Arlene walked into the living room holding the last box and tried not to cry. The kids were running in and out of their new rooms and she didn't want to see them upset. They'd been through too much already on account of her.

Putting it down on the scratched-up coffee table with a sigh, she sat on the worn couch and tried to ignore the feel of the springs. No, nope – not going to feel sorry for myself, she thought. I should be grateful for what I have, not complaining. Me and my kids got a roof over our heads, and that's all that matters.

"Mama, Lisa's room is bigger than mine!"

"Ha-ha," Lisa teased.

"No it ain't Coby. It's the same."

"But it looks bigger!"

"She's got a window, that's why it looks bigger," Arlene answered.

"Why didn't I get the window?"

Arlene chuckled softly. "I guess y'all can switch rooms after six months or something."

"No!" Lisa screeched. "I don't wanna move my stuff just because he's mad!"

"It ain't fair that you get a window!" Coby hollered back.

"Alright now, I don't want any of this fightin', okay? I want our first day in our new place to be a good day. We'll talk about it later."

A sullen duet of "Okay" rang out of their bedrooms.

Arlene looked around. The apartment was small and old, but at least it was clean. The walls were dingy looking but at least they were freshly painted. It needed a woman's touch, that's for sure. And some color. Leaning forward, she rifled through the box to find the framed picture of Lisa and Coby their foster mom mailed her while she was in prison. It was the only one she had of them now. When she was arrested, she couldn't make bail herself and none of her Fellowship 'friends' did it for her, either. So when it came time for the rent payment, her landlord was quick sell everything he could and throw away everything he couldn't. That included all her pictures.

Finding it, she held it gently and stared at the beautiful faces of her two angels, the only things that made life worth living. Lord, how she'd cried and cried over them having to go into the system. CPS didn't approve any of her family as good homes for the kids, too many arrests and not enough money to take care of two more kids. She worried herself to near to death over them, saying a prayer for them every night, hoping that they were safe and being taken care of by good, God-fearing people. It was a blessing that they were, and that their foster mother was so nice. The kids couldn't come and visit her, but they wrote her, and once a week they could talk to her on the phone. That was so hard.

No, nope. No more thinking of that horrible time, either. New day, new start! Fake it till you make it, she thought to herself, plastering a smile on her face. She put the frame on the bar that separated the living room from the kitchen, ran her hand lovingly over the glass.

Since she lost every bit of everything she had except the clothes on her back, when she got out of prison her parole officer sent her to the Salvation Army with a voucher. Humiliating, but she was grateful for it. Furniture, household items, and clothes. She'd put on twenty pounds in prison, eating that nasty food, feeling sorry for herself, and not being able to smoke. Couldn't even afford smokes! But that was fine because when she stood before the judge and was sentenced, she decided that it was time for some changes, and quitting smoking was one of them. Not to mention all the other stuff. Look at what her choices so far had gotten her. Jail. Her kids taken away. All of her friends deserting her, even the ones she had before she fell into all that Fellowship business. Like Sookie.

She gripped the side of the bar and closed her eyes, praying to God like she did every day that Sookie would one day be able to forgive her for what she did. Her court appointed lawyer wanted her to fight the charges, but the shame she felt about what she almost happened to Sookie was so deep, she just took the deal the prosecutor offered her. A year in prison and five years probation afterwards. She sure as hell didn't want a parade of witnesses coming to the stand and talking about how horrible of a person she was. And she couldn't face Sookie and see the hurt in her face again.

Damnit, there I go again, she chided herself. Stop all this negative thinking! A new place, and new town, a new life. Shreveport was big enough that she should be able to find a waitressing job quickly, and they had assisted housing. She'd admit that it stung that this was where they had to live, because she'd always turned her nose up at folks who lived in government housing, but she wasn't any better than them now, was she?

"Damnit!" she said, this time aloud. When am I going to stop beating herself up?

"Mama?" Lisa called. "You okay?" She peeked out of her room. Bless her heart, she worried so much about me.

"I'm fine, Lisa. Just mad at myself. Come here." Lisa came to her and Arlene wrapped her arms around her and placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"What are you mad about?"

"Everything, I guess. I made a big mess of things."

Lisa squeezed her hard. "It's alright, mama."

"We ain't mad at you." Coby said from the doorway of his bedroom.

"Come here, boy." She motioned him over with a hand. He walked to them and she folded them both into a hug. "Group hug!" she said, and they laughed.

She let them go and crouched down to be level with their faces, holding both of them by an arm. "I am the luckiest woman in the world. I got two beautiful kids – wonderful kids – who love me, we got ourselves a new place, and soon I'll have a new job. I know all this has been hard on you, and I couldn't apologize enough even if I did it every day. But I am going to make everything right by us. Things are gonna work out just fine. I ain't gonna let nothin' else come between us. Okay?"

They both hugged her fiercely, pulling her down to her knees. "We love you, Mama," they both said.

Arlene felt tears stinging her eyes. "I hope one day y'all will forgive me."

"We already did, mama," said Lisa. "And I know Aunt Sookie will one day, too."

"I hope you're right, baby. I hope you're right." She squeezed them tight once more and then pulled away, wiping a tear that escaped out of the corner of her eye. She plastered a smile on her face.

"Who's ready for our first meal in our new place? I bought stuff for y'all's favorite meal!"

"Chicken and dumplings?"

"Yep!"

"Yay!" Lisa jumped up and down, and Coby licked his lips and rubbed his tummy. "M-mmmm!"

"Come on, then. Let's make it together."

The kids raced into the kitchen and started getting out the pots and pans from the box on the table, chattering to themselves about who was going to do what. This time Arlene's smile wasn't forced, it was real. She didn't know how long it was going to take to be okay, but by God she was gonna make sure it happened.