A Pocket Full of Posies - YukiMasa Sanadate
It's mostly Yukimasa Sanadate however you want to say it. But Kojuro gets to do the closing thoughts.
edited by my wonderful beta
*cries* I couldn't think of a good title
Yukimura finally managed to beat Masamune in a contest! It was a simple race around the school, but he managed to pull ahead and win, passing the finish line a good ten seconds before him.
There was the brief time of doubt where Yukimura thought that maybe Masamune went easy on him, until he saw him kneeled over and panting. The dragon was exhausted and had did his best to beat him.
Yukimura's training had paid off!
Masamune took the loss gracefully, even ignoring the few taunts that came over the next few days. Apparently, there were people who had been waiting to see him lose. However, Masamune had congratulated him, admitting defeat and everything!
Thinking back to it, that probably should have been a sign.
The weeks that followed had been peaceful: nothing had changed. Masamune was still his flamboyant self, and the race had been all but forgotten. A long weekend was approaching and everyone was making plans on how to spend it.
Kojuro had insisted on Masamune staying home, so Yukimura decided to visit the Date estate.
"If you go outside, don't do anything dangerous." Kojuro all but pleaded. Since Masamune fought off the illness that took his eye, all those years ago, he had been very protective over him.
"Okay." Masamune rolled his eye. There were few times when he took these kind of things seriously. "It's not like we're going into a mine field or anything." He said. "It's just the back yard."
Kojuro glared.
"We won't be reckless." Masamune promised with a smile.
This time he actually seemed to listen. Normally they would go further into the woods, or leave a note saying they were going in to town. Today he was okay with not doing much of anything. He just seemed happy to be able to be outside with Yukimura. The latter of which was talking non-stop about whatever popped into his head.
"We should head back in." Masamune sighed. The sun was going to start to set soon, and he didn't want to worry Kojuro too much.
"I'll race you back to the house!" Yukimura grinned. Masamune agreed, and they took off towards the back door. Even in the short distance it didn't take long for Yukimura to pull ahead once again. He tagged the door frame first, and cheered ready to celebrate.
But Masamune wasn't right behind him like he should be. He was still in the middle of the yard, hunched over with his hands on his knees. He was panting, and slowly going down to the ground as he struggled to stay up right.
"Masamune!" He ran back to the middle of the yard to see what was wrong with his friend.
"Get…Kojuro." Masamune manage to say through each gasping breath. He was on his hands and knees now. His whole body shook with each labored breath and wheeze. He was getting paler, and the noises he was making got worse.
It made Yukimura falter for a second. He didn't want to leave him here, but at the same time, things would get worse if he didn't.
"I'll be right back." He ran back in the house frantically looking for Kojuro, who became just as panicked as Yukimura explained what happened. By the time they got back to where Masamune was, he was completely on the ground shallowly breathing and shaking a bit. And worse, he was unconscious.
Kojuro scooped him up and brought him back into the house. The next few minutes were filled with Kojuro barking orders to the other men. Yukimura can't recall everything that happened, but he remembered the ambulance being called and Masamune being taken away.
It turns out that Masamune was really sick. Yukimura always knew that illness was what took Masamune's eye, but he didn't know about the other problems. He hadn't been aware of Masamune's worsening state, and neither had Kojuro.
He would have to say in the hospital for no less than three days, but no more than a week. That's what the teachers had told the students as they passed around the "Get Well," card. Yukimura still wasn't sure how to feel: he couldn't shake the feeling that something was really wrong with Masamune. He was told he would be fine, but didn't believe it.
It wasn't until the weekend, that he was able to go visit him. His mind wouldn't be put at ease until he saw that Masamune was really okay. Once he saw him sitting up and smiling at him, he would be able to get the image of him collapsed on the ground, out of his head.
Once he knew he was okay he would be able to relax.
It's why he felt himself hesitate when he saw Kojuro sitting in the hallway, head in his hands. Yukimura could tell he was crying even though there was a hallways distance between them. He wasn't sure what to do. He couldn't just walk past him, but he doubted that Kojuro wanted to be bothered right now. At the same time he was worried. He could only think of one reason from him to be crying like this.
"Is Masamune okay? Did something happen?" He blurted out once he was in ear range.
"He's up and talking." Kojuro cleared his throat and wiped his eyes. "You should go in. He'll be glad to see you."
"But is he okay?"
"For the moment." Kojuro sighed. "He gets to go home tomorrow, and from there we'll see how things go."
Yukimura nodded. He didn't bother to point out that Kojuro had danced around the question, and neglected to give a definite answer. He would have to see for himself! And that scared him. He found himself praying as he turned the door knob.
