Summary: A string of events, though expected, was still unbearable for the various outrageous emotions that it eventually caused. The one who suffered the most, the one who started it all, the one who had done nothing wrong, and the other one who waited but was left with nothing at all, both of their lives changed drastically just because of an occasion that was supposed to make them closer but resulted instead in the exact opposite way . No one thought it would ever happen at the first place, a simple date ending with a dreadful beginning, a beginning that made them closer but separated their frustrated hearts, though one still remained to hope, that light grew dim as the one thing he feared the most happened.
…
A/N: Hello to y'all! For starters, let me just say that this is my first fanfic and I'm going to ruin it by making a very long and somewhat unnecessary author's note. This story is just an excuse to let my discovery of the characters' emotions run wild. And I plead to all of you, all of you who had given up precious time to read this, I plead you that after reading this story, you will not form any negative emotions towards the characters in DC but instead pass them unto the one who portrayed them like that, namely me. I really don't know what had gotten on to me, usually I'm a humor person and I swore to make my first fanfic to be funny and not like.. like this… There's only one word that can describe me and that word is overdramatic. After reading this story, you'll agree with me. You'll see.
…
"The Cruellest Case"
Phone Calls, Pills and Tears
The sky was still dark and the weather news stated that it will rain today, but that didn't stop Conan from walking down the streets to Agasa's house, not after that call from Ai earlier.
"Moshi-moshi?" he said in a rather childish tone to the phone pressed in his ear.
"Kudo-kun, it's me, Haibara."
"Eh? What is it? Is there an emergency?"
"None of the kind, I just want to check if you have anything to do later this evening."
"My homeworks are done and Kogoro-occhan doesn't have a case today- Why?" 'weird' Conan thought, 'Haibara doesn't call me just to ask if there's anything to do tonight, is she inviting me on something or…'
"Ne Haibara…"
"What is it?"
"Did you call me because you finally have another prototype antidote?" he replied excitedly.
"Took you long enough to find out." snickered Ai.
"Come on, it's been about 10 months since the last one!"
"So are you free or not?"
"Hell yeah I am! I'm coming over there right now, I'll just make an excuse to Ran-neecha-I mean Ran, I'll see you later!"
"Yes..yes… see you then, Kudo-kun."
With that conversation in mind, he only walked faster.
…
'Finally!' he exclaimed in his mind.
He paused in front of Agasa's door pondering his thoughts. 'If this antidote finally works permanently, I can come back to Ran!' he silently murmured to himself while smiling.
He opens the door and sees Agasa walking to him. "Ah Shinichi!" he greeted happily. "Glad you can come."
"Of course! Where's Haibara? Is the antidote with her?" he replied while entering, keeping his eye out for the said scientist.
"She's in the lab downstairs waiting for you arrival."
"Oh, figures. I'll go there now."
"Me too."
…
"Kudo-kun." Ai said seriously while taking Conan's temperature. It was the first time she talked when the two men entered the lab. "Can I ask you a question?"
"Uhh.. sure." He said hesitatingly. 'I don't know where this is going though... .'
"It's about Conan."
"Eh?"
"What will happen to him when Shinichi comes back? Will he just disappear?"
Conan shifted uneasily under the stare that Ai was giving him "…I guess we'll have to make something like Conan's 'parents' coming to get him back to the states with them."
"…"
"What's wrong?"
Ai was frozen on the phase of checking Conan's pulse rate at his wrist. "What about the children?" she asked suddenly.
"The children? Ah. You mean Genta and the others? What about them?"
"What I mean is that they treasure 'Conan' very much as their friend, what do you think they will feel if you just disappear?"
"…They're still little Haibara, I think they can still move on on my loss…" Conan replied unsurely, "Well even if I become Shinichi again I'll still look after them and the kids are stronger than we think so there's nothing to be worried about."
"…your loss…" Haibara muttered, "It's as if you're saying that you're dead."
"Well I'm not. It's just my poor choice of words."
"Yeah right." She replied sarcastically. "I'm done with your health check now. Both your temperature and pulse are normal, you're good to go."
Conan stood up after Ai allowed him to.
Ai went to her cabinet and unlocked the first drawer, what lies in the middle was a small container of medicines, but instead of expired cold medicines, inside were two seemingly new-made white pills.
"Ne Haibara, is the antidote this time temporary or permanent?"
Ai was still staring at the container in her hand, she took a deep breath and released it before giving Conan one of the pills for him to see.
"This one's permanent Kudo-kun."
Conan stared wide-eyed at the pill that was given to him before a smile appeared in his face.
"Is this really true Haibara? This one's permanent? The one that can make my life normal again?"
Ai merely nodded.
"Yes! Finally! After all those insufferable days! Thank you Haibara! Thank you! Did you hear that Hakase? Kudo Shinichi is finally coming back!" Conan said mostly to himself while grinning and holding the antidote for the APTX 4869 like a billion dollar diamond.
