SKU BePapa's not mine. Story contains yuri blah blah blah. As of now I'm still unsure of exactly which way the main pairing is going to lead up to. I like both of them, but…oh well. Write reviews or I won't talk to anyone anymore.
How many times will we brush by each other before we collide?
For me, it was harder than for most people. I'd known about her for at least a month or so before I spoke up. Every morning at nine o'clock I'd watch her pick up raspberry filled powdered donuts and coffee and head off to her part-time job, which was located a block or so away from her apartment. Then from there she would search. It was a little pathetic, the effort she was putting into it. I didn't have to guess twice on what it was she was trying to find. At first it chilled me to watch her straining herself so much for something that she would never find. Looking for the miracle that would most likely never happen.
But, that feeling passed, believe it or not. My thoughts changed from anger to curiosity to appraising to even envy. That girl had a quality I never will. After so many weeks of watching her though, I couldn't get one thing out of my mind – why exactly was she trying so hard to find her? Friendship? Wasn't that the reason for her going up to the dueling arena that last time? "True Friendship"? It was urking. Just why did that Himemiya girl mean so much to her? It was like the moth to the flame, I suppose. I could've just gone up to her and asked, just could've gone up to her and demanded to know just how she kept going every day with the fact that her search was so far fruitless going around and around in her thoughts. Or were they? I had no idea what her thoughts were, really. In fact, I myself was becoming obsessed with her. Obsessed with the very idea of her, to be more exact. I needed to know why she was searching, and what she expected if she found what she wanted. What did she want? 'And why the hell do I want to know?'
It was hard to know where to begin. It was hard to know what to do. If I was going to look for her I was going to have to have means of getting around. Like a job. And a place to stay. Come to think of it, if I was permanently living somewhere, how was I going to have the time to find her? Was she looking for me? Heck, was she even in the country? It drove me nuts every day. The first thought I could remember having after Ohtori was that I needed to find her. I needed to see her again, to explain myself. I was no prince, and in the end I didn't save her. I needed to apologize. I needed….
"Gah! I don't know what I need!" Sitting up in "bed" (my couch), I popped my shoulders, stretching and loosening anything that could've been disturbed in the whole sleep process. I was gonna go for a run today, to clear my head. Bad dreams, bad dreams. Lately I was having more bad dreams than ever, for whatever reason. I couldn't get her out of my head. Or Akio-san. Or the other duelists, for that matter. What were they all doing? Did they remember me? Were they still…using her? Shuddering, I fell back onto my "Covers" (a single blanket bought from a thrift store for a questionably cheap price), wishing I had telepathy. It would be so much easier then, to find her. All I'd have to do was think of her and then…
"…."
Thinking of her definitely wasn't the hard part. I still had my ring. And my scar. Running my hands around my abdomen it was easy to feel. Even without my hands it was easy to feel. One solid slash straight through me. Such a perfect cut; no jagged edges at all. "….I have to log in to my first period…"
Oh, yeah, I took classes online for the rest of my high school years. Surprisingly, it was cheaper than actually going to school, and I didn't like the whole feeling of schools anymore. Any school reminded me of Ohtori. Any principal reminded me of the Chairman. But no one was there to remind me of Himemiya. She was unique; a single burning flower petal in my psyche. I missed her. 'After first period I'll take a break and go get some of those donuts again. And maybe some coffee. After school I'll start looking again….same as yesterday and the day before and the week before and the month before that.'
For half a year I'd been searching for her. In all honesty I didn't even know if I was searching right. The first two months I had to settle the financial situation with my parent's money and finding a way to somehow go to school while living on my own (I was only 15; not too many people were willing to take a 15 year old by herself as their tenant). After that some strings had to be pulled, such as lying about my age, to get a job. Now that I was on my own, the world didn't care about what I was set out to do. No one else cared that the other part of me was out in the world, lost somewhere. Searching in and of itself was hard. I pretty much went from pet store to pet store and flower shop to flower shop. I'm almost positive I've searched near everywhere in my prefecture looking for her. One thing that killed me was knowing that I might never find her. It killed me to think that she might still be in that red dress, pinning that white rose on someone else's chest. She might still be the Rose Bride. 'That's ridiculous…I mean, she wouldn't stay there, would she? She wouldn't keep…letting that happen, right?' Even if she was still playing inside her coffin, there wasn't anything I could do about that. I couldn't get back to the school. There were no records of it, no one knew about it and apparently there weren't any alumni. Which also brought me back to the student council members. Just what on Earth had gone on when I…left? And what was Akio-san-
"That's not really something I need to worry about at all. Not at all. Just don't think about things like that, think about…"
But everything brought me back to them – to her and her brother. My natural curiosity was spiked beyond reason. I wanted to know more, more about just what exactly was going on with the games and how they even started. And why I was used. After my parents died, he came and…well, "saved" me in a sense of the word. He brought me up to be a prince, if only a false one. Was that a coincidence? Was he just out on an evening constitutional when he just so happened to find an orphaned, easily susceptible little girl trapped in a coffin? Hard to say. I didn't really have the time to think about it as much as I would've liked; being out in the real world was so much harder than I thought it would be. As disgusting as it sounds, there were times I missed Ohtori. These times were few, rest assured. But still…
"Uuuugh! I have all seven classes today? What the heck? I'm not gonna have enough time to look!" I wanted to throw my car-sized old computer out of the window. I couldn't do seven classes worth of work! I had to look, I had to find her! I had the rest of my life, true, but "the rest of my life" didn't mean eternity. I knew of something that did mean eternity, maybe even more than eternity, but at the moment it was just beyond my reach.
