Yes I know the flirting between Bond and Moneypenny is pretty lame. Please review. Because it is a writers fuel to write some more.
Techno Dragons
(Gun barrel sequence: James Bond walks out on screen turns and shoots the camera. The screen fills with blood and falls right. To pan to our next scene)
Chapter 1: Fire in the Sky
Setting: London, England
M-16 Headquarters 11:45PM
All the lights are off. The light of a computer screen is the only one flashing. A man sits at the computer typing. His identity concealed. He squints at the screen. On the computer he clicks on the 00 files folder. A screen opens up, it asks for search or manual. He clicks search. He then types 007 in the search area. It beeps and reads no matches found. He types in Bond, James. It repeats no matches found. He then types in Bond, James 007. It reads: 1 match found. He clicks on 007's file. It beeps loudly: restricted, restricted area. The man takes out a disk, on the front of the disk it reads "Dragon." The man sticks in a disk and types a password in. The computer replies: Identity confirmed, Welcome, M. This man is definitely an intruder. The intruder types: Download Start. The computer replies by reading: File-007 download starting.
On the other side of the building, M is drinking coffee and discussing with 007 his latest report on his last mission. M asks, "So how come you didn't complete the mission?" 007 replies sharply, " The man is dead what more do you want." "You were also required to bring back evidence, so we don't have to deal with…" An alarm goes off. "Unidentified object in Sector 17." M starts off saying, "That's near the…" but before she could finish Bond was out of the room. M finishes to herself, "roof!"
Bond runs out the door. Bond knocks down many other agents along the way trying to catch the intruder. Bond quickly runs up the stairs. He sees the intruder above him and whips out his Walther PPK. He takes 4 shots but they all hit the metal stair under the intruder with sparks flying. The intruder whips out a Walther P99 and returns fire. 1 shot hits the wall next to Bond and the other shot hits the rail right next to his hand. The intruder speeds back up the stairs again, as Bond continues the chase. The intruder gets a little bit too far ahead of Bond, and Bond loses sight. The intruder reaches sector 19, the level before the roof. He calmly opens the door to Sector 19 but another man sitting inside sees him and takes 5 quick shots at him. The intruder barely escapes the bullets by closing the door.. The intruder opens the door and yells, "See you in hell," before throwing a mine into the room. The man hops out of his chair and rushes out the door and up the stairs. "008 here, I'm in pursuit of the suspect," the man says into his speaker on his jacket. At that moment Bond reaches Sector 19 just in time to see the door close. Thinking that the intruder went into Sector 19, he pulls out his Walther PPK, ready to fire. "Great, Bond only two bullets left," he says to himself. He stands ready at the door. Kicks open the door, turns and sees that the room is empty. "Shit!"
Meanwhile, the intruder is already on the roof, he is on the edge. 008 reaches the roof and sees the intruder standing on the edge. "Stop, you don't have to do this!" The intruder turns around slowly, and replies "What?, this?" The intruder takes one step back and falls off the roof. "Great, I hate it when this happens," replies 008. He runs over to the edge and looks down. At the same time, in Sector 19, James Bond is about to leave the room when he hears a beeping sound. Bond looks on the floor and sees the mine but the beeps stop and the timer stops at 3 seconds. Bond then hears something outside, he looks and sees a helicopter, sleek black with a design of a 3-headed dragon. The intruder is inside the helicopter and flips off 007 before pressing a button on his watch. The beeping starts up again. Bond thinks to himself "I only got one shot at this." 3… The helicopter turns around to zoom off. 2… Bond heads for the window. 1…. Bond leaps through the window as the explosion blows all around him. Bond reaching for the helicopter, inches away.
