The Dark Side of Love
Summary: She stared out into the vast blue sky, wondering, just wondering what it would have been like if she hadn't pulled away.
Disclaimer: I do not own Flashpoint or the characters even though I totally and completely wish that I did. I'll just borrow them for a while and put them back when I am finished.
Jules could not help herself. Each time that she stared into those gorgeous blue eyes, she could not looks away. That penetrating stare that had become normal for her to see was impossible to break. She was not going to be the first to lose eye contact, especially because she so much enjoyed staring right back at him.
Sam always looked at her, no matter what they were doing at work. Whether it was working out, or tracking a suspect, Jules could look over her shoulder and find the deep seas of blue glaring right back at her.
At first, this annoyed her, but after a while, she got used to it. The stare was somehow comforting, letting her know that someone cared and was looking out for her, almost like an angel. Not that Jules would ever admit to Sam that she thought he was her personal guardian angel. Oh, no. Sam would tease the heck out of her if he ever found that out. Jules was content at the moment just to believe that in her own mind, and pretend that it was something that she could not live without.
Jules would be the first to admit that she did not even need a guardian angel. She could look out for herself just fine. Four brothers proved that all her life. Now she was in the SRU. If she could not protect herself, fight her own battles, she never would have gotten there in the first place. She would still be back on the family farm, or so she assumed.
However much Jules treasured having those endless stares directed her way, she found herself becoming increasing aware of the fact that Sam was constantly looking in her direction. No matter where they were, what they were doing. Jules was beginning to worry that the rest of the team would notice and that they would think something more was going on behind the scenes.
That was definitely not true. Jules did not want to jeopardize her place on the team, even if it meant suffocating the desires that she knew were becoming impossible to control. She could not get involved with someone she worked with, not even Sam, not with 300 guys breathing down her neck, waiting for her to screw up so that they could swoop in like a vulture and steal her spot away from her.
Jules knew how much she wanted to go there though. The burning looks. She could tell, woman's instinct she guessed, that Sam wanted it too. No matter how much she tried, sometimes it was impossible to keep herself away from him. Every time he asked her to join just him, or the whole team, no matter how much she wanted to say no, that stare always brought her to say yes.
It was time, she decided, time to confront him about it. If anything, she figured, the desire inside of her would leave, because he would no longer spend hours out of the day just looking at her, burning his gaze through he back of her skull.
She decided to do it, kind of suddenly, when one night after they had been working at the Royal York, he came running after her.
"Hey Jules!" Sam called, running after her.
Jules turned to look, but she already knew who it was and just continued walking. Sam caught up, though, and matched her brisk pace.
"Hey, it wasn't your fault, Sam told her, his tone said that he knew exactly how she was feeling at that moment.
"Yeah, I know." Jules replied, not stopping to listen to what he had to say, and not turning around, for fear of those blue eyes.
"So why are you leaving? We got the truck, I'll take you back." Sam desperately wanted to take her, if only so that he could have her near to him, and hopefully comfort her.
"Can you just take it back to HQ? I'm really close to my house and I just wanna walk." Jules still did not look back over her shoulder.
"Fine, I'll drive you home." Sam was almost pleading now, trying to force her to take the offer.
Jules was angry now, raising her voice. "Sam!"
"What!" Sam seriously did not understand this girl, as much as he really wanted to.
"Okay, stop!" Jules finally turned on her heel and faced him, slowly raising her eyes to meet his gaze, which gave away his hurt feelings. "Alright, I don't need you to be nice to me right now, I don't need you to rescue me or be the big hero. I just, I need a minute alone."
Sam was stared back at her, almost dumbfounded. "You think I feel sorry for you? That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Let's go." Sam dropped his gaze, but Jules started to turn away, so he grabbed her arm lightly, spinning her back around to face him. "Jules I'm driving you home."
"I don't . . ." Jules began, but was interrupted by that gaze.
"I promise you don't even need to talk."
"No, I just . . ." Jules tried to leave his grasp on her arm, but he pulled her closer, invading her personal space just a little bit more than she wanted. She could feel the body heat pulsing from his hand that was still firmly planted around her upper arm.
They stared at each other for a second, but that was all it took, she could feel him get closer, as he quickly leaned in and kissed her, slowly, delicately. It was everything she had ever hoped for, that burning desire was being partially satisfied.
But, there still was a voice telling her in the back of her mind that everything that was happening at this moment was wrong. She knew it was wrong and yet her body couldn't allow her to stop. This was the best kiss she had had in a long time. Finally her brain recaptured control of her body, and Jules pulled back forcefully.
Pushing Sam a step away from her, she couldn't bring herself to once again lift her chin and see those eyes staring down at her, wondering what she was thinking, and why she had pushed him away when it had seems like she was into it.
Jules turned, and before she heard Sam yelling after her, she was already half way down the block, running, no, scratch that, sprinting in the direction of her house.
When she reached the door, she fumbled with her keys, the tears streaming down her face made it hard to determine which key was the one that actually fit into the lock. After she had finally breached the doorway, Jules slumped back against the wall, sinking down into a crouch, tears streaming down her face at the pace of a large waterfall.
She didn't even understand her own emotions. She was happy because Sam had kissed her, and it had been what she wanted, but at the same time, she was confused and angry with herself for pulling away and leaving him standing on the sidewalk wondering what he had done wrong.
She had a feeling that tomorrow at work was going to the most uncomfortable day of her entire life because she would have to completely avoid Sam, but at the same time not make it obvious to the rest of the team that something had happened between the two of them. She was still upset over what happened, not understanding why she had turned away so suddenly, angry that she hadn't stayed and invited him over, or at least taken the ride that he had been offering her.
Jules was still crumpled up, now on the floor, when she heard a light rapping on her door. She figured it was just a neighbor, somebody who had seen her run up to her house completely bawling her eyes out like a total idiot. She uncurled her small body and slowly opedned the door, lifting her head to see who was on the other side.
She let out a small gasp when she saw that same pair of blue pools that had been following her around like a puppy dog. "Sam, I . . ."
Sam stopped her before she could really start, "No. Jules, I am the one who should explain myself. I'm sorry I jumped down your throat like that. It was not professional at all and I never should have done it in the first place. I am really sorry. And I am sorry for nagging you about giving you a ride home. I know I need to learn to respect people's space. As if tonight isn't the perfect example of that, right?" Sam had dropped his gaze, but know looked up to see Jules smiling back at him, a cheeky grin spreading over her delicate features.
"Sam, it's my fault. I am sorry for just running out on you like that. Everything in my heart was telling me to go for it, but everything in my mind was telling me to stop. I think I was more confused than anything, and I couldn't handle that after everything else that already had happened today. I want to apologize for just running from you, I should have explained myself."
Sam just looked at her and made a split second decision. He leaned down and snaked both arms around her wasit, lifting her up, and plating his mouth back on hers, walking slowly forward as she walked slowly backwards. The door slammed shut behind them.
Jules did not know how, but she never ever looked back from that. Those eyes were hers and hers alone.