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Kasamatsu was never one to use social networking sites. He was a member to one to keep in touch with his friends from high school. He would check in every now and then to see what people were up to and let people know he was alive.
He found these kinds of sites to be tedious. He was never good at navigating these kinds of things. He got confused about inbox and public posting. He was never sure about what he was doing.
"You should try this other site we're all on."
Thus, Kasamatsu went through the ten minute process of making a screen name that wasn't taken and a password with two capital letters and a number. This site was a lot easier to navigate than the last. However, everyone has weird screen names. It was one of those anonymous sites. Moriyama later explained that it was a blog. It was kind of like twitter where you can follow people and share post.
Kasamatsu used this site more often than others. It was a lot easier to keep in contact with his friends. Also the way this social network worked he was able to follow people who posted things he was interested in. It was easy to become addicted to it.
He had chosen the screen name "Yuuuuki," just because whenever he put an "o" at the end he was told the screen name was taken. Most people assumed he was girls, and because no one ever asked he never corrected them. Besides he liked things about him to remain unknown. He was always very cautious about what he posted on the internet. He didn't take the time to talk with the people there. Once in a while he might engage in a conversation that was about one of his hobbies but that was it.
Until he started following " AModelAce." Almost imminently this other person started talking to him the moment he started following them. They inboxed him a few times which left Kasamatsu at a loss. He wasn't sure if he should reply or not. They were always friendly questions like asking how his day was going or things like that.
At first he only gave generic answers but whoever this person was had an addicting personality. They were easy to talk to. He still never got personal with this person, but seeing a message from them always made him smile softly.
"A girl?" Moriyama asked when he saw Kasamatsu smiling at his phone.
"No, it's something else."
"You're boss texting you to say you have tomorrow off?"
"I wish." Kasamatsu put his phone back in his pocket as he and Moriyama started walking back to their respective offices.
He hadn't told his friends about AModelAce. It was something he was sure they wouldn't approve of. He and this other person were at least friends. Well he's pretty sure their friends. However, doing this kind of thing online was still dangerous and heavily frowned upon.
It felt like his online life and his real life were too separate worlds. Here was the responsible and level headed one that everyone came to for advice. However, when he was online there were times when he felt more open. He didn't know who Ace was but he was able to talk about the things that stressed him. He could talk about insecurities that he had that he might not be able to share with everyone else, and he knew that when he told Ace about something good that happened in his day he would never just get a head nod like he didn't care.
He always got a spam of emoticons whenever they talked no matter what the subject. It never ceased to make him smile. There were times when he felt like just being able to type his response didn't give the proper amount of emotion; the fondness that he had for this person, and how just them popping into his inbox could change his whole day. There were a few times when he felt bad seeing a notification and got excited that it could be Ace, but when he opened it he found it was from one of his other friends. He didn't mean to push them to the side, but he at least saw them once in a while, and there was no telling if he would ever meet Ace or if Ace would just one day stop logging in.
Though, he liked to think that Ace wouldn't do something like that without telling him or giving him another form of communication. Ace seemed to really care about him. He popped in and messaged him if he hadn't been on for a few days asking if he was okay. He wondered if Ace got just as happy seeing his messages as he did. There were a few times when he was worried as to whether or not he was bugging them, but Ace always soothed those worries away.
"You're not a bother. (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ I like talking to you!"
Yukio smiled the one time his message had said something along the lines of "sorry to bother you" that was what he got in response. There were times that as they were going back and forth he felt like they were whispering to each other. It was like they were lovers.
It wasn't until that thought crossed his mind that he realized how attached he was to Ace. He always rolled his eyes at online relationships, snorted when people had crushes and could only name a username. He could feel irony or karma or whatever you call it laughing at him as he swooned over his latest message.
"I hope you're having a good day. Good luck at that board meeting today!"
"I will." He replied. You do the same thing okay."
He wanted to say I love you. It was always on the tip of his tongue and he was so glad there was a backspace button. He didn't want to come off a creepy or scare Ace away. Even if he could only have this small bit of communication as a friend, he was happy just to talk to them. Though there were a few times when he was pretty sure Ace might feel the same way.
"How was work?" Ace asked.
Kasamatsu had to fight back the smile from how domestic they sounded sometimes.
"Fine." he replied. "What about you."
"I lost my spot to one of the girls at work. I've found one of the few professions when it's hard to be a man in the work force."
