a/n: ok, so as i'm writing this, it's pitch black except for my computer screen, i just finished writing this, and it's literally four am. so please, give me a little break considering i'm exhausted but i couldn't sleep until i got this written. forgive me if it's totally out of character, my mini-grey's characters who live in my head (crazy? me? nah...) are totally asleep since it's four and all, so i don't know what's in or out of character.

summary-ish thing: a oneshot based on the song "someday you will be loved" by death cab for cutie (a phenomenal song) it involves sex, seperation, and reconciliation. you'll see.

-insert disclaimer of choice here-

Addison is leaving. That much is definitely certain. Her flight is arranged, half of her stuff is already in L.A., and she has officially stopped working as of a couple days ago. She is leaving.

Alex, however, is not leaving. Alex is staying put in Seattle, and Addison isn't his girlfriend. There are some things that are indisputable.

But Alex doesn't know Addison is leaving. Doesn't know that piece of information yet.

It happens when she doesn't come in for two days. He asks around to see if she is okay. She may not be his girlfriend, but he can still care a little, right? Right.

He can't get any conclusive answer from any of his gossipy friends, so he goes straight to the source. He goes to Bailey. "Uh, Dr. Montgomery?" Bailey confirms, as she checks a chart. "She handed in her two weeks notice a couple weeks ago. She stopped working after Monday."

Alex goes into shock. He's rooted to the spot he's standing. It takes him all of two seconds to run through the events of the past two weeks. The wedding that wasn't, where Addison revealed that she hates him (not something he wants to remember), and Ava (Rebecca, whatever the hell her name was now. He didn't even know anymore. But what he did know is that whoever Ava/Rebecca was, whoever she was becoming, he didn't care for at all. Maybe like a sister sometimes. But an annoying little sister who is really moody all the time, and nags at him. He never felt anything more than brotherly love, and now he was paying). Addison taking a vacation to God knows where (she doesn't tell him anything anymore, and rightly so). And the on-call room and the sex (pretty amazing sex, if he's perfectly honest. And why wouldn't he be? He had sex with the hottest woman in the hospital). Two weeks ago, they slept together. Two weeks ago, he had told her that she wasn't his girlfriend. Two weeks, he had made possibly the biggest mistake of his life.

He searches for Torres next. She's reluctant to let him know Addison's hotel room, but he convinces her (face it, he's pretty damn convincing when he wants to be). And the second he's off work, he's driving to the Archfield and getting on the elevator and knocking on her door. And suddenly she's answering the door and looking confused.

"Yes?" she asks when he just stands there looking like an idiot.

"I lied," he finally manages to blurt.

"You lied?" she repeats slowly.

"Look, this is going to sound really stupid, but I lied. I lied to you when I said I wasn't interested. I'm interested and it's not normal for me to be. But I am. And I know you kinda hate me right now, but I just think that because you're leaving, which gives you an automatic out if you want it, I think you should give me a chance. To prove that I'm a liar. Wait… that came out wrong. To prove that I'm interested."

She remains impassive for a moment, processing. Tentatively, she takes a step towards him. And another. She's almost there when she stops and asks, "I'm going to get hurt, aren't I?"

He looks at her and tries to gauge what sort of answer she wants. He decides to go with honesty. "Yeah, probably. But not because I want to, I promise."

"Okay," she says, and closes the gap between them.

somedaysomedaysomeday

It's around three in the morning and Alex is lying awake, listening to Addison breathe. Which sounds vaguely stalkerish, but really, to him, that doesn't matter to him. All that matters is that he can hear that breath, and see that slight smile on her face. That's all that matters. And as he looks at her, he realizes something. He can never be good enough for the goddess next to him. Not him, a mere mortal. It will never happen. She won't be happy with him, not for long. Her heart belongs to someone else, someone she hasn't met yet. Someone good enough, worthy enough, for her love. And that someone doesn't seem to be him. So he gets up, scrawls a note, and leaves the room, feeling a pang of sadness, but not remorse. She'll heal, broken hearts mend, and one day, when she's happily married and has two kids and the white picket fence and has forgotten all about their…whatever they have, he'll explain that he had to do it. He had to make room for that mysterious future man, so that she could be happy. Someday, he vows, he will explain.

somedaysomedaysomeday

Addison wakes up smiling and turns over, expecting to see the incredibly good-looking face of Alex Karev. She rolls over to an empty bed, and already feels doubt spread throughout her. She sits up. Did she imagine last night? She hadn't, right? No, because she's sitting up naked in an empty bed. Not one to sleep in the nude for no reason, she obviously didn't imagine it. And that's when she sees it. A note, left on the pillow besides her.

