"Blaine."
The hobbit-like boy did not respond, though all the Warblers turned to stare at the slight Jewish girl who dared interrupt their joking, non-Warbler time.
"Blaine!" Louder.
"Oh, hey Rachel."
"Yes, hi. It has come to my attention that you and Kurt have entered some sort of relationship-like thing."
"Um. Yes?"
"Right, of course." Everyone blatantly stared at her, mouths agape.
"Okay Blaine, look. I'm not saying I WANT to be doing this, but it's like, my God-given right as a protective friend slash confidant."
"Huh?"
"Kurt's been through a lot. I mean this mentally and physically." Blaine finally started to understand. "Pushed to his psychological limit and then dangled off the precipice, Kurt's life somewhat resembles a story line crafted by the over-active imaginations of Hollywood."
"No one is arguing that." An impatient Warbler interrupted.
She silenced him with a mere Look, the famous Rachel Berry, take no prisoners, fear me if you dare Look.
"Jesus, she's like Professor Friggin McGonagall." Another anonymous Warbler. Possibly Thad.
"Thank you," Rachel said quietly, before continuing with her speech "Now that we've cleared the obvious…. I'm not going to lie to you, this is probably a speech you've heard before, by Frankenteen Finn and Burt and surely Mercedes." The Warblers snickered and Blaine nodded. "I'll try not to make my threat empty then. I have one simple question to ask of you. Do you sleep?"
"What the hell kind of question is that?" Angry Thad, being angry.
"Shut up. Do. You. Sleep?"
Blaine swallowed nervously. "Yes."
"Good." Here, she gestured to all the Warblers. "If it comes right down to it, I'm pretty sure I could hand your ass to you on a silver platter, because you kind of remind me of Frodo. Elijah Wood? Not scary, hobbit boy. But then, you have the Dalton Army to back you up, and I know I could never take them all, regardless of any implications they may have about me gloriously whipping your unruly ass. I suppose what I'm trying to say is this: If you ever hurt Kurt- Well, you admitted you sleep. And you're going to wake up on fire."
She walked calmly away.
Pause.
"Damn" Wes stated.
"I do believe," David countered
"That you sir," Wes again.
"JUST GOT TOLD." Together.
"Shut up Wes."
"HEY! I'M DAVID!"
"No, you aren't."
"Yes I am!"
"David is black. You are asian."
"I can't handle your racism right now Blaine. Who are you to judge me for the colour of my skin?"
"Please stop."
"Because I'm not black enough for you?"
"No. You have a W on your shirt, dumbass. Now shut up. I need to go hide in my sock drawer for the rest of my life."