The First Church of Bikini Bottom
By fishsticks4jesus

Chapter 1:
The Strength of the Lord

One day, Candy Squirrel was visiting Bikini Bottom to see her cousin, Sandy, and they went to the Krusty Krab because Candy wanted to see where SpongeBob worked.

"So this is where you work, SpongeBob? It's so shiny!" Candy said.

"Yes, Candy, it's very shiny, just like my holy spatula" SpongeBob said, holding up a golden spatula.

Sandy giggled. "Where did you get that, SpongeBob?"

"I'm not really sure. I just found it one day. Maybe God sent it to me."

"That's amazing!" Candy said. "I'm glad your relationship with God is still growing."

"It is and I'm still spreading His word," SpongeBob said.

"It's true!" Squidward said. "He keeps quiet about it at work, but when the day is through, he just won't shut up about Jesus."

"Well, someone has to do it," Candy said, "but what Bikini Bottom really needs is a church. Who would lead it, though? I've got to minister to animals on the land, too, so I'm not sure I could do it."

"I would, but I'm pretty busy here at the Krusty Krab," SpongeBob said.

"Hm. What about you, Sandy?"

"Aw shucks. You know I'm not that good at speakin', but I'd be more than happy to volunteer my time to a church once one gets started," Sandy said.

"I'm sure God will let me know who should lead," Candy said.

Just then, an alarm went off.

"He's coming!" SpongeBob yelled.

Mr. Krabs suddenly ran out front. "Defensive positions, everyone!" he yelled.

"What's goin' on?" Candy asked.

"Shh, get down. He'll see us," Sandy said, hiding behind a table. Candy did as she was told even though she had no idea who she was hiding from.

Just then, Plankton walked through the door.

Candy caught a glimpse of him and started cracking up. "That's it? That's what y'all are afraid of?"

"Who's the new girl?" Plankton asked.

No one answered. Candy sighed and walked over to Plankton. "My name is Candy and..."

Plankton covered his ears. "Pipe down just a bit. Your voice is painful to someone as small as I."

"Oh, sorry," Candy whispered. "Anyway, my name is Candy Cheeks and I'm Sandy's cousin."

"That's nice," Plankton said. "Now will you give me a Krabby Patty?"

"I don't see why not," Candy said. "Can someone get this customer a Krabby Patty?"

"He's not a customer," Squidward said. "He's just a dirty thief who wants to steal the Krabby Patty secret recipe."

"He wants to steal? God doesn't like stealing."

"Cry me a river!" Plankton said.

Candy frowned, but look thoughtful. "Oh, a tough guy, are ya? Well, that doesn't mean I can't get through to you. SpongeBob and Sandy? Show him one of your Godly Karate demonstrations."

"You can't be serious," Squidward said.

"I am completely serious," Candy said. She pulled two wooden boards out of nowhere. "Now do it for JESUS!" Candy said. Her eyes turned green.

"This is going to be pathetic," Plankton said.

"Let's go!" Candy said. She held one of the boards in front of her.

"The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart!" SpongeBob yelled. He broke the board Candy was holding with a karate kick.

"Who is this King of glory? The Lord, strong and mighty, the Lord, mighty in battle!" Sandy broke the other board with a karate chop.

SpongeBob and Sandy then did a few karate flips in front of Candy and then they assumed victory positions. "PRAISE JESUS! YEAH!" they both said.

"Are you done?" Plankton asked.

"Uh-huh," SpongeBob said.

"Great, then I'm going home. I'll come back to steal the Krabby Patty secret recipe when the annoying squirrel is gone. I'll see you around," Plankton said, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Candy said. "Just hear me out, OK?"

"If it'll make you shut up, I'll do anything," Plankton said.

"OK. Look, I'm gonna give you your own tiny Bible. Go home and read the chapters I've marked 'cause they're all about Jesus." Candy's eyes turned silver and she pulled a tiny Bible out of nowhere. She handed it to Plankton and said, "I'll come over to the Chum Bucket on Saturday to discuss it, OK?" Candy said.

"I'll take it and then I'll try to figure out a nice trap for you to fall into when you come over." Plankton said, taking the tiny book.

"Sounds like a deal," Candy said.

"Good. I'll see you later," Plankton said, leaving the building.

"Candy, are you nuts?" Sandy asked. "I know you mean well, but he said he was gonna set a trap for you. It's dangerous! You don't have to do this!"

Candy laughed, "Aw, Cousin, can it be any more dangerous than the experiments you've put me through throughout the years? I survived most of them. Sure, one of your robots killed me, but God brought me back better and stronger than ever. I can get through this."

"But Candy..." SpongeBob said.

"Look, I'm glad y'all are worried about me, but I think God sent Plankton my way for a reason. I'm not gonna ignore that. Just pray for me if you're worried, OK?"

"If you say so, Candy, but I'm not sure if this is going to work," Sandy said.

"Have faith in me!" Candy said. "Now I must make preparations. Farewell." Her wings popped out of her back and she flew out the door.

"I'm just gonna pretend I didn't see that," Squidward said.

A/N: Oh Candy! Don't do that! Noooo! :(