I Have To Tell Him

by Rin Natsume

Kyousuke has finally come back to the Little Busters and Riki feels the need to seize the opportunity and tell him something very important.

It was a wonderful weekend for us, filled with fun and laughter. We were able to have an unforgettable experience together thanks to Kyousuke's return. Now we're returning to the school with even more happy memories.

I'm feeling tired from that long day so I sink back into the seat and look through the window at the reddening sky. A sunset signals the end of the day but I don't think it's a bad thing because there will be another day. Yes, that's right. The fun filled weekend the Little Busters shared together at the seaside may have reached its end but there will be more enjoyable times ahead of us.

"Are you tired, Riki?"

I turn my head to look at Kyousuke. He's looking straight ahead, keeping his attention fully on the road. The setting sun is casting a reddish tint on him. It makes him look somewhat ethereal. I blink a few times as I continue to stare at him.

It's still a bit hard to believe after all this time that Kyousuke has finally returned to the Little Busters. After the field trip incident, he was in the hospital for such a long time and wasn't able to be with us. Those days spent without Kyousuke by my side were so long and empty. Even when I was surrounded by my friends and doing my best to keep the fun times going for the sake of the Little Busters, I still felt like I was missing something.

I wouldn't say I felt empty, not when I had everyone else with me. They did their best to keep me cheered up and I returned the favour. Despite the fun times we shared together, I couldn't shake off the feeling of longing.

I missed Kyousuke. Whenever I thought about him, I would get that dull ache in my chest. The days slowly went on by and I would spend them wondering how long it would be before Kyousuke returned to us and we could have fun together again.

Now he's finally returned to the Little Busters and we are complete again. It makes me feel so happy to have him next to me and I don't want him to ever leave. I know that's a completely unrealistic wish. When the school year ends, he'll be graduating. It will be sad but when that time comes, I have to be strong.

We are all relaxed and happy after that fun trip but there's one thing that's still bothering me.

I almost lost Kyousuke forever. It would have been the worst kind of separation - the separation of life and death. To lose him like that would have been too cruel. Just the thought of it makes my chest hurt far worse than the pang of longing. It has become my deepest fear.

There were so many nights where I would wake up sweating or crying from a terrible dream about the accident. I called out Kyousuke's name quite often according to Masato. He always comforted me after those nightmares without complaint. I really am fortunate to have him as my roommate.

Now that Kyousuke is back, there's something I have to tell him. In a way, I suppose I did tell him at the very end of that dream, and he said he felt the same, but we thought we were saying goodbye forever at the time. He hasn't brought it up since and I haven't found the right time to say anything either.

I can't tell him right at this moment of course, not while he's driving and everyone else is here in the back of the van. It will have to be when we get back to school. I must find the time to tell him as soon as possible. If I kept putting it off, I could lose my chance and I can't let that happen.

"What is it?"

Whoops, I became lost in my thoughts while I was staring at him. I quickly tear my eyes away, focusing on the road in front of us.

"Oh, it's nothing. I do feel pretty tired because it's been such a long day. You're always so good at coming up with exciting things for us to do." I release a deep breath. "I wish I could easily do that. Sometimes it's so hard to think of new things."

"You're doing fine. Everyone else has been satisfied with your leadership so far, haven't they?"

I look over my shoulder to the back of the van. Rin, Komari-san and Kud are all nestled together with their eyes closed and Kurugaya-san is watching them with a smile. Nishizono-san appears to be reading. Masato and Kengo are actually behaving themselves, sitting there quietly and looking out at the scenery rolling past. I think everyone else must be just as tired as I feel.

"Yeah, I think so. I haven't had any complaints so far."

"There you go. There's nothing to worry about. Oh, look, there's the school up ahead. We're back."

In the distance, I can see the school building. Kyousuke brings the van all the way up to the school gates and stops.

Everyone disembarks from the van, remarking on what a great trip that had been and thanking Kyousuke. They all head back to the school building and soon enough, it's just me and Kyousuke standing by the van.

