Riza felt as though she was being taken hostage. Even now as she walked home in the late afternoon sun, she felt a cold that she couldn't seem to shake. It had been hours since she had received her reassignment to the Fuhrer's office, but she still couldn't shake the tightness in her chest from the news. She knew that things would be different for them after the colonel went to confront Bradley, but she still couldn't stop worrying. She had hoped she would at least have some time with the colonel to help him form a plan of action, but the Fuhrer was brisk in his punishment, and before she knew it, she was separated from the man that she had sworn to protect when he needed her most.
When she was about a block away from her apartment, she spotted a familiar figure walking slowly toward the door of her building. He hesitated, and seemed to think better about what he was doing. She hadn't seen him since he entered HQ that morning. "Colonel?" asked Riza. Roy jumped slightly. "Lieutenant. I thought you would have been home by now." He looked down. "I, um- you- I was just…." He trailed off. He looks so distraught. "Would you like to come inside?" Riza wasn't sure exactly why she asked him. It certainly wasn't very professional, but their relationship had not always been professional, and she felt like he could use the company as much as she could. "Um- sure," said Roy. He followed her inside and up the narrow staircase to her apartment.
Roy was still shocked at the turn of events that the day had taken. He had gone into Central Headquarters that morning feeling confident, almost cocky. He had exclusive information about the Fuhrer that would shock the other military personnel into action against the corruption. He never expected that Bradley's influence would have spread all through the upper military ranks. He had unknowingly put himself into a very vulnerable position, and Bradley had used the opportunity to strike back hard. Mustang paid for his arrogance: his team was now scattered to the all corner of the country. But worse than that, his lieutenant was now under the thumb of one of the most dangerous men in the Amestris. He had been shaking with fury all day. In an attempt to clear his mind, he ended up wandering the city and somehow ended up at Hawkeye's home. Now, alone with her in her kitchen, he felt his defensive guard fall, anger dissipating into something that felt even worse.
They both took off their bulky military jackets, and Riza motioned for him to sit at the kitchen table. "Would you like some tea?" "Yes, please." She began to make her way to the cupboard before stopping and turning toward him. He had been unusually quiet walking in from downstairs, and now, sitting at the far side of her table, he looked so broken. He had that look on his face, the same one he had when he talked about Ishval – one of extreme guilt and self-blame.
"Colonel." He wouldn't look at her. "Roy." He met her gaze, startled at the use of his first name. Riza stepped toward him. The look in his eyes made her worry for him. "This isn't your fault." He looked at his feet again, hiding his face from her. He can't keep thinking like this! she thought. She was briefly overcome with the overwhelming urge to comfort her commanding officer, and she had to consciously keep her hands from reaching up to his face. Stop, she told herself. It was already border-line inappropriate for him to be in her home, and she didn't want to be responsible for letting things get out of hand.
Riza made her way back to the counter and began to rummage around for a second mug. It been so long since she had had a guest that she wasn't even sure if she had another. Suddenly, she was aware of his presence behind her, and, sure enough, as she came down off her tip-toes, she felt his body against her back, and a shiver ran down her spine. He put his face close to her ear. "I just can't afford to lose you." Riza tried to suppress the familiar feeling that grew in her chest at the words. She knew he was too close, but she was also comforted by it. Even though Roy seemed to be more affected by the Fuhrer's decision to separate them, she was just as worried as he was about what was to come, even if she hid it better that he did. They had worked together since she had joined the military nine years ago, but they had been close for many years before that. It filled her with frightened anticipation to think of not being able to protect him. But his closeness now, the breath on the back of her neck, was soothing. But at the same time, a deeper part of her knew that this was wrong. The Fuhrer and his network of followers would jump at the opportunity to get them in trouble for this, and would not hesitate to react in harsh terms. She wouldn't do that to him, not now. Not under these circumstances especially, when he needed all the power that he could get to fix this country.
