He Said She Said

A/N: So after I finished "What Casey Wants", I was killing myself to think of a new storyline for my latest fic! Then my brother showed me an episode of South Park and it clicked. Ok, so South Park doesn't really have anything to do with the plot, but the scene I was watching just gave me an idea. Plus I had already had a partial idea floating around in my head so I connected the two and BAM. Hope ya like :) P.S. When the story goes into italics, we're in flashback/storytelling mode!

Disclaimer: If I owned Life with Derek, I would have access to Michael Seater, which means there would be a full-page kidnapping story in the local paper.

Chapter 1: The Blame Game

Not one word had been spoken yet that day. They had woken up early, rushed around the house, sat sullen and quiet in the car, and were now on opposite ends of the couch that sat in the green room. Arms folded, both teens stared at the wall, glaring.

The tension in the room was let out when a man burst through the door, headset on and clipboard in hand. "Miss McDonald, you'll be going on first. Come with me please." He impatiently motioned for her to follow him.

Casey glanced back at Derek before heading for the door. Derek sat up, about to protest, but the door slammed in his face. He sat back in a huff, rolling his eyes at the possibility of Casey being the first one to tell her side of the story.

The man stopped abruptly behind the stage door and told Casey to wait for her cue. She took a deep breath and began wringing her hands in nervous anticipation. This all seemed a bit extreme. It wasn't even her idea, yet George and Nora saw the opportunity and jumped at it, eagerly hoping for some peace and settlement in the house.

Out on the stage, the makeup crew was making final additions to the host as the audience took their seats. Everyone scurried off the stage as a man on set warned for a minute left. The cameraman did one last adjustment to the shot as the man held up his hand and counted down the seconds on his fingers. 3…2…1…

The crowd began cheering as the host came into focus with a warm smile. "Thank you! We have a great show lined up for you lucky people this morning! Today I want to focus on troubles within the families. We're going to be talking to some people that have had their fair share of fights with another person that they're forced to share a house with. And we're going to fix the fighting, because…" She pointed at the audience and they all cried out in unison: "Connie Says So!"

Connie smiled at the reaction and pulled out her cue cards. "Our first guest today is a young lady who isn't exactly happy with her latest lifestyle. She claims that ever since she's been forced into her new home, someone has been trying to force her back out. Let's all give a warm welcome to Casey McDonald!" Connie applauded with the audience as the stage door swung open.

The man Casey had followed motioned for her to make her entrance. Although she wanted nothing more than to run away, it was a little too late now. She hesitantly began to walk towards the little "living room" setup on the stage where the host waited to greet her. Casey had to admit that she didn't exactly mind all the cheers and attention the audience was giving her.

When she finally reached Connie, they shook hands and took a seat; Casey sat on the white couch and Connie sat on her right in a sleek leather chair. The crowd finally began to die down and Connie turned towards Casey with a serious "let's talk" look etched across her face.

"Now Casey, from what I understand, your mother, Nora, has remarried about seven months ago to George Venturi. What has this change done for you?" Connie sat patiently, waiting for a response to analyze.

Casey turned away for a minute and looked out into the audience at her mom and George who were seated in the front row. They were clasping hands and smiled at Casey, assuring to her that it was ok for her to say whatever she needed to. She then looked into the camera and could just picture Lizzie, Edwin and Marti at her grandmother's house, eyes glued to the TV and butts glued to the couch as they waited for Casey's response.

She took a deep breath for what seemed the ten billionth time that day before turning back to Connie. "Well, at first I wasn't happy about any of it. I mean, I hated leaving my old school, my friends, our condo, and of course my Dad. And all to move in with these people who were practically strangers to me! But almost everyone has made me feel a little more comfortable and I kind of like where I am right now. I've made a great friend-" Casey suddenly turned towards the camera and waved enthusiastically. "Hi Emily!" She smiled. "Sorry, I promised her I would do that" Casey laughed nervously.

"It's alright! But Casey, I'm going to have to stop you there and ask what you meant by "almost everyone" making you feel more comfortable in the new house. Does this possibly have anything to do with one of your new siblings?"

Casey immediately scoffed at this, but then slumped down, embarrassed. "Sorry, it's just I don't really consider him to be family. At all. He's more like the person who lives to torture me about the fact that I exist. You know, like Satan? Except he's a stupid, arrogant jock that'll chase anything with a skirt and has the IQ of a goldfish, much like the bimbos he's always making out with."

The crowd responded with collected "ooooh"s at Casey's insult-filled description. "This isn't exactly a description of your other stepbrother, Edwin, is it? Why don't you tell us exactly who it is you hate so much?"
Casey looked towards the audience and cameras with a menacing glare.

"Derek."

Derek looked up from his intense staring contest with the floor. The man with the headset had returned in the doorway. "You're up next, let's go." He sighed and heaved himself off the couch as he followed the man to the stage door Casey had stood at moments ago. As soon as the signal was given, Derek plastered that infamous smirk to his face and headed for the stage.

