Halloween At the Lair
I don't own any of the characters in this fic except the kids. Go ahead and sue. I got nothing! Mwahahahahahaha! Oh wait…I don't the kids in the story ether. Oh well. I don't own South Park, Harry Potter, Where's Waldo, Gundam W or any other character in this fic. ^ ^
It was Halloween night. The leaves were falling of the trees. Little kids dressed as mutants were running like little savages across New York…despite all the dirty hobos out in the street. Anyways, Halloween was such a drag at the lair…
Knock; knock!
"Toad answered the door!" Mystique yelled as loud as she could.
"Sorry mom! Do it your self!" Toad snapped at Mystique and walked away.
Mystique hated this time off the year. Every Halloween little brats would come to knock on their door dressed as mutants or goofy T.V. Characters and demanded some damn candy. Last year, they had no candy so the little brats threw eggs at the door. "I'm ready for them this year though." Thought Mystique as she was polishing her brand-new shotgun.
Finally Sabretooth, who was smoking a cigarette stalked towards the door to see what all the commotion's about.
Sabretooth swung the door open.
"TRICK OR TREAT!" All 5 children yelled. There was a pirate, a blue power ranger, some smart ass punk dressed as Harry Potter, a little witch, and a kid dressed as Trowa Barton who had a piece of hair covering his left eye.
Sabretooth blew smoke at them.
"Eww! Man you need a breath mint." Coughed the Harry Potter look-alike.
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Sabretooth roared at them in a feeble attempt to scare them away.
"You suck!" The little witch squealed.
"Give us our candy man!" Demanded the angry blue power ranger.
"GO AWAY!" Sabretooth was practically begging.
"That hairy bastard has no candy!" The pirate pointed accusingly at Sabretooth.
Splat! The Trowa Barton look-alike threw an Easter egg at Sabretooth's face.
"Let's get him!" Yelled the innocent looking witch.
All the little kids started throwing Easter eggs at Sabretooth. A bunch of egg yolk as thick as Toad's slime covered Sabretooth's face. He tried to attack them but he couldn't see.
"MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Laughed the mentally demented pirate as he kept throwing Easter eggs at poor Creed. ~.~
Sabretooth was forced to retreat back into the lair.
"Sabretooth what the fuck happened!?" Screamed a very shocked Mystique.
She looked at Sabretooth from head to toe. He was covered in thick egg yolk.
"Can't breathe!" Sabretooth grabbed his yolk-covered nose and collapsed on the floor.
"Damn!" Mystique cursed as she began to clean the yolk away from Sabretooth's nose.
She stood up and ran towards Toad's room. There was only one thing she could do now, and that was steel Toad's chocolate bars.
(Note: If Toad caught Mystique steeling his chocolate then he think would think that she wanted to eat it. He would bug Mystique about her weight for months to come, asking questions like, when would she join Richard Simon's weight loss program or, maybe she should try Jenny Craig. Mystique couldn't stand Toad's smart-ass mouth. She mustn't get caught. Not now! Not now when she's lost so much weight and is finally recovering her self-esteem! Go Mystique! Think thin!)
Mystique creped up quietly like a cat as she entered Toad's room. Toad was snoozing on the bed mumbling British cursing in his sleep like, bloody wankers or pot headed nutters.
'Toad is such a pig!' Thought Mystique, as she tried not to trip over all the junk and clutter on the floor.
Mystique quietly made her way towards the closet. She opened the door and carefully took out a big box full of Hershey bars and Hershey's kisses. She crept quietly back towards the door…and tripped on a plastic rubber woman.
TUMP! Mystique fell hard on the floor and so did the candy. Toad was beginning to wake-up. Mystique grabbed as much candy as she could and ran out of his room.
She ran down the stairs and opened the front door. She threw all the candy she had managed to carry from Toad's room towards the little kids who were throwing toilet paper all around the lair.
"There's your stupid candy! Are you happy now?!" Mystique shrieked uncontrollably at the kids.
"Thank-you nice lady!" Cheered all the little kids.
The little kids merrily skipped away towards another house.
"Finally." Mystique sighed and went back into the house.
