Hello Suitors.This is my first attempt on writing a story based on Harvey and Donna. I still hope you'll enjoy the read.
Takes place after the mid-season finale of season 6.
Declaimer: I do not own any of these characters.
~ Let The Worlds Collide ~
- Chapter One -
x-x-x-x-x
The chains holding the punching bag rattled as a man kept punching with rapid fire. Jumping lightly on his toes with his arms raised, right foot back from the left and began to punch the bag with fierce determination.
"You ran away but not before you told me you love me."
"I did that because I wanted to make you feel better."
Sweat began to circle around his forehead as he clenched his jaw, trying to prevent his thoughts to take its course. He inhaled a deep breath, trying hard to ignore the blood pumping into his veins.
"You want to be alone?"
"..No."
Jumping slightly onto his toes, he landed another punch. The punches grew rapidly as his breathing became ragged. Ignoring the pressure from within, he closed his eyes and landed one solid punch.
Harvey took a few ragged breaths in order to calm himself.
x-x-x-x-x
Taking a glance around the place Harvey had come to, he couldn't help but remember the last time he had been here.
".. I should go."
"Why?"
"You know why…"
So much had happened since that night. Words were exchanged, looks were given and changes had been made. In the last few months, Mike was finally out prison and reunited with Rachel. He now had some important decision to make whether he wanted to return to the firm.
The person he had considered as a mentor and close friend had resigned. Jessica was leaving the firm in order to let Louis and him take over. Not only did they have to agree on certain things, but had to rebuild the firm and let clients know that they were still on top with their A-game.
However his thoughts were cut short once he heard a mug being placed on the coffee table in front of him. Flaming red color blurred his vision.
".. You're capable of looking at me that way, but you don't want to let those worlds collide because you're afraid to risk anything."
Without fully comprehending what he was about to do, Harvey reached forward for Donna's wrist. Perhaps it had been out of need or fear of letting her out her sight.. again.
"I'm willing to let the worlds collide."
"What?" Donna lowered her gaze as she removed a few strands of hair from her face.
Holding into her wrist, he raised his gaze not knowing whether he was taking the right step or not. But all he knew was how miserable his life had been without her. Not only had it been difficult of not seeing her outside his office on daily basis, but knowing the fact that her eyes had refused to acknowledge him had hurt him far more than he would ever admit.
"You have issues in your life that are going to keep you from having real relationships."
Slowly picking up the invisible puzzle in his mind, he knew it all added up to his own insecurities. The panic attacks started the minute Donna wasn't part of him anymore. Not seeing the usual smile on her face, the back-and-fourth banter they would have with each other or her voice telling him: "I'm Donna and I know."
Harvey stood up and took a look at her confused and curios expression. "I'm ready to take the step."
Taking a moment to comprehend what he was talking about, she lowered her brown eyes and let out a tired sigh.
She had been in the same exact position only a few months ago and even though her heart had hoped for something more, it wouldn't necessarily be the case now. Knowing Harvey, he would regret whatever he would say, and she would lay awake the whole night debating what to do or how to react around him. She wasn't ready to go down the road once again.
"Anyone else ever loses faith in me, it doesn't matter.. But with you it's different."
Donna shook her head lightly as she stepped aside, ignoring the intensity of his stare. "I think you should leave before we no longer can go back to where we are."
"I'm not leaving.. Not this time."
"Harvey.."
"Donna." He let out a breath. "You've known me for 12 years and doing this isn't easy."
She finally raised her gaze. "Then don't. Let it go and we can forget whatever happened, because all honestly, nothing really happened, Harvey."
"But I want this to happen." Harvey stood his ground as he kept staring at her. He knew it won't easy, but he was willing to try to convince her.
Hearing the sheer need in his deep voice and slight vulnerability cease across his eyes, she wondered if she was seeing a different man than before. Did she dare to say that something else came across his eyes?
The man, who made sure that no emotions would come between his goals and needs, was suddenly showing her every aspect of his soul.
"What are you saying?" She whispered. Was she ready to let her heart take another blow again? Was she ready to force her mind to forget it all the next morning?
He took a moment before responding. "I'm saying I'm ready to talk about you… About us."
Harvey waited for her to say something.. Anything.. Instead, he saw how she ran a hand through her auburn hair.
"Harvey just go."
He furrowed his eyes upon her words. "Leave? After what I just told you? Do you really want me to leave, Donna? What do you want me to say that you start believing me?"
Donna stood motionless. She opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out.
"That's right. I'm staying this time. No more running away."
She wrapped her arms around herself as if it would shield her from the answer that was about to come. "Why.. Why now?"
"Because.." Harvey stepped closer, wanting her to know whatever he was telling her was the truth. "With you it's different."
