Title: There's No Place like Home
Universe: Crossover: The Mentalist: somewhere in the middle of Season 5, would take place between episodes; and Tin Man the Miniseries: takes place roughly one year after the story ends; Gratuitous mention of Due South, but only a brief mention.
Summary: After investigating a crime in a rural community of California's Napa Valley, the team is swept up in a rarely occurring Tornado. Lisbon awakens to find herself alone and much search for her companions. Whom else can she ask for help except the Great and Wonderful Wizard of… Oz?
Pairings: DG/Cain, Lisbon/Jane, Van Pelt/Rigsby
Acknowledgments: I own nothing, though I seriously wish I did. This little tale is written for entertainment only. The Mentalist people own The Mentalist and the Tin Man people own Tin Man. They know who they are.
Rating: General, all audiences, contains mild cursing and milder violence, definitely contains kissing and hand holding.
Author's Note: Okay, this story's been rolling around in my noggin for a while now, despite my best attempts at ignoring it. I'm working on an original… or should be working on an original. I've been watching Tin Man again and only recently finished watching the Mentalist's wonderful ending. I guess the two was jumbled up in my brain because this story is the result. I can't watch Tin Man without seeing Zero as Ray Kowalski from Due south, granted an evil Ray but Ray nonetheless, hence the reference. I'm sorry if the story seems a bit rushed. I didn't want to delve into the minuteness of every detail but there were things that had to happen to get them to reach a point, which is why I told and not showed. I hope that you'll make it passed the first little bit to read the main body of the story. After all, that is the point. I had a riot writing this story. I hope others find it as enjoyable as I did. Thanks and TTFN.
*** The *** Mentalist/ *** Tin *** Man *** Crossover ***
There's No Place like Home,
a Mentalist/Tin Man Crossover,
Because there really needed to be at least one
She was sure she was dreaming, she had to be. There's no way Agent Teresa Lisbon of the California Bureau of Investigation could be 'here' if she wasn't. They'd been called out to a murder in a little out of the way rural community in the Napa Valley. The unincorporated town was barely a blip on the map and its only claim to fame was the murder the CBI team had been sent in to investigate.
Oz, it just had to be called Oz, didn't it? And of course, Jane would make a stupid comment about not being in Kansas anymore. It's bad enough the town had embraced its odd and only marginal connection to Braum's book from which they took their name.
It didn't help that there really was a Dorothy Gale, called DG by her friends, who worked at the Central City Café. Or that Sheriff Wyatt Cain, who looked more like Indiana Jones in his fedora and trench coat, also answered to the nickname 'Tin Man'. The mayor, who looked eerily like Richard Dreyfuss, and could easily pass for the Wizard of…. The local vet who looked every part the cowardly lion, without the cowardly. Then, there was the town's wacky inventor who, either went by the name Ambrose or Glitch, sometimes both, with frightening accuracy fit the part of the Scarecrow to perfection.
The moment she met the players in the farce, she'd fought the urge to get back into her car and leave the town and its odd inhabitants far, far behind. Jane had begged… no pleaded for them to take the case. Sherriff Cain wasn't much happier about it than Lisbon, but DG used the same 'puppy dog eyes' look on Cain that Jane had, only moments before, used on Lisbon.
Apparently, the murder was the most interesting thing to have happened in town in decades. Everyone brought out lawn chairs in order to watch as Lisbon's team worked. One couple even sold lemonade to the onlookers on their side of the street, while another passed out homemade sandwiches. Lisbon rolled her eyes when Jane bought some of each. Jane looked as though he was thoroughly enjoying himself.
'He would,' Lisbon had thought sullenly.
When Lisbon finally managed to get him to work, he made his usual off handed comments that got the ball rolling. Only in a town like this would people actually be excited to be interrogated. Lisbon was almost to the breaking point when the last of the 'villagers' had been interviewed. No one, but no one had seen anything useful to the investigation.
Jane was up to his usual tricks, keeping her in the dark until he requested that she gather the entire town at the baseball field. Lisbon wasn't sure what to think when the entire population filled the small section of bleachers available. As ever, Jane stirred things up by pointing out that DG's parents weren't her real parents.
He caused even more trouble when he revealed that her real parents were the daughter of the local big wig and the local artist, who'd been the town's equivalent of Romeo and Juliette, without the dying part. Their roles had been greatly reversed when her father lost his fortune and the artist, who went by the name Ahamo, had made his fortunes when his artwork finally paid off.
As it turned out, Ahamo – so named because her younger sister, Az, couldn't say Omaha which is where he was from, and 'Lavender Eyes' – his endearment for her – were still very much in love. DG and her parents' tearful reunion were put on hold when Jane's deductive skills were next aimed at the local mechanic.
Jane insisted that the man's New York accent didn't fool anyone, well; it didn't fool Jane at least. He'd called the man out for being an undercover cop from Chicago who either worked with or had worked with a Canadian Mounty named Frasier. The man, who currently went by the nickname, Zero, was flabbergasted, and asked Jane how he knew his partner's name was Frasier. Jane waved the question away with the off-handed remark that he'd only ever met one Canadian Mounty and his name happened to be Frasier, but that was a story for another time.
