House - The man with an illness (or the formula for a good House episode)

The sun shone over the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, as doctor House walked through the doors.

"House, I have a case for you"

Cuddy walked over to him in the same feminine way she did everything

House turned to her "I'm not interested! It'll be boring!"

Cuddy stopped "and how do you know you're not interested?"

House sighed "Because i never am! I always walk into this hospital, and i never agree to have any cases from you until you give me some over the top reason for me to take the patient which I ignore, and then you give me a four word symptom and I'm IMEDIATELY hooked. I just like making you suffer like that"

Cuddy thought back. Had she REALLY fallen for that all these times? It didn't matter

"well, your patient has an illness"

House pushed her aside "he's probably sick, that happens a lot. Boring, boring, BORING! Especially when general hospital starts in ten minutes"

Cuddy smirked "ah yes, but this man has been tested for all illnesses and something's wrong"

House turned to her "oh? And what would this great problem be?"

Cuddy shrugged "how should i know? If it's the only way to get you to take the case, then does it matter?"

House waited for a second "okay, I'll do it, but only if I don't have to do clinic this week"

"Why do you always ask for clinic hours off?"

House looked at her with an evil glint in his eye

"Don't you remember? During the first episode you made me have to do a number of months worth of clinic duty, and the sooner the hours are over, the less seasons of this show i have to record, so i can get back to my hookers and music and all those other things i always do when im not at work"

Cuddy handed him the folder, and he went off to his team, who were for some reason already sitting around the desk waiting for him.

House stepped in "Okay, how long have you been sitting in here doing nothing? Is this the meeting of the sidekick's convention? If so, you missed Wilson"

Chase sighed "we're here because you have a case. You always have a case at this time every single week. In fact we mark it down in our calendars."

Cameron turned to Chase "Leave him alone, he's just doing what the fans want"

Chase didn't even look at her "why do you even bother defending him? You already know he doesn't like you!"

House interjected "she knows that I don't like her, but come on, there are so many losers out there watching this who think we still have a thing going on, it's so much fun teasing them"

Foreman picked up the file "so what are we going to do about the sick patient?"

House looked up at him "oh, just start him on some drugs"

Foreman looked confused "what, you're not even going to look at his file?"

"No, not really" House replied "Since whatever we give him first is going to start killing him faster anyway, there's not point in looking until at LEAST the second ad break, and even then im going to misread it"

Foreman gave him a nasty look "you sure are a jerk, House"

"I know" House Replied "But that's the reason so many fans like me, so deal with it"

Chase turned to House "Maybe it's Lupus"

House, Foreman, and Cameron glared at him

"... Sorry, it's just one of us usually suspects it at least once. I just wanted to get it out of the way early"

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