Most High Detention
Dib grumbled as he walked slowly towards the detention room yet again. This happened to him a lot ever since that alien Zim showed up. No matter how much he tried, no one believed him that the boy was actually an alien from outer space bent on enslaving humanity and wiping out all that was on Earth as he knew it!
I mean, was that so hard to believe?
To make matters even worse, Dib had been sent to room 231, the one with the new teacher. Man she gave him the creeps! Sure she talked nice, and everyone seemed to fawn over her very existence, but something about her bothered Dib. It was the same feeling he got from Zim or from seeing Gaz in that dress... so. not. right.
Now here he was, about to enter the detention room, with the teacher he squirmed and shook about, likely surrounded by a bunch of punks who would want to smash his face in. He was prepared for it, but he knew he would not like it. He sighed with anger as he pushed open the door.
Except... he did not expect to see what he saw. He expected the school miscreants, a bunch of ner'-do-wells who would make him give up his lunch money or eat erasers, folowed by a big swirly or two or six. He expected a bunch of dirty dealings or kids who hated school, or even just some kids who forgot their homework a lot.
Instead, he saw twelve well behaved kids, all seated politely at their desks, reading a variety of school books or working on essays. Dib raised an eyebrow. This wasn't right. This was a punishment room, not a study hall!
"What gives?" he questioned. But not one kid looked up. Most just stayed focused on their own little things. "Hey, I said what g-"
"Shush, I'm reading." A little girl with pigtails said, looking at a book of fairy tales. Dib blinked as he saw another one just sitting there.
"What is with everyone in here? Isn't this detention?" Dib asked the silent boy.
"Yeah, I got sent here because I told my teacher that I would not dissect a frog, said he was being cruel to animals and called him a mass murderer."
Another kid piped in. "I got sent here for stealing some lunch money and using it to buy some pizza."
Finally a girl spoke up. "I'm here because I asked to be."
Dib blinked. "Asked to be?"
"Yeah, I like Miss Miyuki, she is really nice and sweet, but with a bit of toughness too. Makes me wanna be like her."
Dib blinked. "And you come here every day? Why?"
The girl giggled. "Oh you'll see." She said, returning to her book as the teacher in charge of detention walked in. She was tall, very tall, and had a light tint to her skin. She wore an odd blue outfit and always wore gloves that were off green, something Dib found very weird. But what was weirder was that she had come in carrying a bunch of condiments and not much else. Usually the detention teachers brought a book to read and a riding crop to beat kids with in order to keep them in line.
Oh wait. No, that was his sister.
"Alright little morsels." The teacher said, chuckling. "You all know why you are here. You are all a bunch of BAAAAD little boys and girls. Well I like BAAAAAD boys and girls." She giggled musically as she carefully set the condiments in a line on the desk. Dib began to shiver and sweat, mostly because he was the only one who did not seem okay with what was happening.
Especially as the teacher locked the door.
"What the...?" Dib said, the woman looking towards him. Immediately she looked his way and as their eyes locked he froze, everyone else giggling. No... no it couldn't be... not... not another one of...
"And do you know why, dearies?" She said, standing up tall. Suddenly, she removed her gloves, revealing she did not have fingers, but instead sets of claws.. GREEN claws. and she slid her leg skin...the SKIN... down, revealing insect-like legs underneath. Her arm skin began to evaporate revealing similar texture above, save for her lovely blue dress, and as she removed her glasses AND THE FACE WITH IT... Dib knew. The green skin of her face. Sapphire eyes like big blue beads. A small mouth with sharp, carnivorous teeth.
It was another alien. An Irken. Like Zim.
"Because I love them for lunch!" She said, the kids giggling. Dib went to scream, but all that came out was a little eep of fright, his blood going cold. The alien woman chuckled some at his reaction, musically. "Oh my, seems I overdid it. I didn't realize we had a new kid in here."
Dib stammered, speaking in gibberish as she walked over, making a slight puddle on the floor as she raised a claw to his chin. This was it, he was going to be decapitated and eaten like raw meat by a lion...
"Calm down, dear. I'm not THAT scary. I;m not going to hurt you. I am just going to eat you. All of you."
Dib whimpered, his voice barely a whisper. "And... how is that not hurting?"
The woman smiled. "To answer that I better say who I am. I am Supreme Tallest Miyuki of the planet Irk, long believed dead after a space parasite create by a stupid Irken idiot devoured me. In truth, it digested me painfully then regenerated my form, the process making me stronger than ever. Now I can eat any sentient creature, either swallowing them whole or chewing them or cooking them or whatever, and then once their nutrients are absorbed into my gloriousness I can reform them back at their sleeping place. In this way I am able to stay young and beautiful, as well as gain enhanced strength, agility, and intelligence."
Dib swallowed nervously. "But... won't it... hurt? A lot?"
"Sit back and watch for the answer. But I cannot have you screaming so if you don't mind I have to gag you." She took out a small blaster, poor old Dib "eeping" as she fired it. But rather than blow his head off it splattered him with goo all over his face that tasted oddly of grape jelly and chocolate.
"GooGoo gun." The Tallest explained. "The shot coats the victim with a sticky substance that is also edible. You may have some if you like, it is quite beneficial to human immune systems." she turned to the others. "As for the rest of you, the deal stands. Each child who becomes my meal shall not have any homework tonight!" She cheerily informed them. "But remember... any word of my existence outside of this room and I have no choice but to enslave you as my food stuff forever. Do we have a deal?"