Kasamatsu felt his heart skip. Ace was a man.
"What do you work as?" He asked trying to stay calm as shaky fingers glided over the keys.
"I'm a model. Get it? A Model Ace?"
"So where does the Ace come in?"
"I used to play basketball and they called me the ace of the team. The nickname kind of stuck XP
Before Kasamatsu could respond he saw the icon pop up that left him know Ace was still typing.
"Everyone has a nickname in high school even if they don't like it. I bet yours was something cute 3"
"What makes you think it was cute."
"Because you are."
Kasamatsu hesitated again. He wasn't sure of what to put as a response. Normally he would threaten to hit someone for saying something like that, but right now all he could do was blush.
"You don't know that. You've never met me."
"I don't have to see you to know how cute you are. You're probably one of the nicest people I've ever met.'
Kasamatsu laughed when he saw that last part, but just said thank you. Now many people would qualify him as "nice." Maybe they would call him well meaning, or goal oriented, but never nice.
"You don't believe me."
"I believe you." Kasamatsu wrote back easily.
"I can feel that you don't."
Kasamatsu rolled his eyes as he watched and pouting emoticons crowd he screen.
"Anyways you said you were a model. Have I seen your face and not known it."
"Maybe :) I'm not going to tell you. You might just be a rabid fangirl who tracked me down and has actually been stacking me."
"You're that famous?"
"Maybe."
"That I don't believe."
"Trust me, I'm super sexy"
"Okay."
"Yuki, you're so mean."
"I'm not mean! I'm just calling bullshit."
"Have some faith."
"Fine. fine. I still have a meeting tomorrow, so I have to go now."
"So soon?"
"Yeah, sorry. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Alright. Goodnight."
"Goodnight."
Kasamatsu logged off smiling. This guy… He shook his head. He started to get ready for bed. He really did have a meeting in the morning. Maybe he would pop back in the chat room later in the afternoon.
~.~.~.~.~
"You need to tell me who this girl is." Moriyama said at lunch. He stopped by Kasamatsu's cubical in enough time to catch him smiling over his phone. He was in the middle of talking to Ace.
"Meeting went well. They brought everything in bulk." Kasamatsu explained to Ace through messaging. The meeting had been to try and get one of the companies they merged with to also sell their product.
"I'm so proud of you! I knew you would do well." That was followed by a bunch of kiss faces.
Mentally he found himself swooning the slightest bit, but in the end he just wrote thanks. He would have said more, but Moriyama had chosen that time to come say hi.
"It's not what you think." Kasamatsu said and went back to eating his lunch.
"Really because every time you're on your phone you all blushing and smiling. I can hear you going doki doki all the way across the office."
Kasamatsu rolled his eyes. He wasn't going to take the time to explain this to Moriyama. He had a feeling that he could frown at the fact he'd managed to make friends with a stranger online. Much less that he was starting to fall for them.
"You're really not going to tell?"
"There's nothing to tell." Kasamatsu said simply.
"So you guys are still in the honey moon phase." Moriyama winked. "You just don't want to tell me until things get serious."
"Something like that." Kasamatsu mumbled. If it would get Moriyama to back off for now, he was all for it.
"Make sure I actually get to meet her. I can't think of one time when I've seen you interested in someone. She must be pretty special."
Later when Kasamatsu logged on he found that Ace wasn't there yet. He said that he would be today so he decided to just muck around on the site as he waited for him. He ended reading over their conversation from last night and realized that Ace had said that he could be a fangirl.
It wasn't uncommon for people to assume he was a girl. He'd thought the same of Ace when they first started talking, but Ace had clarified that he was indeed a boy. He felt he should do the same, but fangirl was also a generic term. He might mean it as in Kasamatsu could be a fan. Either way he figured it was the right thing to do to correct him.
"Hello ^^" Ace suddenly logged in.
"Hey."
"Sorry it took me so long. Work got really hectic and I had to redo a whole shoot because they said that I wasn't "getting the right expression" or whatever. Everything is good now though!"
"That's good." Kasamatsu wrote back. "Also I have something to tell you."
Later Kasamatsu would look back and realize that his mistake was breaking up what he wanted to say in two messages. It gave him time to lose his resolve. But in his defense he hadn't been expecting what came next.