Jane finally pointed out the true culprit, Sherriff Cain's own son, Jeb, who'd killed the man who'd murdered his mother years prior. He also pointed out that the sheriff had covered up this fact to keep his son out of prison. Lisbon was ready to arrest them both when Jane told her not to bother since it had been in self-defense as the man had been about to shoot or rather had shot the elder Cain.
Lisbon asked Jane how long he'd known who the killer was. Jane brushed it off until Lisbon hit him in the shoulder, forcing him to tell her. Jane said he'd figured it out almost from the moment he'd shaken hands with the sheriff. Jane pointed out that the sheriff was right handed and yet he'd used his left hand to hide the fact that he'd been shot in the right shoulder.
At this revelation, DG had punched the sheriff in his good arm for keeping something like that from her. Lisbon wondered who'd called them in on the case in the first place. Jane pointed the finger at the mayor who revealed that he'd known the truth from the very beginning. Honestly, everyone in town knew the truth.
Lisbon had wondered aloud if she was the only one who felt as though the whole town seemed stuck in the fifties. Cho agreed while Rigsby pointed out it seemed more like something out of the 'Twilight Zone'. They were all ready to get out of dodge as soon as possible when the town air raid siren sounded off.
The Townspeople scattered, including the undercover policeman who'd been in town long enough to know the drill. Lisbon and her team were left standing around the empty ballpark when DG and Sheriff Cain urged them to seek shelter as well. Lisbon wouldn't budge until the couple, in every sense of the word despite their age gap, explained that the klaxon warned of an incoming tornado.
"California doesn't get Tornados," Lisbon scoffed at that until she saw for herself the quickly approaching Tornado on the horizon.
As they bolted for cover, DG tried to explain that while tornados were rare in much of California, Oz was a magnet for them.
'Oh, can this day get any worse?' Lisbon asked silently.
Apparently, it could because that was the last thing she remembered until she woke up here. 'Here' turned out to be the real Oz, or the O.Z. according to the inhabitants, of which Sherriff Cain, DG, and the rest of the townspeople they'd met on the 'other side' also seemed to inhabit. Cain and DG were there when Lisbon woke up, but the rest of her team had disappeared. DG suggested that they ask her mother, Lavender Eyes – her actual name as it turned out, where Lisbon could find her people.
Lisbon kept telling herself that this was all just a dream, but it only seemed to get worse. Cain, a real Tin Man – the O.Z.'s equivalent of law enforcement, and DG – who turned out to be the princess of the O.Z., her mother being the queen of course, led Lisbon through the O.Z., weird inhabitants and all, to Finaqua where her mother waited for them.
Unsure what else to do, Lisbon went along with it, certain at any moment she'd wake up with a nasty bump on her head and with any luck their case in Oz, Oz, California that is, would turn out to be nothing but a dream, a weird dream, as well. Therefore, when Queen Lavender Eyes suggested that Lisbon speak to the Wizard of Oz, she was even more convinced that this was just a dream.
Lisbon asked if DG and Cain would accompany her, the answer was that they would lead her to the 'Old Road' where she would have to make her own way to Central City.
"Some journeys must be traveled alone," The Queen's answer was predictably cryptic.
Before they parted ways, Cain told her that Jane had been correct. The dead man had killed Cain's first wife and that somehow, Zero, the real Zero, had escaped to the other side.
"How could you tell? His face was so messed up when we found him," Lisbon commented.
"Yeah, we kinda did that to help out Ray. Jane was right about him as well," DG pointed out.
"I don't understand," Lisbon frowned at them.
"Ray had followed someone, whom he'd been tracking for a while, to town. Only, one of the other fella's goons had recognized him and threatened to expose him if Ray didn't agree to his terms. When Jeb killed Zero, after Zero tried to kill me, we made it look like Ray Kowalski of the Chicago P.D. was the dead man. We didn't count on Mr. Jane," Cain explained.
"No, I mean, how could you tell Ray apart from Zero, they looked so much alike."
"That was easy," Cain explained. "I was his training instructor when he first joined the Long Coats, that's before the long coats chose the Witch over the Queen. That's when I joined the Mystic Man's rebellion. Anyway long story, the point is, while I was training Zero, I accidentally injured his left eye. Because of that, I think he blamed me for his first wife leaving him because of the scar. So, he took pleasure in paying me back when he found out I'd joined the rebellion."
"I don't remember him having a scar when we were fighting him before we rescued my sister from the witch," DG piped up.
"She must have magicked it because it wasn't there the last time we fought," Cain told DG. "When we went back for him after the witch was dead, it was back. After she melted, all of her magic was displaced."
"Come on, melted, really?" Lisbon couldn't help but ask.
Both of them looked at her seriously and nodded their heads simultaneously.
"Okay," Lisbon pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a major migraine coming on. "I'm not as good at deductions as Jane, are the two of you an item?"
Cain merely frowned at her, but DG grinned at Lisbon. When DG turned to look at Cain, she sighed and shook her head.
"It's 'other side' speak, Cain. She wants to know if we're together, as in a couple, as in seeing each other, as in dating…" DG grinned at her companion who clearly wasn't familiar with 'other side' terminology.
