius had said, exactly a year later, barging into the exact same compartment as the year before, in the exact same manner as how they first met. Remus grinned but rolled his eyes. The two didn't know where Peter and James were, but they (especially Sirius) were perfectly fine without the two stunting the two from being alone.
"Hey, Sirius. I'm guessing your summer wasn't that great, either?" Remus said, his face twisting into one of understanding. Sirius groaned and plopped in the seat he had remembered from the year before.
"How'd you guess?" Sirius said, grimacing. Remus laughed.
"'Parents and stuff'. Don't worry. I understand. Not exactly in the same way, I guess, but it's the same concept," Remus said, shrugging.
"Oh, I'm sorry about that, then," Sirius said. Remus grinned and shrugged, both of which were weak and as if he didn't want to seem so dismissive.
"It doesn't matter, anyway. It makes us better people, apparently. According to the rest of the world suffering makes you better," Remus said smiling wryly, then shook his head and rubbed his eyes trying to rub away the tiredness in them. "Sorry. I'm also gonna guess you don't want to deal with the depressing stuff on the first day back from it." Sirius shook his head at his words.
"No, it's okay. Anything is better than my family. Even the depressing stuff," Sirius said, smiling sadly. Remus couldn't help to compare the difference between the first time they met and they're conversation, then.
"Ugh, we're both disasters," Remus said, almost amusedly. Sirius grinned a bit at his words.
"Yeah, we are. The Disastrous Duo, I guess," Sirius said. Remus's grin from their first meeting returned.
"Yes, indeed. Two train wrecks trying to survive the world," Remus said. Sirius snickered. The door slammed open as he opened his mouth to reply, two gasping twelve-year-olds stumbling into the compartment, trying to pretend get annoyed at the two for 'hiding' from them. The two smirked at each other every time they met eyes in the mess of the conversation the four had been having as if it hadn't been three months since the conversation originally took place.
The third time Remus and Sirius had met on that train compartment, Sirius was there first waiting eagerly rather then barging in to see Remus. Remus arrived later than Sirius would have, unshed tears blurring his vision and giving Sirius tunneled vision, his eagerness quickly replaced with fear for his friend.
"Hey, are you okay?" Sirius asked, genuinely asking the taller boy. Remus choked back a sob, a tear escaping, making Sirius even more scared for his friend. He switched seats to sit next to Remus, who had his head bowed and his hands on his lap.
"She stole it," he whispered in disbelief after a while like that. "Bellatrix Lestrange just stole my notebook." Remus's quiet words had Sirius standing up and leaving the compartment without a word, leaving Remus to chase after him to tell him it wasn't worth the trouble. Sure, he would be kicked out of Hogwarts for what he had put in that notebook and would most likely be shunned by his fellow classmates, including Sirius, forever, and for more than one reason, but oh well. He was doomed anyway. Sirius brushed off his attempts to bring him back to the compartment, staring straight ahead in determination. Remus saw James and Peter running after them in the corner of his eye, James running ahead and both looking on in confusion.
"What's going on? Shouldn't we stay in the compartment? Remus, what's up with Sirius?" James was shouting, and people from different compartments were beginning to stare at them as well, their heads swiveling between the two parties in confusion and intrigue. Sirius stopped, then, his hands in fist by his sides and his eyes in a level glare with another, sharper, more wicked face across the section of the train.
"I stole ickl-baby-Remy's little notebook," Bellatrix said, glee taking over her words. Remus winced at the use of Sirius's nickname for him used by her. Sirius noticed and his glare hardened. This only made Bellatrix's insane smirk grow. Without taking her eyes away from the two, she flipped to a page she already had marked, which on its own made Remus want to die. How much had the Slytherin read?
"Let's read this page, shall we, Remus? Ooo, look, here's Sirius mentioned, too. Oh, and shockingly enough it's about, gasp, your-" she never actually finished the sentence due to the slight distraction of a fist on the side of her jaw. Sirius stood above the now-downed girl, glaring down at her as she continually laughed away her sanity.