She threw herself at the couch. Happy that the whole ordeal was over when…
Knock; knock
"CRAP! Not again!" Mystique wasn't going to get up this time that's for sure.
"TOAD, ANSWER THE FUCKING DOOR!" Mystique screamed at the top of her lungs. She settled down into a fetal position, sucking her thumb.
Toad angrily wakes up and marches down the stairs towards the door.
Toad opens the door and steps outside to find 14 eyes staring at him very, very evilly.
TRICK OR TREAT! All 7 children screamed, howled, and shrieked. There was a girl dressed as Sailor Saturn, another Harry Potter look-alike, a pink power ranger, an Eskimo, a guy dressed like Waldo from 'Where is Waldo', a guy dressed like Heero Yuy who was wearing spandex, and a guy dressed like Chang Wufei who was wearing Chinese fighting clothes and had a short black pigtail on the back of his neck.
"WHAT DA YA WANT?" Toad sneered.
"Candy!" All 7 children howled.
"We don't have any so go away!" With that Toad stepped back inside and slammed the door.
"INJUSTICE!" Someone from outside yelled.
"Omae o korosu!" Someone else yelled in Japanese. (Note: Omae o korosu means, "I'll kill you")
Someone suddenly threw a rock and smashed the window.
"Yeah, let's ice this place!" Howled the Eskimo.
"Bobby that's enough." Said the pink power ranger.
"I want my freaking candy Rogue!" Bobby began to ice a part of the lair.
"Jubilee, do something!" Rogue yelled towards Sailor Saturn look-alike.
"No way! This is too much fun!" Jubilee began to shoot fireworks all over the place.
"I've had ENOUGH!!!" Mystique stood up from the couch, grabbed her shotgun and ran towards the door.
"Mystique no! You don't know what you're doing!" Yelled Toad but it was too late.
"AHAHAHAHAHA! DIE, DIE, DIEEEEEEEE!!! MUWAHAHAHAHA! Mystique finally lost it. She began to shoot all over the place.
"YOU WEAK ONNA! WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE FIGHTING. THEY SHOULD BE HOME COOKING AND CLEANING! INJUSTICE, INJUSTICE, OH NATAKU WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE SUCH INJUSTICE?! WOMEN ARE WEAK! DAMN ALL WOMEN… Wufei continued to curse women for another 5 minutes.
Heero couldn't stand it anymore. He took out a gun from nowhere and shot Wufei's head off.
"Oh my god, he killed Wufei!" Bobby shrieked like a little girl.
"You bastards!" Jubilee added.
"Go away!" Mystique began to shoot into the sky.
"AHHHH!" All the little kids shirked and ran away like the little sissy's they truly are.
"MUWAHAHAHAHA!" Mystique laughed insanely, shooting at the night's sky even though all the little kids were gone.
"Oh no!" Toad sighed and went to the mini-bar. He drank about 14 cans of Budweiser before passing out.
Mystique came back inside and went to sleep in the couch.
That was when all the chaos started. Parents from near-by neighborhoods including the x-men came to the lair to complain about their kid's gun wounds.
Knock; knock
Mystique didn't even call Toad. She stood up from her fetal position in the couch and walked towards the door. She cautiously opened the door. A mob of angry parents and guardians were outside the door with weapons and stuff.
"How dare you shoot our kids?" A woman shouted.
"Oh my god, they are on drugs!" Shouted Jean Grey.
"A guy who promotes smoking?" Some other crazy parent pointed at a snoring Sabretooth who still had a cigarette in his mouth.
"Why do I have to be here?" Wolverine asked.
"You have to help us beat these motherfuckers up if they get out of control." Answered Storm.
"Think of the children!" Shouted Cyclops. At that point everyone including Jean and Mystique gave Cyclops the look.
Whack! Jean hit Cyclops in the back of his head with a lucky rabbit foot thingy she pulled out off nowhere.
"Yay!" Everyone cheered. They were all happy that the gay guy was unconscious.
Toad got up from the mini-bar and began to prance around.
"Motherfuckers, motherfuckers, motherfuckers!" Toad began to prance around Storm. Toad then went back into the lair and began to run around in circles. He then jumped to a chandelier and then pinball around the room.
