Haven
Disclaimer: Bioware owns everything, not me. So sad.
This is a one shot focusing on Alistair's point of view concerning an injury with his beloved Warden (Human noble) I've already started on the companion story which will focus on her side of things and how she became to be a warden. This is story about friendship, hardships, romance and tragedy. I hope all of this comes through and I hope everyone enjoys it! I haven't written in a while, so I'm sorry about grammar mistakes, plot mistakes and anything that doesn't make sense (it makes sense in my head I swear!) Oh, and since this is a flashback story, the current events are in BOLD and the past events are in ITALICS.
********
Alistair let out a shaky breath as he slid down the wall to sit on the floor. He was tired but sleep wouldn't come for him. He doubted he had slept much in the last 3 days and he knew he wouldn't tonight. Wynne had refused to let him in to see his fellow Gray Warden since the accident and he was worried sick about her. After the accident they had taken shelter down in the village of Haven and since then Wynne had sent everyone away except for Leliana who kept coming and going from the small room in the back of the cottage. Whenever she did come out, she was berated by questions from the whole group, but refused to answer them, always saying, "We'll know more later." Later would then come and go, and still nothing would change.
Alistair looked across the room at the rest of the group. Morrigan was here for a once. She had accustomed herself to taking long walks and when she did come back to the hut she should sit but the fire. Sten sat in the corner sharpening his sword and every now and again would glance at the door giving away his anxiousness. Even Zevran, the assassin they had picked up seemed somewhat on edge, worried about the Gray Warden in the next room. The last member of the group, her dog Loki, looked about as bad as Alistair felt pacing in front of the door, pausing every few moments to listen for a noise from beyond the barrier that kept him from his master.
Everyone was worried for her, because without her, how would they, as a group survive? She had brought them together through her determination and iron will, and it was she who kept them together with her charisma and charm. She always had an air about her that made people stop and stare. Even when he had met her, Alistair was amazed at her ability to attract attention.
Noël Cousland, the newest Gray Warden recruit, walked with grace, poise and determination making her noble heritage undeniable. Her face was round and soft, her lips full and inviting, and her eyes were the coldest steel – hard and unbreakable. The sway of her hips drew men's attention and curve of her breast kept it throughout the night. Alistair had caught himself following her around camp with his eyes and would mentally berate himself for falling under the temptress' spell. They were heading into the Wilds soon and he needed to keep his head about him or else a darkspawn would remove it. Alistair understood now why there were not many women in the Gray Wardens.
"Try to come back with all of them if possible Alistair," Duncan had joked with Alistair as he geared up. That might be difficult as Ser Daveth followed her around like a lost puppy eager for a treat. She continually brushed him off, but Alistair could tell she was beginning to get annoyed with the recruit.
Placing his shield on his back Alistair quickly approached to the recruits to prevent any bloodshed before they entered the wilds. "Are you three ready?"
"Of course we are Ser Gray Warden, but don't you think such a lovely lady should stay here out of harms way?" Ser Daveth asked as he slung his arm around Noël grinning like a mad man.
"I assure you Ser Daveth that I am quiet capable of handling myself. I question more if you should be staying here as I have yet to see you exhibit an ounce of intelligence in the short time that I have had the privilege of knowing you." Noël said as she removed his arm from her shoulders with a disgusted look.
"Ah, you wound me my lady," Ser Daveth responded placing both hands over his heart dramatically, "I was merely suggesting that a flower such as yourself…" Before he could finish his lavish praise of the woman Alistair hit him hard on the shoulder silencing the recruit, "And I suggest that we head out so we can be back before nightfall. We don't want any of you lot getting peeing your pants and running off."
As they began their journey into the wilds they passed by the King's camp and Alistair noticed Noël's gaze wandering over the tents, "Looking for someone?" Alistair asked in a teasing tone.
Noël blushed slightly being caught unaware, "My brother. The King said he was out scouting. I wondered if they might be back yet."
"Ah, that. I know the party you're talking about. They aren't due back until the day after tomorrow." Noël nodded and picked up the pace to catch up to the other recruits. Alistair couldn't help noticing as she walked away, how sad she had looked when he said that.
