An Unregrettable Love
By Misha
Disclaimer- Not mine, but I'm not making money off this, so please don't sue.
Author's Notes- This is a sad one-shot song fic set in my BSC kids universe, it takes place between "All Grown Up" and "Ghosts of Yesterday". It's set to Trisha Yearwood's song "I Would Have You Anyway" and is from Adam's PoV. There are spoilers for both "All Grown Up" and "Ghosts of Yesterday" here, but nothing too major. I just couldn't get this one out of my head and felt like I had to write it so I did and I hope you enjoy it!
Pairing- Adam/Karen.
Summery- Songfic. Four years after Karen leaves him Adam comes to the conclusion, that the pain was worth it and that he was meant to love her. Set between "All Grown Up" and "Ghosts of Yesterday".
Rating- PG-13
If I'd've known the way that this would end
If I'd've read the last page first
If I'd've had the strength to walk away
If I'd've known how this would hurt
Sometimes, in the dark of night, when he was alone in his bed, Adam couldn't help think of Karen.
Normally he tried to banish such thoughts, he needed to if he was going to move on with his life, but sometimes he just couldn't help it. Two years had passed since she'd left him and the wounds were just beginning to heal, but Adam knew they'd never go away completely. They'd been too deep for that.
Sometimes, on those dark nights when he couldn't hep but think of her, he asked himself if he still would have loved her if he could have known how it would end.
If back when he was eighteen he could have seen the future, seen their finale, would he still have allowed himself to love her? Would things have still unfolded the way they did after that fateful prom night, if he'd known all that would come after...
//Adam stood in the moonlight watching Karen. She was so lovely in her pink dress. Why had he never realized before this just how pretty she was? "Do you want to go find the others?" He asked her. "It's prom night, Adam." Karen said softly. "I think we're on our own now." Adam was right, he knew that his brothers had special plans for the night and that he and Karen probably were on their own. "What time do you have to be home?" Karen was only fifteen and he was actually surprised she was out as late as she was. "I don't." Karen told him. "We're all supposed to be sleeping over at the Ramseys tonight. It's only Jessi there and she knows to expect us to wander in late." Though most of Karen's friends were younger than him, a lot of them had ended up at prom, which was why Adam had agreed to ask Karen. "Oh." Adam said and then he paused. He knew it was stupid, he knew she was too young for him, but... She was so pretty in her pink dress and he couldn't resist pulling her into his arms and kissing her deeply. Karen seemed startled for a moment, but then she wove her arms around his neck and kissed him back with equal passion...//
It was a hard question one that often haunted him.
He'd like to say no, to think that if he'd known what was coming he would have been smart, that he would have saved himself all the heartbreak and misery that loving Karen had brought him, but he couldn't do it. Couldn't say that, because he just didn't think it was true, no matter how hard he might want it to be.
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
The truth was, Adam knew, that even if you'd told him how it would all end, he'd still have loved her, because loving Karen was something he'd never been able to control. It wasn't something he had done on purpose, something he'd meant to do.
It had just happened, before he'd even realized it happened. That summer between high school and college, the summer he and Karen had found each other had happened so fast and before he'd realized what was happening, he'd realized that he was head over heels in love with his little sister's best friend...
//Adam looked at Karen, so pretty in her white and blue sundress, and wondered for the millionth time what they were doing. They'd been sneaking around for a month now and all the time they were apart, Adam swore to himself that he'd break it off the next time he saw her and he never did. His brain told him it was a bad idea, but the rest of him just couldn't resist the pull he felt towards Karen. "Penny for your thoughts?" Karen asked with a small smile. "I love you." Adam blurted out, not even realizing what he was saying, but it was true. He'd fallen in love with her. Karen stared at him, as if she could barely believe her ears, but then she gave him a small little smile. "I love you too." She whispered. Adam took her in his arms and kissed her deeply. Maybe it was wrong, maybe it was stupid, but... You can't help who you fall in love with and Adam had just fallen head over heels in love with Karen Brewer...//
The memories hurt, but they were still precious to him. Every moment he'd spent with her was precious and no matter how much it had hurt him when Karen had left him, Adam still couldn't give up all the rest....
