A Range of Emotions
This is my take on what Catherine went through while Steve and Danny were missing during 4.14.
I have been a reader of fan fiction for many years but never tried to write one. For some reason, though, there was something about a scene in episode 4.14 that just called to me, and I wanted to try my hand at putting it down 'on paper'. My intention was to add back some of the "missing" scenes from the episode. I'm not out to try and alter what the writers scripted and the actors portrayed because I think they did a pretty great job with the story.
If you're reading this you're most likely a fan of Hawaii Five-0 which means you know the show with all its characters and plots belongs to the writers and producers who are responsible for it. Since I am not associated with it in any way except as a fan, none of the characters or dialogue you recognize belong to me. The only thing I can take credit for in this story are my interpretations on what the characters might have been thinking or doing as the episode played out.
That being said - if you've not watched episode 4.14 and don't want to encounter any spoilers, this story is not for you just yet (there is also a brief reference to 4.11). I hope you like it!
Catherine was concerned. It was a little niggling thing in the back of her mind, but she didn't like that she couldn't reach Steve. Being a level-headed former Naval officer she didn't let herself worry, but the niggle was still there.
She'd been busy following up on leads in the search for their escaped convict Roy Parrish and had tried to reach Steve several times to give him the update. She hung up just as she entered HQ and proceeded to give Chin the update. He and his cousin had uncovered some evidence that Kono was currently running down at HPD. So Catherine stood at the smart table with her teammate discussing the possibility that maybe Parrish had been framed. It all came down to the eyewitness, Archie Akama, who Steve and Danny had gone to pick up and place in protective custody hours earlier. Problem was, Chin didn't know Akama's status because he hadn't heard from Steve or Danny either.
Now Catherine's niggle was branching out from the back of her mind and stretching out its tendrils, trying to force its way up and into the forefront. She transitioned from concerned into worried. It was unusual that she hadn't been able to reach Steve, but to hear that Chin hadn't heard from him either ratcheted up her anxiety a notch. She and Chin shared a look but before she had a chance to deal with her invading niggle of worry the phone rang and she immediately checked to see the caller ID.
Briefly, there was hope, but it wasn't Steve or Danny calling. Then there was confusion, why was Grover canvassing in Wai'anae and why was he bitching to Chin about a CI? Then, suddenly, there was fear. The fear that came with the realization that the only reason Steve would lie to Grover is because he and Danny were in trouble. What kind of trouble? Where was he? 'They', she corrected herself. Where were they? She was worried about Danny, too, but her initial and more urgent concern was for Steve.
Grover said McGarrett called him hours ago. A lot can happen in a few hours - were they tied up and left somewhere? Had they been injured? Were they even still alive? That question caused a tightening in her chest accompanied by an involuntary shudder so she pushed it to the back of her mind and forced herself out of her head and back into the case.
As she refocused on her surroundings she realized Chin was still speaking with Captain Grover. She looked down at the smart table and saw that he was tracking the Camaro's GPS. The vehicle was stopped on a side street in Honolulu and had been since shortly after McGarrett talked to Grover. SWAT was already on the way to check it out.
Catherine wanted to go, immediately, but the chances were good that the car had been abandoned and she needed to be here. She had never come apart in a difficult situation and wasn't about to start now. She couldn't drop everything because her… boyfriend was in trouble. She found her thoughts drifting again; thinking about how it still didn't feel quite right to think of him that way. He was more than a boyfriend. He was her closest friend, her teammate, her support system. Steve McGarrett was her everything - the person who knew her soul more intimately than anyone else and she would be devastated without him in her life.
Five-0's newest member shook her head, she couldn't think that way because she needed to keep it together. Steve would never let her live it down otherwise. She could hear his voice and picture his smirk, 'Losing your head in a crisis, Rollins?'. She smiled softly at that for just a moment before she glanced over at Chin. He must have seen something when he caught her eye because he gave her an encouraging half smile and said "You know McGarrett. I'm sure they're fine".
She smiled tightly in return and nodded her head, wanting to believe it. Right now there was work to do.