I took a few steps up to the buzzer, put my index finger on it and jumped away like it was hot grease. I couldn't do it. Come to think of it, I didn't even know why the hell I was there in the first place. At Utena's place, that is. I'd circled around the place twice already, decided it was foolish and told my driver to stop and let me get out. Now I had been standing in front of her door for a few good minutes, trying to remember what in the world had gotten into me. 'What am I going to say? Why am I even here…?'
Because of what happened in that arena. That's why.
"…."
My own ulterior motives shocked me in a way, but after a while your shamelessness fails to be a bother. A long while. 'It's not like I'm some kind of peeping tom or disturbed person. I just need to ask her a few questions. That's all.'
"…"
It was a lot easier said than done.
Suddenly in a great "whoosh" that swept my curled bangs back in a flush, the door opened, and Utena Tenjou dove straight into me, carrying a huge gym bag. Straight into me.
"!…"
"Ah! Sorry, I'm sorry, but you were…standing in front of my door…" Utena looked up at me, the look on her face too much for words. Confusion? Surprise? Disbelief? Relief?
"Jury-sempai?"
"…Utena Tenjou."
Her jaw on the ground and eyes as wide as dinner plates, she was utterly speechless. The situation was just as bad as I thought it would be. She was probably going to ask why I was there, and in all convenience, my mind was completely blank. That look on her face had me astounded. 'The last duel. The time she dueled me for the final time. And Ruka. And Shiori. What about End of the World, and the Rose Bride? So many things, but why can't I speak?'
There was a pit in my stomach. A huge, gaping, throbbing, pit. What must've been three seconds stretched to eternity and beyond. And then further, just for the sake of tormenting me.
"-Excuse me-"
"-Excuse me-"
The look on her face suggested she wasn't going to initiate anything. Great, so it was up to me. I was expecting that to happen in the first place, so, okay. I just needed to get it out before she had the chance to deny me. From what I remembered of her she wasn't the type of person to straightforwardly ignore someone, but then again, a person can change in almost a year. "Look, Tenjou, we need to talk. About Ohtori."
"Ohtori? Why would you want to talk about that. Especially after…"
Anger. An expression of acute pain, and then anger, flashed through her face. Apparently I had to tread lightly.
"It's not what you're thinking. If you'll listen, then good. But if you don't then I'll leave. Will you talk with me? This is important."
'Never mind about how I know where you live or whether or not you'd be home or if you'll be busy today. Never mind that. And never mind my sweaty palms.'
"As soon as possible. Now, if you're not busy. It's important."
She didn't say no.
I was pretty much out of breath, feeling every molecule of cold air stabbing the hell out of my lungs. If this wasn't so important I would've given up by then. I didn't have a car, so I had to bike. My bike chain was broken, so I had to walk. I was anxious, so I had to run. In a way the fact that I was so pushed about getting there immediately gives me a sense of pride; or more like a reason to be prideful. I don't like to admit it, no one does, but I am prideful. When it comes to certain things, anyway.
I made a promise to her. I promised I'd protect her and be her friend no matter what. I ended up screwing up in both departments, but oh well. That didn't mean I couldn't make up for it now.
"Himemiya! Himemiya!" she was only a stride away, so close I could see the violet waves of her hair falling around her shoulders, so close I could reach out and touch her.
"Utena-sama?"
"Himemiya! I –!"
I woke up.
Lolz, chapter one finished! Thanks to positive feedback I've been writing a lot more. Yayzerz. So, really, I don't have much to talk about. Other than the fact that Kyoya/Tamaki is effing awesome. Oh yeah, After School Nightmare is effing awesome too. Go buy it 'cuz I say so.