Casey was simply appalled at all the catcalls the girls in the audience were sending to Derek. Weren't they just cheering for her a second ago?! 'Typical' Casey thought bitterly as Derek plopped down on her left side. The smirk was even wider now due to his popular response and she suddenly had an extreme urge to smack it off of his face when he turned to look at her.

Casey scooted farther away from Derek, which didn't seem too possible since she was already up against the arm of the couch. 'Damn the size of these loveseats!' Casey angrily spat in her mind. Derek's leg was practically touching hers and she immediately crossed her left leg over her right to avoid the contact.

"Hello, Derek. It's nice to meet you." Connie even seemed to fall under Derek's charms.

"Likewise, Connie." He replied smoothly. Casey held in a gag.

"Now Derek," she tried to scold, though she had a big smile on her face. "You haven't exactly been the best new brother to Casey, correct?"

"Stepbrother" he corrected immediately. "And I would have to say I disagree. I believe that Casey's the one who's showing no effort at my attempts to try and get along."

Casey couldn't take the silent treatment any longer and snapped her head towards Derek. "As if!" Casey practically screeched at him. "You're always making my life a living Hell so you can go be happy in your little fantasy world where people are deluded into thinking that you're some kind of a god!"

Derek didn't respond. He just continued his pity act and shook his head sadly. On the inside, he was cracking up. It was too easy to get a rise out of her and even easier to get everyone on his side. Why did he ever worry about what Casey would say about him? He had this audience in the palm of his hands; he was even pretty sure he heard some booing from his girl fans at Casey's outburst.

She let out a loud, angry "ugh!" before crossing her arms and sinking back into the couch cushions like a little girl throwing a tantrum. She didn't care how it looked; she was pissed. He always got what he wanted and somehow always ended up the victim. It was sickening.

Connie's eyes widened and she cleared her throat before attempting to cut the tension that was building up once more. "Casey, Derek has just said that he's made attempts at creating peace between you two. Why haven't you accepted his offer?"

Casey openly rolled her eyes at this. "The only thing Derek's attempted is trying to blind me with shampoo and sabotage all my relationships. This is strictly an act! We're talking about the same guy that saw me fall down a flight of stairs and had the rest of the school label me as "Klutzilla"! I don't even know where to begin on the whole Planet Joyride drama."

Derek shot Casey a sideways glare. He knew this topic would come up eventually. It was, after all, the whole reason they were on this stupid talk show, but he really, really didn't feel like discussing it.

Casey smiled triumphantly at the look on Derek's face. She knew this was the last topic of conversation he would want to hear and though she wasn't thrilled about it either, she would be willing to do anything to get under his skin for a second.

"What exactly is Casey talking about, Derek?" Connie asked curiously. He just sat there, arms crossed and leaning back, similar to Casey's previous position. Casey was now sitting up straight and proud, looking towards Derek expectantly.

"Oh, come on now Derek. You don't have to be shy." Casey chided. She held him under her glare, but he refused to squirm. He readjusted his position so that he was just above eye level with Casey as he grinned down at her.

"Who said I was? If these people want to hear a story, I'd be happy to give them one."

The crowd cheered in agreement and it was now Derek's turn to smirk triumphantly as a look of uncertainty flashed across Casey's face. Maybe this wasn't her best idea. Who knows what he was willing to say about the whole event. Lord of the Lies wasn't exactly a reassuring title.

Derek cleared his throat dramatically before turning to Connie. "What Casey is referring to is a little incident that happened about a week ago. You see-"

""Little Incident?" Is that what you call it? It was hardly-"

Derek brought a hand up to silence her. "Casey, please. I'm in the middle of a story." Casey groaned and looked at Connie who told Derek to finish his story. "Thank you." He replied. "Now as I was saying, this whole thing started about a week ago. It was the long weekend so our family decided to take a trip down to Planet Joyride…"

"Dad! I can't fit my suitcase in the trunk! Casey's crap is taking up all the space!" Derek yelled towards the house. They would only be gone for two days; was it necessary for her to bring everything she owned?

"Hey! My stuff is not 'crap'. I actually like to be prepared for the weekend with useful necessities that I need, unlike some people who are completely repulsive and think they can get away with wearing the same pair of boxers for three days straight if they flip them inside out!" Casey shot back.

"I'm just trying to help the planet out. Why waste energy with a washing machine? Besides, I still don't think you gave me a good reason as to why you're bringing four suitcases…and a rubber ducky?" Derek pulled the toy out of one of the suitcase pockets and squeaked it at Casey. "So this is what a necessity looks like?" He laughed.

"That's Marti's," she mumbled angrily.

"Ok, you two. Enough. Derek, there's plenty of room, just throw your suitcase in there and get in the van!" George was tired of playing referee. The rest of the family had followed him out to the car after locking up all the doors and windows. Their stuff was already packed into the trunk. Derek sighed and jammed his bag in the tiny spot that was left before slamming the trunk closed and sliding open the back door.

