I walked into the candle light, my eyes blurry with the tears that I had
been crying. My mind faded back to the many memories of when you loved me,
or said you did at least. But now you seem like a cold and unkind stranger
to me, like someone i don't even know. I wish knew what you were thinking,
so i knew how you felt.
Walking over to a corner, in my room. I curled myself into a ball and hugged my knees. So confused, so wrapped up in everything that we were not at the moment, I could have cried myself to sleep, wanting this day to end, wanting to wake up, for this to be some cruel dream. But it wasn't it was the cold harsh reality that we all live in. Something I would learn to hate.
My phone rang, it rang again, and I didn't want to pick it up. But the ringing was about to drive me insane. I picked myself up off the floor and walked over to my desk, slumped down into my chair, and let it ring a couple more times before picking it up. "Hello" I answered in a shaky, torn voice.
"What's the matter sweetie, why are you crying" you ask "Please tell me, I'm worried?" You pled, you voice filled with concern. Why couldn't you have been concerned before, when i called you, needing to talk to you? Why couldn't this be easier than it was?
"I'm fine Charles, Please." I said in the same shaky voice. Not wanting you to know, that you were what was the matter. How you had seemed to push me away since we started dating. Or my curiosity for why you asked me to be you girlfriend in the first place. Was it to get back at you ex, or did you genuinely love me when you did. And do you still?
"I'm sorry," you say in a soft comforting voice, like you know what I'm thinking, like you can read my mind. "I know that I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, and I seem to be pushing you away." You say, your voice starting to get shaky as well. Oh please don't tell me you're crying to, I don't think I could take this. "I want to be the best for you. I don't know why you picked me, out of all the guys you could have, you picked me. It was a semi- idiotic thing to do"
"Don't say that" I said harshly "Why do you do this to me... Put yourself down like this... It kills me you know... I hate it" I said making you cry a little harder... "I can't stand it... Do you think that if you were half the bad person you say you are that i would be with you right now? No i wouldn't, I'm sorry but i don't date bad people." I said trying to sooth you pain.
"I'm sorry, I'll try not to do that again" you say obously crying as am I. Boy i hate what we do to each other sometimes.
I sigh, "I'm going to go to sleep, i need some rest" i say softly... "Love you"
You pout a little, its obous in you tone. "Good idea. Love you too, I mean that to... I love you with all my heart... Good Night Allison" and you give me an air kiss over the phone.
I put my phone down in the receiver crawl into my bed and draw the curtains all around, completely engulfing myself in darkness. Lying awake for several hours, i then softly slip into a light sleep.
My alarm clock rings letting me know that its once again time to join the "real world" and become "human" once again... walking over to my closet, I look around my room. The many pictures of us, of a time when we were... I don't know if you could all it happy, but it was some feeling. I sigh again, and open my closet doors, and pick out my normal black cloths. "I'm not gothic, I just like black!" I tell my reflection in the mirror "You act like being gothic is a bad thing" I imagine it responding. "No I'm not... stop yelling at me" i yell and slam the door shut.
Finally arriving at school i join my friends... we talk for a little and you show up. You surprise me the way you usually do, but coming up behind me, and hugging me from behind. I cuddle in the hug, into you. Not wanting you to let go, and you don't. "I love you" we both say at the same time. Then we both laugh.
We go through out the rest of the day with you seeing each other and meet out in the parking lot, in front of my car. "So how was your day?" i ask, and you look at me sadly "What... What happened?"
"Nothing don't worry about it" you say in a cold voice and go to open the car door which i had opened, but i quick the doors again. "Come on Stop fucking around, let's go" you yell at me.
My eyes begin to fill with tears and my face starts to get a little hot. "You yelled at me" I said tears streaming down my face, making my mascara and eye liner run. "You actually yelled at me." I unlock my door and get in the car. Then lock the doors again...
"Allison, come on open the doors please. Let's talk about this." You yell through the glass as I start the engine. "Please, I'm sorry." I start to drive away, and you run after the car so I speed up so that you can't catch up.
Driving down the road, I can't see where I'm going; everything is so blurry from me crying. My cell phone starts ringing; i look at the caller id and its you so i just throw it back onto the seat. I start crying harder now... "Why do you do this shit to me Charles...? Why... Why did i do to deserve this...? Huh?"