"Hey, Kyousuke."

"Hmm?" Kyousuke ensures that all the doors of the van are locked before coming over to me. He gives me a quizzical look. "What is it?"

"Well..." It's hard to say. I just need to find the right time but this doesn't quite feel like it, not yet. Maybe I need to find a better place to say it. We are standing by the school gates after all. Anyone could pass by and see us talking. "Actually, there's something I have to talk to you about. It's very important."

"I see." Kyousuke smiles. "So there was something on your mind after all."

Does he know exactly what I'm thinking about? Kyousuke does have an uncanny knack for knowing what's on my mind most of the time. Actually, I wouldn't be surprised if he does suspect it already.

"Yeah. Can we talk about it somewhere private? I would rather there wasn't anyone else around."

Kyousuke nods. "Alright, Riki."

He takes hold of my hand. It's so soft and warm. Just by feeling the heat of his skin around mine, I somehow feel a little more confident. It's Kyousuke after all, so I'm sure it will be okay. We walk all the way over to the back of the school building. There is nobody else around in this place so we aren't likely to be seen.

"This should be a good place to talk." Kyousuke lets go and turns around to face me. I study his face in the glow cast by the lights on the wall of the building. The expression on his face is calm and neutral. I wonder what expression I'll be seeing in a minute.

I draw in a long breath then slowly release it from deep inside. My gut is already starting to stir. I can feel the wings of metaphorical butterflies beating away.

Why am I so nervous even though it's Kyousuke I'm talking to? I'm sure that whatever I say isn't going to impact our friendship. He will understand me. I know he wouldn't look down on me even when I tell him exactly how I feel. I can be absolutely certain of that. Besides, didn't he tell me how he felt about me once? I'm sure his feelings haven't changed a bit, but I should make sure.

It's just that I have no idea what he's going to say. What if he tells me that we can't be together?

If that happened, I would feel disappointed, but I would try not to let it change anything. I could just keep being with Kyousuke like always. It will be fine, no matter what he tells me. At least I hope so.

Our friendship will not change because of what I have to say. I just need to keep telling myself that.

I swallow and give my moist palms a quick wipe on my clothes. It's taking forever for me to even say a word but Kyousuke doesn't seem bothered. He continues to watch and wait for me to speak.

Thank you for being so patient, Kyousuke.

I'd better say something already. Okay, here goes.

"We've been together for such a long time now, haven't we? Ever since that distant day when I was all alone and you came to me. You led me out there and I became one of the Little Busters. I was so happy to have you guys around me and to do fun things with you all the time. You really are all my precious friends."

Kyousuke nods but doesn't say anything. He must be waiting for me to get it all off my chest before he chooses to speak.

"I thought we would all be with each other forever. It never occurred to me that our days together could come to such an abrupt end but then the day of the field trip happened. You were nearly taken away from me forever and there might have been nothing that I could have done about it. It was only because of a miracle that I was able to make this happen. If I hadn't been able to pull that off, we wouldn't even be standing like this together right now."

Uh oh. My eyes are starting to prickle. Kyousuke told me that I couldn't cry anymore as the leader of the Little Busters and yet here I am, dangerously close to tears right in front of him. I blink rapidly, trying to hold them back. I need to be strong.

"I kept having nightmares where I would lose you all over again. I can't just forget it, that you were almost gone forever. I wouldn't have been able to hold your hand again, or hear your voice, or..." The lump forming in my throat forces me to break off.

"It was hard, wasn't it, Riki? You must have been missing me so much the whole time. I'm sorry I took so long to come back."

Ah. Those compassionate words of his struck me hard. Now it's getting even harder to hold back the tears and they come rushing forth. I hastily dash my sleeve across my eyes and take several breaths to calm myself.

"Yeah." My voice sounds choked as I speak. "Now that you've come back to us, there's one thing I really need to say."

