I shouldn't be doing this, I thought, this is wrong. But I couldn't keep myself away from her. I couldn't break my promise though; it must be like I never existed. I knew that she would be fine, she was human, what more could I expect? But I couldn't help watching her sleep, every night staying undetected in her bedroom, just like the first few months I had known her. The urge to reach out and touch her was ridiculously hard to resist. But I had learnt to control my urges many years ago, albeit those urges were in fact the delicious scent of human blood burning in my throat as opposed to staying away from the one being whom all of my love was, and always would be devoted to.

I was brought out of my musing as I winced. I should have been ready for it, it happened so frequently that it shouldn't take me by surprise. Yet every time she screamed my name, that same way she had done when she'd been following me through the woods, a new wave of agony spread through my body in a way that I had never felt before. I couldn't stand to hear her in so much pain, knowing that I had caused it all, I reflexively moved over to her to comfort her, forcing my hands to stop just a millimetre from the warm skin of her cheeks. I was appalled with myself; I hadn't lost control of my emotions like that for over a month, the routine I had been following had to stop.

I had known all along that I was breaking all my own rules, but if she was going to be unhappy because of me, I couldn't just walk away. I needed to suffer for what I had done to her, and if that meant putting myself through the agony of watching her slowly recover from a distance, never being able to take away her pain the way I knew I could, forcing myself deeper into the depression that was taking over more and more of my spacious mind every day, then so be it. Carlisle kept telling me that I shouldn't do this to myself, that I had made the right decision, but he could never understand the agony that I had to go through to compensate for the unforgivable thing I had done.

Without warning, as ever, the desperate, agonising sound of Bella's scream pierced through my body and I knew that for another painfully long day, I would have to stay a very careful proximity away from her, and everyone else in Forks, so as not to fill her with false hope. Word travels fast in a small town like this and if anyone saw me they would almost certainly have got a mob chasing after me, not that they'd catch me, but what good would that do Bella? I hadn't realised how long she'd been screaming for, I'd got distracted, but now that it had stopped, the silence echoed around the room. "Edward?" Bella's beautiful, curious voice whispered, with so much love and adoration in it. I had really broken my rules, before she could realise that she wasn't still dreaming I moved swiftly to the window, jumping out onto the lawn, next to her father's police cruiser and ran with all of my power into the woods. What had I done?