"Excuse me." Mystique said to the waiting parents and slammed the door shut.
Sabretooth revived only to have Toad step on him.
"Sabretooth help me catch him!" Mystique screeched.
Sabretooth chassed Toad around the living room.
"Do it now!
You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel!
Gettin horny now! Toad sang very loud and ran up stairs towards Sabretooth's room.
"Stay out of my room you he-bitch!" Sabretooth ran after Toad.
Toad ran into Sabretooth's room. He began to look around and spotted a Britney Spears poster. Toad ripped it off the wall, then ripped it in half and began to jump on it.
"DIE, DIE, DIE!" Toad yelled at the remains of the Britney Spears poster.
"NO! MY BITCH! Toad you killed my bitch!" Sabretooth whimpered and ran towards the destroyed Britney Spears poster. He picked up the remains and began to sob uncontrollably.
"Oops, I did it again!" Toad sang out loud and ran out of Sabretooth's room towards Mystique's room. He looked around the room for something to destroy. He spotted Slim Fast shakes.
"TOAD NO!" Mystique shrieked.
But it was too late. Toad drank the whole thing. He ran down stairs again towards the kitchen.
Mystique hurried towards her closet. She pulled out her shotgun refills.
Toad darted around the kitchen and ate Magneto's parakeet Kiwi.
"Toad, get back here!" Mystique chased Toad around the house but she was no match for his speed. Mystique shot at the roof. With that all the parents came running into the house.
"What's going on here?" Storm asked in her very soft voice.
"The drug addict has gone insane!" Mystique screeched indignantly.
"We can help!" Said a revived Cyclops.
"Damn it Cyclops, can't you keep you're mouth shut for one freakin' second?!" Jean elbowed Scott's ribs really hard.
Toad came running out of the kitchen…naked.
"TRICK OR TREAT!" Toad yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Ooooh!" Jean and Storm howled. They took out cameras from who knows where and began to take pictures of Toad's naked body.
Scott and Logan began to get jealous. Everyone else was just really pissed off.
"Die, man-whore!" Scott shrieked like a little girl. Everyone else charged at Toad.
………………………………………………………………………….
By 4:00 in the morning the chase had ended. Toad kicked Scott's ass. Wolverine tied Toad to a chair. Jean called an ambulance. Scott went to the emergency room for severe butt rot. Toad's toxic slime on Scott's ass had been the root of the problem. Wolverine went with Scott to the hospital so he could annoy him and call him a dick…again. Everyone else went home. Mystique and Sabretooth slept guarding a hyperactive Toad… Magneto is on his way from the airport after going to a Star Wars convention in Milwaukee, and that brings us up to date. ^_^
Chrunck! The door bursts open.
"What the fuck happened here?!" Magneto screamed, shocked and appalled.
"Uhh?" Mystique didn't know what to say.
Magneto ran towards the kitchen.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! KIWIIIIII! My precious birdie." Magneto collapsed to the kitchen floor and began to cry uncontrollably for the loss of his beloved bird. "Who did this?!" Magneto shrieked at Mystique.
Mystique pointed at Toad…who was still naked and tied to a chair, sleeping.
Magneto wasted no time in calling the nut house. Later at 10:00 in the morning the nut house agency came and took Toad for rehabilitation in a crazy house somewhere in Connecticut.
…………………………………………………………………….
"Mister Toynbee what would you like with you're cereal, a banana or a pop tart? Asked the very sweet nurse to Toad. Poor Toad was tied to a bed.
"Pop tart!" Toad answered in a very pissed-off attitude.
The nurse scowled at him. She couldn't help trying to look at his ass as she left the mattress-walled room.
A guy from the second bed looked at Toad.
"Hey dude give me half you're pop tart when she unties us kay?"
"Hey, aren't you that Eskimo? Why are you here?" Toad asked curiously.
"I'm being punished for gluing my teacher's rotten butt to his seat." Bobby beamed.
Oooooh! What a dumb ending. So review my fanfic please. ^-^ This may be my weirdest fic! If I have any mistakes or bad grammar then I'm sorry. I haven't had time to cheek my spelling or anything. @_@