"Colonel," she said firmly, willing him away from her. "I'm sorry," he mumbled quietly, his hands moving to the counter on either side of her. Riza turned her body to face his, ready to tell him off, but the nearness of face surprised her. "Colonel." She meant to use the same tone as she had a few moments before, but when she spoke, it came out as little above a whisper. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "Why do you keep saying that?" she asked him. His eyes, full of anger, bore into hers as he answered. "Because I let this happen. I didn't consider how my rash actions could affect my team. I didn't think about you." His voice softened at the last part. "You always think about me, and I didn't think about you. And now, we're both in this mess, and it's my fault." She smiled sadly at this. It was so like him. He frowned at her expression. "Colonel, if I hadn't been ready and able to handle any of the consequences of you going in there, I wouldn't have let you go in the first place." He mouth opened slightly in surprise, the anger momentarily gone from his face. "You knew this would happen?" "I considered all the outcomes." Now it was his turn to smile. "You're too good for me, he mumbled shaking his head. "You're wrong." Riza was still acutely aware of his hands on the counter behind her. "You're the best part of me." Looking into his eyes, she saw an expression that she hadn't seen in his eyes in years. "You always have been." It was an expression of intent. She had given up on trying to prevent what she knew was coming now.
Roy breathed her named as his left hand moved to grip her face, almost desperately, but his lips met hers, they were gentle and familiar, arousing memories of a summer long ago, memories that she had forced herself to suppress when she joined the military. Riza remembered the comfort they had found in each other then and found herself craving it again now. She could sense something similar building in Roy as well as his arms tightened around her waist, closing any previous distance that had been between them, and opened his mouth against hers. He kissed her over and over, and she responded, gripping his hair in her fists. "I'm sorry," he breathed heavily. Riza wasn't sure is he was apologizing again for his rashness or for the kissing, but she ignored him, knowing that the only way that they would find the peace that they needed was to be together like this. She was also finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything but the warmth that was spreading through her body.
When his hand slipped under her shirt and began to leave a trail of warmth up her back, something stirred in the back of her mind; the memory of a promise made long ago. She tried to push it down, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, craving the feel of his skin beneath her fingers that she knew lay waiting just under the fabric of his shirt. It was only when his hands began to wander up her front to her chest that she became conscious of where their actions were leading. "Roy…" It was hard to form a coherent thought when he was trailing warm kisses down her jaw and neck, but she that this wasn't right. Not yet. "Roy… please, stop." Her hands fell from his back, but he continued to hold her, moving with a renewed vigor upon sensing her hesitation. "Mustang!" He froze. Riza reached up and wrapped her hands around his wrists of the hands that held her face, lowering them to his sides, then taking his hands in hers.
"Roy," she said quietly. The colonel hung his head as she tried to make eye contact. "You remember what we said. You remember." Roy looked up at her face, his eyes tired. "I remember." She squeezed his hands, "Soon. When all this is over. When our crimes are acquitted, when things are easier, and we can be… like this, without fear, or judgment. He stared at her for a minute, then leaned forward and rested his forehead against hers. "I just can't stop thinking about what it would be like without you. I just… It just frightens me." "Me too," Riza whispered. "But we'll think of something. We will. And we'll get ourselves out of this. We'll be… ok." Roy stood up, but let her keep her hands in his. "Just stay safe… Lieutenant." "Sir," responded Riza, a little uncomfortable with his sudden use of formalities. He still looked broken, and she was a little afraid to let him be alone. He seemed to conclude that he couldn't leave her just yet either. "Can I- is it alright if I stay?" "Of course," she said, grateful that she didn't have to ask him to stay herself. She needed him tonight too.
Riza finished making their tea, and they both sat down across from each other at the table with their mugs, sipping quietly and exchanging few words. They were calm and comfortable in each other's presence. When they finished, Roy stood uncomfortably, unsure of what to do next. Riza stood and took his hand leading them out of the kitchen, down a short hallway, and into her bedroom. The room was dark but she made no move to turn on a light. Still holding his hand, she walked them to the edge of the bed, and they fell onto her pillow together. Riza pulled the blankets over them, and Roy wrapped his arms around her. She tucked her head into his chest, and he rested his chin on her forehead. Once again, Riza repressed the feelings that stirred once again the base of her stomach. One day, she though, I won't have to ignore that anymore. She hoped that it would be one day soon, but for now, this was enough. Laying here with him for one night was enough. She knew that in the morning he would leave, and everything would go back to normal, and under their current circumstances, she couldn't be sure when she would see him again. But she pushed those thoughts out of her mid for now. Instead, she focused on the warmth of her body against hers, the smell of him surrounding her, and the security of his arms.
As she drifted off to sleep, she thought she heard Roy murmur something to her, though she could be sure, but she was sure she felt his lips on her forehead. In the moments before she fell asleep completely, she let herself smile, wishing they could stay this way forever.