"Looks like baby Sirius seems to have taken a liking to little Remy, here," she said. Remus wanted to help, he really did. But then he was being pulled back into the compartment by a slight tug on his shirt from Peter, and Sirius, along with the book ripped from Bellatrix's hands and James were racing back to the compartment. It only took a moment for Peter and Remus to follow. Once the four made it back to their compartment, Sirius, out of breath from the encounter, gave Remus's notebook back to him with a small smile. Remus had him in a bear hug in seconds, thanking him over and over again. James and Peter continued their previous conversation, knowing it would be awkward to break them apart or include themselves in the two's eventual heart-to-heart.
"Oh, come off it, Remus. You know I would have done what I just did even if it was just a chocolate frog card. Even if it were another Albus Dumbledore," Sirius said, smirking Remus hugged him harder.
"But you did it for my notebook and that's the most important thing I own at the moment so thank you so much," Remus said, not wanting to ruin their friendship with the important secret that wasn't him being a werewolf but could be almost as horribly destructive.
"Well, you're welcome then. Notice how I punched right before the big reveal so I could seem like a bigger man for not asking you about what was in there about me? Very cool, right?" Sirius said, his self-assured tone Remus knew so well by that point coming back.
"Yes, very nice. I especially like how you feel the need to talk about it now," Remus said, smiling and raising an eyebrow. Sirius bowed dramatically, leaving Remus to snicker behind his hand before the two joined the other's conversation.
Next was fourth year, and the two were both late. Sirius was running, planning to barge in on Remus again since he had already seen him get on the train and, figuring he was already in the compartment, he ran into Remus. Like, literally ran into the boy who had been talking to Lily about some new book they had both read that Lily was really exited about. Remus was glad for the distraction, knowing James had a thing against the other three Marauders talking to her without him there. So there the two were, toppled on the floor looking into each other's eyes and their noses only a half inch apart, Sirius having managed to land on top of Remus. The two were both blushing, and Lily's fangirl squealing was not helping anything.
"Looks like you just fell for me," Remus said after a moment, giving his sarcastic smile again. Sirius rolled his eyes, flipped himself over, and jumped back up. Remus grinned up at him, holding up a hand for him to help him up. Sirius glared at it before helping him up, irritation shining through.
"You're lucky we're pretty great friends, Remus, cause if we weren't I would have dropped you like a rock just then," Sirius said. Remus grinned, almost playfully.
"So, I must be your diamond, then. Still a rock, just a beautiful one you can't help but to love," Remus said, Sirius's glare only adding to his smile.
"Why are you in such a good mood, Remy. We're going back to school, remember?" Sirius said. Remus shrugged.
"You're happier at school, I'm happier at school, James is happier at school, Peter is happier at school, Lily is happier at school," he gestured to the spot Lily had been in before, although she had recently vacated the premise. He continued, then, after his little discovery, "Everyone seems to be happier at school and I like it when everybody is happier." Remus's smile was up to his ears, and Sirius was developing a smile as well at the other's happiness.
"Alright, happy. I bet James and Peter are already in the compartment waiting for us. We're both late, you know," Sirius said. Remus seemed to deflate at his words, making Sirius to take them back. Remus perked back up after a moment, though.
"Yeah, sure. Let's go!" Remus exclaimed, hyper now. Sirius smiled at the boy as Remus walked ahead of him. What would he do without the other boy?
Fifth year, Remus wasn't there. He was in the prefect compartment and Sirius was, honestly, really lonely. Sirius took Remus's spot in the compartment once he got there and waited for James and Peter, awkward and sad in a weird seat. About twenty depressed minutes after the train left, James entered the compartment, Peter right behind him, talking about the new Quiddich technique James learned from his dad over break. James stopped talking as soon he saw Sirius, rolling his eyes and sighing at the depressing scene.
