I was eating breakfast, and suddenly had an idea. Everyone always writes these stories about 'How to recognize and avoid Sues', 'Repairing your Sues', etc., etc. So why not write a story on how to write a Sue. TA-DA! Sue Writing for Dummies was born!
*I own nothing, and no disrespect is intended with this story. Just because I am calling things Sueish doesn't mean that it can't be written well. And, to reiterate, I do not own the [insert name here] For Dummies books.
Sue Writing for Dummies
Hello. If you have not, I direct your attention to the bold words above.
Welcome to Sue Writing for Dummies!
Now, when writing Sue stories, whether they be parodies or not, there are certain steps that need to be followed.
First, before you can even start putting finger to keyboard, you must develop the characters. Now, this step is the most important, because what is a Sue story (henceforth referred to as SS) without a Sue?
STEP 1: LOVE
The first step is to pick the character that your Sue will end up with.
Some popular choices are:
Edward Cullen-
A popular choice, as Twilight is huge right now.
Harry Potter-
Truly a great book, and if you haven't, go read it right now.
Draco Malfoy-
Who doesn't love the bad guy?
Artemis Fowl-
We love the hot genius dude!
STEP 2: CHARACTER
Don't focus on developing your Sue, this section is to pick a name and looks. DO NOT SKIP THIS VITAL SECTION!
Name:
A vital part of Sues is a name that is very different and farfetched. A name meaning website can help. Some examples can be found below:
Edward Cullen-
Edward Sues need vaguely unpopular names that are abnormally long.
For this Sue, we will name our Sue: Adrianna Victoria Patricia Michellia de Bristollion
Harry Potter-
There are many Sues in this category, but we will focus on the 'Voldy's Daughter Sue'. These Sues should have names that sound vaguely (very) evil, pureblood and dangerous.
We will name our Sue: Maleficentia Desdemona Cruella de Vil Riddle.
Draco Malfoy-
We will focus on 'The Harry Sister Sue' variety for this character. These names should simply be long and complex that nobody will ever forget. Normal names should be strung together to make one really long complex name.
Our Sue will be called: Cynthia Ellen Isabel Gabriela Giovanna Brianna Adele Chantal Lorelei Jaqueline Vanessa May Evelyn Potter.
Artemis Fowl-
This Sue should be named after something to do with Greek and Roman gods.
This Sue will be called: Venus Aphrodite van Zeusenheimer.
The Rest:
An important section in which we decide how each Sue will look and act. We will also decide our Sue's past. Don't forget to forgo all genetic possibilities!
Adrianna Victoria Patricia Michellia de Bristollion-
We'll make her have cascading chocolate-colored locks, with gleaming sapphire eyes like pools of violets. She will be tall and pale, but really athletic. She will have great hair, and be able to control the elements. Edward will not be able to read her mind. She will be great at sports.
Her past is mysterious, and she is escaping a rabid ex-boyfriend who is a vamp.
Malificentia Desdemona Cruella de Vil Riddle-
She has dark, raven-colored tresses cascading down her back. She is slim, pale, and tall. Her eyes will be green, and she will be able to talk to snakes. She has been raised by the Malfoys and is betrothed to Draco Malfoy. She will also have wicked cool powers that are, as of yet, undiscovered.
Cynthia Ellen Isabel Gabriela Giovanna Brianna Adele Chantal Lorelei Jaqueline Vanessa May Evelyn Potter-
Cyndi (as she is known to friends), has raven tresses with natural honey-blonde streaks. Her eyes are the color of Harry Potter's. She is the real Chosen One. She can fly, talk to snakes, and is a metamorphmagus. She is slim, tall, and pale, her lovely alabaster brow slightly marred with a lightning-bolt scar. She is a better Seeker than Harry. She is a Gryffindor.
Cyndi is rich and lives with the Malfoys, who don't know that she's a Potter. She is madly in love with Draco, who (apparently) doesn't know that she exists. Even though they live in the same house.
Venus Aphrodite van Zeusenheimer-
Venus is a tall American with flowing auburn locks and pale, unmarred skin. She is a genius and is beyond belts in every form of martial arts. She is filthy stinking rich and has been in contact with the fairies since she was born.
She is part elf and can use magic. She has an unlimited supply of it and never has to complete the ceremony. She is more powerful than Number 1.