The intruder inside the helicopter thinking that he's successful has a wide smile on his face. He tells the pilot, "Report in to the Boss that I have completed my mission and we are on our wa…" A big bump on the back breaks his sentence. "What was that?" He gets up and looks at the door and sees 007 holding on. "What the devil are you doing here, you're supposed to be dead?" says the intruder to Bond. Bond takes one good look at the man and he recognizes him as the man he 'killed' on his last mission. Bond replies. "Speak for yourself." The intruder starts stepping on Bond's hand, lightly at first as if to taunt him. Bond grinds his teeth from the pain, the man grinning as he steps on Bond's hands. Bond takes one last look down at the city and he sees Big Ben, the clock striking 12 midnight.
As Bond is about to let go, 008 crashes down onto the intruder. Bond says to 008, " Nice of you to drop by." 008 and the intruder struggle inside the helicopter for a bit. 008 kicks punches the intruder. The intruder falls back against the wall. The intruder pulls out a gun, 2 shots are fired. The bullets hit the wall next to 008. Bond pulls himself up. The plane dips forward, 007 and 008 roll into the cockpit and see that the pilot is dead and the controls are also shot. They both go back and see the intruder jumping out of the plane. "I told you I'd see you in hell," and with these words he jumps out. The plane is dipping straight toward Big Ben. The two agents see the intruder parachute to safety. 008 instructs 007, "On the count of 3 we jump" 007 replies, " I don't think we have that much time" "Just jump…now" They both jump out of the copter as it crashes into Big Ben and blows up. They both reach for something to grab a hold onto. 008 stops his flight by grabbing the hour hand of Big Ben as Bond grabs the minute hand. They hold on for life as the pieces of the helicopter rain down on them and around them.
Chapter 2: Worse than I thought
Setting: Back in Headquaters
1:00 AM-the next day
Moneypenny is working on the computer. A hat flies through the air and barely lands on the coat hanger. Moneypenny looks behind her, and James Bond is there with a big smile on his face. Moneypenny's smile turns to a frown as she asks in a very stern tone, "How can you be smiling when you lost the suspect?" Bond replies, "How can you be so mad with the beautiful weather we're having?" "James what are you talking about, it's raining cats and dogs." "Actually Moneypenny, it's more like hands and minutes." "Speaking of which, what did you get me from your little adventure on Big Ben." Bond swipes out a postcard from under his coat. Moneypenny stares at the postcard for a second, "A postcard?" "Actually it's very valuable, my autograph is on the back." Monepenny picks up the postcard and puts in the shredder, where the pieces fall in the trashcan. Bond says, "Moneypenny, if you slice me up anymore, there won't be anybpdy left" "James, If you exclude me, I don't think there is anybody left for you." "When will the slicing be stopped, you can probably make some kind of salad out of me." "James, speaking of slicing and dicing, M wants you in her office."
Bond opens the door to M's office. The office is very plain and dull, but there is a big picture behind M's desk of the M that Bond first worked for. M is sitting in her chair and looks really frustrated. M starts off the conversation by saying, "Bond, how do you do it?" "Bond replies, "What do you mean?" "How can you make every woman you come in contact with feel frustrated." "I guess it's a hidden talent." "James, this is no joke. The intruder that escaped today, he has your file. He has all your reports, all the plans for your next assignments, everything about you, that is as much as we know." "Well don't close the book yet." "What?" "That man, is the same man that I killed on my last mission." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Shit, this is worse than I thought Bond."
Bond gets mad and slowly says, "M, tell me, what are we up against." "Bond, this may be your hardest mission yet." "Why?" "Bond, I'll leave you with this, this may mean a world wide disaster. So I encourage you to go get some sleep while I inform the Chief of Staff."
Chapter 3: The Briefing
Setting: In Moneypenny's office, M's office, and Q's lab
9:00 A.M
Bond enters Moneypenny's office. Bond stares at Moneypenny, and Moneypenny stares right back. Bond inches in closer and kisses Moneypenny on the cheek. "Moneypenny, you're…" "and you're wanted in M's office immediately." "Alright then." Bond heads for the door. But Moneypenny stops him the split second before he enters. "Oh and James…" "Yes, Moneypenny." "I have one question, don't you ever run out of compliments." "Oh, Moneypenny, it's a necessity of a double-o agent." Moneypenny laughs as Bond enters M's office.