Walking over to a corner, in my room. I curled myself into a ball and hugged my knees. So confused, so wrapped up in everything that we were not at the moment, I could have cried myself to sleep, wanting this day to end, wanting to wake up, for this to be some cruel dream. But it wasn't it was the cold harsh reality that we all live in. Something I would learn to hate.
My phone rang, it rang again, and I didn't want to pick it up. But the ringing was about to drive me insane. I picked myself up off the floor and walked over to my desk, slumped down into my chair, and let it ring a couple more times before picking it up. "Hello" I answered in a shaky, torn voice.
"What's the matter sweetie, why are you crying" you ask "Please tell me, I'm worried?" You pled, you voice filled with concern. Why couldn't you have been concerned before, when i called you, needing to talk to you? Why couldn't this be easier than it was?
"I'm fine Charles, Please." I said in the same shaky voice. Not wanting you to know, that you were what was the matter. How you had seemed to push me away since we started dating. Or my curiosity for why you asked me to be you girlfriend in the first place. Was it to get back at you ex, or did you genuinely love me when you did. And do you still?
"I'm sorry," you say in a soft comforting voice, like you know what I'm thinking, like you can read my mind. "I know that I haven't been the best boyfriend lately, and I seem to be pushing you away." You say, your voice starting to get shaky as well. Oh please don't tell me you're crying to, I don't think I could take this. "I want to be the best for you. I don't know why you picked me, out of all the guys you could have, you picked me. It was a semi- idiotic thing to do"
"Don't say that" I said harshly "Why do you do this to me... Put yourself down like this... It kills me you know... I hate it" I said making you cry a little harder... "I can't stand it... Do you think that if you were half the bad person you say you are that i would be with you right now? No i wouldn't, I'm sorry but i don't date bad people." I said trying to sooth you pain.
"I'm sorry, I'll try not to do that again" you say obously crying as am I. Boy i hate what we do to each other sometimes.
I sigh, "I'm going to go to sleep, i need some rest" i say softly... "Love you"
You pout a little, its obous in you tone. "Good idea. Love you too, I mean that to... I love you with all my heart... Good Night Allison" and you give me an air kiss over the phone.
I put my phone down in the receiver crawl into my bed and draw the curtains all around, completely engulfing myself in darkness. Lying awake for several hours, i then softly slip into a light sleep.
My alarm clock rings letting me know that its once again time to join the "real world" and become "human" once again... walking over to my closet, I look around my room. The many pictures of us, of a time when we were... I don't know if you could all it happy, but it was some feeling. I sigh again, and open my closet doors, and pick out my normal black cloths. "I'm not gothic, I just like black!" I tell my reflection in the mirror "You act like being gothic is a bad thing" I imagine it responding. "No I'm not... stop yelling at me" i yell and slam the door shut.
Finally arriving at school i join my friends... we talk for a little and you show up. You surprise me the way you usually do, but coming up behind me, and hugging me from behind. I cuddle in the hug, into you. Not wanting you to let go, and you don't. "I love you" we both say at the same time. Then we both laugh.
We go through out the rest of the day with you seeing each other and meet out in the parking lot, in front of my car. "So how was your day?" i ask, and you look at me sadly "What... What happened?"
"Nothing don't worry about it" you say in a cold voice and go to open the car door which i had opened, but i quick the doors again. "Come on Stop fucking around, let's go" you yell at me.
My eyes begin to fill with tears and my face starts to get a little hot. "You yelled at me" I said tears streaming down my face, making my mascara and eye liner run. "You actually yelled at me." I unlock my door and get in the car. Then lock the doors again...
"Allison, come on open the doors please. Let's talk about this." You yell through the glass as I start the engine. "Please, I'm sorry." I start to drive away, and you run after the car so I speed up so that you can't catch up.
Driving down the road, I can't see where I'm going; everything is so blurry from me crying. My cell phone starts ringing; i look at the caller id and its you so i just throw it back onto the seat. I start crying harder now... "Why do you do this shit to me Charles...? Why... Why did i do to deserve this...? Huh?"