Value
Daniel couldn't hold it in any longer. "What the hell were you thinking?" he blurted.
Jack O'Neill lowered his beer to stare at his irate team member. "Excuse me?"
"Back on the planet, that idiotic stunt you pulled."
"You mean giving myself up to save your sorry asses?"
"Yes. That."
He shrugged. "Seemed like a good idea at the time.
"They were going to kill you, Jack."
"They promised as much," he agreed calmly. "They also promised to let you all go. Seemed a fair trade." He swallowed another mouthful of his drink, seemingly unbothered by what had almost happened.
"God, don't you care at all? You saw how those rebels died." Daniel felt a hot surge of nausea at the memory of the mutilated corpses they had found. They must have been tortured for days; death could only have been a blessed relief after the agonies they had been subjected to.
"I knew what I was getting myself into, Daniel." A not-so-subtle reminder that Jack was no stranger to torture. "But I stand by my decision."
"Do you want to die?" Daniel winced at his own words, remembering all too well that their first mission to Abydos had been intended as a suicide mission. Charlie's death had been a brutal blow, one that Jack never wanted or expected to recover from. Daniel had thought what happened on Abydos had changed all that but maybe, somewhere deep down…
"Oh for cryin' out loud, Daniel, it's not like I have a death wish. You and Skaara took care of that a long time ago."
"Could have fooled me."
"I didn't want them to kill me. I just couldn't see any other option at the time. They were going to kill you one at a time until I surrendered. I wasn't going to let that happen."
"So you were trying to be some sort of hero, is that it?"
"I did what I had to. And everything worked out okay in the end, so what does it matter?"
"It matters because you always do this! Every time there's a dangerous mission, you're the first to volunteer. Every time we have to walk into hostile territory, you're the one who takes point. Every time some over-the-top cliché bad guy wants to torture us, you draw all their attention. Every time we're running for our lives, you're the last one through the 'gate."
"That's my job, Daniel."
"What, to get yourself killed?"
"To protect you. I do my damnedest to get us all back Earth-side in one piece, but if someone's gonna die then it is going to be me."
"Why?"
Jack looked at him like he was an idiot. "I take three of Earth's most valuable assets off-world on a regular basis and it is my job to make sure that you all get home alive. That is not a responsibility I take lightly."
"But who's to say that our lives are any more valuable than yours?"
"You gotta be kidding me. Daniel, you're our foremost expert on alien languages and cultures. You play a crucial role in building interplanetary alliances that could turn the tide of this war, and you're also the one who is most likely to be able to translate any text on any high-tech gizmo we bring back through that 'gate. Carter is our foremost expert on the Stargate and on all the alien technology we've acquired over the years, not to mention the fact that she has a brain the size of a planet. And Teal'c is our foremost expert on the Goa'uld, as well as the founder and one of the key leaders of the Jaffa Rebel Alliance. Me? I'm a soldier in the USAF, just one of many. We come a dime a dozen. Unlike the rest of you, if I die out there I am easily replaced. So to answer your question, Daniel, yes, your lives are worth more than mine. A hell of a lot more."
"That's not true."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it isn't."
"Yes, it is."
"No, it isn't. Jack-"
"Daniel. I know you think every life is precious, but this is a war and we don't have the luxury of thinking that way. When it comes right down to it, Earth – hell, this galaxy – needs you and Carter and Teal'c a lot more than it needs me. I'm expendable. Which is why I did what I did, and why I would do it again in a heartbeat. I am not going to let any of you die on my watch."
"Jack, what happened on that planet proves just how important you are! Who else could have won the trust of the rebel army, led an assault on a force that outnumbered your men five to one and come out the other side victorious? You single-handedly turned the tide of a war that had raged for decades. And you did it without me, Sam or Teal'c."
"I did it to get you guys back. I didn't have any other choice."
"Jack, you stopped a genocide. You took down a tyrant and saved the lives of thousands of innocent people."
"None of that would have counted for anything if I'd let that fanatical sycophant kill you in retribution for the death of his king."
"And how do you think we would have felt, knowing that you had died to save us? Teal'c would have lost his best friend, Sam would have been inconsolable, and I-" But he couldn't finish the sentence, because words couldn't describe the fear and horror and grief he had felt in that moment when he had seen Jack step out into the open, unarmed, arms raised in surrender, a grim resignation in his eyes.
