A/N. This chapter has been proofread and reup loaded.
The night that he received the call, it had felt as though he were dreaming. Everything that been right in his world was suddenly snatched away from him, and the only thing that he could think about, were the words that had been exchanged right before Shuichi had walked out the door…
"I don't care how long you'll be gone, just that you're out of my hair," Yuki snapped as he grabbed a beer from the fridge.
"But Yuki, we won't be back for a month, can't you at least give me a nice goodbye?" Shuichi cried as tears filled his eyes.
"No. I can't. You've been making a nuisance of yourself ever since you learned you had to go on this tour," Yuki informed him as he walked back to his study. He had an angry expression on his face, and he looked like he could care less if Shuichi stayed or left.
"F-fine," Shuichi whimpered, trying to keep his tears in long enough to get out the front door. He didn't want to be feeling this sad when he wasn't going to be able to see Yuki for such a long time.
He turned to pick up the suitcase that he had left by the front door. Just before he walked out, he looked one more time at Yuki to see if he was going to change his mind, but he was met with the same contempt and cold expression that he had been getting all night.
"Goodbye... Y-Yuki," Shuichi whispered, as he walked out the door and out to where Hiro was waiting for him.
The whole time he could feel tears pouring down his face. He had made up his mind. After this tour, he was moving out. He had slowly begun to realize that Yuki was never going to give him the love that he so desperately wanted from him.
When he had climbed up behind Hiro, he struggled to get himself under control. Hiro gave him a concerned look, but Shuichi just shook his head and snuggled closer to the back of his best friend. He felt the heat seep into his cold hands, and he felt like he had come home. Here was someone who loved him, for who he was, and accepted him with all his faults. He still loved Yuki, but he was slowing dying inside. He felt like a plant that was getting some light, but not enough to keep it alive. And as he felt the familiar thrum of the motor between his legs, he vowed to try and do better for himself. He knew that he would never be able to forget Yuki, but he hoped to find someone that would love him without conditions.
Yuki flinched as he watched the door close, and heard the soft thump that it had made, as it settled into place. It had sounded so final the way that Shuichi had said goodbye. Yuki shook off the chills that had crawled up his spine, and walked back into his study to try and finish his novel.
Throughout the following days, he could not seem to shake off the feeling that he was never going to see Shuichi again. Every time he lay down, he reached across the bed for the familiar warmth of his lover, only to feel nothing but cold sheets. It had never been like this when Shuichi had gone on tour before. When the door closed, he felt an important part of his life ending.
And every morning, he awoke, expecting to hear the familiar sound of Shuichi rushing to get ready for work. His clothes and all his personal belongings were still there, but the life and warmth that Shuichi had seemed to bring with him was gone.
The night that he received the phone call he had felt like something tragic had happened, but he just shook it off as superstitious nonsense. At first the gravity of the news didn't sink in, but as he sat there with the words running through his head, he realized that his worst fears had come to pass.
"Yuki, I need you to sit down if you are not," came the concerned voice on the other end of the line.
Yuki rested his hip on his desk, refusing to believe what he was being told. "No, just tell me what happened," Yuki demanded, none of the anguish that he was feeling showing in his voice.
"There has been an accident, the bus that Shuichi was on hit an icy patch on the road and lost control. There has been no report yet if anyone survived. The bus was traveling on a steep mountain road and when they hit the ice the bus spun out of control and crashed down the mountain."
"All right, then call me when you have more news," Yuki said in a strangely calm voice. Inside he was shaking, it had finally sunk in that he might never see his lover alive again. There had been so much left unsaid between them. And he was running out of time to tell Shuichi how much he had meant to him.
"Yuki, are you going to be alright?" came a worried voice, through the phone he still held.
"Yeah, I'm fine. I will talk to you later." Yuki said as he dropped the phone back into its cradle and mechanically walked over to look out the window. There in front of him was a blizzard, but all Yuki saw was his life slipping through his fingers. He had already lost someone that had been close to him, and now he was losing another, and there was nothing he could do about it. He leaned against the window, and as he looked out into the cold dark night, he let out the tears that he had been holding in as he talked on the phone. He cried for the lost chances and for the young life that had been taken too soon. Eventually, he made it to bed, but that only brought back more memories he would rather not face. As he laid there, he remembered all the times that he spent with Shuichi in the very bed he was lying in, and all the times he had kicked him out it for some stupid reason or another. When sleep finally claimed him, he was haunted by images of Shuichi laying bleeding in a ditch somewhere.
The wind was blowing snow all over the road making it almost impossible to see more than a couple of feet in front of him. Despite the snow and wind, Yuki felt strangely warm as if he was wrapped in a warm blanket instead of standing in the middle of a frozen road. As he walked along trying to place where he was at, he heard a sound like some was in pain. He turned toward the sound and started to walk toward it. As he got closer to the source he could see something moving around. Before he got close enough to see what it was, it made a move like it was standing up, and Yuki gasped in horror when he realized that it was Shuichi and he was covered in blood.
When Shuichi started walking toward him, Yuki heard what sounded like a rushing sound and he started to feel the cold wind the was all around them. In his bed Yuki shifted around uneasily as the cold air drifted over him from the window that had been opened by the wind. Back in his dream Yuki was backing away from the bloody Shuichi. Shuichi looked at him in betrayal as when he noticed Yuki moving away from him.
"Why do you always leave me?" he asked in a curious voice as he continued to move toward Yuki, the blood slowly oozing down his face from the cut over his left eye.
Yuki shook his head in denial as he felt his back hit a tree, "You are to much, you ask to much, there is only so much I give to someone and you want more than I want to give," Yuki replied as he watched Shuichi moving toward him. Despite the blood and other things covering Shuichi, Yuki felt a stir of desire for him. It had been to long since they had seen each other and after the news that he had received before he had gone to bed all he wanted to do was hold him.
Shuichi gave a mirthless laugh as he stopped a few feet from where Yuki was pressed against the tree, "All I have ever asked from you was your support and love, but even that little bit you refused to give to me."
Yuki watched as tears started feeling Shuichi, and he realized with a pang of sorrow that it was an all to familiar sight. "I'm sorry, Shuichi, for all that I have done to you. I wish I had been able to tell you before now, but I love you and I want you to come home to me," Yuki said as he reached out for him. Shuichi closed the last couple of feet between them, but when Yuki finally got him in his arms he realized that something was not right. He pulled back to look at Shuichi's face and he saw that although his eyes were opened that was no sign of life. Horrified he made to drop him to the ground and found that they were already on the ground. When he felt movement he scrambled away from him, and Shuichi turned he head and looked at him with dead eyes.
"Come, Yuki join me in my sleep so that we can be together always," he held out a small bloody hand and beckoned for Yuki to take it. Yuki felt the urge to throw up, but started to reach out despite his revulsion of the blood. Before their hands could touch he heard a ringing sound that did not belong in this dream. He woke up abruptly when he realized that is was the phone ringing.
As he groggily reached for it he wondered why it felt like his head was stuffed with cotton and his eyes burned. Just as he was reaching to pick up the phone the night before came rushing back to him. As he remembered crying himself to sleep, he picked up the phone, hoping for good news.