"Well then you can go to your house, get some clothes and come back for the transformation. You need to do it here since we don't know if anything bad will happen to you during that time and I still need to examine the changes." Ai said with a bored and calm tone but a pretty obvious feeling of self-admiration was heard.
"Alright! I'm going now then. I'll be right back!"
"Oi! Wait! The pill-"
Ai was cut off by the sound of the front door slamming close. 'That Kudo, if he loses that pill I won't give him the other one.'
"Well it looks like even detectives can't think clearly if excited about something." Agasa, who was silent the whole time, remarked.
'Excited for the tremendous pain that he will be experiencing later on-that is' Ai thought.
...
Conan rushed to his house, barely hearing Ai's shout to him. His grip to the pill (which he had forgotten to return to Ai) tightened. His excitement never ceases as he fumbled through the front gate. 'Thank God I have my keys!' he thought to himself.
When he finally got inside, he made a quick turn to the library, he paused inside for a moment, recollecting the memories he had there as Shinichi. It was also here, where 'Edogawa Conan' first showed up.
"This kid…" Ran had said.
"My name is…. Edogawa Conan!"
'Well, Conan will be gone for good now.'As he said this to himself, something unexpected came to him, hesitance. It was the second time that he felt it, the first was when he had received a letter from Vermouth, though quite suspiciously, she said that she wanted to help him, help him to escape the constant worrying of being found out by the organization, but the consequence was enough for him to decline it, for even if it was tempting, he didn't want Kudo Shinichi, his true self, to disappear forever.
Vermouth said at the letter that she managed to get a pill from the organization without them knowing, the pill that she obtained was said to be able to erase certain memories of a person, though the process was painful and the person might experience immense headache, success is guaranteed. The organization has used the pill to gain their members, but the physicist who was handling this project had died and no one else knew the correct process of making it so only a few were left. Vermouth was a friend of the said physicist so she was given one of the pills before the physicist died, and this, she was offering to Shinichi to 'help' him. She wants Conan to take the pill to erase his memories of being Shinichi and his confrontations with the organization so he would be safe from them. He plans to make Shinichi gone but safe. Safe. She had promised herself that she would keep 'Cool Guy' and 'Angel' safe and that is why she is sacrificing the one-of-a-kind pill to Conan.
The plan was good for Shinichi's safety, but he had declined the offer at first because he wasn't ready to give up his life as Shinichi. There's also a possibility of this being a trap and the pill ending up killing him instead but his past encounters with Vermouth showed that he can trust her. It was at this time that he couldn't understand what he truly feels, so in the end, he said that he would think about it, and even now, he's still thinking about it even though the permanent antidote is already in his hands. Literally.
He walked near the shelf containing the whole Sherlock Holmes book collection then his phone rang. He took out both of his phones and noted that it was Shinichi's phone that was ringing, the caller I.D. stated that it was Ran who was calling, quickly he shoved Conan's phone back in his pocket and grabbed his bowtie-voice changer and dialled Shinichi's voice in the tiny machine, all of these, he managed to do with the pill still in his hand. Finally done, he leaned on the shelf and answered the phone, bow tie already held near his mouth.
"Yo Ran! How are y-"
"Shinichi, I'm sorry… I won't wait for you anymore."
Conan was taken aback by Ran's words, he was speechless for a moment, as if processing what she had just said to him.
"Ran…"
"I can't take it anymore... I've been waiting for you for what seems a lifetime!"
"But it's only been two years!"
"Two years Shinichi! Two years! Do you know how lonely it is to be alone and wait for someone you're not even sure if will come back?" A poorly disguised sob was heard on the other side of the line. "Why can't you just return to me? Is this case of yours really that important that you chose it over me?"
"Ran… wait... you don't understand…"
"No Shinichi, I don't. And I will never do… I have given up hope."
Shinichi hesitated before answering. "Even if I would return now… you wouldn't reconsider?"
'It's possible Ran… just give me another chance…'
"You? Come back? Right now? I don't believe such things Shinichi, but even if you do, it won't change a thing… I'm happy on where I am right now… without you."
The last words Ran said filled Shinichi's heart with pure despair, despair that he didn't know humans could feel. It was so dark and sad as if you want the world to just end right now. It was humiliating, all those hardships he had done, all those life and death situations he had overcome, all of those he did thinking that the person who was waiting for his return would be welcoming him back when all of these things has ended.
"I… see…" he somehow managed to say.
"Eh?" Ran replied, obviously surprised of the other's answer.
"It was my fault anyway that you have to go through that pain… It was because of my curiosity and carelessness that put us into this situation. I deserve this. It was MY fault. Not yours."
"…"
"This case I have really is the cruellest of all."
"Case? Even in this situation you're still thinking about your case?!"
"Do you know anything about this case I'm investigating? If you'd like I could tell you about it."