The report from Grover was positive. Mostly. The only person in the car was the hijacked motorist and both the Five-0 team members had been alive the last time the man had seen them. The even better news was the stolen car had a trackable GPS and they had its location within minutes. HPD had already been dispatched to intercept and she and Chin had geared up and were ready to head out as well.
She had barely pulled the Corvette out of the parking lot when she got a call from Chin with a surprising update. Their missing teammates were alive and well and appeared to be in control of the situation but not ready to convene with HPD. A choice had been made for the officers to fall back and trust that Steve and Danny knew what they were doing so Chin wanted to head over to Akama's place - he thought that might be where they were headed.
The drive to Wahiawa was usually about 30 minutes, but Catherine knew it wouldn't take that long. She did drive a sports car, after all. As she recalled that conversation with Chin several weeks ago a soft smile fleetingly crossed her face until her thoughts turned again to the outcome of that day and her frown returned. Chin had been missing and in real danger, but it had worked all right in the end. He was injured, but alive and had saved himself and the serial killer's girlfriend. Catherine was bolstered by that because if anyone could take care of himself, if was Steve McGarrett.
She had been monitoring the situation and heard reports of Grover's team arriving to a gunfight in progress. She barreled up the street with several patrol cars right behind her and screeched to a halt just behind Chin's bike. The scene was obviously now secure and there was just one thing on her mind - getting her eyes on Steve and feeling him safe in her arms. She reminded herself to walk, not run toward the house.
She saw Danny first and figured Steve wouldn't be far behind. Finally, there he was and her fear turned to relief. She couldn't help but verbalize the "Oh, thank God" that ran through her head upon seeing her Navy SEAL, whole and in one piece, exiting the building. She saw Danny and her brain processed that he appeared uninjured, but she was singularly focused on Steve. Her only thought was to get to him, she needed to touch him, to feel him. The small part of her brain that hadn't been overcome by her emotions reminded her they were at a crime scene, surrounded by people and they needed to remain professional but she needed to hold him, just for a moment, almost as much as she needed to be held by him.
"You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine."
It was one of the best hugs she'd had in a long time and she couldn't help but feel a bit of relief that Steve welcomed it even though they were in the midst of what seemed like half of the HPD. She knew they both tried to avoid PDA at work but she could tell that he needed this embrace as much as she did. When they separated he kept his eyes on her and their gazes locked for a moment with an unspoken promise to continue the reunion later, in private. For now, though, they had a fugitive to find.
As her emotional response abated Catherine worked on refocusing on the task at hand as she and Steve caught up to Danny and Chin. She had not missed her blonde friend's comment moments before and recalled the sarcasm, hurt, and envy behind the words. She hadn't really cared, not at that moment, but she did now. She allowed herself to feel guilty for just a short second, before she pushed it down. She'd have time to talk to Danny later. For now, she stood across from her man and enjoyed being in the company of her teammates as they listened to Danny answer her question.
Many hours later they were finally home, after Steve and Danny recounted their tale for the official record and had set in motion court proceedings to overturn Parrish's murder conviction. Catherine had washed her face, and brushed her teeth while Steve was showering and now she changed her clothes and joined him on the bed. It was late and they were both tired, but she felt a need to be close to him and he to her.
They sat quietly for a few minutes, both lost in their thoughts until Catherine broke the silence with a soft admission, "I was scared today."
Steve sighed and gathered her in his strong arms. "I know, and I'm sorry."
"Sorry for what? It wasn't your fault."
"I know, but I've been there. I know how it feels and I'm sorry you had to go through that."
Catherine thought back to when she had been kidnapped by El Condor. She had been scared, of course, she knew the man had meant business, but she had been on the inside. She knew what was happening to her. Steve hadn't known. He hadn't known where she was, whether she was injured, alive or dead, and whether he would ever see her again. She hadn't truly realized how that must have felt for him.
She had thought she had an inkling. She had seen the concern written all over him when he finally found her, she had felt the way he held her, had heard him ask her repeatedly if she was okay. They had talked about it afterwards, as they do. Not necessarily using lengthy prose or describing feelings or emotions in detail, but she had understood Steve had been scared.
