Hello guys!

This is my first ever story and attempt at writing fanfiction even though I have enjoyed reading it for a very long time. This story is only short as I wanted to get peoples opinion on it and whether they like it or not.

So reviews would very much be appreciated please, and also please be gentle with me I'm only new to writing haha but constructive criticism is welcome. So please review and I really hope you enjoy reading it and a big thank you from me if you did

I am worthless. I will always be worthless in his eyes. No matter how much I love him, nothing will ever change the fact, that to him, I am nothing. Even after we have made love and I am just laying next him, I am still nothing. To him all I am is a quick release and a distraction from his busy, complicated life.

I have tried to convey my feelings to him many times, but it doesn't work, he never notices, or if he does he just ignores them. The displays of my love mean nothing to him just like I do. I have tried countless times to let him go, at times I wish it with all my heart that he meant nothing to me just like I mean nothing to him. But I still cannot make myself let him go.

My heart still hopes and prays that he will return the love I so freely give to him. It believes that because he picks me to use as his distractions that he must care for me, somewhere deep down, even just a little. My very being, my existence clings to this small hope. And yet it is the very reason for all my pain, my loneliness, my heartache, and I know that it will eventually be my downfall. The very thing that will destroy me is the same thing that keeps me alive, that keeps me going even if it is a worthless life.

Just seeing him pains me, having to share an office with him everyday is excruciating, yet it is the one thing I live for, to be in his presence, even if it makes me feel worthless, to have him speak to me, even if he is just ordering demands at me. To be able to look into his grey eyes, the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen, even if those same grey eyes only look at me sparingly and with such coldness and filled with disdain.

I have often spent my time wondering if he is as cold as those beautifully haunting eyes seem, or if he is just using a mask and covering his true feelings, if maybe my words of love do reach him, and he feels the same for me. I long to tear that mask from his face and see his true feelings, or ignite those grey cold eyes and have them blaze with joy, anger… Love, to blaze with anything. But I am worthless how could I ever manage to make someone as great and noble as Byakuya Kuchiki feeling anything. I just sit in the same office as him and await my orders, to fulfill my job as his lieutenant, to stand by his side and fight with him, to protect him, even though I am nothing but a subordinate to this man. No amount of love on my part will ever change the way he looks at me. He is right to see me as worthless and as nothing, because when you love someone that person changes who you are. My love for Byakuya has changed me, but he is right, I am nothing because I have not change this man at all, he is exactly the same as he has always been. And I love and hate him for it at the same time.

Nothing I will ever do with change that fact, I, Renji Abarai, will always be worthless in the eyes of the man I would give my life for. He is my savior and my tormentor all at the same time, and yet I cannot let my love for him go. The love I feel for Byakuya has made me the very things he sees me as, I have become worthless, I have become nothing.