Alistair could tell she regretted approaching the other two recruits as soon as she did by the tightening of her shoulders. He couldn't blame her as Ser Daveth started reciting what sounded like a poem, but Alistair wasn't really sure. She glanced back at Alistair with almost a pleading look, but he smirked and shrugged leaving her to her own fate. She glared at him before being Ser Daveth started a new poem and even got down on one knee.
Leliana came out again, the third time that day and didn't wait for anyone to ask her any questions, "You can go in and see her now, but Wynne says you have to be quiet." Before she was even done Loki was through the door and the rest of the group was close behind.
Noël was lying on the bed, pale and motionless. The blanket was pulled up to her shoulders giving the allusion of a peaceful sleep. In the corner there was a pile of bandages and sheets covered in dried blood showing all the work that Wynne and Leliana had gone through in the last few days.
Alistair couldn't even bring himself to speak as he looked down at the Gray Warden. Morrigan was the first to find her voice and asked, "How is she?"
Wynne sighed, "Her injuries were pretty severe: broken ribs, punctured lung, massive internal bleeding and a broken arm. I've set the bones, fixed her lungs and stopped the bleeding, but she's weak. I've almost lost her multiple times. She must have a guardian looking out for her because I don't understand how she keeps coming back to us."
"She keeps coming back because she is strong." Sten said standing at the end of the bed. He was right, Alistair thought, she was strong, but she was also so fragile.
The Joining was going to occur soon and Duncan had sent Alistair off to gather the recruits as he finished setting up. Ser Jory and Ser Daveth were both sitting by the fire with a bit of ale loudly recounting their tales in the Wilds to all the young solider who cared to listen. Noël on the other hand proved more difficult to find, but after asking a few people, he found her in the kennels with her Mabari.
She sat there quietly, her dog asleep with his head on lab. She stared off into the distance while stroking the dog's head softly and for a moment Alistair forgot she was the woman who an hour ago was beheading darkspawn. She looked small and vulnerable next to her dog, to the point he was scared she would break if he spoke to her.
"I didn't know you had a Mabari." Alistair said softly leaning onto the fence around the kennel. Noël turned towards him shocked, her eyes glistening in the firelight. Alistair could tell she had been crying, but she tried to hide it.
"Was there something you needed Alistair?" She asked as she turned away from him.
Although his curiosity had been peaked, he dared not question the tears, "The ceremony is ready," He said, "Please come to the old ruins." She nodded softly and Alistair went to collect the two loudmouths by the fire.
They had decided to take watches over the injured woman so that Wynne and Leliana could get some much-deserved rest. Alistair took the first watch while the others sat outside preparing dinner.
Moving the blanket out of the way Alistair took hold of her uninjured arm and kissed the back of her hand. "You know," he whispered, "You have to come back to us. We're just a haphazard band of really skilled idiots without you. Especially me. Noël, please come back to us. I can't do this without you."
It had been one week since the defeat of Ostagar and the death of Duncan, and Alistair was having a hard time dealing with much of anything. He was annoyed with Morrigan, though the witch and Noël had quickly hit it off. He could hear them talking late into the night most nights and giggling softly to themselves and it annoyed him. He knew he shouldn't be mad at the two for being happy while he felt like the world had just collapsed around him, but he couldn't help it.
Lothering was only a day's walk away when Noël finally approached him. It was late a night and Morrigan had already gone to bed. Alistair had found sleep fleeting and was once again sitting by the fire, asking himself why he was still alive and not Duncan.
Noël sat down next to him and for a while was so quiet that Alistair almost forgot she was there, then she spoke. Her words were so soft, as if they were a secret on whispered to wind "Alistair, please come back to us. I can't do this without you." And then she was gone, and Alistair was once again left with his thoughts.
Sten came in later that night to relieve the templar and allow him some sleep, but Alistair didn't want to leave.
"I will take care of her. Sleep." Was all Sten said as he forcefully removed Alistair from the room. Sleep however was something that Alistair did not think would come easily to him, especially after seeing Noël like that. After Ostagar she had kept him going, she had become his strength. If she did not pull out of this, no, he didn't want to think about it, he couldn't.