'Oh Joy.' Derek thought sarcastically as he found the only seat available to be next to the Princess. Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti had squeezed into the first row of seats so they could avoid the war zone that Derek and Casey would create in the back row.

After running off the checklist twice, Casey reluctantly let George start the engine and head off for their four-hour trip to Planet Joyride. It was an amusement park farther north that the Venturis had gone to every year. Now the McDonalds were part of the tradition and Derek suddenly took a disliking to the trip that he had looked forward to every year. Casey wasn't too pleased about it either. Time spent with Derek wasn't exactly time well spent.

Derek pulled his iPod out of the pocket of his leather jacket and jammed the ear buds in place. Just because he was being forced to sit next to Miss Priss in the uncomfortable closeness of the back seat didn't mean he had to listen to her complain incessantly. The sounds of The Awesome Team's "Sayonara" filled his ears as he leaned back and closed his eyes.

Derek felt his hand brush over Casey's, but he didn't bother to move it. He was too comfortable and he knew it would bug the hell out of her. After what seemed to be a full thirty seconds, Derek felt a sharp jab in his right arm.

"So Casey freaks out because I had accidentally touched her or something and then she takes the pen she was using on her crazy checklist and stabs me in the arm with it!"

"Objection!" Casey cried out. "I merely hit you on the arm with it and I didn't even use the pointy side, you wimp! I had to do something to get you off of me. You were trying to piss me off and I wasn't about to just sit there and take it! And I would also like to point out that I have never owned a rubber ducky in my life!"

"Ok, first of all, this isn't a courtroom Judge Judy. And secondly, it's not my fault that you were practically taking up the whole back seat so that I had no choice but to put my hand somewhere. I think you're the one that was trying to piss me off."

Both of them neglected to say what they were really thinking then:

Casey was glaring out the window as she watched the house slowly disappear behind them. Derek had started his music up and was sprawled out onto the seat. She rolled her eyes at him.

'I will not let Derek's attempts at blasting his music and taking up the entire back row of seats bother me. I will not. That's only what he wants is for me to get upset. I won't let anything he does affect me.' Casey recited this mantra in her head but was interrupted from her thoughts when she felt Derek's hand fall on top of hers.

She looked down over at Derek who had his eyes closed. She couldn't really tell if he had done it on purpose, but his hand continued to lie there. Casey couldn't understand why at that moment she felt a tingling feeling that caused goose bumps to run all the way up her arm. So much for not letting him get to her. She panicked and grabbed her pen.

Derek was fully aware of where his hand was resting. He hadn't planned for it to be there, but he was just trying to get comfortable. He found it a little weird that the feel of her hand under his made his fingertips burn a little and a chill ran up his spine, but he convinced himself that the van's AC was just cranked up too high. Even though he passed the feeling off, he still didn't move his hand and he wasn't sure why. Next thing he knew, a pen had begun attacking his arm.

"I did NOT take up the back seat! Are you trying to call me fat?!"

"I didn't try and call you anything. Assume what you want."

Derek left his innocent act behind as he started to get into this debate with Casey. They had almost completely forgotten where they were and that millions of people were watching their every move. It was as if they were back home on that disgusting couch with the remote control gripped firmly between them.

"You are! How dare you! You're the one that had to sprawl yourself all over me in order to even fit in the backseat so let's not even start on who has the weight issue here." Casey was seething with annoyance.

"Ha! Sprawl myself all over you? In your dreams, Case. I was practically huddled in the corner so I wouldn't be anywhere near you. I hear that once you touch the Ice Queen's skin, you're frozen for eternity. Either that or you become a grade grubbing perfectionist with no social life."

"If you were ever in my dreams, I wouldn't be here, I would be getting a cat scan!"

"I don't think it would come as a surprise to you when your results returned and concluded that you're a totally psychotic, delusional freak!"

They were now standing in front of the couch practically screaming at each other, completely oblivious to their surroundings. Connie nervously tried to interrupt the fight, but couldn't get a word in edgewise. The audience was going mad in the background, picking sides and cheering the fight on.

Not knowing what else to do, Connie motioned for the cameraman to direct the focus on her as she walked towards the end of the stage.

"Um, ok then. We'll be back after these short messages."

Connie turned back around to the crazy brawl as the commercials were played and let out an exasperated sigh. "They don't pay me enough for this."

This is merely a glimpse of what's to come! I hope you guys like the idea and it will get a lot better from here once the story heats up.
I hope I can still keep the title of this story, because I recently saw the same title for a Dasey last night but now it's gone! If it comes back, I will gladly admit defeat and change it though! Oh and you know that band that Derek is listening to on his iPod? The Awesome Team? Well, that was the name of the band on Derek's shirt in "The Bet" episode and I looked them up after the episode aired and they are in fact awesome. I wonder if that was one of Michael's shirts…hmmmm.
REVIEW!!!! It takes like, two seconds.
xo, Christina