The kids all nodded. The Tallest smiled sweetly, Dib wide eyed as he saw one of the boys stand before her. "Can I go first?" He asked. "I kinda wanna be a sandwich. I saw your lunch get stolen and... well I was hoping to..."
"Oh how sweet! Wish my old subjects had your attitude! They are all "Conquer everyone and make them suffer'. I prefer nicer treats." She licked her lips and pulled out a big bread loaf. Turning to the other kids she hmmmed. "As a matter of fact... why don't half of you get done up like sandwiches for me, and I can coat the rest of you in chocolate for dessert."
The kids giggled as she laid out some bread while the kids went to work. Dib was wide eyed as the first boy was sandwiched in the bread with some mayo, feet brought to her mouth.
CHOMP!
Dib was about to faint... when he saw the weirdest thing. There was no blood, no gore... just... a boy being eaten up, laughing and squirming happily, watching as the alien they clearly liked was eating him. Dib watched him with each bite. He wasn't being hurt at all, not even in the slightest! But... why? Wasn't she like Zim?
"Mmmmmm... you fattened up for me, didn't you?" She told her next sandwich, the girl inside blushing and nodding. "Well no need. True, I appreciate a big juicy course I don't mind them lean either. Just don't go too much either way. I am not into big meatballs or beefsticks." She winked, the kids, even Dib, chuckling at the joke as the next sandwich was bit into. The Tallest was not like Zim at all. In fact... Dib kinda liked her!
"Ahhh.. ... Scrumptious. But I need a sweet treat." She motioned a chocolate coated boy over, the same one who stole the lunch money, and opened wide. Unlike the sandwiches, she was going to swallow this one whole, licking at his back with a very prehensile tongue. Dib was actually fascinated by this point, to the point where he almost felt like rubbing that belly that bulged out. But it was not long before it was as flat as before, the boy clearly digesting quickly.
One by one all twelve kids in the room besides Dib were sauced, coated, chewed, chomped, sandwiched, and swallowed, only bits of crumbs and some pools of topping here and there as evidence they were ever here. Dib watched as she turned to him.
"So... you convinced...Dib?"
Dib nodded, as she licked the goo off of his face, licking her chops. "My...you're a tasty one. I'm tempted to make you my pet Dib, you're easily the best of the lot."
Dib blushed, unable to speak. But when he could, he had to ask. "But... if you're here... why is Zim here?"
There was silence. "Did...you...say...ZIM?" She finally asked, blinking in stunned surprise.
"Yeah... he came to conquer the world for Irk, I guess."
The Tallest laughed musically. "That idiot couldn't conquer a tuna fish sandwich! He and the rest of my kind keep trying the direct approach: Infiltrate, assault, force a treaty, blah blah blah. Boooooooooring!"
Dib actually laughed as the Tallest took him in her arms. "But me, I prefer a different way. Look at those kids. In class they all listen and work hard, and here they jump into my maw shouting 'Eat me!' with all their hearts. You tell me... which is more effective: kindness, or mass destruction?"
Dib smiled. "Yeah, even I like your way better, though it still scares me."
"Well the deal stands, little dessert. You let me eat you, and no homework." she licked her lips. Dib finally nodded. But as she opened her mouth...
"Wait! Um... I know it sounds weird, but I really don't wanna watch."
The Tallest laughed again. "Oh hardly weird. No one watches their first time. I'll just bite here..." She pointed at his neck, "... And you'll wake up in bed. I assure you this will be quick, and won't hurt even a smidge."
Dib nodded after a moment. "Okay... go ahead."
"Excellent. This is good too, I can see what would be the best way to eat you in the future." The Tallest opened wide, and Dib got a good view of the alien maw, drool dripping from sharp, meat eating fangs that looked made of steal. But the smell and the feel of her tongue counteracted the fear from those fangs, the smell like every dessert he loved, that tounge seeming to wash away his fear.
He was bitten and eaten before he even knew it.
He awoke the next day back in his bed, unhurt and uneaten. He poked himself some and finally laid back down.
"Just a dream... had to be..." He said... until his digital phone rang. But who...?
When he answered... it was HER voice.
"Oh good, you're up! I wanted you to know You were so GOOD! I couldn't just chew you, I actually made a sundae out of you. And I have a proposition for you."
Dib blinked. "Proposition?"
"If you let me eat you at lunchtime every day from now on, I will see to it you have no homework ever again. And I will help you take care of that little fool Zim." She smiled softly. "However, You must stay fat and must not fight anyone anymore. I like my lunches nice and tender."
Dib hmmed some as she spoke.
"Do we have a deal?"
Dib thought it over. It looked fun and felt nice, plus he was alive, AND if he did it he would have help getting rid of Zim for good.
"DEAL."
"Excellent! be in my room promptly at lunchtime. Oh, and bring some caramel and chocolate. I want to have a candy bar today."
Dib smiled. "It will be a pleasure." He said, turning off the phone.
Meanwhile, back on Irk, the two tallest brothers were arguing over what planet to conquer next when a coded message reached them. As they read it, they became very afraid, as it was from their former leader.
It said just four things:
"I am back, Slazballs."
"Oh Flarguten!" Red said. Miyuki was back, and that meant Irk was at her command.
Which meant no more wars.
Or invasions.
Just constant eating of what would just be slaves on Earth.
So much for the glorious Irken Armada!