They had left Lothering a week ago and their party had grown immensely with the addition of Sten and Leliana, not to mention the dwarf merchant who followed them around. The camp was lively and the campfire was a place of spirited banter and conversations. It reminded Alistair of the Gray Wardens camps he had been to before Ostagar. He was working hard to put the past behind him, after all they had a blight to deal with, but it was difficult. He joked along with the others, argued with Morrigan and smiled as much as he could, but still there were times when Alistair would wander off from the others to think of Duncan and the others who fell at Ostagar.
Alistair was sitting away from the group under a small tree looking at the fire and the group, but not really seeing them. His mind was else where, so he didn't notice Noël's approach. She sat down next to him, and for a moment, Alistair didn't think she was going to say anything.
"Alistair?" She asked, getting his attention.
"Yeah? Wait, don't tell me, my fly's open." Alistair joked trying to lighten the mood.
She smiled a bit, but it quickly vanished, "Do you want to talk about Duncan?"
Alistair's smile disappeared, "You don't have to do that."
"He was my friend as well."
Alistair sighed, he could tell he wasn't going to be able to brush the conversation off tonight, and somehow, it made him happy, "I just wish I could have been there. I could have, I don't know, protected him or something." Alistair looked up at the sky, it was a clear night and all the stars were out.
"If we had been there we would be dead too. We wouldn't have the opportunity to defeat the blight like Duncan would have wanted."
"But if I had been there, maybe Duncan would have still be alive."
Noël reached over and forced Alistair to face her. Her eyes held a gentle determination, "Alistair, if you had been down there with Duncan, you would be dead. There is nothing you could have done."
"You don't know that."
"Yes I do. Alistair, they were overrun. WE were overrun in the tower and almost died. Maker's breathe, you need to stop dwelling on this and look towards the future. We are in the middle of a blight and I need you here." Alistair was silent for a moment. She was right, he needed to snap out of this depression, he just didn't know how too.
"Have you ever lost anyone important to you?" Alistair asked. Noël dropped her hand and looked away from him. Her whole demeanor changed again and Alistair could tell he had asked a question he shouldn't' have, "I'm sorry I –"
"No, it's alright," Noël's voice cracked slightly, " Duncan saved me when Arl Howe came and took over our castle. My brother had taken the army up to Ostagar to fight and that left us weak. Rendon Howe attacked in the middle of the night and left no survivors. He killed my mother, my father, my nephew, my sister in law and everyone I ever knew." Alistair could see her jaw tighten and her fist clench.
"How did you move on?"
"I didn't. I yelled and beat Duncan for days and he would only hold me until my tears subsided. I even tried to escape and head back to home, but Duncan caught me and tied me up." She smiled slightly, "Duncan always told me that I was needed to stop the Blight and one day justice would be done on Howe, I just had to wait, and waiting is something I have never been very good at, but those words, they helped do my duty. I have not moved on and I probably never will, but I'll push forward because that is what my family would have wanted and it's what Duncan would have wanted."
Noël got up and brushed off her armor and looked down at Alistair, "You need to find something that drives you to push forward towards the future and don't let go. I hope you find it soon, because frankly I don't think you do dark and brooding very well."
Alistair laughed and watched her go back to the others. He closed his eyes and thought over her words, and he realized that he had found what he needed in his Gray Warden companion.
Alistair stayed curled up in the corner with a blanket. It was almost dawn and he had long ago given up on the idea of sleeping at all that night. Scenes kept playing in his memory of Noël Cousland; the way she smiled, the way she walked, the way her nose crinkled at the idea of his cooking.
Loki came over and sat down next to the man and laid his head down next to Alistair's hand.
"You think she'll wake up soon?" Alistair asked the dog. All he received was a sad whine in return.
"Yeah," Alistair said petting the dog's head, "I'm worried too."
"You're up early." Noël said emerging from the forest with her dog. She was dressed in a haphazard outfit including pair of pants from Morrigan and an overly large shirt from the dwarven merchant that hung off one shoulder. Her hair was in a braid over her shoulder and from the darkish color, Alistair could tell it was still wet.
"I'm up early? What about you? Are you always up at this time? Oh! I bet that it always takes you this long to do your hair! I knew girls took along time getting ready…" Alistair joked poking the small fire, coaxing it to life.
"Ha ha. Actually I just got back from a run. I have to keep up this figure of mine some how."
