Nagi/Schuldig: When Opposites Attract
When he first sees Schuldig, Nagi can't believe he's real. He's too bright and too loud, like something you can see on TV; Nagi is smart, so he knows things on TV are fiction. He's also smiling and people just don't smile at Nagi. They ignore him, or they hate him. Sometimes they laugh at him, but they never smile.
So he pushes a bit at that colourful hair, trying to get it off. But it isn't a wig and it just spreads itself in all the impossible directions and Nagi can't stop staring. And the stranger that is Schuldig smiles an even wider smile and greets Nagi. He doesn't get scared or repulsed by his power, he looks amused, even a little admiring. Nagi can't tell yet (and maybe he'll never be able to), but at that moment, just for all that good attention, he falls in love with Schuldig. It's innocent and simple and it isn't like there was much (or any) competition, but Schuldig becomes the most important person to him.
Nagi strives for perfection. He has always been a prodigy and above-average performance is a standard for him, so when Crawford first expresses disappointment in him he's crushed. If he isn't the best, is he good enough? He hides behind mask of indifference, but inside he's hurt and can't wait to hurt others. It's natural reaction and Schuldig approves. He always approves and it makes Nagi feel better. He claps and cheers when Nagi destroys Crawford's china, he goads him to start on the furniture and Nagi knows he'll be punished for that, too, but at that moment he can't seem to care. Schuldig makes the popcorn and they raid Crawford's little private spirits collection.
The next day he has a hangover and he has to clean the flat, pay back for the destroyed goods and listen to a long speech that is much worse than the one he got the previous day, but this time it doesn't matter at all. Because he knows someone believes in him, no matter what.
Nagi isn't happy when Farfarello arrives. All of that attention that was for him alone now gets shared. And not always equally. Farfarello and Schuldig seem to be spending more and more time together. They go to their little 'hunts', share the in-jokes. Nagi is bothered by it, even if he would never deign to admit it. He's not desperate.
When the new guy sits in the cellar, contemplating this or that misconduct, Schuldig finds time for him again. He comes with a film tape and ice cream and Nagi shows him the cold shoulder in the most dignified way possible. Schuldig just laughs, puts in the tape and starts with his usual babbling. It's like nothing happened. And, after an hour of Schuldig's non-sense and randomness, he realises, it hadn't. Not really. Schuldig was at the entertainment park and now he's back home. Farfarello might be the one up on the stage, basking in the spotlight and the envy, but Nagi is the one watching it all in Schuldig's company, sharing the laughs and they are the ones that'll still be together the show is over. Because they belong.
Then there's Tot. She is wonderful and innocent and fragile and Nagi wants to put her on a pedestal and worship her. It ends as abruptly as it started and Nagi is richer for an experience and a touch more bitter.
He also notices that, maybe, he doesn't want to be alone all the time. But then, he never is. Schuldig was there with him all the way from the start to finish, offering bad advice, embarrassing him, making him take everything just a little bit less seriously as he otherwise would.
Schuldig talks a lot, he always did, it's difficult to separate what happened to him from what happened to other people and from flights of imagination. Schuldig sure can't, but Nagi tries to, since it became important for some strange reason. Nagi's different now. He notices the things he previously ignored, Crawford's 'business dinners' from which he comes smelling of women's perfume, Schuldig's all-night escapades from which he just comes smelling of everything and that 'everything' annoys Nagi to no end. Nagi hates everything, except Schuldig, a little bit more.
There are problems with Crawford but never ever problems with Schuldig. He knows Crawford wants him to leave and Schuldig wants him to stay. Crawford feels like he can't handle him anymore, but Schuldig is not bothered by it, since he never wanted to control him in the first place. So he doesn't leave, because he doesn't want to make Schuldig choose. He knows they will all have to decide after that job with the Kritiker is over. That'll be the end of Estet and they won't have a reason to remain together afterwards. He fears that, like he never feared anything else before. Then there's the battle and he can see Schuldig swallowed by flames.
When he finds out they are all alive it's like his world picked itself back from shards and put itself back together. The puzzles that were scattered around before had found their place this time and it changes everything. He knows what he wants and it doesn't matter why or how, he just knows he'll make it happened. Because Schuldig is there, wearing the exactly same smile he wore when they met, he's bloody, bruised and half of his hair is missing and still, he's the most beautiful person Nagi has ever seen.
END