. . . .

. . .

. .

. RATED-M FOR CRUDE LANGUAGE, DRUG AND ALCOHOL REFERENCES AND EXPLICIT SEXUAL CONTENT

. .

. . .

. . . .

me + aimlessly watching youtube vids + listening to music from Pogo + boredom + excessive coffee consumption + the convenience of a laptop = this random story.

i used some reference to the song "Tonight, tonight" by Hot Chelle Rae for the beginning of this as well as a tiny bit of inspiration from the song "Ride to California" by Paper Tongues. Enjoy?

Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy. Richelle Meads does. i wish i did. well, just Dimitri in particular though. a girl can dream right? ; )

Adventure #1 -Pyro

"Tonight's the fucking night!" Dimitri roars speeding my Ferrari wildly down the freeway as I silently brood in the back passenger seat.

It's been a really really messed up week

Seven days of torture, seven days of bitter

And my girlfriend went and cheated on me...

The night of graduation at St. Vladimir's academy was supposed to be a great night for me and my girlfriend Mia. I went through a lot of shit that week with people fucking with me, trying to get me to drop out at last minute. The other graduating royal Moroi didn't want a 'strigoi' wannable anywhere near them on their freaking precious graduation day.

So I gladly set them on fire, not letting their clothes or skin burn off of course, and made my point known that I wasn't going anywhere. And as always they ignored my threats and continued to berate me.

I lasted the whole week with an onslaught of pranks and teasing as I mentally focused on Mia. She had another year to go before she graduated but she promised she'd be there for me that day and reward me when it was over.

We'd been dating for two months and tonight I was finally going to do her. We'd made-out a lot but never really got past second base.

I looked forward to that day all week. But when I walked the halls of my school for the last time before the ceremony, I walked past a janitor closet and heard a deep groan and rustling noise.

The idiot or perv that I am, whatever the hell you want to choose, moronically went over to the closet and opened the door. What I saw in there both pissed me off and broke my heart all at once.

There was my girlfriend Mia Rinaldi being pounded by Jesse Zeklos (aka the school's manwhore) of all fucking people!

At first I just wanted to ignite them both on fire and watch them burn and writhe in a flaming heat, but then thought against it. Someone unfortunately would hear them screaming...

The pussy that I am just spat "We're through." to Mia's shocked, wide-blue eyes and stalked away from them.

At that point I didn't really care about the ceremony anymore. I just wanted to leave. Maybe go to a hotel, hide in a corner and slit my wrists perhaps...

As I was contemplating this idea I bumped into my best friend and soon to be guardian, Dimitri Belikov.

"What in god's mother fucking green earth is the hell matter with you!" he barks pointing to his watch.

"The fucking ceremony is about to start!" He snaps seizing my arm and shoving me out the door of the building's main entrance. I swirl around and shout, "I just caught Mia fucking Jesse in a closet man!"

His eyes widen as he asks, "Shit. Really?"

I glare at him and he nods his head muttering, "Told you she was a skank..." before punching a wall.

I stand back a little as he squares his shoulders and his nostrils flare, through gritted teeth he seethes, "Where the fuck is that fucktard Jesse?"

Woah, come on, ohh, it doesn't matter...

I try to say. But Dimitri grabs me by the collar and stares me down. I gulp and point to the closet across the hall. Dimitri let's go of me and charges down the dark corridor like death in a flipping cowboy duster and yanks the janitor closet's door open to reveal Jesse still screwing Mia.

He grabs a hold of Jesse and begins to beat the shit out of him.

I'd stop him, but Dimitri's got some anger issues and nobody in their right mind would try to tame an angry Russian when they're pissed off.

Ten minutes later...

"Nobody fucks with my charge!" Dimitri growls one more time as he punches Jesse's face one final time, then drops him to the floor and strides past me muttering, "Come on we have a graduation to attend..."

I smile at him and we leave to graduate.

Afterwards we're quickly making our way to my Ferrari Estoque. I smirk every time I look at my car. With all the money left over from my parents after they went nuts, I managed to get a hold of this one of a kind beast. A sedan with a punch. Does it get much better than that? Yes. Yes it does because I had a twin-turbo engine installed into this metal monster, the back bucket seats ripped out and replace with a bench seat instead and changed the paint job to a blazing red. God I love my car...

I shake my head as Dimitri quickens his pace as Headmistress Kirova and Guardian Petrov make their way towards us. Shit. Jesse must of told them about who beat him up.

We hop into the car and as I revving the engine Paper Tongues' song "Ride to California" blasts through the sound system and we share a knowing look.