"I love you too!" Ace had said as if anticipating Kasamatsu's next message. It wasn't what he was planning on saying but it didn't cease to make Kasamatsu's heart want to pound out of his chest.
"That's what you were going to say right?" Ace clarified.
"Yeah." Kasamatsu couldn't bring himself to write any more than that.
"Yuki don't be shy." Ace teased.
"I'm not being shy!"
"Then say it back."
Kasamatsu smiled seeing a sad emoticon pouting at him.
"I love you too." He couldn't help but smile.
~.~.~.~.~
Things went from there. Messages became more and more intimate and embarrassingly loving. Though, for the most part it was their normal conversations.
It was exciting, the fact that it was a secret they were keeping from everyone. Well, he knew that he was on his end. He wasn't sure what Ace was saying to other people, but he doubt that he mentioned it. Not many people thought that it would be okay to create a relationship with someone you met online and never met.
You never knew who was really on the other side.
However he really wanted to take this chance. He wanted to Ace to be who he said he was. He wanted his charming corky model to be real, and to be able to meet him one day. He told Ace as much one night.
"Me too :) I want to see you soon."
"How soon?"
"I'm on vacation in the next two months. I could fly down to you!"
"I'll take the week off when you come."
"Where do you live?"
"Japan, Tokyo."
"…We're in the same town (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ What if we pass by each other every day and don't even know it!"
"Probably not. There are a lot of people in that area."
"But it's still a possibility!"
Kasamatsu for some reason could only imagine some pretty boy throwing a temper tantrum and waving his arms around frantically as he tried to argue.
It wouldn't be too long until he would finally be able to put a face to the name. He really wanted to know what Ace looked like. However it had come to his attention that Ace thought he was a girl, and if he were to ask for a picture than Ace would want one in return. He was going to tell him the truth before they met, but right now he wasn't ready for that.
"By the way." Ace was messaging him again. "Could I at least get a last name? I'm Kise."
"Kasamatsu."
"Kachimatsu!"
"No Kasamatsu."
"Kachimatsu it what I'm going to call you from now on!"
"Don't."
"But it's cute."
Before he could respond he go another message.
"Is your hair long or short?"
"Short."
"Black, Brown, Blond or red?"
"Black."
"Eye color?"
"Blue."
"Sounds exotic!"
"I'm Japanesse. I just got a recessive trait."
"I bet you're beautiful. I can't wait to meet you."
"Me too."
"I have to go. Love you. Goodnight."
"Love you too. Goodnight."
~.~.~.~.~
Kasamatsu was fighting back the smile that wanted to take over his face as he realized how close he was to meeting Kise. He'd looked up the name Kise and found that there were a lot of models with that as a stage name or their real name. Though part of him was glad that he wasn't sure which one he was. He had no doubt that he would be taken away by his beauty.
And didn't that just sound sappy?
There was less than a month from their meeting. They had already worked out the particulars of where they would be meeting and what the other would be wearing so that they could recognize each other.
"You never did tell me what you look like?"
"Oh me? I'm just your typical good looking guy. Perfect facial features, perfect body. You know."
"That's not what I mean. Hair length color…"
"It's almost shoulder length and blond. My eye color matches."
"You're shitting me."
"No it really is!"
"How much did you pay for that?"
"It's my natural color!"
"Right."
"Whatever, I'll just prove you wrong when I meet you."
"Alright."
"I'll wear purple pants and a green vest. Trust me, you won't miss me."
"I'm just going to be getting off from work so I'm not sure yet. Maybe the grey dress pants with the pink dress shirt."
"Why not a dress? I bet you would be cute in a dress."
"I'm not going to wear a dress idiot."
"Fine. It doesn't matter because you'll look cute not matter what you wear."
Again Kasamatsu was plagued with guilt, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. He was sure now that Kise was positive that he was a girl. It was wrong to lead him on like this, and he knew it would end badly in the end.
"I'll tell him tomorrow." He told himself. He also said that yesterday and would find himself say the same thing the next day. There was a bit of hope that Kise wouldn't mind him being well…not a girl, but the more logical part said that it would be a big thing.
But aren't a lot of male models gay anyways? Or was that just a stereotype?
He sighed. He always got conflicted when it came to this.
"You still there." His computer beeped when he got a message.
"Yeah. Sorry."
"It's okay. I can't wait to meet you!"
"I know. Me either."