Inside M's office, Bond sees 2 people. One is M, Bond's boss, and sitting in a chair near the desk is the Chief of Staff. Bond enters M's office. M stops the chatter and says, "Oh and here comes 007, 007 you know the Chief of Staff." "Yes, hello." The Chief of Staff stands up and asks, "007, what do you know about the Dragon disk." 007 replies, "The Dragon, sir?" M briefs Bond, "The Dragon, a disk known for its capabilities of hacking into computers. We only know of 3 Dragon disks. We do not know where to find them. We do know that if all 3 disks are combined, it has the powerful force to hack into any computer anywhere from anyplace." Chief of Staff continues the briefing, "So they can control anything, hence causing a World Wide Crisis. Also the power of one disk is very strong alone, one disk can hack into any computer as long as they are on that exact computer." M continues, "This is how we think they got your file." Chief of Staff continues, "two disks combined can hack into any computer in a 10 mile radius from the point of the disk."
Bond asks, "M, did you get any information on the intruder?" "Bond, we know that he is highly intelligent and he goes by the name of "Komputer" Krash." Bond asks "M, you said there are 3 disks?" "Yes" "Well, the helicopter that attacked yesterday had a enigma of a three headed dragon. Maybe this Krash knows of these disks." "That is what we want you to find out, 007. We want you to retrieve the disks and bring them back here." The Chief of Staff says, "Bond, we know that the disks were being made in New York. Bond go find the manufacturer and drive out the information." "In New York, that is where I first met Krash." M replies, "Well, maybe his headquarters is in New York." "Maybe or maybe he wants to get another disk." Chief of Staff sternly says, "Well get cracking 007." "Yes sir." Bond stands up and is about to leave the room but gets stopped by the Chief of Staff's voice, "Oh and 007, I almost forgot the file." "Yes, sir." Bond grabs the file out of the Chief of Staff's hand. He is inches away from the door but gets stopped again but this time by M's voice, "Oh and 007?" Bond turns around annoyed, "What is it now?" "Good Luck!!" "Thank you, ma'am." Bond stares into M's eyes seeing the sorrow. Chief of Staff gets up and says loudly, "Well what are you waiting for, 007." Bond quickly turns around and heads out the door.
Moneypenny looks into Bond's eyes. "Bond what's wrong?" Bond shakes the image of M coming close to tears from his eyes. "Oh, nothing Moneypenny, it's just the idea of staying away from you for another couple of days is heartbreaking." Moneypenny looks into Bond's eyes and sees the eyes staring right back. They move closer and closer together. They're lips inches away from kissing until the Chief of Staff's voice comes over the speaker, "007, didn't I tell you to hurry up, and go visit Q while you're at it." Bond pulls away from Moneypenny. "Something always comes between us, Moneypenny." Bond leaves and closes the door behind him.
Bond walks down some hallways, until he reaches the basement and Q's lab. The automatic door slides to the side. He enters. He looks to his left and sees a man carrying what looks to be a CD. He thinks to himself, "Probably a new Britney Spears CD." The man takes the CD out of the case. He throws the CD at a dummy and it chops the head right off. Q walks behind him in crutches. "Car racing, Q?" Q lifts one of the crutches and points it at one of the many cars in the room. Out shoots a rocket from the crutch and explodes the car into oblivion. Q replies, "No, the damn gas prices were too high." They both share a quick laugh. Q says, "Alright 007, come this way please." They walk toward a laptop I-Mac computer. "Q, I know how to use this computer." "Well obviously not good enough, 007." Q picks up the laptop and points at the dummy. He shoots a clip of bullets that tears the dummy apart. "Your new laptop gun." "A computer is hard enough to use as it is without the special features." "Oh, that's right Bond, we've also made a handheld booklet for you, Laptop Gun for Dummies, but of course we can always change dummies to 007." "Quite funny, Q"
"Q, can I have a smoke?" 007 picks up a pack of cigarettes. He pulls out the fourth cigarette on the top. Q quickly grabs the cigarettes from 007. "Don't touch that! And don't play with things you don't understand." Bond looks startled. "These cigarettes are highly specialized. When you pull out the first cigarette, it becomes one-half of a two-way radio. The second cigarette is a grenade with 3-second delay. The third cigarette is a remote mine. The fourth cigarette is the detonator. And the fifth cigarette the one I am most particularly proud of is the key to your new car as well a key to about 90% of the world's locks." Bond's face brightens up with delight. Q grabs 3 packs and puts them in 007's hand. "3 packs for you 007." "But Q, you know I'm trying to quit." "Oh grow up 007. " "By the way Q, you did say something about a new car." "Yes, usually the worst of my miseries. Right this way."