Addison, it reads,

First off, believe me when I say I wasn't lying last night. I know it seems unbelievable, but it is. Secondly, I understand if you hate me. I hope you won't hate me forever so I can explain, but I understand if you do.

You wouldn't be happy with me. To quote my friends, I'm too dark and twisty. You deserve more, and someday you'll get that. Someday you'll be loved by someone who deserves you, not some scary, damaged intern who has way too much baggage for you to deal with. And it will probably be sometime soon.

You'll forget about me, and you'll move on, because that's what you do. You fight. So just fight to make yourself happy. That's all I ask. I'll sleep better if you're happy.

I'm sorry,

Alex

Addison fights back tears. She had believed him, she had let him in, she had let him see her vulnerable, and for what? A note saying that she'd find her soul mate one day. Yeah, gee, thanks a lot.

And then she gets angry. He understands if she's mad at him? He's giving her permission to stay mad at him? He'll sleep better if she's happy? What about her? She hates to admit it, but she never sleeps as well alone and last night was the best night of sleep she's had in ages.

In that moment she decides that she's going to prove him wrong. She's had two important loves already (and yeah, okay, they didn't go so well) and he was well on his way to becoming her third. She's not going to find someone else. She's not going to forget about him. She's not going to be loved by anyone else. She's not going to let them. It hurts too much.

somedaysomedaysomeday

Los Angeles, 2 years later…

She's still single. She prides herself on her status. She goes on dates to keep up appearances and for sex (she may be damaged, but she's a woman, and she has needs too), no other reasons. She always chooses someone who has something she can call wrong. That way there's a reason she can give for no commitment. She's become even more amazing at her work, if that were possible, and is now ranked number one in the country.

She's at a conference when it happens. She runs into him. She's long since actually gotten over him, even if his impact is greater than she would care to admit. "Dr. Karev," she greets him curtly.

"Dr. Montgomery," he replies, with more warmth in his voice than she has ever really known there to be (except for when he talked to the newborns, which she had forgotten about until now), "It is still Montgomery, isn't it?" He sounds like he hopes it isn't.

"It is," she says, her tone never wavering from the polite tone she's adopted.

He chats with her for a moment, then invites her out for drinks. She would say no, but he smiles hopefully at her, and even though she hates that it does, that seals the deal.

somedaysomedaysomeday

They sit and make small talk for what seems like hours, until finally Alex says, "So you're really still Montgomery."

"Really," she says and looks away.

"Boyfriend?"

"No. You?"

"No," he laughs. "I tried the dating thing. Didn't work out."

"Mmm…" she replies noncommittally.

"Look," Alex starts. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Addison asks. "For doing what you do best? For crushing me? For showing up at my hotel room and saying perfect things and then abandoning me? For sleeping with me and leaving me a note telling me that it really meant nothing to you, that I'll find someone better?"

"I… Addison… After that night, I was just watching you and I realized that I can't be good enough for you. You deserve so much more than I can give you. I can't let you walk away from that chance."

She looks down at her lap and picks at her cuticles. "Did you ever stop to consider that you might be that chance?"

"I don't… I can't… You just need to find someone."

"Damn it, Alex! I loved you. I loved you and you came and you made me think you might someday love me and then you left! You left and told me that I'll find someone better. Well, I haven't. I haven't found anyone. I can't find anyone, because you've ruined them all for me! Because they don't sabotage coffee and they don't know what it's like to save a preemie and because they can't always find the right thing to say! I can't find anyone and it's your fault!"

"I… Addie… I… love you, and I thought that it would go away. But it hasn't. Not after two years. But I can't… I just can't put you in a position to be hurt. Not by me."

"I'm a big girl, Alex," she almost whispers. "I can deal with being hurt. I can't deal with not being given a chance."

"Addie-"

"I don't want to find someone else, okay? It's you or nothing. I decided that when you left me. You're my last shot. So make a decision. Either hurt met in the worst way possible and walk away, or possibly hurt me in the future and stay."

"I… I don't…. Addie…"

"You claim you want me happy. I think you'll make me happy. And if not, then I'm fully prepared to pick up the pieces. I can do it. If one day you wake up and decide that we don't work, go ahead, leave. I can fix myself. But don't walk away from this. Not now."

He leans in and kisses her. "Okay," he says to her smiling face. "I'm game."

so... reviews for the insomniac?

-Juli