Ran, who was surprised by the sudden change of topic, just agreed to him. It wasn't always that he speaks about the case he's solving. 'Hell, if there really is a case' she thought bitterly.
"First of all, this case is really unusual, it's not like many of other cases, this one lasts a lifetime."
'A lifetime? Is that why he's not coming back?' Ran thought. 'No.. He's just making a story so I would feel pity in him.. that nerve of him…'
"… And I am the victim…"
'What? No way!... He's totally just making a story. This is another one of his lies!'
"I was murdered because of my pure curiosity. My murderers are still lurking somewhere in this world. If they found out about their mistake, the people close to me will cease to exist because of them, so I was forced to hide my real self in this despicable mask of no one, forced to be in misery in my tantalizing state, gradually picking clues of their shadows…"
'I can't take it anymore!'
"You're lying again aren't you?! You made up a story so I would pity you and welcome you back again. Well if you're thinking that it worked then don't even hope. I won't buy your act Shinichi! You have deceived me many times! I won't let you do it again!"
Shinichi was smiling even with the tears that were flowing uncontrollably down his cheeks, he knew this day would come, but he didn't know that it would be today. Today that he finally have the key to his return.
"Haha…" he laughed weakly "…You got me there…"
"Mou Shinichi! I really don't get you!"
And with that, she hung up.
Still holding the phone in his ears with the bowtie voice changer, no longer crying, he let out a breath he didn't know when he had started holding.
The snow white pill in his hands seems to have lost its meaning.
…
Ai was already sitting in the living room watching the news, Agasa was standing near the door looking worried.
"He's taking a while isn't he?" Ai broke the silence between them.
"He sure is." Agasa replied. "I'm going to get him."
"Be careful." Ai merely replied, her gaze never leaving the television.
…
'What's taking him so long?' Agasa thought as he entered the gate to the Kudo mansion. When inside, he went first to Shinichi's bedroom, Conan wasn't there, he quickly closed the door. 'Maybe he's in the restroom.' And to the restrooms he went.
He called out Shinichi's name after searching the restrooms in vain, Agasa had started to feel a little panicky. He then went to the library, thinking that it was the only possible place left, and that was where he saw Conan's small form leaning against the shelf, he was sitting, his head resting in his knees as he hugged them. Agasa stood motionless on where he stood, his shocked eyes never leaving the saddened boy.
"What happened Shinichi?" he managed to say. Conan, who seemed to not hear Agasa as he was lost in his own thoughts, did not show any sign of movement aside from breathing. "Shinichi, are you alright? What happened?" Agasa tried again, walking near to where Conan sat. Relief passed on him as Conan finally lifted his head to see Agasa. "Shinichi, what happe—" Conan suddenly stood and held out his hand where the pill was in.
"Take this Hakase, I don't need this anymore." Conan said in a blank voice, his eyes never reaching Agasa's.
Not knowing what to do, Agasa took the pill and knelt in front of Conan. "Why? What happened?" he tried again. Conan, who was still avoiding Agasa's gaze, stayed silent for a while before answering: "Ran had given up on waiting for me to come back."
Filled with astonishment, Agasa unconsciously stopped breathing, eyes wide as he heard the reason for Conan's state.
"Why would she-" he stopped, realizing that tears were threatening to fall on Conan's cheeks. He put a hand on his shoulders and tried to make him look at his eyes but Conan only turned his face away from Agasa, his bangs covering his eyes.
"..sorry Hakase..but..I would like to be alone for a while.." he said looking away from Agasa, biting his lip as he felt that a tear was forming already at the corner of his eyes.
Agasa, wanting to help the poor boy, obliged, he removed his hand from Conan's shoulder and stood silently, he didn't want to torture the child because of his presence.
He walked away, only stopping at the door to catch a last glimpse of Conan, he stood where he was before, not moving at all, he didn't want to see him like that, vulnerable and hopeless. Thinking that he couldn't do anything else to help him, he walked away, away from the saddened child he had treated as his son.
"I'm sorry Shinichi, I couldn't do anything to help you."
…
As he heard the front gates closed, he sat again and leaned at the shelf he previously leaned on. "I deserve this…I've started all of this…so I deserve this…" he smiled bitterly. "Do I really? I've done nothing wrong in the first place so why should I deserve this?...All because of those men in black… why did it have to be that day?" his eyes widened as a thought came to him. "..the men in black…Vermouth…the pill that can help me escape…"
He stood up and walked to his desk where he had put Vermouth's letter in. He copied the number from the letter to his phone; she said that he must call her if ever a decision came. He actually never thought that he would call her, doing this means to risk being found out by the organization but he dialled it anyway. The phone rang three times before the other end picked up.
"Is this Vermouth?" he checked.
"Yes I am. Have you made a decision? Cool Guy?" Vermouth's glossy voice replied.
"Well, there is only one truth so there should only be one me."
"So, who will remain?"
Conan sat at the chair and smiled.
"The answer to that question is pretty obvious, isn't it?"