Disclaimer: Am I going to sue Koei and Omega Force for Dynasty Warriors? Nah, they own and licensed the franchise.
Dynasty Warriors 7: The Downside of Hype
"What the …!" Gan Ning looked in surprise.
"Hey, you haven't even reached my arc yet in Romance of the DW pairings 3!" Sun Shang Xiang shouted.
"I know. Lately, I've been having problems within the fandom and the worst three kingdoms news ever that shows the true colors of the Dynasty Warriors series…." SilentNinja answered reluctantly.
"So, this is another one of your OMAKE stories like that chapter in Kingdom Under Fire: Crimson Tide?" Zhou Yu assumed.
"Except it's a new Koei Building tale," SilentNinja added.
"…" Deng Ai stares at Sima Zhao's design depressed.
"Hey, it's only once in a life time I become…GOOD, a savior of peace and prosperity for all of China as my father's legacy cares on with the Sima family! You, Shizan should thank me for bring awesomeness to you," Sima Zhao hide that crooked smile of the devil.
Everyone gave the real life Final Villain of Three Kingdoms the finger.
"Why am I working for Jin?" Zhong Hui could not express this stupidity Omega Force is doing to introduce him in Dynasty Warriors.
"Zhong Hui is loyalty to me and my family; you dare to steal a proportion of Wei's future talent, Zhongda?" Cao Pi unsheathes his Havoc readied to threaten his once trusted contributor and assistance to Han abdication.
"You want my father; you'll have to go through me…" Sima Shi stood boldly in front of his father. The two eyes met with a chilly air of anxiety.
Cao Pi could not believe the face of the brat resemble himself, "are we alike?"
"You inspire him," Sima Yi chuckle.
"I don't need to know that, traitor!" Cao Pi glared at Sima Yi with even redder anger.
"By the way, you can't beat me without your father's sword and the Agile Mind. So why purge to your uselessness before the influence of the Sima Family," Sima Yi waved his fan turning his eyes towards Cao Cao.
"Cao Pi, sheathe your sword and cease this commotion. You trusted those people, so accept your flaw," Cao Cao told him.
"Thank you, o' Great One. Without you, this idiot here wouldn't be claiming himself Emperor, hahahaa!" Sima Yi and his sons laughed together with pride and glory.
"What a deceitful bunch…." Deng Ai quoted.
"Indeed they are and I wouldn't mind joking them about their tendency to wear women's clothes and act like narcist women," Zhuge Liang joked.
"Kongming, do you, a defeated strategist have to comment that rubbish to make yourself look even stupider…?" Sima Yi questioned. He carefully tried not to lose his cool after hearing the dandy strategist who is considered the 'greatest' of all time.
"I'd be stupider if I betrayed my lord and take power for myself because I'm smarter than him. You wouldn't be considered 'famous' if those loyalty to Wei and its blind people chanted your name after my death…." Zhuge Liang grinned.
Everyone from Wei look desponded of Sima Yi and his loyalists.
"Guo Huai, Zhang He, and Xu Huang how could you morons do this to me and my family after everything we did for you to bring peace to this forsaken country…? You guys are heroes, not simple minded barbarians …." Cao Ren sighed.
"We just did our jobs, they used us like pawns!" they unison.
"They wouldn't be talked about. Hell, Wei wouldn't have a future had they didn't retire before there's faith in us as talent individuals. We proved those losers, we're the best! Don't feel bad for yourselves from working with me, right boys?" Sima Yi stood up together with his sons.
"Right father!" Sima Shi and Sima Zhao smiled as a happy family.
"Maybe we should have surrendered to Cao Cao sooner if I knew the Simas were capable of winning the people and the whole land," Sun Quan groaned.
"Don't lose faith in our talent your majesty!" Ding Feng and Xu Sheng urged.
"What? You guys are not my brother and Zhou Yu…" Sun Quan sighed.
"After Zhuge Liang died, both kingdoms can't even beat us. We trashed the Zhuge Family and made our mark in history as the most intelligent family in Chinese history. Oh we own the intelligence history of Chinese society and warfare," Sima Yi boasted.
'That's an opinion!" Zhuge Liang and the Cao loyalists retorted.
"Har har, it's an undeniable fact. My family won, my family did the Grand Histories, and everything else relate to Sima," after Sima Yi finished speaking, he and Zhuge Liang contested eye gazing. Who deserves the title of "greatest mind under heaven"?
"I'll keep making my toys you called while your family continues writing lies," Zhuge Liang scoffed.
"Show some respect for my family and the Jin dynasty you overexggerating cretin!" Sima Yi finally loss it as his sons and student restrain him.
"I don't respect tyrants and their families they represent them, Zhongda," Zhuge Liang shook his head.
"You don't even respect sifu Sima Hui?" Yue Ying winced.
"Oh…" Zhuge Liang covered himself embarrassingly.