"How do I know you're telling the truth? How do I even know that you won't change your words the first thing next morning?"
"You really think I would risk 12 years not to tell you the truth now?" He whispered. "We've risked so much in the last few months, why not risk something that matters?"
But before she could respond, Donna simply stepped aside from him.
"Donna, don't walk away." Harvey closed his eyes in slight frustration.
Turning around in one swift motion, she stared at him. "How does it feel to be on the receiving end for once? How does it feel to watch someone just walk away?"
"Really?" He inhaled a short breath trying hard not to let his temper out of hand. "Now of all times, you want to discuss this now?"
"Well, we never really talked about it before because you were too busy avoiding it." She shot back.
"Alright then. Let's talk about how you had absolutely no problem with changing your rule for someone else rather doing it for me."
"Talking about the rule is not relevant here." Donna stated with furrowed brows.
"What does the first thing have to do with all of this?" Harvey responded.
"It has everything to do with this."
"Oh really, then answer it." Harvey demanded.
Donna stepped forward. "Don't you dare to use your lawyer-ness on me. We both know you weren't ready at that point of time."
"You were the one who put it out there that whatever happened 12 years ago shouldn't be mentioned again." Harvey defended.
She shook her head in pure disbelieve. "And since when did the Great Harvey Specter ever listen to anyone?"
"I listen to you." He whispered as his expression softened a bit. "I didn't come here to argue tonight. I don't know how to express myself any other way."
"This is for you to figure out. If you really wanted this, then you would fight for it."
"Goddammit, I am fighting." He let out a frustrated respond before clenching his jaw. "This is me willing to take a chance on us. Doona, you've seen the kind of person I am. I have never known anything about love and maybe I won't ever, but all I do know is that I don't want to lose you again."
Blinking a few times, she tried hard not to let her emotional state cloud her mind. "You don't get to do this to me."
"Do what – tell the simple truth?"
"What you're doing right now. You didn't want to admit anything last time and it's not going to be any different now. I don't want to make any more choice that I have already made."
"And I'm making a choice now." He swallowed with difficulties. He knew the moment he stepped inside her apartment, there would be conversations about his emotional state and current feelings.
She shook her head. "You're doing this because you're overwhelmed by how everyone around you are leaving. – That you'll be alone. The bitter truth is that you're afraid, Harvey."
"What.. What did you just say?" His eyes widened slightly upon her words. Did he just hear right? He knew he would never let such thought become the reason. Their bond meant far more than just that. Their 12 years had meant more than just reopening their souls to only close in on each other after a few hours later.
He cursed under his breath. "You think me showing up here is a replacement of what's happening around us? You really think I would let such a thing screw everything between us."
"I don't know what to think, Harvey." She exclaimed. Maybe she wasn't thinking straight when she had let those words escape her mind.
Put him on any case and he would win the goddamn thing, but standing here watching her eyes bore into his soul made him both uneasy and something else he couldn't figure out.
"Did you just wake up one morning and decided to express your views about something we haven't touched for months?" Donna crossed her arms, before breaking the silence.
"Donna, I'm trying.."
"You don't have to. I'm telling you, Harvey. You don't have to do this anymore."
His mind was going crazy at the moment. He couldn't understand what was going through her mind let alone his own. Was he late? Had she changed his mind? Had he really blown the only chance he had with her?
Something hit him hard…
"Does this have anything to do with him?" He carefully asked. His morals were at stake. Donna noticed the minute he brought him up, something changed within him.
"No, Harvey. It has nothing to do with Mitchell – in fact we're no longer together."
"… Then what are you afraid of?"
"Because it would have been a mistake, and you know it."
"What I do know is something happened, and you ran away, but not before you told me you loved me."
"Afraid? Oh, I don't know it might have something to do with you walking away from this the minute you realize that this was never what you wanted in the first place."
Harvey kept staring at her still figure. Watching how she had lowered her gaze to the side. "Is this really what's keeping you from giving this a chance? I know you just as much as you know me and…"
"You don't, Harvey." She raised her gaze into his and held it.
There was something about his eyes which made her question about her own decisions. "I don't want this at all. Not anymore."
For a slight moment, Harvey let his shoulders slump, but he quickly regained his composure. He buried his hands in the pockets of his pants and nodded slowly giving her one last glance before he turned around to leave.
The minute she heard the door being shut, Donna stared at the ceiling as she ran a hand through her hair and exhaled loudly. She had been one hell of an actress to pull this one off.
Swallowing with much difficulties, her eyes fell on the coffee mug on the table.
Untouched and cold. Maybe it was how she felt right now. Cold and in misery.
Blinking rapidly, she tried with all her might to prevent her heart from breaking and eyes from tearing up. But it was all too late.