"Is it okay if I kiss you when we first meet?"
Kasamatsu blushed at how blunt the question was, yet…
"Yes. It's okay."
"I really want to see you. I don't think I can explain how excited I am."
"I know how you feel!" Kasamatsu smiled softly. Again he was getting that feeling as if they were talking in whispers again.
"I can't wait to actually be able to hold you in my arms, and hear your voice."
"I want that too."
"I have to go. I have an event tonight."
"Good luck!" It was like a wife saying goodbye at the door before their husband went to work.
"I'll see you soon!"
~.~.~.~.~
"What are you doing after work?" Moriyama asked.
"I'm meeting someone." Kasamatsu said. He didn't try to hide his smirk.
"Your girl?"
"No."
"Right. I want to meet the girl who actually has the abilities to make you giddy."
"I'm not giddy."
"You're practically glowing."
"I'm not." Kasamatsu said fixing his shirt. He fought back the urge to fix his hair. Moriyama was laughing at him and patting him on his back as they went their separate ways.
He hadn't been able to bring himself to tell Kise about his gender. He had his finger crossed that Kise would understand. These kinds of miscommunications happen over the internet over the time, and Kise never asked if he was a boy or a girl. Kasamatsu had no reason to think Kise would assume he was a female and only think that the dress comment among others was just playful banter.
Then, as he stood on the platform he saw Kise train pull up. His breath caught in his throat as he watched people get off one, by one. He was starting to get impatient.
Maybe Kise wasn't even coming. Maybe he was just one of those people who gets off with messing with people online. He never considered that to be a possibility but now that he thought about it.
Then he saw him. His breath caught in his throat as he watched him walking off the train. He was wearing what he had said, and there was no doubt in his mind that Kise hadn't been lying when he said he was handsome. He watched as the blond looked around trying to find him.
They made eye contact. Kasamatsu raised his hand to wave hesitantly. Kise looked confused for a second, but he walked over regardless.
"Yuki?" He asked looking down Kasamatsu.
"I'm Kasamatsu Yukio. Are you Kise?"
"You're a boy…"
"Yeah."
His stomach was doing flip flops. They weren't from excitement. He was scared. Kise was looking at him disappointingly. He fidgeted under his gaze.
"I thought that…"
Kasamatsu opened his mouth to say something, but stopped when he saw Kise shake his head.
"This whole time you wouldn't think to tell me."
"I thought that you knew…"
"You can't possibly. There is no way that you couldn't have known that I thought. You're screen name was a girl's name, and you've never said otherwise. I mean yeah, there were times when your speech pattern seemed kind of masculine, but I thought that maybe…"
"I assumed that…"
"You're lying to me. You knew the whole time?"
Again Kasamatsu couldn't speak. He couldn't even bring himself to make eye contact anymore. He was shaking the slightest. Kise sounded angry, and hurt, as if he had been betrayed. This was there first time talking and Kasamatsu was trying not to cry for being the cause for the tremble in Kise's voice.
"Why did you lie to me this whole time?"
"I didn't lie." Kasamatsu said firmly. "You never asked so I thought you didn't care."
"If you didn't think it was an issue you would have told me!"
There was a pause. They were starting to get loud and people were starting to stare. Some girls went by whispering and giggling as they pointed at the blond.
He was that famous!
"It's just…I know that people lie over the internet, but couldn't you trust me with something as small as this. That maybe, I would at least want to be friends and still meet you."
"I didn't want to take that chance and then you wanted to meet, and I wanted to meet you too. I thought I would be able to say something, but in the end I couldn't."
"So you're admitting to it."
"Kise."
The blond shook his head taking a few steps back. As the distance increased Kasamatsu put his hand up weakly, as if to try and stop him from leaving, but it fell to his side. He knew he should fight harder for this, but at the same time he didn't think there was any way of fixing this.
Thus it lead to a weekend of self-loathing and mopping. He couldn't bring himself to really be online. He went on once to put up one message.
"I'm sorry."
However, he got no response from Kise. He could still see him posting, so it was obvious he was ignoring him. His fingers hovered over the keys before he decided that it would sound too desperate and kind of pathetic. Yet it somehow wasn't pathetic to look back over their old conversations.
He stopped after spotting five areas where he could have easily slipped in that he was a boy, where he could have politely corrected him. But he hadn't and there was no way for him to correct it.