Jack had been prepared to die. He had met the gaze of their captor and held it steadily as his team were shoved past him. Daniel's last desperate glance over his shoulder before he was ushered out of the door had shown that Jack was making no move to escape or defend himself. He had made a deal and he intended to honour it. If not for the rebel leader (who was just a kid really but as passionately loyal to Jack as Skaara had been, and how did Jack do that, Daniel wondered) Jack would have died there. He would be dead and gone.
Daniel was not okay with that. He would never be okay with that. He hadn't realised how much he needed Jack until he almost lost him forever.
"I don't know what I would have done," he finished quietly.
"You would have lived your life," Jack said flatly. "My job is not to protect your feelings, Daniel. Wounds heal. Grief fades. But the dead don't rise, unless the Nox are interfering or there's a handy sarcophagus nearby. I had to make sure you were safe because like it or not, your lives come first."
"How can you be okay with that?"
"I'm a soldier, Daniel. It's what we do."
"It's your job," Daniel echoed bitterly. "But you want to live. I've seen you, Jack. You fight death with everything you've got. Even when the odds are stacked against you, you refuse to go down. Even when it seems like there is no way out, you find one. You don't give up, you don't surrender. Except when it's our lives on the line. I don't get it. I don't understand how you can fight so hard to stay alive and then turn around and give yourself up like that. He was going to kill you." Daniel's voice broke and he had to look away.
"Daniel." Jack's voice was softer now, almost gentle. "I'm okay. The kid was stealthier than I gave him credit for, and he threw that grenade with more skill than most trained Marines. My would-be executioner is dead. I'm alive. We made it home."
"This time. But what about next time, Jack? What happens when your luck finally runs out?"
"Then I die," he said matter-of-factly. "If it means you guys make it home safe, I'm okay with that."
"Well I'm not. It shouldn't be your job to jump in front of a bullet meant for me. No one should be able to order you to sacrifice your own life to save mine."
"Daniel, if I die out there it won't be your fault."
"If you die protecting me-"
"Then that will be my choice! Daniel, if I was so concerned about dying I could retire and pass this job onto the next guy. Hell, I probably should, seeing as I'm not as young as I used to be. But I'm not prepared to trust your lives to someone who doesn't know or care about you guys like I do."
Daniel gaped at him. He couldn't quite believe that Jack had allowed that confession to escape his lips.
But Jack wasn't finished. "I don't do this because it's my job, or because I'm ordered to. Back on Abydos, that first time… you gave me back the will to live. But at the same time, you became someone I'd gladly give my life for. And I'm sorry if that upsets you, but I'd rather die and have you pissed at me for it than lose you and have to find some way to live with that. You're my friend, Daniel. Actually, if I'm perfectly honest, it's more than that. You, Carter and Teal'c are my family. You're all I have."
"Same here. You were there for me when no one else was. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I could have found the will to keep going when I lost Sha're."
"You're stronger than you think. You don't need me."
"You're wrong about that. You're important, Jack, to me, to all of us. You give us strength when we're struggling, courage when we're afraid, hope when it seems hopeless, laughter when we're down, energy when we're tired, the will to keep fighting when we're on the verge of giving up… you even give us a kick up the ass when we need it."
"Which, in your case, is every other day."
Daniel snorted. This was exactly what he was talking about. He could feel his emotions crowding dangerously close to the surface, but Jack was using humour to offset the intensity of the moment, giving Daniel the chance to regroup and regain control.
He took a breath and let it out slowly. "Jack, I understand why you did what you did. And I appreciate it. But I need you to understand that your life has value, too. I owe you my life hundreds of times over. So do Sam and Teal'c. In fact, every person on Earth, Abydos, and dozens of other worlds across the galaxy, as well as quite a few alien races including the Asgard, are alive and well because of you. You're not just some cookie-cutter Colonel. What you do makes a difference. And every time I step foot through that 'gate, I feel safer knowing that you are watching my back. So I guess what I'm trying to say is thank you – and please don't go dying if you can help it."
Jack clapped him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, Daniel. I'm not planning on going anywhere any time soon. You know me – I'm a stubborn son of a bitch, and I don't go down easy. Chances are that you're stuck with me for the long term."
Daniel smiled. "I can live with that."