Hallo! I haven't posted anything in a while, and I haven't done a TalaKai in a while, so...well, here is some TalaKai, enjoy:
"Kai, do you think I'm fat?"
Kai Hiwatari surveyed his best friend through exasperated eyes. That was the third time since he'd gotten to Tala's house- an hour ago at most- that the older Russian had asked if he was overweight. And the answer Kai gave was exactly the same as both of the previous times. "Tala, you're nowhere -near- fat."
"Are you sure? You don't think I need to diet or something?"
"No."
Tala sighed and flopped down on the bed beside him, looking miserable. "Then why I can't get a boyfriend?"
"Because you're the only gay guy in a thirty-mile radius. Or at least the only one brave enough to come out. Not everyone has the courage to do it, not here."
"Because they're stupid." Tala huffed, rolling onto his back and glaring at their ceiling.
"No, because they know they'd get the same abuse you did. The same as you get even -now-."
"Huh." Tala closed his eyes for a second then opened them again, turning his icy gaze on the Russian beside him. "So...you don't think I'm too fat?" Kai rolled his eyes.
"Tala, you're not fat."
"Yes I am."
"You are not! Look at yourself! If you were any thinner you'd be invisible!" At Kai's exclamation, Tala stood up again and studied himself in the mirror.
"Am I ugly, then?"
"No."
"Do you think I'm...you know...someone you could fancy?" Kai was on the verge of saying yes, then stopped himself at the last second.
"Well I wouldn't know, would I?"
"If you were gay?" Tala turned to him, eyes pleading. Kai considered spilling everything to him for a second, then decided against it.
"Well I'm not, so I wouldn't know. You look fine. You're not fat and you're not ugly. Now sit down and shut up about it."
Tala harrumphed at him and collapsed onto the bed again, sighing. "I wish I had a boyfriend." Me too, Kai thought wearily. But I don't have the guts to get one.
"You'll get one sooner or later." He said reassuringly.
"Or never. I swear, as soon as I can get out of here I'm going as far away as I can. And I'm never coming back."
"Not even to see your family?"
"Maybe. I don't know. It isn't like they approve of me being...well..." He paused, then snorted. "They don't agree with 'where my tendencies lie'. I don't see why it's any of their business. I didn't -have- to tell them." Kai shrugged. "My Dad's spent the last age trying to ignore me. He asked me to pass him the salad bowl once, and he's told me to turn my music down a few times. But other than that it's either been dirty looks, abuse, or nothing at all."
Kai nodded sympathetically. The reason he hadn't said anything to anyone about being gay was that if his grandfather found out he would be out on his ear. And even if he tried to keep it all a secret, every secret gets out sooner or later. He shifted so that he was lying beside Tala, both of them resting their heads on the pillows. Tala then turned onto his side and laid an arm over Kai's waist. "Done that sociology yet?"
"No." Kai replied. "I was going to, but I couldn't be bothered. I'm leaving it till Tuesday night to do."
"The day before it's due in? Lazy bastard."
"I'm not lazy, I just don't like sociology. "
"So you're going to rush everything and fail it on purpose? Your grandfather won't like -that-, will he?"
"I'm not going to fail it on purpose, I'm just not spending all my time worrying about a subject I hate."
Tala snorted and tightened the arm he had over Kai, drawing them into yet closer contact. Kai had realised by now that this was a sort of game Tala played with him, seeing how close could he get to Kai, how much could he feel Kai up and whether or not he could get Kai to do anything in return. Kai usually stopped him when he started nuzzling at him, which usually came after the tight, almost too tight, hugs. "So is that the one you're going to drop then?"
"Yeah." Tala's hand found its way to a sliver of bare skin where his friend's shirt had ridden up.
"But that'll leave you doing maths, business studies and ICT! That'll be boring as hell!"
"But I like maths. And business is interesting. And...I need ICT for the course I want to do at uni."
"The course your -grandfather- wants you to do at uni you mean." Tala shifted closer, his hand exerting greater pressure on Kai's bare hip. And then...the fingers dipped under the hem of his shirt, stroking the skin there gently.
Kai knew that if he wanted Tala to stop, all he had to do was ask what the redhead was doing. But...
He sighed, raising one arm and resting it above his head on the pillow. "He didn't tell me what course to do, he just told me what courses he -didn't- want me to do. Art. Music, even though I'm on my last grade for piano... And anything involving literature." As he spoke he became belatedly aware of how much skin he'd exposed to Tala by moving his arm. The redhead was, by now, stroking in broader sweeps, caressing the flat plane of his stomach. "I would have quite liked to do Music."
But Tala appeared too absorbed in his game to notice what Kai was saying any more. He had a thoughtful, anxious look on his face. As if he wanted to say something but wasn't quite sure it would be recieved well. Kai hoped it wasn't anything else to do with his grandfather. He of all people knew that his grandfather was a complete bastard, but he was the only family Kai had left and that counted for something-
He gasped as he was flipped onto his side, back pressed to Tala's chest. The arm over his waist tightened, making him squeak from surprise and a little bit of panic. "Tala..." This was definitely the closest he'd ever let Tala get before. Definitely. And while it was quite nice-
While it was -very- nice being held like that, he knew that he had to stop it. He couldn't let Tala know. He couldn't let the secret out...