When he closed his eyes, he could see her like it was yesterday. He could remember every moment that they spent in each other's arms and, despite everything, he treasured those memories.
Even if he had known that someday she would break his heart, he knew that he still would have allowed himself to love her, because, despite the pain, loving Karen Brewer was still the best thing he'd ever done.
It's bittersweet to look back now
At memories withered on a vine
Just to hold you close to me
For a moment in time
Adam didn't know why their story had ended, didn't know why Karen had stopped loving him, but he'd never been able to bring himself to do the same.
He'd forced himself to move on with his life, to really let go of the past, and for the most part he'd succeeded, but...
Sometimes, when he was alone in the dark of night, he let himself remember. Remember the years before their painful finale. Those beautiful years when Karen had loved him as much as he'd loved her.
Sometimes, Adam even let himself remember the night she'd agreed to marry him and how happy they'd been then...
//"Trying to recreate some old memories?" Karen teased when Adam pulled up at Mercer point. "You know, babe, we don't have to sneak around anymore." Adam laughed at the reminder of when they first got together. "I know, but I wanted to come back to where it all began for us." He looked at Karen and thought of the fresh-faced teenager she'd been and thought how damned he was lucky to have had her in his life all these years. "So you want us to make out in a car?" Karen asked doubtfully. "No." Adam told her with a loving smile and then reached into his pocket and took out a little blue box. "Karen, I loved you six years ago, but I love you even more today and I know I'll love you even more sixty years from now. I want to have children with you, spend my life with you, grow old with you. Will you do be the honour of being my wife?" "Yes!!!' Karen exclaimed, throwing her arms around him. She leaned in and kissed him deeply. "I love you, Adam Pike, and I'm going to love you every day for the rest of our lives!"//
As painful as the memories were now, they were still sweet as well. It might have ended badly, but at least he'd known great love for a brief moment. At least for a moment he'd had Karen in his life and Adam knew that he could never bring himself to regret that, no matter how much pain it might have caused him later.
Sure, it would be easier if he could bring himself to hate her, but he could never quite manage that and somehow he knew he never would.
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I'd've loved you anyway
Adam had been eighteen when he'd fallen in love with Karen Brewer and nine years later, he knew it was something that he couldn't have avoided. Nor would he really have wanted too.
He'd had seven years with Karen, seven years of her smiles and her laughter and kisses. Seven years when he'd watched her grow from girl to woman and found that he loved her more with every passing day. in some ways it seemed crazy to look back and see that their relationship had even lasted as long as it had, since high school romances rarely do.
But then, it had always seemed like so more that that, even at eighteen and nineteen, Adam had been convinced that Karen was the love of his life, the woman he was going grow to go old with...
//Jordan shook his head in disgust. "You two are pathetic." He told his brothers. "We're nineteen and you two have both tied yourself down. Don't you want to play the field?" Byron and Adam exchanged glances. "No." Byron said simply. "I love Char and we might be young, but I know I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Why do I need to play the field? I've already met the one." "Same here." Adam said quietly. "Maybe Karen and I've only been together eight months, but it's long enough for me to know that I don't want anyone else." Sometimes he worried because Karen was so young--only sixteen and he wondered if it was fair to her to tie her down so young, but he loved her too much to let her go and he couldn't imagine his future without her. Already he was envisioning a lifetime with Karen, which was bizarre given how young they were, but then his own parents had started dating in high school and look how happy they were. Adam was sure that in thirty years he and Karen would be just as happy...//
Of course, it hadn't worked out like that and in the end he'd been wrong and he and Karen hadn't had the type of love to last a lifetime. Hell, they hadn't made it out of their twenties and yet...
Even though happily ever after wasn't what fate had intended for them, Adam could never bring himself to regret the seven years they'd been given and the love that had been beautiful, even if it hadn't lasted.
Even during his darkest, most bitter days after Karen left, he couldn't bring himself to fully regret loving her, because it had been one of the best things he'd ever done. Maybe she wouldn't be the love of his life or the woman he grew old with, but she'd always have a special place in his heart and he'd accepted that.