"Hey!" Masamune grinned seeing his friend enter the room. He didn't seem to be aware of the tubes coming out of his nose and the IV's in his arm. He was just happy to see Yukimura.
"You look like you're doing exceedingly well."
"Get to go home in a few days." Masamune confirmed.
"That's good." Yukimura pulled up a chair. "What happened?"
"It's a long story." Masamune said. "But, I'm going to be okay!"
"I'm truly glad: I've been worried about your well being since that day. It's a relief to see you doing so well now!"
Masamune only smiled at him before laying down. The medicine that they had given him, it must be wearing him out. Yukimura stayed regardless. He could tell that his presence was welcomed. They didn't have one continuous conversation, rather short exchanges of words.
Kojuro didn't come back in until he came to let Yukimura know that Sasuke was outside waiting for him. They said their goodbyes, and Yukimura promised to be at Masamune's the day he got out.
Even though that day was a Tuesday, Sasuke let him skip school in order to see him. Masamune grinned upon his arrival. Kojuro made snacks and left them to their own devices, though Yukimura was pretty sure that he was right in the other room.
They weren't able to go outside, because Masamune was still recovering. He was still a bit out of it, but insisted on hanging out. They spent their time playing video games. During this period, Kojuro had peeked in reminding Masamune to do his treatment.
Masamune sighed, but Yukimura caught the quick look of apprehension flash in his eye. It was probably because his treatment involved an oxygen max hooked up to the medicine he had to inhale.
Yukimura made sure not to stare. He wanted to act like nothing was happening. Because no matter how he looked at it, Masamune wasn't okay! However, he didn't want to make Masamune feel self conscious about his treatment and hinder him from getting better.
A month passed, and Masamune hadn't been at school. His classmates had stopped by to give him his school work, but he hadn't been doing it. He said that the end of the year was coming so it didn't really matter.
His treatment became more frequent, but he was able to sit outside on the porch. He preferred the one in the backyard. There were days when they would just sit there, again, not talking.
Yukimura preferred to be inside and play video games. On those days Masamune was more active and lively. He would push Yukimura whenever the tiger got close to winning. His eye would light up and he grinned, all but bouncing as the game got more intense.
"Did you see that!" He pulled the mask off his face so that Yukimura could clearly hear his taunts.
"PUT IT BACK ON!" Kojuro yelled from the other room, somehow able to tell that Masamune had taken it off.
"Yeah, yeah." Masamune rolled his eyes, but put it back on. "..it's….helping…"
Yukimura couldn't hear clearly what he said, and he didn't ask. Since this had started, he still hadn't shaken that sick feeling. He was still worried that Masamune's, so far, long road of recovery was going to leave him changed.
And then…
"He's up in his room." Kojuro had said.
It wasn't unusual, but there was something about the way he said it.
The dragon was laying in bed, his eye was half open, as if he was trying to sleep. Still he turned and smiled at Yukimura. He breathed heavily between each word when he spoke, and Yukimura felt his heart breaking.
Today was one of Masamune's really bad days.
"You do not look in good health today." He said. "Do you want me to come back tomorrow?"
"I'm never in good health." Masamune rolled his eye. "No, right now is good." He wheezed.
"Are you sure?" He came further in and sat down in the beanbag chairs. "You look tired."
"I want to talk to someone. I only have Kojuro here with me all day, and he has to go to work soon."
"Okay. Everyone is making plans for summer break and…"
Masamune reached his hand out and Yukimura faulted. Yet he slowly reached out to meet it letting Masamune lace their fingers and squeeze the hand lightly.
"Sanada Genjuro Yukimura,The Great Tiger of Kai!" Masamune grinned.
"Masamune…"
"You better take my place as number one." Masamune smiled softly.
"You mean in the martial art competition coming up?" Yukimura asked. "It's still a few months off. Surely you'll be better by then."
"No, I don't think I will."
"You shouldn't talk like that." Yukimura put his other hand over their now entwined fingers. "You'll be better soon!"
Masamune shook his head putting his hand over Yukimura's. He looked him in they eye for the first time since this started. He looked sad. He didn't have that same sparkle of life that he always did. He was calm, and his eye was dull.
"Yukimura…I'm dying."
There was a long silence, as Yukimura's brain caught up with the situation, and then denied what he was told. There was no way this was true. Masamune just had a sick sense of humor, and was lying to him. There was no way that Masamune would fall to illness at this age. He was too strong, too vibrant, and too stubborn to be taken down by something like that.