"Yes, you learn to watch your mouth!" Sima Yi growled.
"Jin…sucks…." Wei Yan stated.
"Your speech sucks more than your Neanderthal brain" Sima Zhao laughed.
"It…really…sucks. Felt…after Empress Jia's reign….war…10 princes…" Wei Yan referenced.
"Sounds like nothing changed after the land was unified…" Lu Xun sighed.
"Nothing changed after the Yellow Turban Rebellion…." Sun Jian corrected. (1)
"…" Zhao Yun was the one not paying attention to anybody, but Cao Pi. Sun Jian's quotation was spot on.
"Are you saying that 'Restoring the Han Dynasty' is the best ending to this whole conflict or my family and it's dynasty failed?" Sima Yi became enraged upon hearing sympathies towards a ruined kingdom that already couldn't be fixed to him.
"It's not the only best ending…" Zhen Ji thought sadly.
"At least, I finally killed Cao Cao!" Ma Chao yelled out in triumph for his DW 6 ending.
"Your ending brings misery within revenge…." Cao Cao criticized over Ma Chao's lack of true resolve.
"You massacre Xu Zhou, does that change anything you're going to do for our land if you had won at Chi Bi! That would be the worst ending ever…" Xiao Qiao lashed back at Cao Cao.
"So I was wrong on Yi Ling…." Liu Bei whimpered.
"It's alright brother. My death was my fault…." Guan Yu sighed.
"Hahahaha, we made them both mediocre!" Lu Meng and the Wu bad boys Jiang Qin, Pan Zhang, and Ma Zhong laughed out the God of War fail.
"Face it, the fandom wants Jin dynasty and the stories after the death of Zhuge Liang," Sima Yi said.
"Yeah, but nobody asked Koei to make Sima Zhao a good guy," Jiang Wei glared at Zishang.
"Oh please, it's only right because we're going to be the next best couple in warriors franchise. You're no better than him and Deng Ai when it comes to the Qiang situation," Lady Wang gave a snirk look at 'Botch' Wei.
"You botched the relations with Qiang!" Zhuge Liang gasped in horror.
"Uh…Prime Minister…a about that…" Jiang Wei shuddered.
"Don't ask me, he never listened to any of us nor gave us a chance to prove ourselves," Ma Dai whistled.
"It's good to see you in the cast, Ma Dai! We'll fight together in the name of justice!" Ma Chao hollered.
"The moron family," Cao Cao pointed.
"I'm not the moron…" Ma Dai groaned.
"If only Koei revert Ma Chao to his historical 'renegade without remorse' attitude…" Xiahou Yuan coughed.
"Seems I'm back to the scimitar, Yuan," Xiahou Dun glanced his iconic weapon proudly.
"Yeah, the weapon that speaks for your badassness in the games," Xiahou Yuan patted his relative in the shoulders.
"Me…want… Ugh, I'm tired of the cave speak, Big Brother. Hope I get my weapon back that speaks for my badassness…" Wei Yan sighed.
"…" Zhao Yun still didn't join in the conversation and kept looking at Cao Pi coldly.
"Well, Wenchang, you can speak like the Keiji Maeda of Dynasty Warriors. Oh, did I tell you all that my 2nd husband was a barbarian?" Cai Weiji comforts the berserker of Yi yang.
"That's news to me. By the way, I'm back and looking hotter than ever. That sets the fire on those idiots cutting me out on the last game," Zhu Rong smirked.
"Get some clothes on you uncivilized gorilla," Sun Shang Xiang eyes poped in horror.
"So hot….now the meeting is starting to peak my interest!" Cao Cao rejoiced.
"Sorry, but you're not my type," Zhu Rong scoffed.
"She's always mine!" Meng Huo threatens his pillar at Cao Cao.
"I'm hoping Lu Bu gets my attention," Zhu Rong thought.
"She'll be mine after I exterminate all you idiots for opposing my authority from the beginning and continue making a mess with the land!" Dong Zhuo erupted from the audience in the room with his unattached presence.
"Dong Zhuo, you're not invited here!" Lu Bu grabbed his former leader and throws him out of the room.
"Too bad, Lu Bu and Dong Zhuo are not getting a story. Right, Yuan Shao?" Cao Cao turns to his old friend.
"I don't get one either, you traitor! I told you to move the emperor to Ye to ensure mine and your loyalty to the Han, but nooo you started the fall, not me and swarm your evil family and retainers influence upon this tragic land! Koei is butchering my character in every installment," Yuan Shao whined.
"Benchu, you're being unfair. You didn't care of Liu Xie first when the contention started in the Coalition. Oh, I must remind you about your slint with Liu Yu and Gongsun Zan over the matter of replacing Liu Xie. We knew what would happen if we move the Emperor to Ye," Cao Cao crossed his arms being the devil's advocate of judgment and order.