"You wanna to party in L.A.?" Dimitri grins already reading my mind. I think about how my parents betrayed me, how everyone hates me and my aunt now and how much I was just fucked over by Mia. And suddenly it hits me.

Whatever. It doesn't matter, so oh well!

I shove my foot down on the throttle and take off...

Thanks to my connections I scored us a passenger air-freight flight and we landed hours later in LAX with my car in tow.

I have an apartment here that I bought a month ago. I told Dimitri I didn't really want to live around Moroi society anymore and he agreed with me so I invested in a nice condo not too far from the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles.

When we got to the apartment, I raided the fully stocked bar and spoke:

"We're going at it tonight tonight

There's a party on the rooftop top of the world

Tonight tonight and were dancing on the edge of the Hollywood sign..."

"Fuck yeah! We're breaking free!" Dimitri shouted taking a generous swig straight from a bottle of Stolichnaya that had a blue label. Good God. Russians sure do love their vodka not to mention that thing was is at least 100 proof.

I poured myself a shot of Grey Goose and let it burn down my throat. As much as I tried to not let it show, I was feeling like shit after how things ended between me and Mia.

I don't know if I'll make it but watch how good I'll fake it...

"Its all right, all right, tonight, tonight!" Dimitri shouted bringing me back to reality as the car drove up to a club. Since he was the one driving this time I've unfortunately returned back to the troubling thoughts of my now ex-girlfriend. I thought we really had something good going on...

As we flashed our fake I.D.'s and strode into the club, it was like flipping a switch in my mind.

I can't let what Mia did get to me.

Dimitri turns to me and shouts above the loud music, "Just don't stop. Let's keep the beat pumpin'... Forget about her man. Keep the beat up. It's time to party and We can get crazy, let it all out..."

I nod my head and we parted ways for a bit as Dimitri walks himself over to the bar for more vodka and then disappears into the crowd.

I met a few girls on the dance floor but they didn't seem to spark my interest so in the end I opted to hang by the bar instead. On my second drink a red-headed woman approached me.

Even in this dim lighting, I could tell she had her make-up caked on. Not to mention her flabby body was barely covered in an overly revealing hooker-style dress.

"Hey can I buy you a drink?" she purred leaning towards me. I almost barfed at the smell of her reeking tobacco and rotten donkey ass breath. I was about to made a snide comment when out of nowhere Dimitri showed up.

He comes up behind the ugly assed skank and shouts, "Awe shit...BACK THAT ASS UP! CAUSE BITCH YOU MAKE ME WANNA AH-HA..." Towards the end his voice raised a few octaves in a fake female tone as the woman whipped her head in his direction and he gyrated his hips dry-humming the air.

She let out a huff and stormed off. I high-fived him as I mouthed a quick 'thank you' to him.

He grinned at me and slapped my back. "No prob man. Here." he handed me some type of flaming drink.

"What the hell is th-"

"Stop bitching and fucking drink it." Dimitri barked as he sat down next to me and ordered yet again more vodka. The guy could seriously down some hard liquor.

I shrugged my shoulders he was right. I thought about putting out the flame first before drinking it but decided against. Oh fuck it. was my last thought before taking a gulp of the drink. Shit it was good, I don't know what the fuck was in it, but it tasted like Dr. Pepper.

I was about to pull the glass tip away from my mouth and place it down when a hand shot out pushed my drink to my lips again. "You have to chug it." Dimitri snapped.

"But-"

"Stop being a fucking pussy and CHUG IT!" Dimitri demanded.

Crap. I didn't want to provoke his anger out in such a public place so I rolled my eyes and chugged the damn drink. When I finish it off I slammed the glass down onto the bar and blinked a couple times. That drink was strong.

Dimitri chuckled at my facial expression and ordered me another...

Three drinks later, a few jokes spared, and a brief scan of the club. I had finally found the courage to pick a woman up for the night.

Dimitri being the great wingman that he his, helped me fine a nice piece of ass and before I knew it I was stumbling out of the bar with her giggling in tow. Dimitri brought the car around and I help her it.

"Who's he?" The blonde woman with green eyes squeaked as I bit on her earlobe. "My driver." I mumbled sucking on her neck and letting my hand move up the short hem of her dress.

As the car started moving she gasped as I plunged a finger into her nice, wet and warm pussy.

"Ohmygawd" she shrieked as I plunged another finger in and started to pump them in and out of her.

"What's wrong?" I purred while licking behind her ear.

She moaned before uttering, "I just thought... you were going to take me somewhere first before you- Mmmm..." she trailed off as I pinched one of her nipples through the thin fabric of her dress.