However, he knew it was true, and that sick feeling that he couldn't name finally was realized. He'd known it from the start what was going to happen, but wanted desperately to ignore it. He never wanted to leave the Date residence, scared that Masamune wouldn't be there the next time he came back.
One more day, just stay around one more day. He always found himself praying at night. He couldn't imagine a world without the other man, and never wanted to have to go through it.
"No." He found himself saying regardless. He wasn't going to claim it. "No." He said again. This time his voice was cracking as he sniffled and tried not to cry.
"I'm sorry." Masamune's voice was low.
"It's not your fault." Yukimura said. "No one could have prevented…"
Masamune let go of his hands at this point. He snorted.
"It's really my fault. I could have…I knew I was getting worse, and I didn't say anything. I had completely stopped taking my meds. I was so tired of always being sick, but I was also tired of taking medicine, ya know. And then I collapsed and the doctor said that I was worse than I ever been, and that if they had caught it earlier…"
"You couldn't have possibly known…"
"I just wanted to be normal for a little bit. Not have to constantly take medicine, not worry about where I can and can't go, not have Kojuro worry about me all the time. It never even felt like the medicine was working regardless. But I was one step away from being a bubble boy so I didn't complain. Turns out they were doing a hell of a lot more than I thought. Pretty stupid right?" He sighed. "I couldn't tell Kojuro about this. I probably never will. I've already put him through so much."
Yukimura didn't know what to say. It was rare for Masamune to be blunt about something such as this. He feels like it's because of the short time he has left.
"You don't have to."
"You won't either, right?" Masamune rested his head on the pillows so he was fully facing him.
"Of course not."
It was now, when Yukimura was truly looking at Masamune that he saw how pale he was, how much weight he had lost, and how sick he was. He hadn't taken the time to really see him in so long.
He now thinks that he might stay the night. No, he will stay the night, just in case. It's the same way he wasn't going to come over today, but there was a nagging feeling for him to do so.
He wasn't the only one. Kojuro stayed home from work as well. He opted to sit at the foot of Masamune's bed the whole night. Sasuke came over once Yukimura called to say he was staying. However, he stayed downstairs most of the time and only popped in a few times to make sure everything was okay.
Masamune was asleep right now, and Kojuro was lightly dozing as well. Yukimura got up as quietly as possible to go to the bathroom. He could still hear Sasuke moving around downstairs at this late hour. It sounded like he was washing the dishes.
"You okay." Sasuke asked when he spotted him on the stairs.
"Yeah." He nodded.
"I know this is hard."
"I didn't think he would be gone so soon." Yukimura sat down at the table.
"He's still here right now. Make sure to spend some more time with him."
"Sasuke…I don't want him to go."
"I know. But there isn't anything we can do. At this point he's exceeded the doctors expectations for life expectancy, but it isn't getting any better."
"How long have you known?" Yukimura asked, picking up on how educated Sasuke was on the subject.
"Kojuro told me. I was going to tell you, but Kojuro said he thought Masamune was getting better, so I didn't."
"He was probably in denial."
"Yeah."
"Why are you here?" Yukimura had been worried about that all night. That is, he was worried about the reason and purpose of Sasuke being present.
"Kojuro said, that Masamune told you and I was worried about how you would take it."
"Oh."
"Do you want something to eat?"
"No. I'm going back upstairs."
"Alright." Sasuke sighed. "Call if you need me."
"I will."
Yukimura knew that Sasuke wanted him to stay downstairs, just in case. They could all feel it. They knew Masamune wasn't going to last the night. Sasuke didn't want him to be right there when Masamune passed, but Yukimura didn't want to be anywhere else.
He hesitated in front of the door to the room. He could hear Kojuro talking: Masamune must be awake. He peeked in to see if it would be okay to enter, and decided not to.
Kojuro had moved up on the bed to sit next to him and was gently stroking Masamune's hair the way any parent would to comfort a child. He was humming now, something that sounded like a children's lullaby.
"Thank you." Masamune voice croaked. "You didn't have to stay by me this whole time, but you did."
"I promised to never leave until my dying breath." Kojuro said. "I'll raise you, and protect you, and help you through hard times, and pick you up when you think you can no longer do it yourself. I'll always protect your back, and support you no matter what. It's my job as your right eye."
"I'm sorry." Masamune said softly.
"Shh, it's okay." Kojuro smiled down at him lovingly. "You have nothing to be sorry for."
Masamune was quiet then. He had only woken up for a few moments, but by then the room was dark, and being scared that he had passed on he had called out for Kojuro, who immediately came to his side to comfort him. He had now fallen back to sleep.