This is it. I focus squarely on his eyes and take another deep breath. I have to relax. Breathe in, breathe out. That's it.

"I love you."

I actually did it. At last, I was able to tell him those words I've wanted to be able to say for so long.

"I want to be with you, Kyousuke. I want us to spend the rest of our lives with each other, to live with each other as a couple and to grow old together. I never want us to be apart! That's how I feel, so... Kyousuke... please tell me, how do you feel about that? Do you want that too?"

All I can hear is a dull roaring in my ears. I watch Kyousuke while brimming with anxiety, waiting for him to say something.

Then he smiles.

"Riki. I'm so happy to hear you say that."

The weight on my shoulder grows lighter. I wait in anticipation of what else he has to say.

"It would be a wonderful thing if we could be together for the rest of our lives. You really are the person I love most of all in the whole world. I couldn't think of anything better."

"K-Kyousuke..." I choke on my tears again. "I'm so glad."

"You're going to cry again, aren't you?"

"Of course!" I don't bother to hold the tears back anymore. "I'm crying because I'm so happy. I was afraid... I thought it might affect our friendship and that would be the worst thing ever, but I couldn't keep putting it off! I love you so much! Thank goodness, I can say that as much as I like now. I'll keep telling you that-"

I stop speaking when I feel Kyousuke's embrace around my body. His hand strokes the back of my head. I press my face into his warm chest and feel his heart beating.

"Then, when we're both adults and have jobs, we'll live together in a place of our own. We'll spend the rest of our days together for as long as we can."

"Yeah." I look up at his face. He has a radiant smile on his face, stretching from ear to ear. I'm smiling too, to the point that my cheeks are starting to ache. This is just amazing. I've finally managed to tell Kyousuke just how I feel about him and we're talking about spending our lives together like this. It really is like a dream come true.

There is still one more thing I must do.

I throw my arms around Kyousuke's shoulders and push myself up until my face reaches his and I find his lips with my mouth. They feel so soft and so warm. That delightful sensation causes my entire body to tingle. His fingers intertwine with my hair and I feel the pressure against my mouth as he kisses back. Time comes to a complete standstill as we linger in that first kiss.

It can't last forever and we soon break apart. My breath comes out in short gasps as I look up at Kyousuke. A soft red glow is tinging his face and his eyes are glimmering. He looks so radiant, it almost steals my breath away.

"You're a good kisser, Riki."

My face grows even warmer. "I am?"

"Let's go again." Kyousuke puts his arms around my body to pull me in and we kiss a second time. This kiss is just as amazing as the one that came before it.

It thrills me to think that I can look forward to even more of these delightful kisses, and that won't even be all. Now that we're taking a new step in our relationship, there's so much more waiting for us. We'll experience all kinds of new things with each other and create even more special moments. It's so exciting.

"Hoooh..." I slowly exhale as our lips part. "I could do this for a long time."

"Yeah, me too." Kyousuke grins at me. "I feel like we should celebrate. Don't you?"

Is he thinking of throwing a party in celebrating of us getting together? Knowing Kyousuke, he probably is.

"Before that though, don't we have to tell everyone?" I wonder what sort of reactions we'll get. Nishizono-san will surely be over the moon at the news. As for everyone else, well, somehow I feel they won't take it so badly. They are our friends after all and it's hard to imagine any of them rejecting us.

"Oh, yes, of course." Kyousuke slips his hand into mine. "You want to do that now?"

I nod. "Yeah. Actually, let's do that after dinner. I'm starting to get hungry."

Rin, Masato and Kengo are already there when we arrive at the cafeteria and sit at our usual table. They greet us with questioning looks.

"What took you two so long?" Kengo asks. "We were wondering where you went."

"Isn't it obvious?" Masato grins. "Aliens appeared out of the darkness and accosted them, asking to see the leader. It turned out that they needed a ride back to their spaceship after they got lost and as a reward, they took them on a visit to their planet."

