Chapter one
Ratchet made me write this, since *cough* he secretly loves me *cough*.
-Random growling in the background- haha just kidding! I was told to write this for the new comers and also because I have broken few rules and I know that even if I write these ones, I still won't follow them! So suck on that!
Let's begin, shall we!
Rule #1: The word 'Ratchet', shall not be used as a description whatsoever! here are some examples:
-I look ratchet today
-ew, *insert name here* looks so ratchet!
At first, the medical officer thought it was a compliment until one day he asked me what it meant.
"It means that you look ugly or bummy." Let's just say that he didn't take that very good. I mean, I wouldn't either.
"I'm not ugly!" he stormed out, "You're not beautiful either!" I shouted back at him.
I was sent to the brig.
Rule #2: Hand Car Wash Vs. Automatic Car Wash
Every owner has their own preferable preferences. And by owners, I mean humans. But when it comes to Cybertronians, they ALL want hand car wash. You know how hard that is? Especially when they use me since I have 'small hands.'
Hound: You have those good hands, Ela. *smirks*
Me: Hound…
Hound: small…soft…squishy.
Me: stop it!
Hound: oh yeah, baby. Right down there, that's the spot!
Optimus: *DEATH GLARES*
Me: Okay, I'm done here.
Rule #3: Never EVER get the boss bot HIGH! EVER!
Epps was curious to how Optimus would react to weed. Let's just say that he's really touchy, more than the usual.
Optimus: What is life?
Optimus: My mouth feels so dry
Optimus: I demand more Energon!
Optimus: Is that a cupcake?
Optimus: Humans are so tiny, so cute!
Optimus: why are flowers falling? Oh Primus, I'm so lifted. I want to fly, lets go fly!
He wouldn't shut up, he was rambling about nonsense. The fact that he was in holoform and right next to me, let's just say that things got a little bit…sexual.
I never complained(;
Rule #4: Never call Bumblebee an insect, he won't react or respond to it very well.
Me: Hey, Insect!
Bumblebee: *no response*
Shane: Hey, bug! Can I get a lift?
Bumblebee: you can walk your human legs to your destination.
Crosshair: Creature
Bumblebee: *smacks the back of said 'bot head*
Rule #5: When you are going out of base, always inform you assigned guardian and soul mate.
Tessa and I went to the mall, which was about an hour away from the base. We didn't let anyone know, it was just a last minute thing.
Let's just say that when we got back, some things were turned outside down. Shane came hurriedly to Tess. I was tackled to the ground by Bumblebee as he scanned me and pulled on my face to see if it was the 'real' me.
"Why didn't you tell me where you go? Did you tell Optimus? Do you know that he's out looking for you? why didn't you answer any of our phone calls? Why aren't you responding to me?!" he was talking 100 miles per minute. I had to push him off from me, which was a fail.
Optimus didn't speak to me that night, Ratchet passed a new rule about leaving base. From now on we have to sign a release form and approved by him, Optimus and our assigned guardian or whoever is chaperoning us.
Tessa: that's utterly bullshit!
Cade: Tessa, we need to know where you are all at all times.
Tessa: I'm 18 dad!
Cade: exactly!
Rule #6: Never under any circumstance, leave Joshua and Wheeljack in the same lab room!
They are bad news! they tend to explode just about everything! I asked for a prototype skateboard and I got what I wanted and what I deserved.
On my way back to base, my skateboard exploded. I knew I shouldn't trust them!
Also, I got the habit to call them Pinky and Brains. Guess who is who? ^_-
Rule #7: No meditating with Drift
He has no patience, he is worse than Ironhide!
Me: Sensaaaa
Drift: Sensai.
Me: Sseennssaa
Drift: Sensai!
me: banana.
Rule #8: "Megatron is my baby daddy!"
Optimus was quiet unhappy.
I got our child confused.
"Mommy, does that mean that you're sending me away to live with that old Megafart?"
*from across the building, Optimus Yells* "NO! SKYLAR, I AM YOUR FATHER!"
Rule #9: Take fears seriously.
I am afraid of heights. Drift seems to enjoy that, especially on the day he pushed me off the cliff.
"Face your fears, Adelaide."
"Yes, sensaaaaaa." just like that, he pushes me off the cliff because I didn't say sendai correctly.
assbutt.
Rule #10: DO NOT ASK ME TO READ YOUR HAND!
Joshua: Gipsy, come read my hand.
Me: I'M NOT A FORTUNE TELLER!
Joshua: But, you can see and predict the future.
Me: I AM NOT A FORTUNE TELLER!
Joshua: but you can see the future, just by touching someone's hand?
Me: It doesn't work that way, Joshua.
Joshua: *sticks hand out* Come on, try.
Me: Goddammit Joshua!
xx
I hope you guys like it! I know it's suckish, but I promise that it gets better!