Yukimura took this as an opportunity to enter the room. Kojuro paid him no mind. His hand was still in Masamune's hair, and his eye transfixed on his chest, watching each breath.
"Is he okay?"
"He's fine for right now."
Kojuro's voice was calm. He always made sure to be in front of Yukimura and Masamune. He didn't want to scare them. He tried to be the pillar in the situation, but in the end, he had to rely on Sasuke to be that. The other man had been in close contact since Masamune was released from the hospital when the doctor said that they couldn't do anything more for him, and Kojuro decided that he would be more comfortable at home.
Yukimura wanted to say more. The grief was plainly written on the other mans face: his eyes were weak and his face seemed to have aged from the stress. He was the one taking this the hardest. His child was dying in front of him, and he couldn't do anything to stop it.
"I don't want him to leave either." Yukimura said.
"It's hard." Kojuro said quietly. "I don't want him to die and I don't want him to suffer anymore, but there's no way to reverse this."
He sounded so broken that Yukimura wished he hadn't said anything. He couldn't take much more of this. He wanted it to be over, then became even more upset when he remembered what that meant.
Again, quiet…
Then Masamune's breathing changed drastically. Kojuro was alerted by the struggling gasps and moved to kneel beside him as he made sure he was okay. Masamune's eyes snapped open as he struggled to pull in air.
"Kojuro!" He said weakly. His voice was so small it was painful.
"I'm here." Kojuro said taking his hands in his.
"I can't…I can't!"
"It's okay." Kojuro said the other hand coming up to stroke his hair again. "It's going to be okay."
By now Yukimura had called for Sasuke, who was now standing behind him. He had called for an ambulance, but it wouldn't come in time.
"I'm scared." Masamune whimpered, moving closer to Kojuro.
"You'll be okay." Kojuro swallowed, barely able to say it. He wasn't sure how to react to Masamune's panic. "You'll be okay. There's nothing to be afraid of."
Masamune's eye was tearing. Partly from lack of oxygen and partly from fear.
"Kojuro."
"You're gonna be fine." Sasuke said rubbing soothing circles on the dragons back. "One day Kojuro will meet you there, and all your friends, so you won't be alone. Okay? You don't have to be scared, because you're going to be okay."
He wheezed in reply his eye was closed now as he found he was too exhausted to keep them open.
Yukimura couldn't speak. He was shaking, silently crying and unable to do anything to help.
"You'll be fine." Sasuke said again as Masamune's breathing became weaker. "Kojuro will be fine, and so will everyone else. It's okay to go ahead. We'll all meet you there later."
"Soar above the heavens." Kojuro said softly able to pull his voice together.
Then Masamune breathed out one last time and was still. Yukimura shivered, suddenly feeling cold. In the back of his mind remembering a ghost story that Masamune had told when they went camping in the back yard when they were young. The part where when a spirit of a ghost is near you, you become cold. Soon after that thought he was warm again, and aware of reality.
Kojuro was crying, sobbing, breaking down in a manner of which Yukimura had never seen before. He still had Masamune's hand in his, and was reluctant to let go. Sasuke was saying something to him to try and get him to calm down.
When Kojuro had quieted down to small sobs Sasuke looked back at Yukimura, who was still crying. He wasn't sure how to feel. It was a repeat of earlier. His mind couldn't process that Masamune was gone with his body right in front of him.
"Masamune?"
"He's gone." Sasuke said hugging Yukimura. "Come on let's go downstairs." He said it to both of them.
"We can't just leave him!"
"Come on." Sasuke successfully got them both in the living room and was able to answer the door when the people came to pick up the body. Yukimura couldn't sleep that night. He sat up in one of the chairs. Sasuke stayed up with him, talking about some of the stuff that he'd done with Kasuga and Fuma. It helped to distract him..
Kojuro on the other hand fell asleep on the couch. It was easier to go to sleep and pretend that Masamune was going to be there in the morning. It was going to be Saturday and he would insist on waking Kojuro up around seven so they could make breakfast and train together. He would grin, talking with his same kind of enthusiasm he always did, and throw in a few English words for theatrics.
Tomorrow he would still be lounging around the house and not want to clean, but do it anyway. He would insist on making dinner for the both of them, to show off a new recipe he'd been working on in his spare time. And at night he would refuse to go to bed, even if he had school. He would sit up talking with him. Kojuro would tell him to go to bed, but he wouldn't mean it.
Tomorrow he would still be his little Bontenmaru, with the same amount of energy as he always had. And most importantly, he would smile, so Kojuro could forget about the look of fear that was so deeply etched into his face, the one time he couldn't comfort his little dragon.
Fin
Reviews are always appreciated ^^