No, no, no, that's so far from being obvious. I don't even know how you could come up with such a ridiculous idea like that.

"Like that could happen, you idiot."

"Well, your idea wasn't much better, Rin. Who would believe something so crazy like evil scientists kidnapping them in order to add them to their cyborg army as part of their plot for world domination?"

This is what they have been doing while we've been talking? I feel sorry for Kengo if he's been having to listen to them act like this the whole time.

"Nobody would believe in aliens either!"

"Masato, they were only gone for about a quarter of an hour. How could they possibly drive aliens to their spaceship and visit another planet in that time?" Kengo asks.

"The aliens had the power to stop time."

I don't know how Masato can look so confident while saying something so ridiculous at the same time.

"Well, it wasn't anything quite so complicated." Kyousuke takes it all in stride as usual. "Riki and I were having a chat, that's all."

That explanation seems to satisfy them and they resume eating. Of course, we'll be telling them what really happened in a little while. Now isn't the right time, not in this crowded cafeteria.

I start eating my dinner in silence.

"Riki~"

I turn my head and find myself looking directly at a croquette. Kyousuke is holding it in a pair of chopsticks and waving it at me.

"Huh?"

I'm not exactly sure what he's doing. Is he intending to feed me? Even right here at the table with everyone watching? And we haven't even told them the news yet.

"Open wide," Kyousuke says, in a singsong voice.

"Ah..." Without thinking, I do as he requests and he crams the croquette in. "Mmmf!" I hastily chew and look around at the others to gauge their reactions. Masato and Kengo are giving us puzzled looks but resume eating without any comment. They are probably thinking it's just Kyousuke acting on some silly whim. Well, it's not like it was a completely out of character thing for him to do.

Still, that was a bit embarrassing. I wish he'd give me a little more warning next time.

"Riki, is the croquette spicy?" Rin is gazing at me with a baffled expression.

"Eh, why?"

"Your face is all red."

"Uh..." Oh no. How do I explain this?

"Riki, my turn next!"

I turn the other way to see Masato waving a piece of pork cutlet at me. Oh my god, he must think this is some kind of fun thing we're doing! What do I do now? If I refuse, will it look suspicious? Kyousuke, help!

I throw a glance his way but Kyousuke just seems amused as he sips at his soup. Thanks a lot, Kyousuke. This is all your fault, you know.

"Um..." I look back at Masato. He's still holding out the food with that silly grin on his face. "Sorry, but I'd rather just eat my own food."

"Oh, I see." Masato's voice grows quieter and he puts the food down. "So I'm not even worthy of feeding you, Riki. I see how it is." His expression turns glum. "I'm just a no good piece of trash. I'll move out of the dorm tonight and go live in a cardboard box in an alley if that's what you want."

Good grief, Masato, how do you even come to such conclusions? I'm afraid I might have actually hurt his feelings.

"No, no, no, I'm not thinking that at all."

"Really?" Masato brightens up. "Then does that mean you'll let me feed you?"

I resume eating without saying anything, trying my best not to pay any more attention to him.

"Rikiiii..."

Out the corner of my eye, I see Masato screwing his face up. Fortunately, he drops the subject. I don't think he's really as hurt as he's pretending to be anyway. If he was, I'm sure I'd know.

After dinner, the five of us go to my room.

"Riki and I have an announcement to make."

"Eh? What's all this about?" Masato asks.

"You look pretty serious all of a sudden. I hope this isn't bad news."

Rin doesn't say anything, she just watches Kyousuke while waiting to see what he'll say next.

Kyousuke puts an arm around my shoulders. "Riki, you tell them."

So he's making me do the difficult part? Alright then, here goes. "Kyousuke and I... well, we've started going out with each other." I look at each of their faces in turn, anxiously awaiting their reactions.

"Oh? So, in the end, you chose Kyousuke after all." Kengo is smiling. "Well, isn't that great? I'm sure the two of you are going to be very happy together."

