-AN: Heey! Yeeay finally, a new story! This time it's a Loki centric , with a bit Thorki, :D because loki is just so awesome and I love him.
warnings: language,angst, drama, a bit thorki, and I mixed up mythology with thor movie.
I own nothing, but I wish I would... Lokiiiii *.*
Thanks to my lovely Beta-reader aeron4, my dear friend who loves the avengers just as much as I do, and has to put up with my Loki-craziness. Thank youuu, you are amazing! xD

so all that is left to say: Read, have fun and please please please review! It makes my day! :D

Lokis POV

Rocks and icy cliffs make my bedding now; here I sit with a grim and stern expression which I'm unable to take off my face.
I rest my face in my hands and close my tired eyes for a moment, just a moment.
As I bit my lip, probably for the hundredth time, because of sheer agony, self-loathing and hatred against myself, the Aesir and Odin... yes especially against the All-Father. You would never understand how much revulsion there is in my aching heart. My soul is pouring out bitter poison wishing that this man, who once called himself my father, might drown in it. You won't find forgiveness in me.

As soon as I close my eyes I see him in front of me, speaking to me, and I hear his low voice in my head. When I was a child, I found it soothing and calming, now it will always be a burning memory of doom and horror. I have always looked up to him, now I wish to tear him down into the raging fires of Muspelheim.
Nothing I wanted more than to be accepted and to be one of the great Aesir. I know I might have said otherwise, acted otherwise but in my soul there was still this nagging feeling that I actually wanted to be one of those great heroes, one of those great warriors. I wanted to be loved like Balder, wise like Odin, and I will even admit that Tyr might have some good qualities that I admire, but most of all I wanted to be like you, strong and brave, I wanted your attention and your love and I crave it more than anything. All I ever wanted was to be your equal.

They call me the God of mischief, Trouble maker, Silver tongue, the sly One.
They say that wherever I go nothing good will happen.
They say that I'm the doer of evil.
I don't care what they say – not any more.
Nothing matters to me anymore.

I sit here on the ground of this icy hell hole and all that I have left are my dark thoughts of vengeance.
My hands slip from my face and I feel the cold wind sting on my skin.
Slowly I open my eyes and they are burning.
My hands are trembling with rage and lust for revenge.
My whole body is vibrating with fury and pure desire to tear the old mans head off of his skinny neck.
This is how low I have sunk.
I wish that the pain inside me would blind me so I wouldn't have to see this desert of ice any longer. I want to grow deaf so I wouldn't have to hear this horrible groaning of the ice wind any longer. I want to be without any feeling so I no longer have to suffer the cuts that the frozen storms leave on my skin as an ever fixed mark... as if I could ever forget.
I wish I could close my eyes and open them again, wake up next to you to see you smile at me. Your deep, blue eyes shining and your blond hair glistening in the red golden morning sun. I know that this is a dream unlikely to come true.

''All-Father? You sent for me?''
''Ah! Yes, Thank you for coming Loki. Come closer, the matter I have to discuss with you is of great importance.''
I moved closer to Odin.
''How may I be of assistance father?''
''You know of my journey to the Norns?''
I nodded ''What have the wise Norns foretold?''
''Ragnarök.''
I was only able to nod again, as this future was bestowed upon us for as long as I can think, and all of us were trying to prepare for the doom of men and gods.
''Father but we all knew that this day would come sooner or later. Have the Norns given you any more information for I know how strange and obnoxiously unhelpful their talk sometimes can be. All we can do now is..''
''Loki... That wasn't all that the wise Norns told me.''
The golden hall grew quiet; just now I realized that the All-Father and I were completely alone, even the guards had left.
''Will you listen to me Loki?''
''Of course I will listen to you. Haven't I always?''
This quietness was maddening, why were we alone? What was it that the All-Father could only tell me in such strict confidence?
His majestic form rose and slowly moved towards me, the seemingly angry expression still on his face. I was getting a bit irritated by his acting.
''The Norns told me about your destiny. Do you wish to hear about it?''
Suddenly I felt a big lump at the back of my throat, my palms were getting sweaty and I started to shift from one foot to the other.
''I don't think this is a question of choice.''
''You are of course right. '' His intimidating appearance was right in front of me, practically towering over me, like a doom that might come over me very soon.
''I did you wrong, I should have told you, so many things, long ago. But I thought that I might be able to change this future that I have foreseen. That was one of many reasons why I went to seek help from the Norns. All of us have their individual destiny to fulfil and it seems that yours is settled already and that is why I have to take certain actions.''
I looked up to him full of confusion and irritation.
''Certain actions? What do you mean with that? My destiny? Forgive me father but I do not understand, you speak in riddles.''
''Loki, the Norns have foreseen you as the child of chaos. You must be the one who will bring forth Ragnarök.''
''How can you say such things?! Do you truly believe those words yourself? How can you say such things when I was always loyal to you? I have always only served you!'' I felt tears burning in my eyes, but I wouldn't give the old man the satisfaction of seeing me so broken.
''You should not pretend that you are master of your destiny. Our future was written for us long ago. You mustn't fight it.''
''How can you say such things to me?''
''Loki Laufyson I must banish you from the holy grounds of Asgard never to return again. We will meet again when time calls us to the battlefield.''