Q leads Bond through a pair of double doors. "Now this, 007 is probably our greatest feature here at Q branch. It's also the one we have under the most control until it comes into your hands." As they enter the room, a cloud of mist blinds their view of the car. They push through the mist and see a fire happening behind the car. You can hear people yelling in the background, "Fire! Fire!" and "save the car, it's all we have left." Bond smirks and says, "under control, Q?" Q looks irritated, turns to 007 and says, "Well more control than you will ever have of a car." They clear the fire and they walk up to the car. "Now pay attention, 007. This is your new car, the Aston Martin DB7 1st edition. We have made updates on this car. We now included homing missiles behind the headlights, as well as two rocket motors located in the back of the car for extra speed, and we brought back one of your favorites, the passenger ejector seat, as well as all the usual…" "refinements," says Bond interrupting. Q looks at Bond with an evil eye, and very annoyed. Q starts up again, "Well…yes…ok now Bond sign this." Q takes out a piece of paper. Bond looks at it. "What is this for?" "It promises me that you will bring this car back in pristine order." "You don't need this, Q. you have my word." "Your word means diddlysquat, 007." "I've never let you down, Q!" "As I said your word means diddlysquat."
Techno Dragons
(Gun barrel sequence: James Bond walks out on screen turns and shoots the camera. The screen fills with blood and falls right. To pan to our next scene)
Chapter 1: Fire in the Sky
Setting: London, England
M-16 Headquarters 11:45PM
All the lights are off. The light of a computer screen is the only one flashing. A man sits at the computer typing. His identity concealed. He squints at the screen. On the computer he clicks on the 00 files folder. A screen opens up, it asks for search or manual. He clicks search. He then types 007 in the search area. It beeps and reads no matches found. He types in Bond, James. It repeats no matches found. He then types in Bond, James 007. It reads: 1 match found. He clicks on 007's file. It beeps loudly: restricted, restricted area. The man takes out a disk, on the front of the disk it reads "Dragon." The man sticks in a disk and types a password in. The computer replies: Identity confirmed, Welcome, M. This man is definitely an intruder. The intruder types: Download Start. The computer replies by reading: File-007 download starting.
On the other side of the building, M is drinking coffee and discussing with 007 his latest report on his last mission. M asks, "So how come you didn't complete the mission?" 007 replies sharply, " The man is dead what more do you want." "You were also required to bring back evidence, so we don't have to deal with…" An alarm goes off. "Unidentified object in Sector 17." M starts off saying, "That's near the…" but before she could finish Bond was out of the room. M finishes to herself, "roof!"
