At this point in time, I Clare Edwards realized I had made a mistake. Seeing him with her had pushed me to the edge. I needed to do something and fast, because I could tell he was slowly falling in love with her. Her name is Imogen Moreno and she is everything I'm not. I knew this is why he likes her so much. Even though, when I had gone to Little Miss Steaks because I couldn't handle being around my parents, he had said 'opposites attract'. but I knew it wasn't true, especially because we were completely different, too different to ever be together. that's why he chose her over me. Eli Goldsworthy had moved on, meanwhile I broke up with him, and I'm still in love with him. Its not like I hadn't tried to move on from the intense, drama-filled, and crazy relationship we had. I really did try, with Jake, but that didn't work out either. He ended up doing exactly what I knew he would. From the beginning his eyes were set on Alli, my so-called 'best friend'. Some friend she was, considering she was the one who said I should go out with Jake and she ended up with him. Anyway, back to the problem at hand, Imogen and Eli. Or as some people called them, 'emo', fitting huh?
So here I am staring at them from a distance. They're currently whispering in each others ears, laughing at what the other had said. And I couldn't help but think, "Why couldn't that be me? Am I not deserving of an amazing boyfriend like Eli or did I do something wrong to not be worthy of someone so great?" I don't know why I decided to end it. I mean Eli did need help, but why couldn't I be there to help him through it and be his rock, like he had been for me on numerous occasions. I could tell he was getting worse, every time I saw him the dark circles under his eyes would be darker and his behavior would be all over the place. Not to mention his alienation from everyone but Imogen. And I knew it was because she had convinced him to go off his meds because it was 'dulling him out' and he couldn't focus. But in reality it made his condition worsen.
I decided to stop torturing myself and walked home. On the way there I thought about how my life had changed since last year. Before, I wouldn't have let boys effect me so much. When Darcy and I would come home from school, she'd tell me all about her and Peter and how much she liked him. And I couldn't fathom the feelings she had for him, I had never experienced anything close to a relationship. When I was with K.C., it was never anything compared to what Eli and I had. Eli. He had given me so much, but I didn't actually know how much until we were done. He loved me so much he would do anything for me, and I took that for granted. But I loved him too, we had just never actually said the words to each other even though we each knew we did. It wasn't until I was halfway home when I noticed someone was behind me, calling my name. when I heard him I froze. I didn't have the guts to turn around and I think he knew that because he had ran in front of me. We both stared at each other, not knowing what to say.
"Well, you called me, what do you want?" I asked, but it came out harsher than I wanted it to.
"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry about what happened between us."
"You. You're sorry about finding the perfect girl for you because I'm clearly not. I'm just not the kind of person who can be happy because I'm such a horrible person. Well you know what Eli, you can stop apologizing for something that you clearly don't care about. Besides you have Imogen. Why don't you go back to your perfect girlfriend, and leave me alone."
While saying all that, I started crying. I ran the rest of the way home with shouts from Eli telling me to come back. But why should I listen to him? Its not like he cares. When I got inside my house, it was quiet. My dad had said he had to "stay late" at work. Even though I knew he was at some bar, flirting with some girl half his age. But I guess that doesn't matter. He doesn't care about me so why should I care about him? There's no point in making an effort if he wasn't. After the divorce my mom moved out and since the judge for their divorce decided I would have to live with my dad, she moved to the states. I went up to my room and put my ipod into the dock. I put the volume all the way up and went into the bathroom to take a shower.
When I got out, I put on a towel and went to my room. I got dressed, then went to fix my hair. It took about 15 minutes because I had to dry it then curl it, but it didn't matter. I walked back to my room to get my phone and then went downstairs. I figured I'd watch tv but when I got to the living room, there Eli was sitting on the couch.
"What are you doing here? How did you get in my house?" I asked curious.
"The door was unlocked and you weren't answering so, I figured I'd wait for you down here."
"Okay, well that only answered one part of my question." I said annoyed. He sighed but replied.
"Earlier when we were talking, you didn't give me a chance to respond to you. What you said, it wasn't true. You're not a horrible person. In fact, you're the smartest, kindest, most patient person in the world. And, I do care about you. So much its insane, and I was only with Imogen because I was trying to get over you. But, that didn't work out so well. Seeing as how I'm here right now."
"Eli, you don't have to pretend you care about me because its pretty clear that you love Imogen, considering how you two were acting today."
"Clare, I have always cared about you I'm not pretending. The only pretending I was doing was with Imogen. I was trying to convince myself that I didn't love you anymore. But the truth is, I've never loved you more than I do right now. I love you Clare."
"… I love you too Eli, but I don't want to get hurt again."
"And you won't, I promise. I will never hurt you."