Too late to go back.. Too late to regret anything.. Too late to stop the tears from falling.. Too late to even try..
Harvey stepped outside in the dark evening, before opening the door of his car which stood waiting outside the apartment building. Once shutting the door, the noise of the engine filled his ears.
"Where to Mr. Specter?"
"Anywhere, Ray. Just keep driving."
Harvey watched the street pass by, knowing he wouldn't get much sleep tonight. He figured maybe he would go for a run or hit the bag. But part of him knew that the disappointment in himself would turn into anger.
Harvey loosened the collar of his shirt in discomfort. Donna's words kept echoing in his mind, as if it had been some riddle for him to solve.
He had always valued her happiness above his. He had valued both loyalty just the same manner. His mind went to the moment he had forced himself to confront what he had ignored the whole time.
It was his own goddamn fault. He had been too busy with everything else than realize what he wanted in life. A life outside the Law Firm. A life of having someone staying more than a week.
The only one who really knew him was her. The only woman he had dared to let close enough to see the insecurities he carried with him. But it had not been enough.
He swallowed knowing he was nothing without her. He had experienced so much loss in his life, much more than he would ever admit, but grasping the idea of someone leaving him always sent a chilling feeling inside of him. Be it clients, Mike or even Donna.
Wandering to the moment where his brown soft eyes landed down the hallway of the office in those rare time.
The expensive shoes clicking into the hard floor filled the empty hallway, as his feet carried him toward her.
With a gentle smile across his face, he knew how thankful he really was of having her in his life. He opened his mouth to speak the words, which he perhaps didn't say out loud but had existed long before he could remember.
"I wanted to thank you… For 12 years."
Raising his gaze, he took a long look at the night outside. Was it really true what people said about him? Was he really empty of emotions? Was he empty of love?
His eyes fell on his reflection on the window, thinking how he had risked their relationship. He had not become this man only to hate himself.
His hand turned into a fist thinking he was better of being the kind of man everyone expected him to be. Cold.. Insensitive.. Selfish..
Donna wrapped her arms around herself as she kept her gaze outside her apartment window. She wondered if anyone were as lonely as she was right now. Sitting on the wooden chair with her leg drawn close to her, she took a glance around her surroundings. She figured that everyone were probably inside with their loved one. Secured.. Cozy.. Held..
She has always been an independent woman who believed that she could live her life just the way she wanted. Become an actress or a secretary of the best legal firm there was in New York.
She could make things happen in a blink of an eye due to her communications skills. Yet she couldn't solve the mystery of the man she had been secretly fallen in love with for years.
Harvey had been an complexed person who both had a certain charismatic aura around him but could come off as arrogant and cold when it was needed. He had buried himself in work perhaps to avoid all kind of emotional attachment to fill his heart. But Donna knew there were far more to him than he would ever let people know.
He worked hard to maintain the position he held for so long, from being the senior partner to become the name partner. He made sure to prove that he was a man with goals and high visions. Tough and fair.
But if she knew who he was, than what made her lie about her feelings? What stopped her from sharing her own emotions with the man who was ready to be with her? Was it fear? Heartbreak? Tiredness?
She had always been good at reading people – and especially Harvey. She could tell long before he had to say anything at all. How come she had ignored the ability to do so now?
Somewhere along, she couldn't help but wonder if it had been the need to be attached to someone which drove him to make this decision in the first place. There were no longer any Pearson in the Law Firm.
She had seen the hint of emptiness behind his brown eyes, which broke her a little inside. It only made her question about her own motives, decisions and choices.
But it would have been a lie if she said she didn't see some truth in his words. For the very first time, he had not been afraid to let her inside his soul which had been hidden from the rest.
And she had turned it all down despite of what her heart claimed to feel.
Taking a glance around her apartment, she couldn't prevent her thoughts from thinking about him.
Her eyes became fixed on the couch where they once had a heartfelt conversation where genuine apologies, promises and a glance of need were exchanged.
To the spot where she was currently sitting in the wooden chair, remembering how his soulful yet defeated eyes had asked her to mend his brokenness.
Her eyes landed further down the hallway where Harvey had showed up right after he had resigned from The DA office. No title or barrier were no longer attached to prevent them to take a chance on each other.
But timing had a different meaning altogether.
Donna was almost afraid to glance anywhere around the room, knowing something would remind her of what they had wasn't really there. Knowing well enough that her heart wouldn't be able to bear it.
Destiny had its way to play with people's emotions.
She caught her own refection on the window and wondered whether Harvey would feel the same turmoil as her whenever he would glance at himself.
x-x-x-x-x
To Be Continued.
The next part will be the last. Feel free to leave a comment and I will try to update as soon as I can.