"Tala..." A knee wedged his legs apart, making room for a muscled leg to slip between them, bringing him into close contact with Tala's crotch... "Tala, what are you doing?" Finally he got out those magic words, the words that always made the older Russian back off.
Tala wriggled, shifting closer. It...actually felt good, being like this with him...but...Tala should have backed away, he always did when questioned, so why-?
Tala's hand flattened itself against his chest, pushing his shirt up in a way that couldn't be considered accidental by any stretch of the imagination. Kai felt his breath come jerkily, torn between the deep desire he felt to let Tala do whatever he wanted with him and the equally deep desire to keep that part of him a secret, to stop -anyone- from ever finding out so he could -never- be in danger of his grandfather knowing...
"Tala...what...what are you doing?"
"What we both want. Stop thinking about your grandfather for once. -I'm- not going to say anything to anyone, and I don't think you are."
"Tala-"
"You're a complete chicken, you know that, Kai? I know you're gay. I've known for ages. I probably knew it before you did. So I've tried getting close to you. Holding you. Hugging you. And every time you've made it clear you want me to stop I have, Kai. I've respected your wishes. But I'm tired of it now. Because they're not your wishes, they're your grandfather's and I'm sick of it!" Tala's arm around his waist tightened to the point of pain, the redhead nuzzling his face into Kai's hair and sighing. "When you let yourself go for a second you seem as if you like being held. But then you cry uncle and run away. And I know why.
"You're scared he'll find out. That he'll get pissed. That he'll throw you out and cut you off without a penny. And it haunts you, doesn't it?" Tala steamrollered on, not waiting for an answer. "I don't see why you can't just be honest with yourself and him and just -let- him cut you off! Do you care that much about money that you're willing to sacrifice who and what you are to keep him happy? Will you marry a nice rich girl and have nice rich babies so-"
"SHUT UP!" Kai wrenched himself away from his friend and shot to his feet, turning to pin Tala to the bed with a look of absolute rage. "Don't act like you know everything! I care about him knowing because yeah, he will throw me out! And that matters because even if he is an ass he's my family! My only family! Not that you would know about how important your family is because you don't bloody have one!"
Tala's face dropped from shock to hurt and then to anger. "How DARE you?" He hissed, getting to his feet and looming over Kai. "How -DARE- you?" Kai knew that he had crossed a line. Tala was an orphan, he'd been abandoned at birth and even after so many years it was still hurting him and...
"Tala, I-" He reeled with shock as a fist impacted with his cheek, sending him sprawling against the wall. For a few seconds they just stood there staring at each other. Kai leaning against the wall, the red of his shirt standing out against the blue behind him, and Tala standing there staring at him.
"I'm sorry-"
"I didn't mean it-"
They paused, stared a little more, then Tala finally seemed to catch hold of himself again and walked over, pulling Kai up onto his feet. "I...I'm sorry, Kai."
"I guess I deserved it." Tala shook his head, cupping Kai's cheek with a gentle hand and rubbing his thumb over the angry red mark marring the otherwise pale skin.
"I'm sorry." He insisted.
"...Me too."
"I shouldn't be telling you how to live your life."
"...Tala..."
"It's your choice what you do with yourself but sometimes it frustrates me so much, Kai because...I get the feeling that this is what you want...but you're too afraid to ask for it..." Kai cast his gaze to the carpet (blue as well) and sighed.
"The less people who know, the less chance there is of my grandfather finding out."
"You seriously think I'm going to tell anyone?"
"...No." A pause.
"...You're an idiot."
"So are you." Kai smiled as Tala pulled him into a warm hug, laughing softly.
"And you're still a lazy bastard, and...do you really think I don't need to go on a diet?"
Kai groaned and hit his head off the older Russian's shoulder. "You do NOT need to diet. At all. Ever." He looked up as Tala moved away, but then was reassured by a hand closing around his wrist and leading him towards the bed. He allowed himself to be pulled down, listening to the bedsprings creaking in protest as he shifted closer to Tala, facing him this time. A few seconds silence allowed them time to look at each other carefully, gauging and measuring what they saw in each others' eyes. And then Tala spoke.
"So...Kai...will you go out with me?"
"I thought I already -was- going out with you..."
"...Make it official?"
"Yes, then." Tala smirked, draping an arm over his waist.
"All the hinting paid off at last."
"What?" The redhead rolled his eyes.
"All the stuff I said about wanting a boyfriend? About not being able to get a boyfriend because no-one was brave enough to come out? I was hinting."
"Oh." Kai closed his eyes, thinking that one over. "Well. You've got one now." After allowing himself a smile at that thought, Kai opened his eyes in time to see Tala looming towards him. For a second he wondered what the hell was going on and then he felt a pair of soft lips touch his own and realised. And...he also realised that everything had changed between them now. That they'd gotten to a point where it would be hard to go back. That this was going to make so many things different...
After a few precious seconds Tala moved back, smiling. "Kai..."
"Yeah?"
"Are you...really really sure I don't need to diet?"
Kai rolled his eyes. "Yes." Some things about him and Tala would never change, no matter what...
Fin
R&R please! Heh, I see Tala as someone who would be quite self-conscious given his upbringing...which technically wasn't his upbringing as this is AU...but you know what I mean XD!