"You like him, don't you?" James asked but not really wanting an answer. Sirius winced, which was as much of an answer that James needed, anyway. James sighed. Peter watched the two in curiosity.
"That's what I thought," said James. "You need to tell him, mate. We know about his furry little secret, it's almost mean if you don't tell him." Sirius sighed dejectedly, looking above James's head.
"I just–I just can't, okay? It would ruin everything. Including our friendship. I can't do that, alright? Him hating me would just mean everything at Grimmauld Place would be harder and worse and I couldn't live with that, okay?" Sirius said before stopping himself. He sounded like such a drama queen.
"Remus couldn't hate you if his life depended on it," Peter mumbled, both of the others looked at him, James with a huge smile and Sirius in confusion.
"Thank you, Pete," said James, who immediately redirected his attention to Sirius, "See? Pete gets it. What you think is going to happen, I guarantee will not happen. To be perfectly honest, Sirius, I think he likes you too." Sirius turned his confusion back to James.
"That just doesn't make sense," Sirius said under his breath. James shook his head.
"It makes perfect sense, mate. You just don't want to believe it," James said. Sirius shook his head as if to get a bad thought out of his head. Peter rolled his eyes. He looked over to James.
"I got this," he said then looked back to Sirius. "If you don't tell Sirius by this day in our seventh year, James is going to tell him. As if he were going to ask out Lily. In front of the whole school." Sirius became completely white as his jaw dropped. James laughed and high-fived the now smirking Peter.
"Nice one, Pete. I now officially applaud your ideas," James said with his newfound jubilant attitude. Sirius cursed.
"Fine," he muttered, "But please note that I might hate you forever, now." Peter shrugged. James laughed.
"Don't worry. Once you tell him you won't have time to hate us, if you know what I mean," James said with a wink. Sirius's jaw dropped again, knowing that he would say something like that eventually, but still really not wanting him too.
Sixth year was basically the same. Except this time it wasn't a blackmail Sirius was receiving, but, rather, a whole lot of nagging.
"Come on! Seriously? You can't tell him those five little words? 'Hey Remus, I like you'. It isn't that hard, mate," James was saying not far into the train ride. Sirius rolled his eyes as he seemed to be doing more and more often, these days.
"First of all, I barely ever call him Remus anymore, get it right, James. Second of all, I ruined all my chances last year, remember?" Sirius said. James looked at him in dismay.
"First of all, of course I know that, you just don't let anyone other than you call him Remy even when they're impersonating you two. Second of all, he wouldn't have been hit so hard if he hadn't liked you, it wouldn't have taken so long if he hadn't and he would never have forgiven you if he hadn't. So, you shouldn't say you ruined all your chances, cause, chances are, you haven't ever even been close to ruining your chances," James said. Peter nodded along to James's words. Sirius rolled his eyes.
"Yeah, sure James. I ruined my chances just by meeting him. I don't think you understand what I'm getting to here, Sirius. He totally likes you. Not like how you liked Marlene during third year. Not like how Pete liked Alice for a couple weeks in fourth year. It looked like the kind of like that takes your breath away each time they walk past and holding it each time they look at you. The kind that you would give anything for a kiss. The kind that leaves you wondering if you're actually in love, rather than crushing. That's the kind of like I think he likes you with. That's the kind of like you feel to him, Sirius. Am I right, at least, on your side? Do you get what I'm saying here?" James said. Sirius didn't think he knew how profound he sounded for a minute. He nodded breathlessly.
"Then you need to tell him. Tell him that you think you might love him, even if you are a sixteen year old and so is he. Tell him you think you love him even though he's a werewolf and you were raised a pureblood. Tell him you think you love him despite your difference. Despite the fact that the world might hate you for it. Tell him that all this came from your heart rather than my mind, because that just wouldn't do at all well for either of us," James said, grinning at the end. Sirius smiled back after a moment, too.
"Now where is the trolley? I could really go for a chocolate frog right now," James said. Peter nodded in agreement, adding in his craving for a licorice wand. Sirius didn't think either realized that the whole world was crushing down on him in James's words, and he couldn't help feeling terrified.