I chuckled before whispering in her ear, "Don't worry baby I'm going to take you somewhere nice, but before we get there I wanna make sure you're ready for me..." I trail off pumping my fingers harder inside of her eliciting another moan from her.

This was a trade ritual me and Dimitri usually did when going out to party. Find a hot, bothered, wild, drunk girl and take her back to our place.

I brought her to the brink of orgasm two times before we reached the apartment. Once there Dimitri parks the car and unlocked the front door. As I guide her to the bedroom I whisper in her ear, "Oh I hope you don't mine but my friend Dimitri here likes to drink a good pussy before heading off for the night."

Her eyes widen a bit at what I'm suggesting but she has this flash of hunger and excitement that radiates in her eyes before a naughty grin plays up on the corners of her mouth as she growls, "I don't mind at all..."

Once inside the room I push her up against a wall and tangled our tongues together while groping every square inch of her that my hands can reach.

Throughout our making-out I managed to rid of my shirt and pants while ripping her dress off.

I pull away for air and she starts grinding her hips against my stiffly rising cock while sucking on my neck. I grin widely as I watch Dimitri come into the room fully clothed.

I guide the girl in heat towards the bed while Dimitri comes behind her and unclasps her bra. She shudders from the motion and feel of another man touching her but doesn't pull away from me. Instead she kisses me hard as Dimitri runs his hands down her back, removing her panties while I fondled she breasts.

I release her and back away while Dimitri takes over and starts kneading and sucking her erect nipples.

He directs her to sit on the bed while I take my boxers off. He parts her legs widely while switching sides and starts sucking on her other tit while I slowly make my advance.

He sticks three fingers into her dripping wet puss and her eyes snap open and she moans.

I smirk at her and finish the gap between us. Her eyes swim with lust as I place my hand on her shoulder and run them downwards to cup her slightly bruised breasts. I give them a tight squeeze as Dimitri pumps his fingers harder into her.

She moans softly as she eyes my excited and stiffly standing cock.

I give her a devilish grin as I growl, "I don't think I mentioned this before but we both love a woman who can multi-task..." I trail off and pinch both her swollen nipples as Dimitri thumbs her clit roughly.

She screams out in pleasure as I knot a hand into her hair and Dimitri positions himself onto his knees where he grips her thighs tightly.

With my free hand I run a finger over her lips, tracing them while she watches me hungrily and let's her hand forcefully stroke up my shaft.

She parts her mouth open giving me the invitation and leans forward.

Me and Dimitri share a knowing look as I shove my dick into her waiting mouth and he glides his tongue up her inner thigh where he latches his mouth onto her pulsating center.

She moans from the feel and I ease myself deeper down her throat where she's taking me whole.

Her eyes glisten with raging lust as she sucks me gingerly, adjusting to my size.

After awhile, I'm mesmerized as her jade-green eyes lock with mine as my dick slides between her plump lips-taking me into her hot, wet mouth.

I groan as she pulls back and licks around the outer edges of my dick before biting down on on tip.

A fire bursts inside of me as I knot both my hands into her lush golden hair and start taking her mouth hard, shoving my dick farther down her throat with every thrust.

I feel the vibrations of her loud moaning tingle around my cock as Dimitri eats her savagely.

In an erotic blur I fuck her mouth faster and harder as I spill my hot contents down her throat.

She eagerly drinks it all while her eyes roll back as Dimitri brings her to an orgasm. With trembling fingers her small hands grip my hips for support as she continues to suck on me until I've softened in her mouth.

I pull out with a 'pop' as Dimitri stands up and wipes his mouth.

The blonde stares at us dreamily as Dimitri strokes her cheek thanking her for 'dessert' before turning to me.

"She's all yours now." he chuckles patting my back before he walks out of the room and leaves the apartment.

I run a hand down my face and murmur, "Fuck baby you give some good head. Now let's see what happens when I screw you properly..." She smiles at me as I push her farther into the bed and lay her on her back.

"You're my mine now." I growl gripping her hips tightly.

She rests her hands behind my back letting her nails dig into my skin and bites my ear as she purrs, "Well fucking explore me and I will be."

I can feel my dick twitch from how wild and willing this little sex bot is. All thoughts of Mia fade away as I gaze at this beautiful woman that lies waiting beneath me.

I have a feeling we're going to do a lot of exploring tonight...

*this first oneshot is in the process of being rewritten* thanks for the awesome reviews so far ^_^

In the meantime: tell me the craziest, randomest (is that even a word?), funniest Dimitri & Christian moments you can think of for a oneshot and I'll write it.

Submit your requests via review or PM.

-xXLove-BiteXx