Bond runs out the door. Bond knocks down many other agents along the way trying to catch the intruder. Bond quickly runs up the stairs. He sees the intruder above him and whips out his Walther PPK. He takes 4 shots but they all hit the metal stair under the intruder with sparks flying. The intruder whips out a Walther P99 and returns fire. 1 shot hits the wall next to Bond and the other shot hits the rail right next to his hand. The intruder speeds back up the stairs again, as Bond continues the chase. The intruder gets a little bit too far ahead of Bond, and Bond loses sight. The intruder reaches sector 19, the level before the roof. He calmly opens the door to Sector 19 but another man sitting inside sees him and takes 5 quick shots at him. The intruder barely escapes the bullets by closing the door.. The intruder opens the door and yells, "See you in hell," before throwing a mine into the room. The man hops out of his chair and rushes out the door and up the stairs. "008 here, I'm in pursuit of the suspect," the man says into his speaker on his jacket. At that moment Bond reaches Sector 19 just in time to see the door close. Thinking that the intruder went into Sector 19, he pulls out his Walther PPK, ready to fire. "Great, Bond only two bullets left," he says to himself. He stands ready at the door. Kicks open the door, turns and sees that the room is empty. "Shit!"
Meanwhile, the intruder is already on the roof, he is on the edge. 008 reaches the roof and sees the intruder standing on the edge. "Stop, you don't have to do this!" The intruder turns around slowly, and replies "What?, this?" The intruder takes one step back and falls off the roof. "Great, I hate it when this happens," replies 008. He runs over to the edge and looks down. At the same time, in Sector 19, James Bond is about to leave the room when he hears a beeping sound. Bond looks on the floor and sees the mine but the beeps stop and the timer stops at 3 seconds. Bond then hears something outside, he looks and sees a helicopter, sleek black with a design of a 3-headed dragon. The intruder is inside the helicopter and flips off 007 before pressing a button on his watch. The beeping starts up again. Bond thinks to himself "I only got one shot at this." 3… The helicopter turns around to zoom off. 2… Bond heads for the window. 1…. Bond leaps through the window as the explosion blows all around him. Bond reaching for the helicopter, inches away.
The intruder inside the helicopter thinking that he's successful has a wide smile on his face. He tells the pilot, "Report in to the Boss that I have completed my mission and we are on our wa…" A big bump on the back breaks his sentence. "What was that?" He gets up and looks at the door and sees 007 holding on. "What the devil are you doing here, you're supposed to be dead?" says the intruder to Bond. Bond takes one good look at the man and he recognizes him as the man he 'killed' on his last mission. Bond replies. "Speak for yourself." The intruder starts stepping on Bond's hand, lightly at first as if to taunt him. Bond grinds his teeth from the pain, the man grinning as he steps on Bond's hands. Bond takes one last look down at the city and he sees Big Ben, the clock striking 12 midnight.
As Bond is about to let go, 008 crashes down onto the intruder. Bond says to 008, " Nice of you to drop by." 008 and the intruder struggle inside the helicopter for a bit. 008 kicks punches the intruder. The intruder falls back against the wall. The intruder pulls out a gun, 2 shots are fired. The bullets hit the wall next to 008. Bond pulls himself up. The plane dips forward, 007 and 008 roll into the cockpit and see that the pilot is dead and the controls are also shot. They both go back and see the intruder jumping out of the plane. "I told you I'd see you in hell," and with these words he jumps out. The plane is dipping straight toward Big Ben. The two agents see the intruder parachute to safety. 008 instructs 007, "On the count of 3 we jump" 007 replies, " I don't think we have that much time" "Just jump…now" They both jump out of the copter as it crashes into Big Ben and blows up. They both reach for something to grab a hold onto. 008 stops his flight by grabbing the hour hand of Big Ben as Bond grabs the minute hand. They hold on for life as the pieces of the helicopter rain down on them and around them.
Chapter 2: Worse than I thought
Setting: Back in Headquaters
1:00 AM-the next day
Moneypenny is working on the computer. A hat flies through the air and barely lands on the coat hanger. Moneypenny looks behind her, and James Bond is there with a big smile on his face. Moneypenny's smile turns to a frown as she asks in a very stern tone, "How can you be smiling when you lost the suspect?" Bond replies, "How can you be so mad with the beautiful weather we're having?" "James what are you talking about, it's raining cats and dogs." "Actually Moneypenny, it's more like hands and minutes." "Speaking of which, what did you get me from your little adventure on Big Ben." Bond swipes out a postcard from under his coat. Moneypenny stares at the postcard for a second, "A postcard?" "Actually it's very valuable, my autograph is on the back." Monepenny picks up the postcard and puts in the shredder, where the pieces fall in the trashcan. Bond says, "Moneypenny, if you slice me up anymore, there won't be anybpdy left" "James, If you exclude me, I don't think there is anybody left for you." "When will the slicing be stopped, you can probably make some kind of salad out of me." "James, speaking of slicing and dicing, M wants you in her office."