"Oh yeah? What about that trash you did by putting your family the consort clan after Empress Fu's distress over your influence and putting her to death!" Yuan Shao pointed at the misfortunate Empress Fu next to her love Emperor Xian.
"It's not dynasty warriors without a story about me, Cao Cao!" Lu Bu joined Yuan Shao in the Anti Cao Cao/Jin Dynasty rally.
"Did Koei create this game as Lu Bu Warriors, you stupid beast…?" Cao Cao yawned.
"Yeah! Better to not have a story about an idiot rampaging for no reason than a story about it," Zhang Fei sided with Cao Cao.
"Well, dad's rumbling and I'm back…" Xing Cai relieved to have return in the next installment.
"Xing Cai!" Liu Chan's cowardly voice hollered.
"I didn't come back for you…." Xing Cai glared at her ex husband.
"And guest who the new Shu girl is, me Bao Sianning, daughter of Bao Xin. Descend to be Xing Cai's best friend in childhood," Bao Sianning introduced herself.
"I'm officially back, for good my lord," Da Qiao hugged her knight surprisingly.
"Da, my girl, my story is not complete without your words of confidence besides my best friend," they kissed in front of all the figures.
"Damn Yuan Shu and Qiao Xuan for giving them the Qiaos…." Cao Cao muttered.
Xiao Qiao can still hear the same grumpy old man voice from the Hero of Chaos, "Huh? Did you just say something to piss me off again?"
"Ah, no my dear, it's a wonderful sight. Your sister and brother in law I'm talking about," Cao Cao was hidden a nervous smile behind Xiao Qiao's fury.
"I don't know what will become of my story with Ce, but I do know Sima Yi going to get all the story among his sons and Zhuge Liang. Guess I'm becoming less relevant than Zhuge Liang now and Chi Bi…" Zhou Yu wondered.
"See how boring Wu really is? All the Qiao sisters love with their dead men and it's just the mid and low tiers screwing each other out over succession after Sun Quan's death. And also, that idiot Zhuge Ke, it's funny, you're relate to him Dan," Sima Zhao taunted at the Wei Zhuge.
"And here I'm suppose to join him as an ally to his madness….forgive me, uncle," Zhuge Dan sighed.
"My nephew, you look….scary," Zhuge Liang blinked.
"Whoever said, Wu boring, doesn't know what style is. Our characters have style and fun loving personality, unlike you Jin and Wei guys who are just blind, perverted, and perfectionists grits. You really bore me there kid with the fake do gooder personality," Gan Ning chuckled.
"You're just an ex convict without a life than just killing for fun with that wannabe Dong Zhuo's grandfather!" Sima Zhao's historical personality exploited.
"Wait, my grandson is really a wannabe Dong Zhuo?" Sun Quan asked.
"Yes!" Ding Feng answered.
"Sooner or later, Wu; you'll be the bad guy kingdom in the end! Wiped out the fastest and should have been wiped out first! That river was worth the wait for your graves!" Sima Zhao raised his hand and clench it in Darth Vader fashion.
"I don't want Wu to be the bad guys! What is happening to our game Zhouie!" Xiao Qiao look worried as she finally get the point of the meeting.
"It's inevitable….even my son is not happy with this and your daughter got the worst of legacy along with your son, my lady" Lu Xun said.
"Hahahah, Jiang Dong independent is futile. Long Live Jin Dynasty and unfication! I've made my father and brother proud! It matters the most," Sima Zhao put an evil smile.
"Who cares about the winning side in Three Kingdoms?" Ling Tong rolleyed.
"….."
"Unless deceit, corruption, judgment without humility, greed, order, prosperity, and the rich people are a significant to Chinese culture, then the winning side matters in Sanguo," Pang Tong spoke out from the silent audience.
"See, that's why I told you so my Yellow Turbans!" Zhang Jiao felt great to be right to cause a revolt.
"….." Zhao Yun turned to Zhang Jiao and the black mountain bandit Zhang Yan. How troublesome his childhood was with those two deceivers ruining the hope he sworn when joining the Imperial Army.
"What's wrong with rich people you scoundrel? We're the ones who invented the education and society of China! Your mentors, your bookkeepers, your shareloaders, accountants, tax collectors, ferry, road makers, architects, we build all those beautiful structures while your Yellow Scums ruined it with your dirty, filthy rebellion!" Yuan Shao uttered.
"Greedy they are, the harder our people suffered!" Zhang Jiao shouted back at the patriarch.
"They will not have a story, but be referenced in the battles," Zhou Tai look on the two fools arguing.
"Nobody cares about those guys, I'm glad they don't have one in this sequel," Ling Tong nodded.
"It is important that rich people premise the fundaments to a strong nation! What can you poor wannabes do? Just talk trash at your superiors and get punished? That's what losers are. You are a bunch nobodies, Zhang Jiao and you too Zhang Yan!" the whole group went silent after Yuan Shao's poetic justice.
