Pasta Sort of Means I Love You
by:muaaimoi
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Sam doesn't try to hide it. He's not ashamed, even if he doesn't exactly broadcast it. It's just that it's the kind of thing that can totally be taken the wrong way. He's surprised Blaine doesn't ask why Sam had been making Macaroni pictures of his ex.
But then, he's done a lot of really obvious things no one ever questions him about. Getting punched by Karofsky, admitting he was homeless to Kurt before anyone else. Even agreeing to the duet from the get go, that first day, was kind of obvious. He doesn't even know why he's surprised no one questions that out of everyone they actually know, Sam chooses to make macaroni portraits of Kurt.
The one he'd shown Blaine was his third try. And he still hadn't been totally satisfied with it. Sam was currently thinking about making a fourth. Anything with Kurt's face on it should be perfect.
Or at least Sam thought so. Because he really thought Kurt was an awesome guy. Like beyond awesome, sometimes. He'd tried explaining it to Brittany once, and she totally got it, she'd claimed the first Macaroni-Kurt he'd made for herself, and he'd had to fight her for possession of the second. It was currently hung up on the back of his closet door.
She was still sort of mad at him about it, so he'd figured he would give her the one he'd just finished. It's really liberating to be able to talk to his girlfriend about the way he feels about Kurt.
He'd only tried to breach the subject once with Mercedes, but he'd chickened out. To this day, he can't even picture how that conversation would have gone. Kind of like he couldn't picture talking to Blaine about it. Even if he thinks Blaine would understand best of all. He's still in love with Kurt after all.
And while Sam isn't in love with Kurt. The feelings kind of close.
It's why he get's it when Blaine fesses up about Sam himself basically being his guilty pleasure. Guilty pleasures can be people too. And it's not creepy, not really.
Sam figures Blaine likes him the way he likes Kurt. Maybe less. Blaine has only really known him for about a year. Sam has liked for Kurt for years now.
Not that Sam likes, likes Kurt. Not exactly. Sam isn't gay, or even bi.
If he was, he would have been flirting with Kurt from the day they met in the club room. He wouldn't have taken no for an answer about singing that duet, and he would have totally wooed Kurt within an inch of his life once he came back from Kentucky.
And yes, he's thought about it. Sometimes Sam sort of wishes that he had been gay. Because Kurt would be an awesome boyfriend. Brittany agrees, and Sam is really glad that he's dating the only girl Kurt's ever kissed, because Brittany likes to talk about it. The way Kurt had tasted and she's even given him a demo on what kissing Kurt might feel like.
Sam loves that his girlfriend has the same not-love for Kurt that he does. In his opinion, it's just another way they're perfect for each other. He totally gets Britt, even if he isn't a crazy genius like her.
Sam doesn't get Kurt. And he knows it's not a gay thing because Sam totally get's Blaine, and he's gay.
But he thinks that's part of the appeal. Kurt's fascinating. He isn't like anybody else Sam knows, he's better. Sam never knows how Kurt's going to react to anything. He's just so...Kurt. And Sam kind of loves that. Kind of, sort of.
If Blaine thinks about him like that, it's kind of flattering. Then again, if Blaine thought about Sam like that, he would have never admitted it to Sam. It's how he knows it's not really like what he feels for Kurt.
It's bad enough that nothing will ever happen, ever, because Sam's still not gay. But it doesn't have to be a big deal. And if Sam ever grew the balls to tell Kurt he's had this massive, crush like admiration for him, then he wouldn't be able to function if it wasn't a big deal.
A feeling like the one he has should matter. It's too strong not to. And it keeps growing, whether Kurt's there or not. Living in the same house with the guy had been the sweetest torture Sam had ever felt, and he still loved and hated Finn for it.
So he and Blaine were going to be okay and Sam was going to start another macaroni-Kurt. He had to do something with the feelings inside him. If he didn't, he ran the risk of having them burst out of him someday.
And if he was really unlucky, Kurt would be in the room.
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Seriously people? There are like two other fics that mention this! There was a macaroni portrait of Kurt, how are the Heavans fans not all over this? Also did I manage to write a fic where Sam is acknowledging his unrequited love whilst denying it? I think I did... Go me?