Bond opens the door to M's office. The office is very plain and dull, but there is a big picture behind M's desk of the M that Bond first worked for. M is sitting in her chair and looks really frustrated. M starts off the conversation by saying, "Bond, how do you do it?" "Bond replies, "What do you mean?" "How can you make every woman you come in contact with feel frustrated." "I guess it's a hidden talent." "James, this is no joke. The intruder that escaped today, he has your file. He has all your reports, all the plans for your next assignments, everything about you, that is as much as we know." "Well don't close the book yet." "What?" "That man, is the same man that I killed on my last mission." "Are you sure?" "Yes." "Shit, this is worse than I thought Bond."
Bond gets mad and slowly says, "M, tell me, what are we up against." "Bond, this may be your hardest mission yet." "Why?" "Bond, I'll leave you with this, this may mean a world wide disaster. So I encourage you to go get some sleep while I inform the Chief of Staff."
Chapter 3: The Briefing
Setting: In Moneypenny's office, M's office, and Q's lab
9:00 A.M
Bond enters Moneypenny's office. Bond stares at Moneypenny, and Moneypenny stares right back. Bond inches in closer and kisses Moneypenny on the cheek. "Moneypenny, you're…" "and you're wanted in M's office immediately." "Alright then." Bond heads for the door. But Moneypenny stops him the split second before he enters. "Oh and James…" "Yes, Moneypenny." "I have one question, don't you ever run out of compliments." "Oh, Moneypenny, it's a necessity of a double-o agent." Moneypenny laughs as Bond enters M's office.
Inside M's office, Bond sees 2 people. One is M, Bond's boss, and sitting in a chair near the desk is the Chief of Staff. Bond enters M's office. M stops the chatter and says, "Oh and here comes 007, 007 you know the Chief of Staff." "Yes, hello." The Chief of Staff stands up and asks, "007, what do you know about the Dragon disk." 007 replies, "The Dragon, sir?" M briefs Bond, "The Dragon, a disk known for its capabilities of hacking into computers. We only know of 3 Dragon disks. We do not know where to find them. We do know that if all 3 disks are combined, it has the powerful force to hack into any computer anywhere from anyplace." Chief of Staff continues the briefing, "So they can control anything, hence causing a World Wide Crisis. Also the power of one disk is very strong alone, one disk can hack into any computer as long as they are on that exact computer." M continues, "This is how we think they got your file." Chief of Staff continues, "two disks combined can hack into any computer in a 10 mile radius from the point of the disk."
Bond asks, "M, did you get any information on the intruder?" "Bond, we know that he is highly intelligent and he goes by the name of "Komputer" Krash." Bond asks "M, you said there are 3 disks?" "Yes" "Well, the helicopter that attacked yesterday had a enigma of a three headed dragon. Maybe this Krash knows of these disks." "That is what we want you to find out, 007. We want you to retrieve the disks and bring them back here." The Chief of Staff says, "Bond, we know that the disks were being made in New York. Bond go find the manufacturer and drive out the information." "In New York, that is where I first met Krash." M replies, "Well, maybe his headquarters is in New York." "Maybe or maybe he wants to get another disk." Chief of Staff sternly says, "Well get cracking 007." "Yes sir." Bond stands up and is about to leave the room but gets stopped by the Chief of Staff's voice, "Oh and 007, I almost forgot the file." "Yes, sir." Bond grabs the file out of the Chief of Staff's hand. He is inches away from the door but gets stopped again but this time by M's voice, "Oh and 007?" Bond turns around annoyed, "What is it now?" "Good Luck!!" "Thank you, ma'am." Bond stares into M's eyes seeing the sorrow. Chief of Staff gets up and says loudly, "Well what are you waiting for, 007." Bond quickly turns around and heads out the door.