It was seventh year, and it was the last day Sirius had before his imminent betrayal. Unless, of course, he ruined his friendship with the one person he couldn't live without. He held a crumpled up piece of paper in his hand as he readied himself to enter the compartment he had began to love in those six previous years. It almost hurt him to realize that his friendship was bound to end in the same place it had begun. He took a deep breath of air, then barged into the compartment the same way he had done all those years ago. Remus looked up from the book he was reading with a smile, seemingly making those scars he hated so much disappear.
"Hey, Siri," Remus said. Sirius smiled unsteadily.
"Hey Remy. I kinda have to tell you something," Sirius said. Remus nodded to the seat in front of him. Sirius's seat. Sirius didn't want to sit down there. It would be even more like when they were first years, and he just wanted to run.
"Go for it," Remus said, his smile still on his face. Like Sirius couldn't ruin anything. Like whatever Sirius said couldn't really be bad. Sirius tried to calm himself down. He was jittery and shaking. He was scared. He didn't like the feeling. He wanted to get over this once and for all. But, at the same time, he almost didn't want to.
"So, you remember how we met, right?" Remus nodded, knitting his eyebrows together and putting his book down. Sirius took another deep breath and straightened his back. He couldn't stop now. He had already began. He needed to be the Gryffindor he claimed to be. "Well, when I first met you, you might have been able to tell, but I was incredibly nervous. Five years ago, I never wanted to see you sad like that ever again. Four years ago, I never wanted you to look like that ever again. I didn't want you to go, either. Most of all, I didn't want to know what you really thought of me. Three years ago, I just wanted to be around you. That's when I realized. Two years ago, Peter and James asked me about it, daring me to tell you. Last year, they told me to tell you this." Remus looked at him with incredible softness, and a happiness Sirius couldn't see.
"Tell me what?" Remus asked. Sirius almost wanted to give him the paper he would use in case he was backing out. He almost did. But, then, he smiled slightly, remembering what James had told him.
"Tell you that I think I might be in love with you," Sirius said, then got up to go for the door at Remus's spooked look. "I'll leave then. You hate me now, I know. I was stupid to think you wouldn't. See you, Remy." Sirius felt a hand on his wrist as soon as he began out the door. He turned around to Remus in shock. Remus was standing, then.
"What made you think that?" Remus said, breathlessly. He stared at Sirius without emotion. Without motion. Sirius tried his hardest to blink away the tears that were threatening to spill. He couldn't be such a drama queen. Not now. Not with him.
"Look at us, Remy. I'm a pureblood, you aren't. You have your furry little problem, and I'm from the house of Black. I was brought up to hate you. You were brought up to stay away from me. Not to trust me. We shouldn't even be friends. Plus, if you haven't noticed, this makes me bisexual, and that means just about everyone hates me already," Sirius said. Remus's expression stayed blank. "Now just tell me I'm right and hate me forever. It's inevitable anyway." Sirius looked away from Remus. He was pulled closer to Remus, then. Their noses were only a couple inches away.
"You're right. You are a pureblood, I'm not. That doesn't make us any different. I have my furry little problem and you're from the house of Black. Everyone has something they're ashamed of. I was brought up to stay away from you, not to trust you, but that never stopped me. And sure just about everyone hates you, but it's the same way for me. So, yes, you are right. But I won't hate you forever," Remus said. Sirius was about to say something, else, then. Tell him that he wasn't the kind of person someone should even be friends with. That he'd do something stupid to mess it all up.
But, then, Remus had pulled him even closer. So close that even the tiniest movement forwards would have them kissing.
"In fact, I think I might love you, too," Remus said. Then they were kissing. He had heard all the cliché stories. Fireworks and all that nonsense. But he had to admit, it was kinda true. But it was almost better. But the only real thing he took from kissing Remus was that he tasted like chocolate. And, of course, that he was in love with one Remus Lupin.