I have 3 assignments due in the next 2 weeks, and I haven't even begun on the latest chapter. But yeah, when your hands are so full that everything's spilling over, things like this happen. So I decided to go with the flow on this. It's unedited, for that I apologize. Mostly written with my eyes closed because I was trying to get it all out in the right words, so excuse any errors please!

First KiKuro ever, but I like this ship. I just wish there was more angst. Is that bad? I don't know. Anyway, no more babbling.

Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

I love you.

I have loved you for so long, and so hard, that I can't even remember what it was like to not be consumed by thoughts of you. There was not a second of my day, awake or otherwise, that you did not cross my mind.

I'm sorry, that sounded weird. But there's really no other way to say it. If I could tell you what it was like, how it felt, you'd think me a moron for being so consumed.

But then you already constantly tell me that I'm an idiot. I guess you're right. To fall for someone so unattainable is a very irresponsible action.

But I tried, Kurokocchi.

When I felt my feet slip over the edge, I tried to grasp for something, anything, that would stop – who am I kidding, there was no possible way of stopping it – cushion my fall.

It was really unfair that you would always be there. A tempting vision floating over me as I dangled dangerously on exhausted fingers, so close yet so far, enough to make me absentmindedly reach out and lose my grip.

Was this intended?

Were those kind smiles, such a vast difference from the usual lackluster expression you wore, meant to drive me insane? Did you maybe, want me to lose myself in the warm depths of your clear, chilly eyes? All those times you brushed against me, body radiating the perfect amount of heat, was that meant to freeze me still?

Am I even making sense anymore? I can imagine you looking at me, face so carefully void of expression, but did you know? That your eyes gave away everything you felt? Really, if anyone would just take the time – as I admittedly did – to stare into them, to get lost in the maze that you so cleverly covered up, they would find that you're not so hard to read.

Man, I forgot what I was saying. I've gotten on the wrong train again. I think this was supposed to be a love confession, but now it's become an ode to Kurokocchi.

Nevermind, it doesn't matter. You'll never see this, so I can write whatever I want. Because after this, just like all the other times, I will throw this into a fire and it'll crackle and burn, and just to be on the safe side I'll throw the ashes to the wind.

Maybe if I do that, my feelings will take flight with them. I don't want to love you anymore, because this is a one way road and though I can see barely a few feet in front of me, I already know that it's a dead end.

So please, please. Let me stop loving you. Don't share those secret smiles with me anymore, don't casually bump into me when we walk past each other, don't deny our friendship one second only to reach out and ruffle my hair the next.

All these things that you do, they burn me. It's like a rampaging fire scarring every surface there is of me. Every facet of myself, all marked with the feel and thought of you.

Yes, that's what it is.

But it's also sometimes cold. So cold that I can feel my heart caving in on itself, feel my bones become so brittle that the slightest gust of wind could snap something and I'm left collapsed in on myself like a house of cards.

I want to stop loving you. But I don't.

I really am weird, aren't I?

It's alright. You'll never see this side of me. Just… one last time. One more time, I'll say it, and then I promise that I'll go on as if nothing ever happened.

I love you.