"Courting!" The light of dawning shone upon the man's brow at last. He raised DG's hand to his lips and kissed the back of her hand. "Yes, we're courting. Despite my son being closer to her age, DG chose to give her heart to me. Heck, she returned to me what had been lost, how could I not give her my heart in return?" Cain made known.
DG rose up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.
"He doesn't know it yet, but we're getting married soon," She grinned at Lisbon.
Cain frowned down at the younger woman.
"I thought you weren't ready for marriage yet."
"That was last year, I wasn't ready, then. Now, I'm ready," DG told him then turned back to Lisbon. "Just follow this road due north until you come to the field of the Papay. They're pretty tame now that the orchard's producing fruit again so you shouldn't have any problems, just don't take too much fruit or they might take it personally. From there, you should reach Central City by nightfall. When you get to the palace, tell Ambrose that you need to see the Mystic Man and he'll take you to him."
"So, you suddenly decide you're ready for marriage without discussing it with me first? Why is it that a perfect stranger hears of it before I do?" Cain had latched on to the previous subject like a pit bull and didn't appear to be letting go any time soon.
"Well, since you were standing right next to me, technically, you found out the same time Lisbon did. You often decide things without telling me first…" DG turned back to her boyfriend to continue the argument.
Lisbon just shook her head and walked away from the bickering couple. She'd say they were already married by the way they argued. It wasn't lost on her that they looked perfectly content with the way their relationship was going. Lisbon couldn't help compare them to her relationship with Jane. That thought scared her a little, while, at the same time, she wished Jane were with her at that moment.
"I really need to wake up soon, come on, please wake up soon!" Lisbon rubbed her temple, wondering if the O.Z. had the equivalent of an Exedrine for her ever-growing headache.
Thinking on this, she tripped and opened her eyes wondering when they'd closed. When she looked around to see what she'd stumbled over, she found a yellow brick sticking up out of the ground not far from where she'd tripped. Looking around, she saw more yellow bricks and sighed.
"This keeps getting better and better. It just had to be the Yellow Brick Road, didn't it?" Lisbon threw her hands up in the air and started walking again.
With any luck, the dream would skip ahead as they so often did. She wasn't sure how far she walked, but the dream had yet to skip and her feet were growing tired. Looking around for somewhere to stop and rest, she wished she had a bottle of water. The sound of a tree crashing to the ground nearby and the jolt of the ground shaking nearly knocked her off her feet.
"Timber," called a very monotone voice that sounded vaguely familiar.
"Hey! That could have killed me. Aren't you supposed to yell timber before the tree falls?" Indignantly, Lisbon looked around for the lumberjack responsible for the unwanted jolt of adrenalin.
"Sorry, didn't expect anyone to be around. No one ever remembers me, I'm easy to forget," The voice never wavered an octave.
Lisbon bit her lip; she had a horrible feeling she knew exactly who this 'Eeyor' was. Out from behind uncut trees, a man dressed in a silver costume stepped onto the path wielding an ominous looking ax. Lisbon took in the man from his foot to the top of his silvery hat.
Lisbon couldn't hold back the hysterical fit of laughter that bubbled out from the tips of her toes. She knew he wouldn't be happy with her, but she was powerless to stop it. Given the day she was having, it only seemed natural to give in to a fit of the giggles.
"That figures, everyone always laughs at me," the Eeyor tin man stated.
"Cho, seriously… what are… you doing… dressed like that?" Lisbon gasped, trying to regain control of herself once more.
"All woodsmen look like this in Oz," Cho, but not Cho, looked down at his appearance before looking up at her with a straight face.
Lisbon frowned and straightened up, her laughter instantly forgotten.
"What did you just say?"
"All woodsmen…" he repeated himself.
"You said Oz, not O.Z. You called it Oz," She felt the furrows of her brows deepen, which only served to make her headache worse.
"So," Tin man Cho stated as he set the head of his ax on the ground and leaned against the handle.
"So? DG, Cain, and Queen Lavender Eyes all called this place the O.Z., not Oz. Oz is what we call it on the 'other side'," Lisbon said as she walked up to Cho. She poked him in the chest to find him just as flesh and blood as she was.
"Okay, this is getting a little too weird even for me. Cho, did Jane put you up to this?" She demanded. "Okay, Jane, this isn't funny anymore. It's time to come out now and unhypnotize me."
"Are you off to see the Wizard?" If Cho hadn't said that in complete deadpan, Lisbon would have burst out laughing again, only she was no longer in a laughing mood. She turned to glare at him.
"Sure, why not?" She sighed in resignation. "Yes, I'm off to see the Wizard and you're coming with me."
"Okay, Boss," Cho kicked his ax up into the air and tossed it at a nearby tree. It flew end over end a few times before striking the heart of the tree and sticking fast.
She could only stare at him.
"Cho, you just called me boss," Lisbon pointed out.
He looked at her then, "I always call you boss."
"Yes, you do. Come on, I want to find a way out of here as soon as possible." She moved passed him heading down the road in the direction in which DG had indicated. She knew that Cho followed close behind. With any luck, finding the others wouldn't be difficult either.