Loving him was simple and impossible at the same time. It was fast and slow. It was healing and painful. It was wonderful and terrible.
It was the best feeling I'd ever had, and no matter how right or wrong it was, I couldn't escape. My favorite moments were the ones where nothing was said, just looks exchanged. Looks that conveyed more than mere words could ever hope to. One look from him and his big blue eyes, and I forgot the world.
Nobody could make me as angry as he could. Just a few short sentences, and he could have me seething with rage and ready to punch him repeatedly in the face. But he could just as easily apologize with a few words, and all that rage would fade, leaving me wondering why I had gotten so mad in the first place.
Nobody was as beautiful as he was. In my eyes, he was an image of perfection, and I refused to believe that not everyone agreed. His wide, wonder-filled eyes, his dark and unruly hair, all tied together with his smile. The smile that appeared so infrequently, but shined like the sun after a storm. Making him smile was the second most rewarding thing I could do. The first was making him laugh.
His voice in general was incredible. Every word resounded deeply and demanded attention. But his laugh was what completed his voice. When he talked, he had a tendency to get too serious. His laughter washed that away completely, leaving only true happiness and quiet chuckles. And no one could make us laugh like we made each other laugh. He was the most accidentally hilarious person I've ever met. Some of the things he said were so clueless and adorable that I was torn between teasing him mercilessly and hugging him tightly.
No one made me as happy as he did. Just seeing him brightened up my day, and a single conversation could put me in a good mood for weeks. And conversely, nothing put me in a worse mood or was more painful than missing him when he was gone.
I'll never understand why he loved me back. He deserved someone perfect, and I'm far from it. But somehow, he overlooked all of my flaws and my stupidity and my mistakes and saw something in me that even I couldn't see. This only made me love him more.
He was my best friend. He was my soulmate. He was everything I aimed to be and more. And missing him is no longer the most painful thing. Now it's living without him.