Disclaimer: I own nothing. I promise to return any and all characters in the same physical condition as I received them. (Mental condition is another story...)

Rated T for a bit of language, some other things that will be apparent by the end of the story. You have been warned.

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"Have you had lunch yet?" Temari glanced at Sakura as they wove through the halls of the Kazekage's palace. "If you want, we can go get something."

Sakura grinned. "No ramen! I eat enough of that now that Naruto's home."

Temari chuckled at the look on Sakura's face. "He likes that stuff?"

"No, he livesfor it. I'm not sure what would happen if you told him to choose between being Hokage and eating ramen." Sakura started laughing. "He might pick the ramen!"

Temari was puzzled by Sakura's humor. 'Must be a team joke. No one likes ramen that much, right?' She decided she didn't really need to know. "Let's see if Kankurou wants to come along, he probably got so busy playing with Karasu he forgot to eat. Again." Temari's lips curved in a small grin as she thought of her brother's determination to repair the damage caused by Sasori. 'He needs a break. Hmm, maybe if I can get him to take off the face paint...' The grin turned decidedly evil as Temari's mind began to play matchmaker. After all, she was the older sister, and it was her duty to help her little brother find happiness.

Sakura eyed the smile with caution. 'Oh, yeah, she is DEFINITELY Gaara's sister. Sometimes they're so alike its scary.' She summoned up a happy, yet noncommittal smile and replied, "That's sounds nice."

'Score!' Temari headed for Kankurou's rooms.

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"Ah, where are we going?" Sakura had never been to this part of the palace before.

Temari tossed her answer over her shoulder as she charged down the hallway past Gaara's library. "Kankurou's workrooms and his bedroom are all at the end of this hallway. I think he moved up here so Gaara could have someone nearby to talk to at night. This room is Gaara's private library. He usually spends a lot of time in here doing paperwork."

"Ohhh!"

Sakura blinked and stopped in her tracks. A few inches in front of her Temari turned to look at her, her eyes enormous pools of shocked color.

"Did you hear that?" Temari hissed. "It came from in there!" Temari's finger trembled as she pointed to the library's door.

"Oh, yessss... Do that again, please!"

Sakura stared at the door in horror. 'That was a FEMALE voice! And Temari said this is Gaara's PRIVATE library! No one in the Five Great Nations is stupid enough to do what I think someone is doing in there!' Inner Sakura was at once shocked and impressed at the nerve it would take to enter and... 'Wait a damn minute!'

"Temari. Does Gaara have a girlfriend?" Sakura hissed the words at her still shocked friend.

"N-no." Temari stuttered. "He's always avoided the fangirls."

"Well. Maybe she's not a fangirl." Sakura studied the door. "Too bad neither of us have the Byakugan."

Temari sucked in a deep breath and promptly choked on it. "NO. Do not ever say that. No."

"What are you two doing there?" Sakura and Temari turned to find Kakashi and Baki walking towards them. "Isn't it time for lunch?"

"Kakashi-sensei, I, um, well," Sakura tried desperately to think of a way to get both of the older men to leave NOWbefore any more-

"Kazekage-sama, mmm, please, touch me right there!"

'Damn, now what do we say?' Inner Sakura winced as Temari made a strange gagging sound.

"Temari, please explain what that, uh, noise coming from Gaara-sama's room was." Baki glared at the door. Sakura noticed his visible eye twitched slightly.

Temari shook her head. "Um, ah, I don't know, we were just walking by..."

"So the Kazekage's finally getting some, huh?" Kakashi regretted his words immediately as Temari and Baki both gagged. He regretted them even more when Sakura turned towards him with a very strange gleam in her eye. "Ah, sorry, I think I need to leave now..." A poof of smoke and he was gone.

'Run away, Kakashi-sensei. But it's a THREE DAY trip back to Konoha!' Sakura cut off Inner Sakura's rant before it could really get going. "Temari, are you okay? You should sit down." Sakura guided Temari to the opposite wall and helped her to slowly slide down it. Temari was as pale as paper, and for a moment Sakura wondered if she would faint.

"K-Kaze-Kazekage-ssama!"

At that particularly noisy exclamation, Baki leaned against the wall and began to slide down until he was next to Temari. The expression on his face was almost identical to Temari's, and only his deep tan kept any color in his face.

Sakura glanced first at Temari then at Baki. 'Great, they're going into shock because Gaara's nailing some twit on his desk. What an insensitive little bastard! I bet he's been hanging around Naruto again and the idiot's turned him into some kind of pervert! When I get my hands on Naruto-

"Hey, Sakura! What happened?" Naruto was suddenly leaning over her shoulder, concern shining in his eyes as he looked at Baki. Sakura jumped as she realized that Gaara was kneeling next to his sister, worry furrowing his brow.

"Gaara?" Temari's voice was weak as she looked into her baby brother's eyes. He was crouched over her. He was...He was not in his library?

"Oh! Oh yes! Please, kazekage-sama, harder! More!"

Naruto grinned. "Damn, what did we miss?"

Gaara's head snapped around to glare at his library door. His private library...

'Oh, somebody is going to bleed and die!' Inner Sakura and Sakura both smirked at the thought.

"Uh, Sakura? Maybe we should move back. Cause, y'know, this might be messy." Naruto watched as Gaara strode to the door. Sakura shot to her feet as Gaara drew back his fist, sand coating it until it looked remarkably like a mace.

BOOM!

The door flew into the room, and Gaara wasted no time in following it. Naruto and Sakura wasted no time in following him. The sight that met their eyes was well worth the chance of bloodstains.

A girl was sitting on Gaara's desk. Her top was pulled down, showing off her breasts, and her skirt had been yanked so far up it was no more than a belt around her waist. Naruto absently noted that the girl was not a natural blond. Sakura noted that the panties on the floor looked a lot like a pair she owned.

Gaara's voice could have frozen lava. "You. Get out."

The girl gave a whimper and jumped off the desk, causing Naruto to snicker at the papers that stuck to her thighs and back. Gaara twitched, and the girl stumbled, trying to tug her skirt down, run, and pull the papers free at the same time.

Gaara turned his attention to the person sitting in his chair. Sakura was amazed that Naruto was still grinning.

"Um, hey, Gaara, uh, well, I can explain, see-"

Gaara's right hand twitched.

"Burn the desk. Burn the chair. Burn the hat." Gaara turned and shoved past Sakura into the hallway. She heard him saying something to Baki, but couldn't tear her eyes off the sight in front of her.

Naruto cocked his head to the side. "Uh, Kankurou, you really need to zip your pants."

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Author's note: Uh, yeah, pretty pointless. I might continue this, there's a sort of half formed idea for it. Let me know what you think?