Alistair stared at her, "I'm not sure if you're joking or not…"
Noël raised an eyebrow, "What? Can't you tell that spend my every waking moment worrying if a hair is out of place? I mean, have you seen my armor, not anyone can put that on and look good! It takes hard work and a bit of your cooking to keep me looking amazing." Alistair tried to look outraged at her comment, but he couldn't help but laugh as she ran her hands down her sides, trying to look seductive, but failing horribly.
"I happen to think that my tasteless, tough, gruel is just what a healthy body needs, so I'm glad you appreciate it."
Noël laughed and sad down next to him by the fire, "Yep, everyone needs that much indigestion to get through the day."
Silence reigned for a moment as Alistair struggled to think of something to say, "So," he stumbled along, "You do this every morning?"
She smiled softly and Alistair felt his heart skip a beat, it was the softest look he had ever seen on her, "Yes," She said curling into a ball with her head on her knees. She looked so small for a moment, like a child listening to a story, "Being a woman it was hard to keep up with the boys during training, so I would get up early to put in a couple hours of training before the boys set foot on the field. I guess after the years it turned into more of a habit and now I don't fee like I start the day off right without a run in the morning."
"I don't see why you had to put in the extra effort, I mean, boys are really just a stupid, slobbering lot anyways. I'm sure they just slacked off most of the time anyways." Alistair said glancing at her out of the corner of his eye.
"Oh yeah?" She asked lightly nudging him with her shoulder, "Speaking from experience?"
"Yep, it was hard to keep the drool in my mouth most of the time, especially when I was sleeping, which was most of the time. I bet that's why the Mothers loved me so much at the Chantry."
"Young Alistair at Chantry? I must hear more about this! First though, you should put on a pot of coffee and I need a blanket, it's chilly out here. Would you like one as well?" Alistair shook his head 'no' and watched her enter her tent. He really didn't feel like talking about his life at the Chantry, but when she asked with that sparkle in her eye, he really couldn't say no.
Morrigan finally relieved Sten at dawn. Wynne was still asleep by the fire, and after all she had done, the group was happy to let her sleep as much as she wanted.
Alistair was surprised to see how attached the large Qunari warrior was over the Warden's injuries. It would have taken a blind man not to see the contempt the warrior had for Noël early on, following her but always seeing her as weak. It was amazing that she had gotten the Qunari on her side without lifting a single finger against him. No one else could have done that, especially not Alistair.
They were preparing to leave Redcliffe castle for the Circle of Magi to get help for Connor. Everyone was on edge, leaving the possessed boy alive and under minimal protection, especially after all that he had done. Sten had been the most vocal about it, saying the boy should just be killed so they could move on. The Arlessa was in such hysterics that it took Noël half and hour to assure the woman that they would not kill the boy.
"You are welcome to leave if you want." Noël growled under her breathe as she grabbed another loaf of bread and shoved it in her bag. Sten stopped pacing and looked at her, "Excuse me?"
"You heard me. Clearly you don't agree with my decisions, and while I think you will be useful, I don't need you fighting me at every turn."
"I just do not understand why you are going to all this trouble to save a child when there are bigger things at stake. Why not just go after the Archdemon now and be done with it."
Noël slammed her dagger into sheathe and approached Sten, "Wardens have always been the ones to defeat a Blight. The Wardens currently consist of Alistair and myself and I don't feel like the two of us could defeat an entire Blight on own. We need armies; we need Arl Eamon and the support of a united Fereldon. You are welcome to leave if you disagree with this and find the Archdemon on your own and try to kill it," She patted his chest plate a smiled sardonically at Sten," and when I find you body, I'll make sure to bury it somewhere nice, you know, with a view."
Sten glared down at the smaller woman and she stared right back at him, neither willing to back down. The rest of the group looked on anxiously.
"You are a strong warrior and I respect that, however,"
Noël cut him off, "I'm not here to impress you. I am here to stop a blight."
The Qunari was quiet for a moment, "Very well, what do you want me to do?"
Noël smiled and tied her cloak over her pack, "You and Morrigan will stay here and watch Connor while Alistair, Leliana and I take some horses and get to the tower as fast as possible."
"Wait, why must I stay here?" Morrigan complained
"Because I would like to there to still be a tower when we leave." Noël said in a matter of fact tone. Morrigan smirked and Noël smiled back, "Try not to get into to much trouble while we're gone."