Now the distinguishing gentleman turn face to face with the one man that got on his nerves the most, Zhao Yun.
"….."
"You're still the posterboy and I failed to see how it affects this franchise. However, with that traitorous Jin dynasty here, you're getting less and less relevant. How about you pass the posterboy status to me? Since I'm the one with influence and you're just that bum misguided on the meaning of life, nobody gives a damn about you in that era except saving an idiot's idiot son," Yuan Shao slowly look at the shivering Liu Bei who IN FACT feared and worked for him a time.
"Um, I should have not abandoned my family, but your sons did abandoned your wife and her," Liu Bei pointed at Zhen Ji.
"I don't care about that stupid whore anymore. She's just beautiful for nothing. The Caos can keep her," Yuan Shao turn back to Zhao Yun.
"You dare call my wife a stupid whore?" Cao Pi scowled.
"I wasn't the one who put her to death by suicide dumbwit. Sit back down with your irresponsible leadership and traitors. You shamed your own family already…" Yuan Shao gave a very scary look at the more ambitious Cao Pi overpowering influence by another.
"Hahahahaha, for once I agree with the numbskull," Sima Yi nodded.
"Don't call me that…now can I finish talking with the real numbskull sitting before us?" Yuan Shao asked politely.
"….." Zhao Yun had to look at four people who still piss him off even after death. The eyes of Yuan Shao piss him off even more. Zhang Yan, Cao Pi, Wen Chou, and Yuan Shao all pissed him off. (2)
"Your small discontent at Changshan and Zhongshan was a failure. You knew that didn't you? You knew your small influence caused the death of Zhen Ji's brother. Well, history does not cover that, but its part of the mystery why your story of the Gongsun/Yuan war was cut off on the records. Hehehe, yeah, it could hurt your credibility because people would be shocked to know the bum is the usurper's wife childhood inspiration," Yuan Shao laughed.
"You show him father that Zhao Yun got no business being the posterboy of this series," Yuan Shang supported his father.
"Zilong blew it and hide himself with the oath morons," Yuan Tan snickered.
"Hahahaha," Wen Chou laughed.
Zhen Ji is getting embarrassed upon hearing her brother being mentioned. She feared the worst that their 'secret' being exposed.
"What's this drama about?" Gan Ning went lost.
"Have you ever watched Fist of the North Star? Zhao Yun's like Kenshiro and Zhen Ji is Yuria in reality," Diao Chan explained.
"Why should we all find inspiration from a nobody who lives near the mountain and only knows war, not peace, definitely not the Han dynasty and its people? That's the problem with you being the posterboy. It's a good thing, the way you're portrayed in the novel proves you're just another soldier, a lowly class with no life, but to kill for people like me," Yuan Shao turned around letting every Shu officer look on embarrassed.
"There's nothing wrong with that, Yuan Shao. I'm just like him…." Sun Jian sighed.
"Hahah, and what happen to people being like you, you DIE!" Yuan Shao taunted.
Sun Ce jumped out of his chair wanting to strangle Yuan Shao, but his friends and family stopped him.
"Bofu, just ignore him," Taishi Ci said. Those words were the only way to restrain an anger tiger within his cage.
"Tigers, they're simple-mind, raving and superstitious. Yuan Shu said hello by the way," Yuan Shao cleared his throat and turn back to Zhao Yun only to meet….
BAM!
The fist….
Yuan Shao felt dramatically down the floor and his men cram around him with Shen Pei waking him up.
"That's to keep your big lying mouth shut for all the bad rumors you've spread! You want me to get off the posterboy so badly? Keep watching Yukimura and Samurai Warriors success and even Sengoku Basara! It's enough to take me off the panel and put either a liar like you or a paranoid hypocrite like Cao Cao on the box art and opening. All I want is my historical personality and IQ back from the shadows within my novel counterpart. The story isn't fun with me on the bottom of the relevant now," Zhao Yun got up after talking to his hated endeavor and walked past his best friends, his first love, his childhood rival, his childhood villain, and his comrades out of the meeting room.
"A beautiful punch from my old rival. It's glamorous!" Zhang He clapped.
"Zilong…pissed…." Wei Yan nodded.
"My fault for Yi Ling, boo hohohoh!" Liu Bei cried.
Sun Shang Xiang grunted, "You're always a crybaby."
Zhen Ji looked down distraught over the incident. She wanted to say, 'I care!' to Yun, but it's hard with the Yuans, Simas, and Caos surrounding her and the Shu women.
The End
Footnote:
Sun Jian's DW 6 ending is the best
Just wait until I post the fic Untold Hatred. As for Zhang Yan, The Black Mountain Gang were an annoyance to Zhao Yun AND Zhen Ji despite them allied with Gongsun Zan….