Their discussion had brought to her mind how many times she'd wondered over their years together when he was still on active duty what Steve was doing; whether he was safe. She knew the dangers of his old job and the types of situations SEALs were placed in. But she also knew how good he was; what he was capable of and how well the teams worked together. She almost always found out about the close calls and injuries when he was through it and safely on the other side. There were a lot of battle scars, a lot of teammates lost and painful memories to get through, but by the time she heard the story, or what he could tell her of it, she already knew he was safe. Plus, she hadn't been in love with him quite so much back then.
Today, being in the moment, it was the not knowing, and the 'what ifs'. Realizing he could already be dead somewhere and she would never again be able to talk to him, laugh with him, fall asleep curled up with him after making love for hours, and then wake in the morning with his warm body beside her. He was so ingrained in her life that she would forever lose a part of herself if she lost him. The fear today was temporarily paralyzing before her training kicked in and she was able to push down her emotions and continue on. She thought she had known what Steve had gone through during her kidnapping. She had been wrong. She now realized he must have been terrified.
"I'm sorry, too".
He pulled back and looked at her incredulously. "For what?"
"I never truly realized how you must have felt back then… when I was with El Condor. I thought maybe I did, but I think maybe I got a real taste of it today." She cradled his cheek with her right hand and caressed it gently with her thumb as she looked at him. "I know it wasn't the same as what you went through, but I was scared, nonetheless."
He looked at her, searching her eyes. "Hey, I'm okay. You're okay. We're both okay and everything's gonna be fine." He pulled her to him and enfolded her in his arms again, tucking her head in under his chin. "I was scared when I got that call and before we could get to you. And I was angry. God, I was ready to tear him apart, limb from limb, if he hurt you."
He chuckled humorlessly, remembering something else. "Danny, though, he stood by me. He was ready to back me up, no matter what I was planning."
"He's a good friend." Catherine sighed.
"The best." Steve readily agreed.
"I think I owe him an apology."
"For what?"
"I think I hurt his feelings today. Did you hear what he said when I asked if you were okay?"
"Yeah. That's just Danny being Danny."
"Still. I ignored him, like I didn't care. I do care, I definitely do. He's one of your closest friends, and he's one of mine, too." He felt her tighten her grip on him as she continued. "But at that moment all I cared about was making sure you were okay."
"I get it and don't worry about Danny, he gets it, too. Trust me, he understands what that feels like."
"I know. But I will feel better if I talk to him about it. I think this is the second time I've done that to him."
Steve thought for a moment. "When was the first time?"
"Remember the fishing trip where you got boat jacked?" She moved away again, to look at him as she teased "I sense a pattern here."
Steve laughed and she could feel the rumble as she snuggled against his chest once more. "That's right. You were worried about me that day, too."
She gave him a little slap on the arm. "We were all worried. Chin and Kono, too." She pulled away again, just far enough to look at him. "Maybe you should stop getting hijacked so I can stop worrying about you." She said it reproachfully, but with a mischievous smile that revealed her true sentiments.
Steve returned her smile with a grin of his own. "If I recall, the 'sorry I scared you sex' was pretty good that night". He allowed his eyes to roam first her face, then the rest of her body before he rolled her over onto her back. He lay on his side, propped up on one arm and gazed down at her. "You know…" He leaned down to kiss her softly. "We could…" Another, longer kiss which quickly became deeper and more demanding. She wrapped her arms around his neck and poured every ounce of the love she felt for him into that kiss.
Then she laughed against his lips. She couldn't help it, she was happy. Happy he was in her life and with her in their bed.
He pulled away, a little put off by her reaction and she immediately sobered.
"I'm happy." She gazed up at him while her fingers played with the hairs at the nape of his neck. They were getting longer, but not enough to curl like they used to. She realized she missed that but didn't want to dwell on it. She locked her eyes on his so he would see how much she meant her next words. "I was laughing because I'm happy."
He never broke eye contact as a smile spread across his handsome face. "I'm happy, too." He leaned down to kiss her once more and this time, there was no laughing.