Morrigan tried to look horrified at the idea, "Me? Trouble? Never."
"Oh, and Sten," Noël said sternly as the group left the room, " if you, for some reason lose control of Connor before we come back, I trust you'll take care of the situation."
"Of course." He replied.
Alistair brought Morrigan a bit of bread and cheese for breakfast. The mage mumbled a thank you and placed the food on the table next to the bed, showing no intention of eating it. Alistair didn't much care for the woman usually, and even less right now, but Noël had almost died to save the mage's life and if the woman threw it away now Alistair would bring her back from the dead just so he could kill her all over again.
He exited the room and was surprised to see Wynne up. "How is she?" The mage asked.
"No change." Alistair responded.
"I meant Morrigan. How is she doing?"
Alistair shrugged. He didn't really care, he wanted her to suffer because if she had been paying more attention Noël wouldn't have had to push her out of the way and she wouldn't have been crushed by the dragon's massive claw. Stupid mage, Alistair thought as he walked outside, and stupid woman.
"Ow! Can't you be gentler?" Alistair complained softly, trying not to get the attention of the others across the camp. He didn't want them thinking he was a bigger baby than they had originally thought.
Noël laughed and reached around Alistair's midriff again to wrap the bandage, "Stop being such a baby, it's just a few bruised ribs."
"Let me launch you across the camp and then we'll see who's laughing." Alistair growled as she pulled on the cotton wrap.
She leaned in close as she secured the bandage and whispered in his ear, "I wouldn't mind as long as you bandaged my wounds." Alistair swallowed as he felt her breath on his ear and her chest up against his back. Ever since Redcliffe their banter had become more…exciting, to say the least. Alistair found he was taking long walks before bed, walks that always included a dip in a cold stream.
Alistair tensed as Noël wrapped her arms around his middle lightly and shifted closer, pressing the full length of her torso against his back, "You're warm." She whispered, pulling him tighter to her body. Alistair tried to think of a witty comeback, but found it hard with all the blood rushing to head.
Luckily he was saved by Noël, "Thanks for today." She whispered, "If you hadn't saved me from that Ogre, I probably would have been the one being bandaged."
"Don't worry, my skull's pretty thick. It will take a lot more than a giant, foul smelling monster to take down this idiot."
"Why do you always do that?" Noël said annoyed as she pulled back.
Alistair looked over his shoulder quizzically, "Do what?"
"Berate yourself! You are always putting yourself down."
"I guess just growing up in a place where everything a person does is a sin, you start to look at yourself as flawed. Yay religion!"
"I know you are trying to change the subject, so I'm only going to say this once. Everyone here respects you, even Morrigan. You are a good fighter, a good man, and a better leader than you think you are. Suck it up and deal with it," Noël got up and dusted herself off and went to join the others by the fire, "Oh and while I really do appreciate today, stop trying to put others before your own safety. You had better start looking out for yourself because I'm not bandaging you up next time."
Alistair had just kept walking once he stepped out the front door and before he knew it the sun had begun to set. He blinked and realized he had hiked back up the mountain almost to the ruins. He was cold he noticed, and didn't even have feeling in his hands anymore. He didn't mind though, the cold reflected how he felt right now, and in that he felt comforted.
Alistair turned to make his way back down the mountain, it was getting dark and he didn't know his way around this area with any confidence. He had to get back to camp because, if she ended up not pulling through this, he was going to have to led the group, end the blight and unite the kingdom. That thought hit Alistair like a tone of bricks and he fell to his knees and started to cry. How would he do this without her?
Confidence wasn't the easiest thing for Alistair, but he had to know how she felt. He thought they were, or could be, something. He thought he wasn't misreading the glances over the fire, the morning talks and the touching, she did seem to like touching him, not that he was complaining or anything. He just had to know soon or he worried his head might burst from all the "what if" scenarios that filled his daydreams. The question now was, how do you go confessing your undying love without looking like a bumbling fool?
"Andraste's blood it's cold out here!" Noël said as she approached the fire. The sun was just starting to peek over the top of the mountain and it hadn't reached their camp yet. There was frost in the ground, and Alistair noticed, in Noël's silvery hair. He could see her shivering even under her winter tunic as she sat down next to him.
