Summary: This fic was originally part of a cluster of fics known as "More Musical Memes". This one stood out the most, so I decided to post it separately from the others. Written to the song "Hepatica 3" from the Xenosaga Soundtrack and in a semi-stream of consciousness. The second part is the remix and told in second person. Set to the ending of Crisis Core.
Just forget it. Forget it all. Don't dream him, be him. The sword is heavy and it was his, but forget his, forget him. To remember is to die. It hurts. Only friend...hurts...forget it. Just forget. It would be easier to just forget him, be him, try to be him. Forget the eyes that stared at everything and nothing. Forget the promise to remember. Forget the battle that killed many, forget how he fought with courage I never had. Forget, forget everything. It's raining now. Or is it? I don't know now. I'm tired. I want to die to be with my only friend, but he said to live and remember. No, just forget, forget his body lying there against the Midgar horizon, just forget. I'm sure someone will find him and carry him away somewhere, to the Lifestream, to wherever. Does it matter now? My only friend...he told me he wouldn't abandon me, but I'm alone now, and if I remember, the pain will kill me and he told me to live, to remember. I'm cold. I hurt. I have to get to Midgar to be him. Don't dream him, be him. Don't cry, don't be sad. He wouldn't want me to be sad. He would want me to be him and he's never sad. I'm sad, but forget it. Forget me, forget the pain, forget being weak. Just be him, and the pain will stop. Stop...
You don't want to remember because if you remember, then your heart would hurt and you would cry. You'd be sad and if you're sad, your friend would be sad too. He told you that he wouldn't abandon you. He told you that he was your friend. You remember how he smiled and treated you like a fellow SOLDIER and not just someone with a gun. When you needed him, he always appeared with a smile and his sword. He saw something in you, but you didn't know what it was and now you might not ever know because he is gone.
Don't cry. Don't cry. Don't be sad. He wouldn't want you to be sad. He went through a lot for you and he wanted you to remember the promise to remember. You want to remember, but it hurts and when you hurt, you cry and then you dream of him, of being like him, of him holding you close enough to feel his heartbeat. You hurt, you're cold and the sword is heavy as you drag it along the road to Midgar. The sky is crying with you, but its tears are colder than your own.
It hurts. You hurt. Forget it all. Forget. Forget everything. Forget his eyes that glowed like the sunlit sky. Forget his strong body against yours as he held you. Forget his smile. Forget his iron butterfly voice. Forget the bullets that tore through him. Forget the battle he fought for you as well as himself. Forget his love, his friendship, and his sacrifice. Forget the promise to remember as he looked up at you before his eyes saw nothing and everything. Forget your screams. Forget yourself. Don't be yourself. You are weak and sad and poisoned. Forget dreaming. Don't dream him, be him, and then you won't hurt anymore. You'll be strong and be what you always wanted to be.
He would want you to be him because that's how he would live on. He's never sad, and you don't want to ruin it with your sorrow. Your heart still aches because you still remember as you continue to drag the sword towards the city of dying lights. You can smell the metal earth now, and you can swear that you smell the blood. His blood. The tears come back now and your heart aches once more.
Forget. Forget it all. Forget him. Don't dream him, be him. Don't be sad. Don't cry. He wouldn't want you to be sad. He wouldn't want to see tears streak down your face while you wail and cry and scream inside. You want him back, but every time you think you of him, you break again because the only thing you remember is his blue eyes that do nothing more than reflect the living sun. No more. Forget the pain. Forget the promise to remember. Don't dream him. Be him. Then, you won't be sad anymore and maybe one day, you'll smile like he does. Or did...
Keep walking. Keep walking to Midgar. Someone will find you and turn you into him, and he's never sad, and he's always strong. So, forget. Forget the pain that tears through your soul. Forget the tears. Forget the screams. Forget being weak. Don't dream him. Be him, and then the pain will stop. Stop...