Even if I'd seen it comin'
You'd still have seen me runnin'
Straight into your arms
It wasn't often, but every once in a while, in the dark of night, it was like Karen was in the room with him. On those occasions, he could practically feel her, his memories were so clear.
Sometimes, Adam saw her as she'd been the night before their wedding, the last time he'd seen her, and other times, he saw her as she'd been on prom night all those years ago. Could still see her golden curls and pretty pink gown and the innocence in her blues and he knew that, even if he could go back, he'd still be powerless to resist.
Even if he could go back, he'd still have fallen in love with her that night and still pursued the relationship had come afterwards. He'd still have kissed her for that first time and let them take the journey to friends from lovers...
//"About last night..." Karen began nervously, biting her lip. "Yes?" Adam asked, his hands in the pockets of his blue jeans. "What... What did that mean?" Karen asked, obviously embarrassed. "Was it just a heat of the moment thing or...?" Adam didn't know how to answer. He was eighteen, Karen was fifteen and he was about to go off to college and there were a lot of reasons he should just chalk it up to being one of those things, but... He couldn't do it. "I kissed you because I wanted to kiss you." Adam told her quietly. "Because suddenly, you weren't just my little sister's best friend, but... Karen, this beautiful girl, and... I don't know what it means or where we go from here, but I know I want to do it again." "Me too." She admitted shyly. Adam took that as a cue and pulled her into his arms and kissed her deeply. He didn't know what it meant or where this was going to go, but he knew that his relationship with Karen had changed forever...//
It was painful, yes, but it had been beautiful and on night when she and their love were so clear to him, he knew he couldn't have stopped a single moment of it.
Maybe it's because he's a hopeless romantic, but he still has to believe that what he and Karen shared had been beautiful once and that it had really been love and that meant he could never regret it.
I would've loved you anyway
I'd do it all the same
Not a second I would change
Not a touch that I would trade
Had I known my heart would break
I would've loved you anyway
I would've loved you anyway
Looking back, Adam could honestly say that loving Karen was the easiest thing he'd ever done, even it also turned out to be the most difficult.
Still, no matter how much pain she'd caused him in the end, he could never bring himself to regret a moment of the time they'd had together. They'd had severn years together before she'd disappeared and those had been the seven best years of Adam's life so far and would probably always hold a special place in his heart.
Every kiss, every touch, every smile, every promise, even the ones that had been eventually broken, they all meant the world to Adam. He'd always treasures those memories, of a love that he'd once thought would stand the test of time...
//Adam watched as Charlotte dismissed all pretence and threw the bouquet straight at Karen. "Ooh." Jordan teased, his hand on his triplet's shoulder, "I think that's a hint, bro." Adam just shrugged and toyed with the garter he held in his hand, his gaze fastened on his gorgeous, blushing girlfriend. "I've got it under control." He told Jordan confidently. Jordan looked at him and sighed. "Am I going to be the only single Pike triplet soon?" "I sure hope so." Adam said mysteriously. "Hope what?" Karen asked as she approached them, Charlotte's bouquet tight in her hands. "That I get to go home with the prettiest girl here." Adam said smoothly, putting his hands on her waist. Karen laughed and smiled up at him. "I think Byron would have an issue with that, because didn't you know that the bride is always the prettiest on her day?" "Second prettiest then." Adam said, not even noticing Jordan slip away, his eyes solely for the pretty blonde bridesmaid in his arms. He was imagining how beautiful Karen would be on their wedding day and realizing, not for the first time, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with this woman. He'd loved her since they were both children, but they weren't children anymore and he was ready for their real life to start. He'd thought about proposing to Karen before, but as he held her now and looked into her shining blue eyes, he realized just how ready he was to marry her and start at lifetime with her, just like Byron had done with Charlotte. The idea of spending his life with one person should have frightened him, but it didn't, when that person was Karen, it just felt right...//
As Adam lay there alone, haunted by thoughts of her, he came to the realisation that even if someone had warned him, even if someone had come to him all those years and told him how their story was going to end, he still would have gone ahead with it. He'd still have loved her, still would have considered it worth it.
He could only wonder if, wherever she was, Karen felt the same way...
- End