"Blanket?" He offered lifting it off his shoulders. Noël did not need to be told twice as she took it and, to Alistair pleasure, wrapped it about herself and the templar.
She cozied up next to him placing his arm around her shoulders, "You're warm," She whispered holding him close to her. She even dared to sneak a hand under his winter tunic and run it along his stomach. Alistair flinched at the ice-cold fingers tracing designs over his abs, but altogether didn't dislike the sensation.
"So I've been told," Alistair responded before the other frozen found it's way onto his lower back causing him to squeak slightly. Noël smiled at this and curled even closer.
It was quiet thanks to the chilled morning air and the two continued to enjoy each other's company in silence, listening to the crackling fire. This was the perfect time, Alistair realized, with the other sleeping for him to confront her about his feelings.
"So," Alistair said clearing his throat slightly, "Are you going to miss it?" Noël raised her head to look at him like he was an idiot, which of course it was, "You know," He continued, "All the time we've spent together, the tragedy, blood, guts, the whole blight looming over our heads?"
Noël laughed, "Well, the tragedy no, but the blood and guts, yes. I get all teary-eyed just thinking about it! Anyone with a right mind would miss a good decapitation in the morning."
"On the plus side laundry will be much easier. Darkspawn blood is so hard to get out in a creek."
"For you Alistair, any laundry is hard to do in a creek."
Alistair laughed, "True, I guess I'm just not built for this whole camping thing."
"Hm," Noël sighed placing her head back on his shoulder, "I kind of like it. On mornings like these it feels just like there is no one else around but us. I can pretend for a moment that there is no where I have to be, no one to kill or save."
"You know I never thought about it like that." Alistair said amazed, looking at camping in a whole new light.
"That's what I'm here for," Noël said yawning, "To help the world one fool at a time."
"Hey!" Alistair said in mock rage, "I resent that! You know, just for that I'm taking the blanket back." He grabbed the blanket and started to pull.
"NO!" Noël said clinging on to the blanket and Alistair tighter, "I am quite happy where I am, so you'll just have to sit there and deal with my verbal barrage."
"Women," Alistair sighed, "always so stubborn, I just don't understand them."
"Just think about it a bit harder and I'm sure you'll get there one day." Noël whispered readjusting herself against the templar.
Taking a deep breath Alistair plunged forward, it was now or never. The sun hit the edge of camp and that meant the others were going to be up soon, "Actually I think about you a lot." Noël pulled away and looked at him, her brown eyes shinning in the morning light. Alistair looked away blushing, "I know we've only known each other for a few months but I've come to care for you a great deal. I think it's because we've gone through so much together and I don't know if I could have done any of it without you. Maybe I'm imagining it, or maybe I'm just fooling myself." Alistair looked at Noël, "Am I," He asked, "Just fooling myself?"
Noël looked at for a moment making Alistair's heart pound loudly in the silence. After a moment she reached out and took Alistair's hand in hers, holding it softly. She looked down at their hands and he could see the blush spread across her cheeks, "A fool you are in many things, but not in this."
Alistair let out the breath that he didn't even know he was holding and pulled her hand up to his lips and kissed it lightly. "I fooled you then did I," He whispered letting his breath caress the back of her hand, "Good to know."
Feeling empowered by her deepening blush and leaned in and kissed her softly. When she didn't pull back he deepened the kiss pressing harder against lips, coaxing her to melt into him. He felt her soften in his grasp and he pulled away, enjoying the redness on both her lips and on her cheeks and the languid look in her eyes.
"That wasn't too soon, was it?" Alistair whispered, his lips brushing hers.
"I don't know," Noël said as she slid her free hand up his back, "I think we need to test it again to be sure."
Alistair was happy to oblige as he leaned in for another kiss.
Alistair walked back into the small cottage and everyone was basically where he had left them. Nothing had changed which meant that at least she had not gotten worse.
"I'll take first watch tonight." Alistair mumbled as he walked into Noël's room. No one argued as he shut the door behind him. Once again Alistair took her hand into his again and kissed the back. He then brushed her silvery locks out of her face and kissed her forehead.
"You can't leave yet," he whispered, "You can't leave until I tell you that I love you."