Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine, it never has been and it never will be. I am so depressed.
Love and pain go hand in hand
Leah's POV
Chapter 1 ~ Their Happiness, My Pain
I couldn't see what was right or wrong anymore. I couldn't concentrate on anything enough to analyse it or to break it down - I would have plenty of time for that afterwards. All I could think of was a way out of the pain. All I could think of was freedom from the anguish. So I ran. I ran as fast as I could for as long as I could. I was hoping to run towards my freedom. So how was it possible that my freedom was so filled with agony?
I wanted Sam to be happy - as much as I longed to be free from the way I felt for him, I still loved him enough that I wanted him to be happy, in whatever way possible, even if it was without me.
I wanted Emily to be happy - we had always been close and the circumstances that separated us were beyond her control, so I wanted her to be happy, even if it was without me.
Being with them would be a dampener on their spirits, I convinced myself. So what if I felt betrayed? I could hardly be betrayed: they loved each other very dearly and who was I to stop them? Who was I to depress them? So I left the growing attachment behind. The decision was more difficult than any I'd had to make before.
This growing attachment I felt for Emily was part of the agony of running.
It had started when I saw her and Sam walking on the beach, hand in hand, so in love it made my heart break. Yet, as the full force of the pain hit when my eyes zeroed in on the wedding ring, I suddenly wanted to stay with Emily. I wanted to be there for her - an impossibility. What would she, what could she, want me to be there for? I'd only hurt her, and be a constant reminder of ruined life. Even so, it was a possibility I had never felt before and one that was blossoming before my eyes, with hope and wonder but also with desolation.
I saw her again a few weeks later. I knew that my reaction to her on the beach was real, that I did feel a new-found affection for her. When I saw her, the affection strengthened, fed on itself. That's when she told me the "good" news. She was pregnant. I was pleased that she was pleased, I was happy that she was happy. Within my own life; bleakness.
Each time I saw her after that was like the hit of a drug, feeding this affection and familial love. I was soon going out of my way to meet her - going with Jacob to see "Sam" and hoping Emily would be there, bumping into her at the shops, finding her doing the chores. As she grew and the child grew within her, I became almost happy. Yet, with the happiness grew the hurt. The hurt that Sam chose her and that she chose Sam. Sam, my only love. Despite the growing pain, I stayed.
I could see everyone from Sue to Jacob to Sam and Emily wondering about the sudden change, voicing questions of concern and, sometimes, anger. They were always rebuffed with a shrug and evasion - I couldn't answer my own questions, let alone theirs.
The nine months passed quickly as I created my routine, trying to help Emily where possible. Soon, the child was born. I never saw it. The child brought a light to Sam's eyes such as I'd never seen before - hope, reverence, adoration. That look nearly brought me to my knees. I didn't say goodbye. I couldn't. It would have made life unbearable. I said goodbye with my mind as I transformed and ran.
Of course, things were never that simple. But, Jake did the same thing Sam did for him. He sent the voices away.
Have you seen Harry yet? he asked, for once, not leaving me alone when I asked.
No, I snarled back, wondering why they had named their child that.
See him before you leave.
No, I growled again.
I know how you feel, he thought to me, whilst I reluctantly listened. If you refuse to see him now, keep transforming, keep young, he told me.
Why? I snapped at him. So I can endure more pain? I'm not going to do that.
It will give you more hope than you've ever fel in your life before. Trust me.
And I saw what he saw. And I knew it would never happen. And I ran from the torment.