My fists tighten, I bit my lip, and in one fluid movement I turned around to storm out of the hall. But as I reached the door I stopped for a short moment and looked around. I saw all my childhood days flash before my eyes. All the times when Thor and I played hide and seek. Our first hunting trip, his idiotic happy grinning face, how he always had to comfort me when I got into a fight with one of the Aesir. We practically had trouble every day...but my mind and heart found peace in the knowledge that I would always have Thor by my side. But now... Odin has taken everything away from me, all my hopes, my dreams, my home, my family everything was gone in a flash. I felt the anger rise and my blood was boiling. My whole body was trembling with rage.
''You will regret this Odin. You will regret banishing me, for my revenge will burn the land, make mothers lose their sons, make children orphans and you... you I will rip apart myself.
The sky shall bleed so every living soul will know about the despair that you have brought on to everyone.''
''So it shall be then.''
''And they say that I'm the doer of evil. I wish that your precious group of golden idiots could be here to listen to you speak like this... So they could know what a monster you truly are.'' I looked around the golden hall one last time, my heart felt heavy with sadness as I moved closer to the huge massive gold portal. ''Farewell ... father.''
With my last word the door was shut, and I, the banished one, was gone.

''Farewell ... son.''

I haven't seen you since then.
I don't even know what Odin has told you of my whereabouts, about the reason of my sudden departure or if he told you of our talk in the golden hall.

Time, what is time to one who's immortal? Time is nothing but a word, with no meaning to one like me.
Time passes and I live. Time can be spent pleasantly, in a nice languid day-to-day living or in a horrible misery of uncertainty, in fear of the future and of all the things that are yet to come. Should I pass my time with saddening my heart even more with all the things that were long ago and can never be again?
Time flows and flows and I feel like I'm losing my grip of it. It flows away softly, unseen and unheard along with my memories of you, time is running out.. I can feel it.

I wish I could see you again. Just one more time before Ragnarök.

''Why...not?''
I may be banished from Asgard, but I'm free to go to all the other realms.
A devilish grin is plastered to my face.
If I must play the role of the villain I think that those stupid, golden heroes up there want me to do my job at least decent. May as well do it good.
Maybe I should visit Midgard again and show those lazy sons of farmers that there are not only the Viking gods of idiocy to worship but someone more intelligent, eloquent, royal and definitely more civilized. I will make them remember that they were made to be ruled.

Now I definitely feel better and I can't wipe the grin off my face.
I rub my palms together and finally find enough strength to get up off the icy ground.
If this is my destiny and this is all that is left to me then I think I will at least go some place fun. Some place where I can make my dearest oaf angry. I giggle at this.
I can't wait to hear him screaming when he hears about what I'm going to do to his precious Midgard.
I should start with my preparations.

I have to stop for a moment just to gaze at the dark deep blue night sky, were I can see the stars. I remember from many trips to Midgard that the people there have a saying 'a wish upon a star makes a dream come true'.
''Oh that is such rubbish.''
Nevertheless I stood still for a moment and gaze up at the firmament, and with all my heart I wish upon a star.

'Thor, I miss you... come and take me back home.'