"So Riki loves Kyousuke more than me." Masato appears to be sinking into the depths of despair.

"Masato, please be serious." I would honestly like to know what he really thinks about this.

"Nah, it's cool. I'm happy for you both." Masato grins. "Just don't forget about the rest of us, okay?"

"Going out?" Rin is processing all this with an utterly blank expression. "As in 'going out' going out?"

Hmm, I'm not sure if she actually understands or not.

Kyousuke jumps in with an explanation. "What he's saying is that we're a couple from now on, Rin, as in we're going to be dating each other. Got it?"

Rin slowly nods, staring right at me. I still don't know if she's actually got it or not.

"Riki. Does that mean you chose Kyousuke as your wife?"

Eh? No, no, no, that's not right.

"No. Riki's the wife."

Eeeeeeeeeh?

I shoot Kyousuke an incredulous look.

"Mmm. I still don't really get it..."

I knew it.

"...but everything will still be the same, right? We'll still spend time together and stuff?"

"Of course we will." Kyousuke reassures her. "Riki and I being a couple won't change anything. I mean, we might want some alone time now and then, but we're definitely not going to abandon you."

"Yeah. We'll always be together," I add. "There's no way I would ever want the Little Busters to fall apart."

Thank goodness. Everyone has taken it pretty well in the end. Now that just leaves the girls. I text each of them in turn and invite them over. They all turn up within minutes of each other.

It's getting pretty crowded with all ten of us crammed into the room like this. I should make this quick.

"Riki and I are dating."

Kyousuke beats me to it. He makes this seem so easy, just blurting it out like that.

Nishizono-san lets out an audible gasp and sways on her feet. For a second, I'm afraid that she's going to pass out.

"Is this reality?" she whispers, her eyes growing wide as saucers.

"Umu. So, in the end, you chose to be with Mr. Kyousuke? Well, I can't say it's much of a surprise. You two look like you'll be very happy with each other."

"Wafu! It's a new beginning for Riki and Kyousuke-san! How should I say this... besuto uisshu tu yuu~"

"Whoah, you're dating now? That's awesome. Haruchin's surprised, but happy to hear it too."

"Wow, that's great. Riki-kun, Kyousuke-san, I'm delighted for you both. I hope you two have a very happy future together."

Everyone is smiling at us. I see no disappointment, disbelief or judgement in their faces. It really is just as I had been hoping. I could almost cry out of happiness, but that wouldn't be very leader like of me so I do my best to hold it back.

"Thank you," I say to everyone. "It means so much to hear approval from you all. I'm so glad to have such wonderful friends."

"There, we're all sorted." Kyousuke slings an arm around me and grins. "You guys are all awesome. The Little Busters really are the best."

A variety of assenting voices and cheers fill the room. Everyone is in such good spirits.

"Excuse me," Nishizono-san speaks up. "I wonder if you might... um... ki..." She falters, apparently having trouble getting the word out.

"Hey. Asking people to show public displays of affection is considered creepy, you know," Kurugaya-san tells her, raising an eyebrow. Apparently she got what Nishizono-san was asking about right away.

"Oh, is it?" Apparently, Nishizono-san had no idea of this judging by her startled expression. "Forgive me. I didn't mean to cause any discomfort."

"Hey, hey, doesn't it feel like we should do something more?" Haruka-san is practically bouncing on her feet. "I know! Group hug!"

"What?" Rin looks stunned all of a sudden.

"Let's hug, Rin-chan!" Komari-san already has her in her arms and is pushing her over to us.

Everyone gathers around us. Kyousuke and I find ourselves buried in a tangle of bodies and I clutch tightly onto him to save myself from falling down. I press my face against his chest and smile.

In the end, any worries I had were unfounded. Kyousuke and I are together now, and we have the support of all the Little Busters backing us. I really am so lucky to have friends like them, and especially Kyousuke. I'm sure a lot of wonderful things are waiting for us in the future and I'm looking forward to it.