Moneypenny looks into Bond's eyes. "Bond what's wrong?" Bond shakes the image of M coming close to tears from his eyes. "Oh, nothing Moneypenny, it's just the idea of staying away from you for another couple of days is heartbreaking." Moneypenny looks into Bond's eyes and sees the eyes staring right back. They move closer and closer together. They're lips inches away from kissing until the Chief of Staff's voice comes over the speaker, "007, didn't I tell you to hurry up, and go visit Q while you're at it." Bond pulls away from Moneypenny. "Something always comes between us, Moneypenny." Bond leaves and closes the door behind him.
Bond walks down some hallways, until he reaches the basement and Q's lab. The automatic door slides to the side. He enters. He looks to his left and sees a man carrying what looks to be a CD. He thinks to himself, "Probably a new Britney Spears CD." The man takes the CD out of the case. He throws the CD at a dummy and it chops the head right off. Q walks behind him in crutches. "Car racing, Q?" Q lifts one of the crutches and points it at one of the many cars in the room. Out shoots a rocket from the crutch and explodes the car into oblivion. Q replies, "No, the damn gas prices were too high." They both share a quick laugh. Q says, "Alright 007, come this way please." They walk toward a laptop I-Mac computer. "Q, I know how to use this computer." "Well obviously not good enough, 007." Q picks up the laptop and points at the dummy. He shoots a clip of bullets that tears the dummy apart. "Your new laptop gun." "A computer is hard enough to use as it is without the special features." "Oh, that's right Bond, we've also made a handheld booklet for you, Laptop Gun for Dummies, but of course we can always change dummies to 007." "Quite funny, Q"
"Q, can I have a smoke?" 007 picks up a pack of cigarettes. He pulls out the fourth cigarette on the top. Q quickly grabs the cigarettes from 007. "Don't touch that! And don't play with things you don't understand." Bond looks startled. "These cigarettes are highly specialized. When you pull out the first cigarette, it becomes one-half of a two-way radio. The second cigarette is a grenade with 3-second delay. The third cigarette is a remote mine. The fourth cigarette is the detonator. And the fifth cigarette the one I am most particularly proud of is the key to your new car as well a key to about 90% of the world's locks." Bond's face brightens up with delight. Q grabs 3 packs and puts them in 007's hand. "3 packs for you 007." "But Q, you know I'm trying to quit." "Oh grow up 007. " "By the way Q, you did say something about a new car." "Yes, usually the worst of my miseries. Right this way."
Q leads Bond through a pair of double doors. "Now this, 007 is probably our greatest feature here at Q branch. It's also the one we have under the most control until it comes into your hands." As they enter the room, a cloud of mist blinds their view of the car. They push through the mist and see a fire happening behind the car. You can hear people yelling in the background, "Fire! Fire!" and "save the car, it's all we have left." Bond smirks and says, "under control, Q?" Q looks irritated, turns to 007 and says, "Well more control than you will ever have of a car." They clear the fire and they walk up to the car. "Now pay attention, 007. This is your new car, the Aston Martin DB7 1st edition. We have made updates on this car. We now included homing missiles behind the headlights, as well as two rocket motors located in the back of the car for extra speed, and we brought back one of your favorites, the passenger ejector seat, as well as all the usual…" "refinements," says Bond interrupting. Q looks at Bond with an evil eye, and very annoyed. Q starts up again, "Well…yes…ok now Bond sign this." Q takes out a piece of paper. Bond looks at it. "What is this for?" "It promises me that you will bring this car back in pristine order." "You don't need this, Q. you have my word." "Your word means diddlysquat, 007." "I've never let you down, Q!" "As I said your word means diddlysquat."