Author's Note and Disclaimer: I do not own Flatland. Flatland is written by Mr. Edwin A. Abbott, and this is simply a wacky spoof with no intention to claim it as my own.

Also, this is not a real EAS Alert, and while I am completely fine with a Dub as long as I am given credit, please do not use it as such or to scare people.

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Date: January 1st, 2017

Time: 12:30 AM

Location: Chicago, Illinois (USA)

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We interrupt our regular programming for a broadcast of the Emergency Alert System. Please stand by for a message if you are currently in the city of Chicago or any of the surrounding areas.

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This is an Alien Invasion warning. This is not a test, or a prank. The following message has been transmitted by request of the White House and the United States president.

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A large, spherical UFO has been reported flying over Chicago and the surrounding areas. So far, it has abducted 23 people, with no signs of slowing down.

No information is known about the UFO's origin, but it does not appear to be assisted or have back up. First-hand witnesses state it has spoken to multiple victims, claiming it will take them to a 'Fourth Dimension' hidden from our view, before disappearing without a trace.

It has also been seen entering people's houses by shrinking to nothing and re-emerging on the inside.

The sphere often changes size, varying from a small point to approximately the size of a large supermarket. So far, no force has been able to slow it down, and no weaknesses have been observed. Nothing is known about the sphere at this time, as it is most likely of extraterrestrial origin.

If you are in Chicago or any of the surrounding areas, take shelter Now. While the sphere has been shown to bypass walls, it is possible that it may be limited by some materials, and any chance at survival is better than none.

Close and cover all windows. Turn off your lights, and take shelter now. Do not let the sphere know your whereabouts, or if your house is occupied. Military officials will arrive to escort you and your family to a safer location as soon as possible, if the sphere can not be stopped or restrained.

Take care to reduce the number of casualties. Please stay tuned for updates in the Chicago area. If this is not your local area, please tune to a radio station with information for your local area.

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Please stand by for a message from the president or a presidential representative.

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My fellow Americans… for a while we have wondered if any other life forms inhabited this universe besides the ones of our own planet. Now, we know there are.

In the future, we will be able to negotiate more with our newly-discovered neighbors, but for now, we must fight this UFO. It is a shame our first encounter with other-worldly creatures had to be violent, but in the moment, we must focus on simply protecting our own.

No information is currently known on how to stop it, but all government officials are working on the matter as I speak.

The Air Force is currently attempting to bring down the UFO in a depopulated area, and I believe they will manage the feat swiftly and cleanly.

After today, I assure the citizens of this fine country, the first country to make its mark in the cosmic sands of time, our relationship with other-worldly lifeforms will be more peaceful. Today will go down in history as our first encounter, but I hope it will not become a bad first impression.

Please stay tuned for more updates!