Chapter 1

Declan had been gone for about a week now, the whole situation still weighed heavily on Brendan's mind. He knew what he'd done was the best for both him and Declan. Still he couldn't help feeling bad for not explaining himself properly. He could only hope that Declan would figure it out and understand, he was a smart kid after all.

Brendan had been drinking, pondering on his life and what he'd done to mess it up. For instance, he had someone who cared for him and wanted to help him talk. Of course he made sure to give him an almighty push. Which has always been Brendan Brady's first line of defence, can't let anyone get too close now can he. Lately though he found himself wondering if this was such a good thing. He figured it was probably that Ashley's fault that he was even wasting his time considering these things, her with all her questions. He pushed Ash away too, although without really realising it. He never thought he'd need her psycho-babble insights on his life, so when he did need it and she avoided him he felt bad realising what he must have done subconsciously.

Brendan's not quite sure how it came about but he was now standing outside Ste's house. With out real reason or thought toward a reason he decided to go inside. Easy brake-in really but that's cheap doors for you.
He found Ste's room and saw him sleeping it was 1am and he had two young children they take it out of you. He stood there a moment just watching then started to feel a little creepy, the thought made him chuckle a little loudly which caused Ste to stir in his sleep. 'Oops' Brendan thought to himself. He then settled in next to Ste, 'This is nice' he thought to himself and dozed off. That may have been one of the most peaceful sleeps Brendan had had in a while though he'd never admit it of course.

Brendan got up hurriedly as the birds outside started chirping, and he knew either Leah or Lucas was likely to come in to wake daddy any minute. As sweet as that sounded, he couldn't stay to watch. Stephen didn't know he was there after all.
As Brendan made his way home he thought to himself 'Brendan Brady what the hell is wrong with you?'

Ste woke as normal with the children asking for their breakfast. He felt nicely rested and had a good feeling about the day ahead.
Having dropped the children of at nursery Ste made his way to town to look at the local job agencies to see if any more jobs had become available.
A few hours later and one or two C.V.'s lighter he didn't feel to confident any more, but then what do you expect having heard the statistics of getting a job nowadays. Still he kept positive for Amy's sake and that of the children. He might not be able to provide much for them but he could at least make sure he was a fun dad and friend.
Ste sat on a bench and thought about what had gone wrong. 'I should have kept my mouth shut' he thought. 'Should have let Brendan deal with it alone. That's what he likes to do anyway.'
Ste sighed he had thought they could be friends now, that they could be civil. He felt stupid, so stupid for thinking anything could change where Brendan was concerned. Especially Brendan himself.
"You are what you are Brendan Brady, I just wish you could see I only did what I did because I was asked to." Ste surprised himself a little by saying that out loud but felt better for doing it.

Not one for confronting an emotional issue like a normal person Brendan Brady kept sneaking into Ste's bed. Never waking him and leaving early so as not to be discovered. This went on for some time and became a game for him, a challenge. He got good at it too in his opinion until one night.
Leah had a bad dream and came into daddy's room for comfort, but found Brendan on the side of the bed she wanted to creep into. Not understanding it should be scary to find a stranger in bed with daddy and just finding it odd, Leah poked Brendan awake.
Brendan wasn't very pleased to be woken up but with the surprise of who was doing the waking he remained silent.
"Who are you?" Leah whispered.
Brendan swallowed thinking on what would be the best answer. He decided to be honest. "My name is Brendan."
As he sat up Leah looked him over and judged him kind. "I had a bad dream." sniffling as she recalled the dream "I want a cuddle from daddy." she paused a moment then asked "Is that why you're here?"
Brendan smiled warmly thinking how precious it was the way a child's mind worked.
"I don't have a daddy of my own around so I borrowed yours. Is that okay little lady?" he finally replied, hoping this was an appropriate answer for Leah's young mind to deal with.
Leah thought a moment then nodded. Brendan then lifted her into bed and placed her next to Ste, he then got out of the bed himself and said goodbye to Leah. As he turned to leave he stopped and whispered "Please don't say anything, don't want daddy thinking I'm a fraidy-cat." Leah giggled softly and agreed. With that Brendan left. Little did he know Ste had woken up and heard Leah and Brendan's little chat.

Not sure what to do now Brendan wandered the streets a bit. Finally confronting himself with what he'd been doing and why. He'd already given up on the notion of being bulletproof after Declan had gone, but that he was this fragile after the events of the past year made him feel sick to his stomach. He was after all a man. Gay or not, he shouldn't feel so dependant on needing someone he cared for so close. Especially someone who didn't really care for him. Brendan sighed finding that he was walking up to Chéz Chez. If he wasn't going to sleep he may as well have a drink. As he poured a drink his thoughts continued to mull over his situation and emotional status.